How do I get my boyfriend to stop hassling me about smoking (cigarettes)
By emmelineS
@emmelineS (1)
Australia
March 1, 2009 5:49pm CST
I'm twenty nine and I have been smoking on and off since I was eighteen. I really like smoking but my boyfriend hates it. Here's the bare facts:
I love the taste of smoking.
I smoke about six or seven a day.
My boyfriend is a non smoker
I smoke outside as much as possible, and if inside, only in a designated room with excellent ventilation.
I have a chronic illness (anaphylxis to wheat/gluten and immune systemic response to Salycilates) and smoking helps alleviate the symptoms, itching, stomach ache, sleeplessness.
Three days ago my boyfriend and I had a major fight. We've lived together for two years and I just opened my own studio/shop in town. I'm an artist. On the night of my official launch party he flirted with some other girls. We fought about that and about how he doesn't help with the housework (although he does bear most of the load financially). During the argument he laid out a laundry list of things I do that he doesn't like and smoking was up the top of the list.
Last night we had two friends over (who both smoke) and I sat down with them and joined in. He said "do you really have to smoke that" and later "don't light that cigarette".
This morning I woke up very early because I had a stomach ache. I sat outside and had a quiet smoke while I waited for my medication to kick in. He said "how can you need to smoke already"
Ugh, I don't know, I do want to quit but I don't want to be hassled into doing it. I need advice on how to deal with him.
3 people like this
24 responses
@momtrying2makeit (3270)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Hi emmelineS I understand that you feel your boyfriend is being pushy but I think it is because he loves you. My boyfriend is on my butt about my smoking too. But this is how I see it, I will quit when I am ready. I know they are bad for me and I have been smoking for a long time too. I guess it is a habit of mine that I am just not ready to give up yet. Now do not get me wrong I have been thinking about it because they cost more than they are worth by far. I mean where I live a pack is almost five bucks! That is crazey, I mean when I started they were like 1.25 now that is more than doubled!
Anyway I would take it with a grain of salt but I feel he is trying to get you to quit because he loves you and does not want to see you die young. Look at that way instead of him bothering you. Take care and I hope things get better. happy mylottinh to you and hopefully someday you and I will both quit. 
1 person likes this
@leeesa (884)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Sorry, but I think he has every right to hassle you. I watched a relative die of lung cancer from smoking and now my daughter's grandmother has been diagnosed with it and has a 1% chance of surviving. It's a deadly habit that can strike you down at any time, even if you've quit for years. Go visit a cancer ward at a hospital and then think about what your future may be. Then listen to your caring boyfriend who is hassling you out of love and concern for your health. Then quit. Really.
1 person likes this
@dorothyDauphinee (534)
• United States
7 Mar 09
you cant!dont you know that kissing A smoker is like kissing AN ashtray!
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
7 Mar 09
Well, the easiest and best thing for both of you would be to quit smoking. This would make him happy and keep you both healthy. It would also make you more popular with other people who have trouble breathing around smokers who would really appreciate it. I'm sure there is something else that could help your sypmtoms like Bendryl.
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Hi and welcome to mylot. I feel for you, because I am also a smoker. My grandma has given me quite a hassle about it (but not just me, most of the people in my family are smokers. Haha.) she posts pics of smoked up lungs on her fridge for us to see when we come over and has bible tracts laying around her house about smoking and such. Actually I had someone tell me that all the bad things that have happened to me in life are probably god trying to tell me to quit smoking. Haha. I pretty much laugh at people and I have had a doctor tell me not to quit smoking at this point in time because it would just make more health issues for me. He says that when I get my other health problems regulated and under control then he would suggest that I quit. It sounds to me that this may also be something that could be an issue for you.
I don't understand why your boyfriend got with you in the first place knowing that you are a smoker. Especially if you want to quit, but not right now, he should respect that. Nagging is never the way to get someone to quit doing something. Any guy will tell you that one. Haha. So, I don't know what yo say. I wish you all kinds of luck though.
@Ritchelle (3790)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
the basic thing in any world is survival. if smoking, as you say, helps alleviate certain illnesses that you have get rid of your boyfriend if he can't see the light.
maybe he can't see the truth that he'd have a really sick girlfriend if you quit smoking and that's almost tantamount to almost not having a girlfriend.
you don't need advice on how to deal with him. if he can't tolerate a girlfriend who is just smoking to help alleviate her ails then do without him. he's just a boyfriend and if he can't support you on what you deem good for yourself get rid of him. what you need is advice on how to dump him.
i'm not saying he's not okay. he is. but not okay / suited for you. spare yourself the heartache as early as now before more people gets involved.
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
Well, if you want him to stop nagging you about your smoking, you better quit smoking and be done with it. Get proper medication for your stomach problems. Smoking may relieve some of the symptoms but smoking will not do you any good in the long run. Smoke can irritate the linings in your entire respiratory system and once that happens, you get chronic bronchitis. Your boyfriend is nagging you quit smoking because he cares about you. You should be happy that he is showing your some concern.
