Disheartened, why are people mean

United States
March 20, 2009 12:41am CST
I'm really disheartened after some reading today that I did online. When did people become so mean? When did it become ok to call other people names? When did we loose all compassion for people? I understand that sometimes we all experience situations that make us uncomfortable, such as a person with perhaps not the best bed side manner, but when did we stop trying to empathize with them and put ourselves into their shoes? Have we really grown so uncaring that we would think it was ok to put people down, talk about them as if they were animals, and spread this type of thinking around online and offline? Yes, several things I read online today really hurt me as a person. Not that they were aimed at me in particular, but I witnessed many people being deliberately mean that all I could do was come close to tears thinking these people must really be like this in person, and was there any hope for humanity. Namaste-Anora
6 people like this
22 responses
@Archie0 (5175)
20 Mar 09
I am sorry to see that somethings hurt you here. it happens some people dont do it purposely and some do it purposefully. but even once i shouted at one person here, because he wrote something depicting to some people and even me, i was very angry and said something about him. but said sorry but he took my revenge after that by marking me negative
3 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
Isn't that a shame that people stoop to such a thing as marking you negatively when they were in the wrong or simply because they disagreed with you? I have to say that I'll always be one to stand up against injustices, and if that costs me popularity points I guess that is what it costs me. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one to stand up for someone who isn't there to defend themselves or can't. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@Archie0 (5175)
20 Mar 09
Yes dear even i go with your views only and i seriously hate it. and cant stand. well are you indian dear?? i see namaste at the end. that is why asked you. its nice to see dedicated indians here :) me too an indian.tc
2 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
I'm not Indian, but my husband and I have an affinity for India and her people. My husband is a religion major so through his studies we've come to find that we really love and respect a great deal that comes from India and her people. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@LCHBheart (167)
• Singapore
20 Mar 09
Some people are mean because someone else was mean to them. So in a way, misery spreads. The best way to handle it is to take meanness with a pinch of salt and lots of humor and hope to end the cycle of meanness. Another way to combat the cycle of meanness is to create a cycle of niceness. :)
3 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
I like that "Cycle of Niceness". Let us hope that catches on and that we have lots of circles of niceness. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@deejean06 (1953)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Dear Anora - I wholeheartedly agree with you. I place the blame squarely on popular culture and what I call "The American Idol syndrome". Now to be fair I have never watched the show but I hear the office banter about it. I also hear clips on the radio as a synopis of the previous nights' show. There is a certain glee that people feel when they hear of another being belittled and that is very sad. I don't appreciate this behavior and if I have ever written anything to hurt you please forgive me.
• United States
20 Mar 09
Dee- Oh, I agree with you about that show. I've only seen a few times and it was so disghusting in terms of how mean people were that I couldn't watch it again. Yet, that sort of behavior has now become a part of main stream culture because it seems people cannot seperate fantasy from reality. They think because Simon is that way on the show that it is ok to be that way in the office. You've not been hurtful at all, and the thread was not about me. It was about someone I don't even know and I felt so sad for the person that was being written about and thought, what has our country come to that people could treat someone like this offline, and then write about them online? Makes you wonder what they would do if that person happened to see what they were writing, would it make them confront the person in real time? Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 09
I just started a similar discussion - mine was geared more toward manners, yet it falls within the same thought. I believe that as a people, we have grown hardened. People are constantly pushing and breaking through ethical and moral boundries, yet they don't ever stop to think if they should...and what consequences may follow. I think that comes also from our need to have instant gratification. No time is ever being given to what other outcomes there may be...it's sad really. I do however believe in what goes around comes around and that eventually people will have to account for how they have lived at some point in their lifetime...I think that you just have to do and behave and be the kind of person you feel is right and that lets you sleep well at night.
