Need advice....Is my relationship over?

United States
May 1, 2009 12:10am CST
So I have to ask for some advice...for a friend of course....LOL. Hypothetically speaking. If you and your boyfriend had a fight before he went away for a conference. And he last thing he said to you was I'll talk to you when I get back. Does this mean its over? Or maybe that he needed a little break? He returned today and I refuse to call him until he calls me. Not out of stubbornness, but just because I think that this break has been good for the both of us. We both have had a lot on our plate lately and it has given me time to take care of things. He was specific about saying that I'll talk to you when I get back. And that was the last of our conversation. No good bye. Nothing. Is my relationship over? Shall I call it quits before he does? We were both happy....but you know how it is to be blindsided.
4 people like this
23 responses
@srganesh (6344)
• India
1 May 09
Just give him a missed call and wait for his response.That way,you shall remind him about you and at the same time leave the ball in his court.May good things follow.Cheers!
• United States
1 May 09
Thanks...that is a good idea. Men do forget right? I was thinking about a text instead...just sayin...hope you have a good day. Sound okay?
• United States
1 May 09
Then tomorrow it is. Its 3am right now. So when I get around to it tomorrow I'll send a quick text wishing him a good day. No harm in that. Plus it would give me some time to think it over some good sleep. I'm not sure what plugged this doubt and fear into my head suddenly but maybe after tomorrow I'll have some relief. I guess life anxieties are causing me to bring anxiousness into my love life. You gave really great advice and I really appreciate your help. Good tidings to you my friend as well.
• China
1 May 09
Hello,I am willing to share my idea about your problem!Althought I am just a student,I think that family's happies is very importent!If I became a husband,I will try my best to do well,and of course I would call my wife about .In that way,she will not fell worry,and we both fell good!
@ebook_freak (1511)
• India
1 May 09
Hi again I am a man. Now what does that mean? I have an insight into male psychology? Yes, exactly. See, women worry a lot about relationshps and you are no exception. Men have got a serious mentality regardin their work and all the stuff because it's their responsibility to support a family,, etc. I hope you are following me. See, there is nothing to be worried about my friend. Everythings gonna be okay. He has got some problem with the job or something and he's freaked out. Men doesn't know how to behave when things go haywire. So just wait and relax- and help him relax- this could work out as a miracle. Hope i have helped you. Happy mylotting AJ
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 09
Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it. I followed everything that you are said. And I'm with you. He is a man and is just taking care of the things that he has to. Too much on his mind that he just needs to take a step back to take care of them. And you are right. Women, including myself, do over thing, over analyze, and over stress relationships more so than we really need to. I look forward to many more of your mylotting postings.
@icesmile (7160)
• Romania
1 May 09
In my opinion, i think that you must wait until and if he will call you. If he want talk and be with you, he will come to you, if not...is not good to push him. If he refuse talk with you, and don t respond to your call, you will feel miserable, i know this, i try once in my life, and never i ll try again. If he say that you will talk toghether when he come back, you must wait, if was a lie, was a lie and is better don t push, if was true, he will call you. I know how you feel but is not talk about stubborness, is talk about principles, and you must wait. As i say you must he call you..i don t think that your relation is over.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 09
That was my thought. I didn't want to push him and maybe he just needed time. I have thought about it...but it hasn't been my main thought in the day. I just figured that stress and money and his recent job termination come December might all just be weighing on him and he probably just has too much on his mind and has to sort his own thing out on his own. Thanks for the advice.
4 May 09
Sit down with him when he returns apologise if you are in the wrong and sort it all out talk to each other mgraham126
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6758)
• Defiance, Ohio
3 May 09
It doesn't sound like your relationship is over. Just that you both have a communicatio problem that needs to be talked out. I suggest calling him when you know he isn't there and leave a nice message. This will be a reminder for him to call or come over and talk to you. Good luck and keep us posted about what is up.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25135)
• Australia
3 May 09
He said he would talk to you when he got back. How do you figure your relationship is over because he said this??? He probably needed to focus on his work. If You were my partner and reacted like this I'd be annoyed and fed up with you all the time. You seem very immature. Perhaps having a break has given him time to think. It's my guess, if you haven't heard from him by now then you can chalk this one up top experience. Relationships are not about games, or being stubborn or imagining things. Above anything else relationships are about communication. You should have called him when he arrived at his destination and let him know things were ok. You don't say what the fight was about so maybe this was not possible.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 May 09
Hi oceanzealot. I dont think its over. When he said we will talk when i get back, its like giving both of you space to clear all the bugs out from your head. Sometimes at the heat of our anger we tend to make or decide things out of emotions so its better to have space for a while, think things over and sit down to talk what happened afterwards. The conference is a good way for both of you to assess your relationship. And for me it doesnt matter if i will be the one to call him for i dont want to live with What IFs. I know its not stubbornness but its not also lowering your pride of making the first call. Its for the best that you call him so at least you would know whats the real score between the two of you. Ask him to meet you to talk over the issues and that will be the time for both of you to decide either to continue your relationship or put closure to it. At least you will not live a life with what IFs and wondering for the rest of your life. No closure at all is like a ghost that will haunt you especially if the relationship isnt so bad after all and you shared good memories.
1 person likes this
@whyaskq (7529)
• Singapore
2 May 09
I do think it is poor decision just because of some fight and calling it quits! In a relationship, squabbles and fights are common. As long as it is not abuse, I would learn such enables the couple to learn to manage and grow from the relationship. If one were to quit just because of some ego, I can say the person will be forever into relationships which ended just after a squabble, not to mention a fight.
1 person likes this
@ronslove (481)
• Philippines
2 May 09
For the meantime, do things as usual. If possible don't bother your situation for the moment. Because these feelings will disturb you, you work, your career. I'm sure, he will reach you in time. Maybe, he just need a little space, and so are you.
