Should I Feel Guilty?

@worldwise1 (14887)
United States
April 8, 2009 3:05pm CST
I really don't know why I'm asking this question when I probably already know the answer, but here goes. My sister is in the hospital and I can't bring myself to go and visit her. I suppose some of my hesitancy is due to my experience while visiting my older sister who passed away a couple of years ago. It left me completely drained and I don't want to have to go through that again. Added to that the fact that we have not been close for a long time. I do love her, but I don't want to see her suffering. Should I force myself to go anyway? Will it serve any purpose?
10 people like this
30 responses
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
8 Apr 09
I would go visit her, at least once. I understand it might be hard for you, but we rarely regret the things we did do, we more often regret what we didn't do.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (115917)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I think you word this well. It is important to visit, to eliminate the chance of having regrets later.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
29 Apr 09
I don't believe that I would have any regrets, Aurone, since my actions are directly related to who I am. It is inconvenient at times, but everyone who knows me should know that I have a problem with even leaving my apartment. That's not to make an excuse, just stating the facts.
@mummymo (23707)
8 Apr 09
I really don't think you should feel guilty sweety not at all. Would it help your sister any if you went to visit your sister but she could see that you were tense and nervous? Of course not. Just because you don't visit doesn't mean you don't love her and you can still keep her in your heart and prayers! I do hope that she gets better quickly. Maybe it would be possible for you to visit her when she gets home if you felt more comfortable with that? Hugs xxx
2 people like this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
29 Apr 09
I also struggled with my decision not to visit my mother in the hospital during her final illness, mummymo, and it was not because I didn't love her very much. I just have this thing about going out and the hospital frightens me more than most places.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
1 May 09
Well sweety don't blame yourself! I know I would understand and if she has other visitors there is no problem whatsoever! Hugs xxxx
@Jae2619 (1484)
• United States
8 Apr 09
It's very hard to face an issue that scares the day lights out of you. What happened in the past, makes you keep your distance from this one, so you don't have to go threw the pain and hurt again. Forcing yourself to go see her could better the situation, by making amends and sharing a few good laughs. It could also brighten her day to see you, even though you're not close, seeing a loved one lifts one's spirits alot. But by saying that, it could harm the situation too, if she's holding a grudge towards your relationship, she may get upset and could cause other issues. This is something that you will have to work out amongst yourself. I know it will be a struggle with in, but you will make the choice that is best for you. Best wishes!
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Your words are very wise, Jae. Thank you.
@dmrone (750)
• United States
8 Apr 09
I would say yes, go. Even though you are not close it could help to ease her suffering, and show her that even though you may not be close that you still love her no matter what. Maybe you could start with a short visit and come back to visit her for a longer period of time. Maybe just seeing you and knowing that you both have been distant will draw you closer to each other.
2 people like this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
29 Apr 09
We have talked, dmrone, and agreed to keep in closer contact from now on.
• United States
8 Apr 09
if it were me I would not force myself to go see her. I would go to her after leaving the hospital. I am sure she can open her heart to understanding your views. Good luck to your family..
2 people like this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Well, giftsandbags, it turned out that I did not go to visit her in the hospital, but we did talk over the phone the couple of days she was there. Her condition was not as dire as it was expected to be and we are all thankful for that.
@harptech (144)
• India
9 Apr 09
My advice, please don't even think about something negative. Life must go on. Just pay her a visit, talk with her, make her happy and relieved. I was in ICU for about months and i know what exactly it feels like to be isolated. So please go!
2 people like this
@kprofgames (3099)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I can understand this because of member of my own family and hospital stays. I think in part you're trying to justify this to not go. I think you should look deep in your heart and go from there. Would the guilt that you feel be worse at not visiting her? or would it be worse if you never visited and then never saw her again. I think that is really the fine line.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
9 May 09
Thanks for your input, kprofgames.
• United States
9 Apr 09
I think this is one of those situations that is worse to dread than it is to experience. I was hesitant to visit my grandmother in the hospital, but once I got there I soon forgot about the depressing atmosphere and enjoyed visiting with someone that I cared about. If I were you I would go. Take a friend and tell yourself that you will only stay 15 minutes and then you are out of there. You may be surprised to find how quickly the time passes, and stay longer. Christian M. Archer
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Should such an occasion arise in the future, carcher, I just might take you up on that. Her condition was not as serious as it was thought to be and she only was hospitalized for a couple of days. Thank you.
