middle child issues

United States
May 26, 2009 12:05pm CST
Im the middle child.. and the only girl.. ud think that i would get some kinda special treatment right since im the only girl perhaps? But.. its not true at all my dad is very close to my little brother.. if he needs anything my dad will make it happen.. my older brother is rarely home.. he always hangs out with his friend chris.. but i seem to be the black sheep of the family..i feel like my parents tolerate me. Which i believe also is effecting me with my depression anxiety or whatever i have. It just really seems like Im tolerated and my little brother is on a pedistal. If i ask for money i get yelled at. .if colby does.. he gets it within a few mins.. what can i do? -besides talk to them cuz they can care less-
5 people like this
17 responses
@tinkerick (1257)
• United States
26 May 09
That is truly unfortunate that you feel like that. As a parent of 3 children myself, I understand that there CAN be favoritism even if unintended by the parents. My youngest is "the baby" and probably does tend to be treated more leniently because of this. My middle child has tendency to be a bit of an instigator, this may have stemmed from being overlooked during certain situations? I try not to play favorites, but most of the time I think it happens no matter what. In your case, I think your parents would see you in a more favorable light if you showed responsibility and maturity. They probably see your little brother as "the baby" just as I see my youngest (he's 8). This tends to lean things in his favor. If you offer to help around the house (even little things count), or just DO things around the house without offering, and then ask for money in return, I think you'll have a better time of it. Parents LOVE it when their children show responsibility on their own! Good luck
• United States
26 May 09
its not like i dont do anything around the house. I do, i do dishes, clean cat liter, wash and fold laundry.. my brothers get by with doing dishes once in a blue moon.. I dont even ask for money usually after doing tasks.. so its not that im not responsible or mature. my little brother 17 ... theres no reason they should baby himn as much as they do.. ugh lol
@tinkerick (1257)
• United States
27 May 09
Well, I'd love to have YOU as a daughter too! Sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get my kids to do stuff around the house. Unfortunately for you, your situation has been going on for so long I don't think it's going to change much in the short run. If, however, you continue showing responsible behavior in the next few years (i.e. getting a job, paying for your own things and activities), your parents may grow a more favorable perspective on you. In the short run, you might ask your parents to work out a "contract" of sorts in which you receive compensation for the things you already do around the house. Keep your chin up, your parents do love you no matter how it shows. Good luck!
• United States
26 May 09
Hi Sweetie! First of all I'd like to say I"m sorry that this is happening to you. I myself am the youngest child and the only girl. So I can't say that I understand what your going through at all. What I can say is that my brother dealt with this same situation. He is the middle child out of three. My older brother was given tons of attention one because he is the oldest son and two the first grand child so he had had it made from all sides. Myself If i wanted or needed I had it. My middle brother on the other hand was the one that no one worried about. He was quiet and didn't ever seem to get into trouble. This certainly wasn't the case. My brother was always getting into something, but no one ever noticed because he was left hung out in the wind. This lead to lots of problems with him. He never did grow up like my older brother and I did. He still seems to depend a lot of my parents because they weren't there when he most needed it. He found ways to get attention whether negative or positive. He ended up getting into a lot of trouble at one point in his life and landed himself in prison for 4 years. Now my parents are trying to make up for everything they didn't do for him, but it seems to late. He wants nothing to do with them for the most part. All I can say to you is talk to them and also your siblings. Let them know that you want to talk to them and to allow you to talk. Set it up so that they allow you to talk and they not interrupt. Tell them that if they start cutting you off or start yelling you will be done and not talk anymore. Let them know how your feeling and don't hold back. If you hold any of your feelings back they may not take you seriously. Stand by your word and don't turn back. Sometimes this works. If this doesn't work then do what some people do. Talk to one of your friends parents, lots of times you can find good advice through your friends parents. I wish you the best through all of this. NO child should be left out in the cold. I just wish I knew this when I was younger to help my brother out. One thing that I know is true for my brother is that he never held any of this against me or my older brother. He knew that it wasn't our fault that our parents treated us differently. We are very close siblings and we always have been. Usually if my brother needs anything at all he just calls me, and he knows that he's more than welcome to do so. Take Care
• United States
26 May 09
my little brother knows he gets treated diffrently.. one day my mom and i were talking and she said :ur father would give colby a kidney if he needed one before he'd give me one: lol and i said to my little brother the other day after he got 20 bucks from my dad "are u aware of how diffrently dad treats u?" and he said :yea.. so?:.. me and my lil brother get along well.. except i guess my jealousy to him.. but me and my older brother are like oil and water.. he tells me almost daily as i was growing up "imma kill u cassandra" or "why dont u just kill urself and get it over with" all sortsa stuff ... we dont talk at all now.. when we do its just chit chat but needless to say... we arent close lol
• United States
27 May 09
I am the oldest but my younger brother that is the middle child seems to get the raw deal out of somethings as well. I have looked up things about birth order online and I found it pretty intresting. I suggest you look some of it up and see what you think about it. Some of what I have read is birth order plays a big part in how we turn out anyway check it out and let me know what you think. Take care and happy mylotting to you as well.
