Does alone make sadness or does sadness make alone?
By Dday50627
@Dday50627 (359)
United States
February 28, 2009 8:06pm CST
Often times people say to a friend "I know you are alone, but I wish you weren't sad. I have also heard "if she/he smiled a little more perhaps he/she would not be so alone." So I ask, is a person destined to be alone as long as they remain sad? Will a person always feel sad when they are alone?
First to the alone because they are sad. Hmmmm??? What about "Misery does love company."? Wouldn't that mean that people would be drawn to someone sad? Would not "like minds" be attracted to their sadness and therefore surround the sad person? In that way of thinking, and i am only using the saying that has been passed down for centuries I am sure, then no sad person would ever be alone...
On the other side of the coin, because a person is alone, does that mean they are sad? I for one can survive nicely for quite sometime without someone with me all the time. I enjoy my quiet time, my alone time and find that sometimes, it is Just what the doctor ordered. Being bipolar certainly helps to make me a little more at ease with alone but I don't know that it is the complete reason for me not always being sad to be alone.
I think the answer to these two questions is easier than the question itself. lol... It is the person it involves, their lifes situations and where they have been and are in their lives. And I think that to make each of the two situations not such a terrible place to be, a person simply has to take each situation and make it a place to learn and grow... What do you think??? Always Darrel
1 person likes this
11 responses
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
1 Mar 09
Being alone and being sad are two different things. But some people can't tell them apart. If they're not with friends or on the net, they feel anxious or sad and afraid. Being alone give you a chance to think your own thoughts, explore your own interests, dream your own dreams. Maybe you just need to smile more often. If you have experience that loneliness does not invite sadness, then stick up for what you believe and eventually meet others who feel the way you do. Prove critics wrong. You have to be contented with yourself and resist what others think or assume. You have to be willing to be lonely sometimes but not being sad at all. Feeling lonely and happy is not impossible.
You don't have to keep sorrows locked inside yourself. As a writer it helps to write about them. Often it helps to talk about them. This may be good to find a dear friend who always listen or anyone you think you can trust.
Your life and your future are up to you and is not for anybody to judge that life as a loner is a sad life. You are what you make up of life in your state of being alone. Afterall you are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul.
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
1 Mar 09
I could not have said it better than this. It is the persons choice as to what they alow their life to be. we can not always control the circumstances and many times wish we could change but one thing but we can choose to allow it to strengthen us or weaken us. I choose Strengthen. smilesssssss... and as for the friend to listen, that is always a wonderful place to be. thank you for your right on responce. I have come to expect nothing less than that of you. and a wonderful smile is always attached to seeing your words. Always I am, Just me...
1 person likes this
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve our looks life is for living, so love it.
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
I think, the premises are just a "state of mind" If you are alone, tendency is you also feel sad. When one is sad, you end up thinking that you are alone. Both are created by our mind depending on how the way you look at the situation.
I am alone for almost or more than two years now, that is literally. Despite that being alone, I do not feel sad. I cannot escape or avoid though to be sad for some reasons, but it never crossed to my mind that sadness would lead me to feel am alone.
It is how you really look at your present situation and how you think of it that makes being alone to feel sad or sadness which makes feel so alone.
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
7 Mar 09
thank you for reading this. And yes, I agree once again that it is about the individual and their personal situation. We all look for alone times and we all know sad times. It is how we choose to fit them into our lives and how much control we are willing to give each one.
Thank you so much for responding and have a great day... Always, Darrel
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
2 Mar 09
hmm i think some times it can be that way but its not a rule.. some people's sadness may drive away people but i think some people can be very happy alone too.. when i was single i was happy between boyfriends and i had been sad during relationships.. but i guess being bipolar i shouldnt base my answer on me lol.. i think its rarer to see two miserable people together though.. i mean i have known a few but not the majority.. i never really understood that saying anyways lol
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
2 Mar 09
smilesss... nor did I because we all know that if misery DOES like company, it does NOT want the company More miserable so it over rides our own. lol... and yes, I do take into account that I too am Bipolar and so my desires to be alone a lot may niot be the ummmm "norm" for most of the world. smilessss I too am like you. happy when i was in a relationship until i was in it for a day or two then not then ok in between and then....... Well, you know the drill. smilessssssss Thank you for reading this and I always love to see you commenting. Hugs to you my dear friend. Always, Darrel
@jaffna (778)
• India
3 Mar 09
It's very tough to answer this question.I have been attacked by both the cases.And most often ma sadness makes me alone.When am depressed,i wont't talk to anybody around me and i will be very home-sick and begin to cry and at those times ,i would always like to be alone spending in a place where none could see me and more.Also when am alone,i use to think of all the terrible things that i have been through.
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
7 Mar 09
What I have found is that the two together do not mix well. When we become sad and are left totally alone, it often opens doors into our past and causes us to be reminded of the reasons we are perhaps sad or alone. We think of things we have done or said or people we have told ourselves we have hurt and it just adds to our situation. It can be a viscious circle that we have trouble finding the door out of. Hugss and God Bless...
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
1 Mar 09
I can be very content in my alone. I can be very sad in a crowd. I am comfortable in a circle of friends.