• United States
20 Mar 09
I agree with you that we can ultimately only be responsible for ourselves, and I do support the knowledge that what goes around comes around. It is just sad though that in this particular instance we have those who seem to think it is ok to be mean to another person. This particular instance was written about online but was about someone being mean to another in real life. The entire thread took off like a wild fire of one mean statement after another about the person that they obviously didn't know. It's just very sad human behavior. Thank you for sharing. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
Well just accept that unexpected here and every where else in the world that our world is already filled with hatred and violence and more conflicts of war. I myself can attest to that just yesterday when i posted some comment, and there was this person who was questioning my own point of view, and what i cannot understand is that, why is this person reacting so much, i am not picking on someone here, i am just stating my own personal point of view, and he is so into me, really. I just accepted that this is the real thing and there are people here that is like that, or the attitude is somewhat like that, and i will not do argue about something since i joined here in Mylot to have friends, enjoy posting and sharing my views and earn money. Happy Mylotting!
• United States
20 Mar 09
I don't think we should ever just "accept" what is happening in the world. That to me would bring about more apathy. I think having your opinion and thoughts is one thing, it's when someone or many go out of their way to speak without compassion about another that truly is what upset me. And I'm not saying it's an argument about "I believe this way about the color blue, and you believe this way about the color blue". I am referring to people not showing another human being the common decency that person deserves for being a human being. Thank you for sharing. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
• Australia
20 Mar 09
The thing is with the world, is that there's always been bad people out there. People who seem to gain pleasure out of putting down others and picking fights and causing problems. You just may have never really encountered them, because out int he real world it's easier to avoid them and surround ourselves with more people who posess better qualities. With the advent of the internet, it's given all people - the positive and the negative a much much wider stage and audience with which to spread their feelings and such. So it's just going to be a side effect of being online - you're dealing with a much bigger source of people, so you're going to meet a lot more of the bad type. Ultimately I think it all balances out.... we just don't notice it because we aren't used to dealing with people who truly seem negative, or bad.
3 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
I think what is sad is knowing these people are like this offline, not just online. So, when do we as people who view this start to make that change in the societies we live in? When do we and how do we tell another that they are wrong and should show compassion? It's funny, because when this point is brought up it is always turned around on the one bringing it up using circular reasoning saying that the person bringing it up is now not being compassionate. It just seems a sad state of affairs. Thank you for sharing. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12051)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Well, in the states I think it started in the 1960s. All those so-called freedoms that some people wanted to have and all that rebellion just mushroomed into a lot of negativity. The "Me" generation was after all about self. Looking out for number one doesn't leave a lot of room to have concern and compassion for others. Family values, manners... the world isn't what it used to be.
3 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
Isn't it sad that the freedom movement led to this? I have to agree with you. Even a friend my husband works with who lived through the "hippie movement" as he refers to it says it really wasn't all it said it was. Thanks for sharing so openly. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11549)
• United States
20 Mar 09
Some people just can't think past their own pain and suffering or situation to open up and let another person in and some people are sick and tired of one person berating another and so they go up in arms in defense of a person. No one in this world is perfect we're all failable or else we wouldn't be human. We make mistakes but those of us that can learn and grow from them give hope to humanity. Yes there are some that don't but it takes all kinds to make up the world. You have to look at it like this you can only affect those around you and you do your best to live life and treat others how you would like to be treated and then we go out and hope for the best. Sometimes we see it sometimes we don't .. We have to take the good with the bad and learn to love people for who they are and not what we want them to become.