@BlueGoblin (1829)
• United States
27 May 09
You can't do anything about it because the younger child will always be babied. I don't know exactly why that is but its true for so many middle children. You could probably bring it up in discussion but then your parents will probably yell at you and call you ungrateful. lol
@angelsmummy (1696)
26 May 09
aww thats really sad to hear but Im sure your parents love you all equally. As a parent myself I find it hard to think that parents have favourites! Im also sure you arent exagerating. Im sure they dont tolerate you they seriously do love you. Has it only just started happening because if it has then they may just be going through a faze. I dont know what you can do, maybe help them round the house a bit?
• United States
26 May 09
its been going on for a while. I do help around the house, i do alot more than my brothers do. I just dont understand why I get singled out being the not so loved one. I feel like im always in their way. or always letting them down for some reason.. I dunno its hard to put into words. I feel like I dont belong.
@geniustiger (1694)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
Your dad loves you all but sometimes you feel it because the attention is only to your younger brother. He loves you and it is in his heart , you cannot see it. Talk to your dad and ask something for him that you wanna clarify things out. Dont yell it can make anger to your dad just talk him calmly and peacfully in good manner.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
27 May 09
I am very sad that its happening to you. But its called life. there are so many things we don't like to happen. still they happen. If possible talk with them telling what is your fault. Also try to convey that you feel very sad about it. see their reaction.
• United States
27 May 09
Alas, I'm an "only child," so I've never had to vie for my parents' attention. From an outsider's point of view, though, it does seem that all parents have their favorites. It shouldn't be that way, but it is and I can't help but wonder if I won't have my favorite, if I ever get around to having children, that is.
@GemmaR (8517)
27 May 09
I doubt it has anything to do with you being the middle child, or being the only girl, so please don't think that. Perhaps they don't understand your depression anxiety and don't really know how to treat you at all.. it can be hard for them too, however much you don't want to think it. If you need someone to talk to, please private message me and I will give you my email address. I am doing a psychology degree, and strongly believe that I could help you. I'm here for you!
• Philippines
27 May 09
I feel sad about this. Don't worry you're not alone, a lot of my friends and some of my ex's are actually middle child and they never get the treatment of that youngest in the family. that's some of them have rebelled beyond my thinking and even preach about freedom and blah this and that..just live your life as you see it and prove to them that you can do better. My advice is just excel yourself and don't expect anymore from them. unless they give it to you. don't let those affect or depress you because it could get deeper.
@jshekhar (1562)
• India
26 May 09
Sometimes we fail to understand the love we get from our parents and undervalue it. think of the children who do not have parents and then you would realise how important your parents are to you. I am sure your parents love you equally. It is just that the youngest child gets a bit more attention. Cheer up!
@reneh2o (87)
• United States
26 May 09
I know how ya feel..hows this? My older brother, obviously my Dad's favorite (his only boy) and my younger sis who was great at everything in school and was taller than me (basically a tomboy) than there was ME....The middle child who didn't get any kind of money for college..They paid for my brothers college and had a savings plan for my younger sister but just decided to skip the middle child..How messed up is that? When do you decide that the middle child isn't worth saving up for college..ha!