I also reach out to the sad. Not to join their sorrow but to ease it.
Smiling may not invite others but it may ease your sadness. They say that it can. Laugh the blues away, that kind of thing.
I think that it depends on the person because my sister doesn't do well with alone. I can't stand crowds and she brightens in them.
I like this discussion and the answers I've read so far. Good job!
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
1 Mar 09
I think that you arer very right. It is all about the individual and how they personally react to whichever way they are fashion. And right about the smile. To smile at someone may be all they needed to turn their thoughts back to good thoughts. And the frown... well it can be the push someone needed to do something very bad that can not be undone. I think these words say it best... be kind to everyone because you do not know what battle is raging inside of them. Nice answer and thank you very much for reading. Always, D
@braintolive (37)
• Indonesia
2 Mar 09
i think alone not always make sadness but sadness always makes us alone. sometimes we need to be alone to think about something which made us sad and thinking about our life. but sadness always makes us alone, because if we are sad the world feels like hell and there is no one cares about us, about our sadness we feel.
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
2 Mar 09
perhaps you have said it differently and it makes sesnse. When we are sad the entire world looks bad to us. Maybe we find ways to turn people away when we are sad and therefore create our own lonliness. Thank you for a little different take on this subject and thank you very much for reading... Always, Darrel
@cobrateacher (8432)
• United States
1 Mar 09
Maybe very gregarious people don't understand those of us who prefer to be alone a lot of the time. My husband and kids know I need down-time when I can be alone with my thoughtsd, a book, etc. While my husband is away, I'm alone except at work, and like it that way. I'm not lonely or sad, but I'm the only person here. The kids are all grown and with their ow families. Being around people at work all day more than satisfies my social side, and on myLot and a couple of other sites, I'm in contact with friends when I want to be, if I want to be. It works for me.
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
1 Mar 09
people often take offense when someone wants to be alone. they take it as a snub or persomally being mean. they do not always understand that sometimes a person simply Needs alone time. Thank you for reading this and your words here . They are true and understood...
@goldeneagle (6745)
• United States
2 Mar 09
I think it can really go either way. My life is an illustration of both aspects, depending on what day it is LOL
@shira0524 (482)
• United States
1 Mar 09
I have Asperger's Syndrome, and I relate to this question quite a bit. Thinking about it, I find that sometimes I am alone because I am sad, and other times I am sad because I am alone. Then again, I also prefer many times to be alone as well. It's really a complex idea for me, aloneness. I have a hard time fitting in with a group, or feeling like I "belong". That really makes me sad. I think, over time, I have stayed more alone because not belonging has continued to make me sad. But being alone a lot of times is sad, too. So for some, this is a very complex idea!
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
1 Mar 09
I want to say honestly that I went and looked up Aspergers Syndrome because i never want to be ignorant in my responces. I am sorry you deal with this and pray only good things for you. You then have a full understaning of both the alone and the sad. Many times I wish to be alone and even know that sadness may come with that but it is where i want to be at that time.
Your answer was pefect and I thank you for reading this. I pray only good things for you in your life and hope that you will one day experience niether issue. Hugssss to you Darrel
@smartie0317 (1610)
• United States
1 Mar 09
Please don't take this the wrong way, I know I am not the most prettiest or have the best body ever, but since I was about 11ish or 13, I forget exactly when lol. I looked older and always had men giving me attention and asking for dates or if I was single. I think some people just draw other people to them. That's the only way I can explain it. I have friends who not very attractive but have a ton of boyfriend or date offers. While I know pretty people and have pretty friends who are always alone/ I think when you show an interest in people, ie you care for people, men/women will want to go out with you.
Personally, I've been asked out whether I've been sad or happy. I think when I smile and am happy, I get more attention and date offers but that is my experience. On the other hand, I still got offers even when I'm sad. I also want to say. It seems men, both for a friend and wanting more, come into my life when I need them. I think God puts people, and take people out, in our lives when we need them.
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
1 Mar 09
Thank you for writing. Your words are profound in that I too believe that our lives and the people in them are as seasons. God Does bring people into our lives when he knows we need them but also he leads them to us when he knows THEY might need us. I feel honored that God would entrust a soul to me and when I wonder why I hear him say "because you are trustworthy. I knew you would do what I needed you to do." An excellent responce and very well and wonderfully placed. Thank you so much. Always, D
@jbosari (155)
• United States
1 Mar 09
I have personal experience with this one. I often thought my sadness was due to being along but learned over time that being alone is just find. It is the sadness the was isolating me from others. Over the years, I have been in therapy and finally learned that I had a chemical imbalance that was causinig my depression. I now can be alone and be perfectly happy. When you are sad, it is easy to focus too much on your pain. When you focus on other things and stop paying attention to the hurt, you begin to come out of it and it is okay being alone. It is definitely the sadness that made me alone, not the other way around.
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
1 Mar 09
you make a good point here and explain it well. I thank you for reading this. It is often that we are down and people dont want to be drawn into that or brought down also so they avoid a person that might take them there.
I am glad you found help and that it is not so hard to face some of the alone times. I wish you all good things always. Darrel