3 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
Bella- You've said this very well. Let us hope that those who are guilty of spreading this type of unecessary meaness about other people will learn from the wisdom you have shared. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
21 Mar 09
There does seem to be a lot more cruelty not only on-line but off as well. I really do think that empathy and compassion ought to be taught in schools from kindergarten on upwards. There used to be much more emphasis on those things in the schools and at home. I don't think there is so much anymore. I read a book called "love" some time ago. It was written by a man who also taught college courses on "love". It was not just the romantic love but love in general. It would seem this course would be more beneficial if started at a much younger age.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Mar 09
Sid- It really does. If you ask most what Agape love means today mnost cannot answer, and that is really sad. I agree, these sorts of classes taught as a part of curriculum would make a tremendous impact on our society today. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
22 Mar 09
That is one thing that I drilled my kids on. I never got too upset over much of what my girls did growing up...chalked it up to normal trials and errors that they learn by. They got bad grades...we worked on it. But oh boy...if I ever caught them being mean or lying....being deceitful....using someone....they did see my temper and & that was whether it was me or anyone. Whenever they came home crying because someone hurt their feelings or had ripped them off...I d hug them and say, remember this and never ever make another person feel like you do right now. They've all had their little issues but one thing I can say about all of them and even the one that is constantly in and out of trouble is that they are very nice and very honest people. It can be done at home but sadly, I don't think we can count on that.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Mar 09
i have my encounter as well with very mean people. i've been bullied during my first two years of high school and somehow manage to stand up on my own during my junior year because i fight back a little. then, i was able to carry that rage with me throughout college and my new found friends somehow was able to see right through me - that it was all just a wall - trying to defend myself by not getting hurt - so i was able to do some of the things you've mentioned above my calling people nasty names. but because of that confrontation, i was healed in a way. because of great friends. somehow, they have this good influence with me that i take everyday and that was the "do unto others what you want others to do unto you". i've gone soft alright. lol. as for the online thing, i did read an article about this certain girl who have been bullied online. i don't know if you have heard about it. then this girl seeked help through someone who's good with computers and was able to trace it. turns out that the person who's at fault was two people who's a member cheerleading . their reason was, they only did it because they want to. when i first heard it, i feel like, why do these people earn their pleasure through another person's suffering. is that their way just to make them on top of everything? whenever i encounter such articles like this, i feel a little sorry for them. because as much as i don't want to judge them but it seems like that they're asking for it and i don't know what their journey in life is all about but it doesn't mean they have to be revengeful of it. and i like how LCH ut it - to prevent the cycle of meanness is to grow more on the cycle of niceness. =) let's just pray for them, anora.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Mar 09
You've said this very well! I too feel sorry for those who fall into this type of behavior and yet you are right, we have no idea their life story either and why they are judging other people. Thank you for sharing your story as it has given me something to think about as well. And yes, we should definately pray for them too. Namaste-Anora
• United States
21 Mar 09
I agree, people can be so mean and cruel. It would really be great if everyone could just be nice to each other. I don't understand why people like being mean..It bothers me a lot also. I really hate that other people do not have compassion for others. It hurts me to see so much anger, hate and violence towards people. The news is full of it. It really does a lot of good when the news shows good deeds because I think that people get inspired by what they see.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Mar 09
I think so too. I think people emulate what they are exposed to and the more good things they are exposed the more they emulate them. Namaste-Anora
@blue65packer (11831)
• United States
20 Mar 09
This has happen to me on line and in every day life! People do it because they care! Other people are mean because they REALLY LIKE DOING IT! I work at a small college and lots of students are non caring! I believe they are like this thanks to their parents, other people, the internet,and t.v.! We are becoming a very non caring generation sorry to say! As long as people thing this o.k. it will continue! It needs to change!
• United States
20 Mar 09
That's so very true. I think it's sad that some believe we should just overlook such callous behavior. Namaste-Anora
• United States
20 Mar 09
I think when people are online they can be whoever they want to be. Like they might be shy in person, but they are loud and obnoxious online because they can. If I see something that sounds unkind, I will just go on to another discussion I think.. so far I have not seen that.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
I'm glad you've not had to witness what I did yesterday. Namaste-Anora
@maza002 (16)
• South Africa
20 Mar 09
It's quite sad, man's inhumanity towards man. A person can only be human if he exibits all the qualities of humanity. Unfortunatly one of those is cruelty (being mean). So being cruel is part of every human, some just display more then others.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
It's sad that people feel a need to be cruel. Namaste-Anora
• United States
20 Mar 09
I think people are mean because they are not happy with their own lives & want everyone to be as miserable as they are in life. Mean people tend to be negative people also. They think it makes them look big but it makes them look small & ignorant. Also I wonder how was these people raised????