@sjvenden27 (1840)
• United States
27 May 09
I am a middle child... so i understand where you are coming from... there are two ways to look at this situation... One that your parents trust you that you will make the right decisons, it may seem like they dont care about you... or that your older brother and younger brother get more attention then you but that might not be the case... At the same time if you really believe that your parent "tolerate" you, well thats a hard road.. Been there, the best piece of advice I could give you; is to find a job, or do something that makes you feel special... Or join an after school program, busy yourself, then you wont see the unfair treatment constainly.. Hope you are able to figure out something that can make you happy.. Depression and anxiety can lead to other problems in the future.. May be someone can help you with your problems; not saying a counslor, may be a close friend... Just someone that you can trust with your true feelings... Then if there is no one that you can trust offline... create a social group online, or hey may be a support group.. thats set up like a blog, so then you can go in speak what is on your mind... and recieve other suggestions from people.. or just have a sounding board for your every day stresses.. Before you look at what everyone is or is not doing for you...look at yourself in the mirror.. is there something that you can do to make your situation more postive? So you are happy with yourself? Smile
• Malaysia
27 May 09
Hmm...just bear with it..i myself sometimes experience the same thing..but as i grew older i become more close to my parents. we become just like friends.. =D
• United States
26 May 09
I'm a middle child and its not fun. I have always felt left out and neglected. My younger sister gets whatever she wants. It gets better when you move out, I finally was able to form a bond with everyone in my family.
26 May 09
Yeah alot of my freinds are middle child and they get left out but in my situation im the youngest by 7 years, and i am treated like a baby but without the leeway most youngest childs get. I always seem to get pushed away as everone else is talking about there Degrees and jobs and there cars and im just told to basicly shut the hell up cus its only my GCSE's and they dont matter. I just wish theyde treat me like adults cus when my brother was doing his GCSE's he got bullied abit and so myparents dealt with it. One individual has made 3 serious attampts to kill me and i dont even bother telling my parents as theylle just say tell the school and theylle do nothing. I always have to sort things out for myself if you know what i mean. When i was getting attacked by people and being left with bruises cuts and stuff and sometimes i found it hard to walk, id just hide it cus my big bro would just say hide is cus he went to martial arts lessons and i wasnt allowed even though i was prepared to pay for it. I think you need to take things into your own hands. I did. I decided i was going to teach them i was important and i wasnt the baby any more. So i decided id try and find someone i knew to teach me you know, properly. I got my freind who had been training for 7 years to teach me the basics. And from there i taught myself, trained every day with hand to hand short medium and long range weapons and now i think they take me abit more of an adult than they used to. Maybee instead of asking for money prove to them your an adult and get a job if you dont already have one, at a local store on weekend or someting if youre in schooling or a full time job if youre not. They knwo youre not a baby so prove to them youre an adult. The actiaon has to come before the result. youre never gona have a ball go flying and then kick it it has to be the other way round. If you prove to them youre an adult maybee theyle treat you like one. I also know how you feel with feeling like you dont fit in. My brother and sister were very achedemic and exelled in whatever they did. i did too untill i develped a condition called ME or CFS and now im unable to attend full time schooling and i feel ive let them down. I find myself boored at home and therefore more prone to getting into trouble and im always told "i wish wede stopped at 2" or "our first 2 excelled and then number 3 came along and it didnt go too well" to strangers weve only known for 5 minutes. But as soon as i "step out of line" or say anything bad about them it "see what i mean" or "im your mother you should respect me. When she treats me like an adult and like the other 2 sheel have my respect and when she respects me sheel have my respect but untill then she hasnt earnt it and she doesnt desrve it. I don't know if this is what you were looking for but i hope it helps you and that your problem is solved as you seem like a genuinly nice person.
@Lxia2009 (12)
• United States
26 May 09
Hello PerfctlyFlawed' To begin with I love your name. I am a middle child also. older sister and younger brother. So I felt I was cursed twice. My sister got do do everything before me so when it was my turn to learn to drive,get married, have children someone else had already stolen the lime light. My younger brother (4 years younger) was so cute everything he did was doted upon. I grew up with other people asking me to their homes because it was so obvious. I spent months at a time with ohters who cared just not my parents. I begin to think of myself as flawed and I begin to love things because they were flawed or so some people think. There is no such thing as perfection. Don't make the same mistake i did and try to change your self to fit the mold or marry someone like your parents just to be accepted. Accept your execently Flawed self. You are like a dark green emerald. The reason they are dark is the spots in them. Some people think this is a flaw but it is natures way of making one distinctive stone. that is waht you are. We can't all fall out of the storks bundle in the perfect home. But we can make our world suitable for our own desires and needs. Seek out those things that make you happy, those people who make you feel good and go with it. At some time in the future you will connect to one or both of your parents ( it didn't happen to me until I was 48)and when it does you will know it was on your terms and feel they love you for who you are. No pretenses Perfectly flawed.