1 person likes this
@balthier (16)
• Malaysia
1 May 09
I think it doesn't mean it's over just because he says he'll talk to you when he gets back, he had to go to his conference anyway. I've been in relationships where much worse was said but we worked it out after. As I read in some other post, a text is a good idea, hope you go for it.
• United States
2 May 09
Okay so no answer from the text. And since this conversation is just going I figured I would just check and see. My disability keeps me home a lot...and I can't talk to the cats...LOL (crazy cat lady joke). Asking for advice through virtual friends is much easier. So what do you recommend?
@thejuice (235)
• Indonesia
1 May 09
Hi OceanZealot..., i just want to say to you that man is just not into you.., you should find another man that really care and love you so deeply, a man that can make you feel peace around him and love him everyday and he loves you with tenderly, you're beautiful and smart, i know that you will find someone that really in love and crazy about you.
• United States
1 May 09
And that was what I was afraid to hear. I have read the book that He's Just Not that Into You. Although he hasn't shown most of the signs this is one sign that is a biggie. But then again he hasn't been in a functionable relationship in a long time. I'm the first. He has needed a little training and guidance on some things. Of which he has followed through on. Relationships start off with learning a lot about each other with good communication. I guess this is where there is no communication and I begin to doubt. Especially since we parted on bad terms. Either he didn't think to call....or I'm not the girl that has him wanting to make that call. Or maybe I'm setting my expectations too high?
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
19 May 09
I have one better than this one. I have a "friend" who I am not sure where our friendship/relationship lies. He left on Friday for a conference and before he left he took me to lunch, which I thought was very nice. I hadn't seen him for 2 weeks before that, but we talked every day but one, when he wasn't feeling well. As I dropped him off at his door.......I always drive.....he gave me a kiss and told me he would call me when he got there AND that he would call me every day he was gone, which he wasn't sure whether it would be 3-7 days. I hadn't expected to hear from him at all while he was gone, so that was quite a surprise, and a nice one, too. Today is Tuesday and I haven't heard a thing! What is that all about? An out and out lie,as far as I'm concerned, almost 5 days later and I haven't heard a word of the calls he was making EVERY DAY. I am NOT calling him, so we will see what happens with this one. I do understand YOUR situation, but we hadn't had a fight and were on good terms.........he took me to eat.....maybe the "last meal". I would rather he just said goodbye.....same as you, I am sure. If you think he is important to you, I would break down and call him, if you haven't already.......since this was 3 weeks ago!!
@msmargo (361)
• United States
2 May 09
You know your bf the best, but maybe you are reading too much into his parting words. Was this unusual for him? Would he normally call you when he is out of town? My bf has this maddening/great ability to forge things. We will have blow out fights and he will act as though nothing happened. This is great if I feel like I crossed the line with things I said and think there is no way he will forgive me. Or, the argument was about important stuff, and he acts like he doesn't temember having the fight. If you feel that you both needed a break from each other, then this could be a good thing. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Good luck though, I know what it feels like to be waiting on pins and needles for the other person to make up their mind. But see though, there are those that will tell you, you should not rely on another person to determine the direction you will be going in. Maybe this is a great opportunity for you to take control of your own destiny.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
2 May 09
I don't think you should jump to conclusions and just end it. It sounds like you both needed some time apart and to think things over. Of course, there is the possibility that he's ready to end it but ...maybe not. To me, it sounds as if he just needed some space to think it over. I think you should wait and when he is ready, you both should talk and take it from there.
@4u2enjoy (300)
• Malaysia
1 May 09
I'm still young to give you advice, haha. Well maybe your boyfriend ego is just high. All of the quality guys out there has this ego and i think you both of you are going to get back ;) Sometimes there's up and down in relationship and poeple just can't get along with each other.
@betsyhu (207)
• China
1 May 09
I don't think so."I'll talk to you when I get back" is usual words for my hubby after our dispute. When he's back finally,he always forget what he want to say to me....LOL.. Of course,some times,i remind he purposely,he will answered:" i forget it!" or "will tell you next time" with looking through website unconcernedly.Maybe,sometimes,we wrangle temporarily for giving vent to dissatisfaction from other pressure in all kinds of fields. as time goes by, we will disremember at last..
• India
1 May 09
There r tyms in every relationship...when v need a break....or atlest feel lyk taking sum tym to get our act together....that doesnt have to translate into a break-up.... even if his last word were will talk u when i get back...doesnt translate into a break-up....come on u r in a relationship...ups n downs happen...u love this guy....how does it matter if he calls u first or if u call him....if he isnt calling then u call him...dont turn a mole into a mountain...ego in a relationship is d worst possible thing....it definitely is a relation/love murderer.... cool down.....call him...come on gurl!!!
• Philippines
1 May 09
Sorry to hear that personal problem of yours. I know it is really heavy to bear when to think that you have been together for so long and what you just didn't mention was the reason of why you come up with this conflict. But you must talk, both of you must talk before going to take another step or decision.It takes understanding also of the situation and remove pride of who should talk or call first. It is really needed to talk so that you can tell him what you feel and ask him also his side. It takes you two to decide. I hope that you can still open your communication with each other. For me, i think that relationship is not yet over as long as you both haven't ended it clearly and well.
• Philippines
1 May 09
i think, he did that because of the big reason, maybe he wants to think about you and you're relationship how to build up.., he just tried to be strong.,
• India
1 May 09
I never knew that " I'll talk to you later" can be considered as a relationship on rocks. I don't think that you can call it over. Maybe he was just very much preoccupied with the conference that he didn't want anything to spoil his thoughts and all, you know how these conferences can get. bourne