2 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
You know, you do have to wonder if they were raised with manners or if they somehow forgot them? Thanks for sharing. Namaste-Anora
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
20 Mar 09
People become more and more hardhearted as they become more and more selfish. I have the bad habit for yours of insulting people to myself, that is, calling them a name under my own breath. I watch this carefully in order not to annoy anyone and most of the time its not serious anyway. Its like a way to express myself more than anything else. Name calling is indeed a bad habit and when people are not well brought up this is one of the things they do.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Mar 09
It really is sad that people have become more selfish, or so it appears. Perhaps as we become more aware of this behavior we'll begin to see a change in our society. Namaste-Anora
@csrobins (1124)
• United States
22 Mar 09
I agree, there are some angry people that lash out at others I think because they are upset about other things. Arrogance is stupidity because no one is so smart they have the right to treat others like that-if they were as smart as they said they were they would not treat others like that. It makes them feel good, like they have power. All they have is their computer screen they hide behind because they don't have the guts to engage in an intelligent discussion.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Mar 09
That's definately true. I think that the computer world of online allows people to be a bit more brash because they don't have to actually see that person in real life. In this instance, I have to wonder what the person would do if the person they were speaking about showed up at their work and asked them why they wrote it. Namaste-Anora
@csrobins (1124)
• United States
23 Mar 09
They wouldn't act so high and mighty about it any longer..they wouldn't be so cool anymore haha
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84206)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Mar 09
Hm, I am thinking of a particular discussion that we both responded to yesterday, the customer in the wheelchair who was rude to the cashier. And while the person in me who wants to be right would have wanted to respond "I didn't give you a bag because yesterday you complained about wasting them" I would have had to be pretty darn ticked off to actually say something like that. I most likely would have put myself in her shoes to the extent that I probably would have said, "sorry next time I'll ask" and then I'd remember to. I do try to empathize with people to a point. But how much I do will also depend on the current state of my own sweet disposition as well as how far over the line I think the other person went. But definitely the world would be a much better place if people would make more of an effort to be understanding and polite and so on...
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 09
The fact that we're calling this person rude without knowing their story, without knowing why they may have been frustrated or upset that day. It's the fact that we try to judge a person's entire life in one split second of seeing them without even knowing them. The fact that so many people seem so willing to join in and judge others based solely on their own preconceived notions without bothering to see the other side of the story. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84206)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Mar 09
I don't think it's out of line to call the behavior rude. But I would agree that we shouldn't be calling the person rude. We don't nearly know the entire story.
1 person likes this
@agrim94 (3807)
• India
24 Apr 09
I am really sorry Anora_ Eldorath, i recently had this experience and i posted one discussion on if my dog is in love and i got a rude reply and then when i posted other like urs about someone being rude and even in that discussion a man replied that he likes being rude and told me that he is deliberately rude..yes he was quite rude too and i told him if it gives him happiness to be rude then be my guest. Well all i can say is upbringing of a child has a lot to do with how child develops and if he is caring or rude or would call others name for no reasons or would turn out to be an abusive child so i think the person who wasnt at his best behaviour with a lady would have had a real bad upbringing.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Apr 09
Agrim- It's sad that there are people like this in society, but unfortunately there are. I think standing firm to what you believe, and sharing it with compassion may be the best solution in a case like this. Sometimes it's hard to stay calm, but eventually the softer we speak the more we get accomplished. If that makese sense. Thank you for the response. Namaste-Anora
@oyenkai (4396)
• Philippines
21 Apr 09
Online, it's so much easier for people to express themselves without naturally being accountable for their own opinions. Sometimes this helps - as in my case, I blog about a lot of things that I could express personally in dialogue but do better in writing (like how I blogged about how parents should be more considerate of hiding their vice from their children; and how I know that people I know might read it and I think that if they ended up resenting me for it, it's not because I was over sensitive but because they were REALLY wrong). Thanks for the response on my discussion!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Apr 09
Oyenkai- I think you're right in that we at times do express ourselves online a bit more freely than we might in public. It's definately something we should be keeping an eye on, perhaps re-reading what we're about to post. We definately need to keep in mind that there are other people sitting on the other end of the pc. Thanks for the response. Namaste-Anora