@ShepherdSpy (8544)
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
2 Mar 09
First off,Welcome to Mylot! And I must say it's a good contentious discussion you have to kick off with..The short answer to your question is,Your Boyfriend probably Won't stop hassling you about Smoking..He wants You to stop. As a non-Smoker myself,I have to take your word for it that they taste good..nothing's ever made me want to light one up to find out! and Coming home after a night out without my clothes stinking of smoke has made me appreciate the public area smoking ban here in the UK and Ireland over this past 2 years.. If You enjoy them and feel that they help against the symptoms You describe,that's one reason you won't want to stop.I just wanted to ask,are the symptoms the result of your condition,or are they side effects of the medication you're on? As You're still considering your Boyfriend's position on smoking after the flirting argument,you seem to still want him around..have You considered the nicotine patches that are available to get your nicotine fix without the smoke? If You want to give them up,You will..having someone nagging you about something usually just puts you on the defensive,which doesn't make you want to stop..Good Luck!
@mummyofthree (2715)
•
2 Mar 09
Ok.
First of all let me say I am a smoker, so am not going to give yo uany long winded lectures.
I think you are kidding yourself that smoking alleviates the symptoms you experience.
You are aware of the dangers that you are putting your body through.
If your partner knew you smoked when he met you he should not be trying to change you now.
If your partner can't accept your choice then perhaps you should leave him.
It is hard.
If your relationship is worth fighting for you will find a compromise or one of you will want to give in to make the other happy.
The choice as they say is yours!
Good luck and happy mylotting.
@dvschic (1795)
• United States
2 Mar 09
i have the same situation, except my girlfriend doesn't hassle me as much. i have crohns and the nicotine definitely helps with the crampings and symptoms that come up. she has mentioned that she'd like to me quit, but its the only thing that helps me, so why should i stop? she drinks and i don't like it, but i dont tell her she can't drink. i only smoke outside and NEVER in the house.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
2 Mar 09
Hi emmelineS, you seem to have a good Boy friend who is really concerned about you. May be you should see the wisdom of what he is saying and try quitting smoking. It is one of the worst addictions ever. It has never done any good to anyone. Your boyfriend too is at risk with your smoking when he is around while you are smoking. At 29 i am sure that you are mature enough to realise that life is for healthy living and enjoying..plz dont throw it away ..
@saran86jay (98)
• India
2 Mar 09
oh girl, the only thing i can suggest you is to stop smoking and be healthy, whatever your boyfriend said to you is only good for you. Its not about the taste and Smoking may help you in chronic illness,itching, stomach ache, whatever you have but do you ever thing how this all problem will be when you become mother and when you become old, smoking may creates more problems to your health. So why don't you stop smoking right from now and visit doctor, before its too late, good luck emmelines, be healthy and have prosperous life.
@Archie0 (5636)
•
2 Mar 09
well you see its not gonna stop because as you not gonna stop from quiting smoking.and yes this is also true that he is suppose let you go independant till you also dont hassel him for somethings. if you do then i think you should not. and other things try to cut down your smoking not full but atleast 25 percent
well this is similar one to my case but nw my relation broken and i hardly get time and chance to smoke peacefully lol
@genterx (110)
• Mexico
2 Mar 09
I would say its a balance , for one you could be thinking that your boyfriend cares about you and your health and just wants the best for you , but that does not also change the fact that he was flirting and such. But since it seems ovious that he doesnt like you to smoke you guys will have to talk about it.
@Denise_Tung (647)
• China
2 Mar 09
Well I guess my answer will be like other mylotters'. Quit somking is the best way out. Everybody knows that smoking is harmful for your body and can have a lot of bad effects compared with the small goodness, like it can alleviate your stomach. Your bf and somoking, you can only have one!
Personally, I never wanted to be with a somker coz I hate to be a passive smoker even that one if my father. Actually I have been persuading my father to quit smoking but he is just like you. He loves smoking and never listens even though he coughs a lot.
@jacci55072 (113)
• United States
2 Mar 09
My boyfriend and I are both smoker's but he still nags at me about how much I smoke because I smoke more then him. I just tell him when I am ready to quit or smoke less then I will but intill then get off my back. it is my life and I will do as i want to with it. If you are ready to quite then work on doing so, if you are not ready to quit then ask your boyfriend if you guys can figure out something that will make both of you happy
@wenwenwang (108)
• China
2 Mar 09
Sorry but smoking is really bad for your health and I agree to advise you to stop it if you can. I know most of the artists are smoking. Maybe smoking can give you and them some inspirations, right? But if you have no good body, how could you continue you art dream?
Your boyfriend did not well to flirt with other girls, but why not you give his some suprises? With your great will, I think you must be successful to abstain from smoking.
My boyfriend's father has been smoking for about 30 years, I think. When I was at his home, he kept smoking all the day. But recently he decided to stop it and he did it! Your smoking year is much shorter than his, so I believe you also could do it if you want.
Hope you have a good time! Take care!
@imelry (1)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
This time, your boyfriend knows best! Sometimes boyfriends can really tend to be irritating but most of the time they only what wants best for both of you. You see smoking is not healthy. If you want a peaceful relationship with your man,why not try following him this time?