@GardenGerty (115917)
• United States
9 Apr 09
What is your sister hospitalized for? I would make a visit, but make it self limiting, like 15 minutes before visitation is over for the night, etc. I would visit, even thought you have some bad memories of the other sister, because then you can face whatever comes without feeling guilty for not doing more. It may be a chance for you two to be close once again, as well.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
29 Apr 09
My sister has been in kidney failure for sometime now, GG, and only consented to go on dialysis about a year ago(when it became clear that there were no other options). While we have our differences, there is no outright hostility between us, and we do talk over the phone from time to time. Having said this I can assure you that I have no guilt feelings since I cannot change who I am. She is doing well for now.
• United States
26 Apr 09
I hope by now your sister is better. I think if yyour sister Knows how hard for you to go to a hospital then calling her should be ebough. But since you said you two aren't as close as you should be then not hoing to the hospital is just fine. You don't know if your visit will help or hurt.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
15 Apr 09
If you can live with the fact that you did not go if something bad happens, then I would not worry about it. Personally, I could not stay away, because if something did happen, I would not be able to forgive myself. I know it is hard, but just remember things can turn quickly.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
13 Apr 09
no one can answer that question but you, sometimes the benefit is for the person in the hospital, who wants to see their relatives and friends, that is how we should look at it, however if you feel you can't handle it only you can decide that nobody else. if she is coming home perhaps you can tell her you will call her when she gets home or visit or something. Perhaps you can send her a gift or card just to say you are thinking about her, or do nothing at all, this is your choice, no one else can decide if you and your sister should see each other now or ever.
1 person likes this
@carolbee (16231)
• United States
10 Apr 09
I can't tell you what to do but will offer my own honest opinion. I would go visit. If I had a sister who was sick or terminal, I would make certain I spent time with her. G-d forbid if something drastic would happen, I would never forgive myself. Hope your sister gets better soon. I'll be thinking about you.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25051)
• Australia
9 Apr 09
Knowing you I expect that it would do you a power of good to visit your sister. Even if it is a sad time, it will be better for you to mend some fences and give your sister some support. Take some time to contemplate how you will feel if you don't go to see her. Love to you. I know whatever you do it will be the right thing.
1 person likes this
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
9 Apr 09
It is time for you to become close to your sister again. You owe it to yourself and your sister to do this. The world is not about just you, but the service that you can do for GOD and for other people. Your sister needs you now and it is up to you to have the courage to be a good person and to go visit her and to help her as much as you can do.
• United States
9 Apr 09
It's hard for me to tell you what I think you should do because I don't know you personally and I don't know how visiting her would effect you. I can tell you that personally I would make myself go because I wouldn't want to lose that chance to say my last goodbye and to let her know that I love her. I would probably always regret it if I did not go.
@celticeagle (123534)
• Boise, Idaho
9 Apr 09
I can certainly understand how you feel. I think I would wait and see what you hear back from her or the family. If she says something you will probably hear back about it. If it comes up explain your feelings. Life is too short to worry too much about it and you need to think of you too. I would be sure to explain your feelings though so people don't come to their own conclusions.
1 person likes this
@mhil84 (182)
• Philippines
9 Apr 09
I think you should, why? its the best time for you to share the time with your sister and to know more each other. I know its somehow hard at start because you have not been that so close to each other before but i think its the best time to show how you care for her. Remember the past never returns but the future may fulfill the loss.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
9 Apr 09
C'mon help your sister in any way you can. While you did not state her actual condition, I still suggest you go and visit her. It's a great time to make peace and also lift her spirits up a bit. It has been said that majority of people with illnesses are very depressed, so a little help from you to lift her spirits up won't hurt a thing, right? Anyways Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you have a clear conscience and you should act willingly, not because you're obligated to do it. Cheers!
1 person likes this
• China
9 Apr 09
during the critical time just one word of care would be helpful,the priority thing you should consider is living people .do the right things need principal you love her you must see her she need your care.
1 person likes this