Would you marry the same person again?

@mimpi1911 (25475)
India
May 28, 2009 6:01am CST
It's a hypothetical situation where you have been separated from your spouse after much bitterness, just as it happens. Now, he/she wants to reconcile and you could see the honesty in his/her eyes and could feel his/her sincerity - the same warmth that had made you fall in love. Would you marry him/her again?
32 people like this
93 responses
• United States
28 May 09
I should add that in the case you present, I would be suspicious the person was up to something. It is not unusual for ex spouses to exploit previous feelings of love.
2 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25475)
• India
28 May 09
So you feel that it could be well a fake!
3 people like this
• United States
28 May 09
Yes, my sister got divorced and joined a support group of previously divorced experienced persons. Discussing these things among themselves, they concluded that it is common for an ex spouse, (usually the one who left) to hit a rough spot in their life and try to fall back on the person who they had previously loved (or exploited!). What they decided was that it is necessary to be extrordinarily careful and place strong demands of accountability on the returning spouse. If they don't like that, too bad, they weren't serious anyway.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25475)
• India
29 May 09
I think they are justified and this makes a lot of sense. Once bitten twice shy and careful. Thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 May 09
I'd marry my wife again in a second. Whose to say that now she really knows me, that she would have me?
2 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25475)
• India
28 May 09
We will have to ask her..
2 people like this
• United States
28 May 09
I'd never marry my ex husband again...the problems we had won't go away because he refused to work on them...and refuses to work lol. but I think it can work out for some people, maybe I'm just an eternal optimist but I think if both parties have time to regroup, think it over, and work on themselves a little, and are willing to work it out together, then it could happen and be something good again. Just not for me ;)
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
28 May 09
Hi Mimpi ..you know I've been married a vee bit too long to be able to step into such hypothtical situation now........But in general I feel there is nothing wrong if a person wants to reconcile after separation from the life partner..You see very often some people may act impulsively and naively and walk out of their marriage at some weak moment.But later on if they realise they have made a mistake and want to patch up I feel its the best thing to happen........And believe me the marriage will work out better after reconcilation in most cases because very often the temporary separation will give enough scope to rethink and analyse their mistakes and life in general and they will be in a better position to come to terms with life and with each other.......
2 people like this
@wildcat48 (779)
• United States
28 May 09
he-l no!i have been married 4 time's and neither one got a second chance.no,no no way
@mimpi1911 (25475)
• India
29 May 09
That tells it all!
2 people like this
• United States
29 May 09
i love them until they did me wrongthey didn't get a second chang
• United States
29 May 09
sorry chance ,i am not fully a wake yet
@balasri (26549)
• India
28 May 09
Well it is a difficult question.I personally think that it is very hard to build up the shattered dreams again.Marrying and getting separated could happen only once as it needs a lot of considerations.I don't thing that the leopards change their spots that easily.They can always try sincerely.But the success is highly doubtful.People do not change that easily.If they really change they have to erase all the bad memories altogether which is impossible.The memories never fade away .They always lurk at the back of the mind.It is a risky chance to take if it is worth.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
29 May 09
Bala I seem to have written something similar.
@balasri (26549)
• India
29 May 09
All the more reason to be good friends Kala.
@riyasam (16570)
• India
28 May 09
mimpi,in my opinion,we dont go for divorce unless all options are exhausted and we find it worthless to continue in the marraige,so i dont think i would marry the same person again(ofcourse,there are exceptions)
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25475)
• India
28 May 09
You have justified your answer. But Love is the most strange thing. we never know what we do and how we act when into it.
2 people like this
@riyasam (16570)
• India
28 May 09
you are right, LOVE IS BLIND!!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 May 09
I don't think so. Its not that i didn't forgive him but because i dont believe in second chances. Lets say, my situation, he is irresponsible, i saw him with my bestfriend and i caught him again with another woman. he love his friends more than he love me. I believe that you can forgive the person but you cannot forget what he does. The trust are lost so it will not work.
• China
30 May 09
It may have a lot of problems, first of all I cannot put all my heart on this love issure, for I'm afraid of being hurt again; another he or she may have the same alert for me. So I don't think this remarry will be success. I don't want to be sad again.
@med889 (5954)
28 May 09
This is a good post which makes someone think very well before replying so I like your post first of all. First: I might return to him if all the wonderful moments we had spent comes to my mind when seeing him and i might also forget the bad moments which had let us with only the seperation option. I might give our relationship a second choice. Secondly: I might refuse to return to him or let him again in my life because I have been knowing him too well and I know he might be doing the same thing to me even after the reconciliation. We never know what will happen after being again together. Finally: It is said to always give a person a second choice so I might choose to let him enter my life if I see the same sparkle in his eyes as I have seen when he proposed me for the first time, If i can be sure ( which someone rarely can) Then i will be with him, after all I will say that i have already lived with him so i can give him a second chance.
@mimpi1911 (25475)
• India
28 May 09
Thanks Med. I know this is a tough choice but as you have rightly stated there is no justification as to whichever we choose. You could be second time lucky, you could be not. Giving a second chance would mean you are more brave and more wise and know what it takes. But you never know! It's tough.
1 person likes this
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
28 May 09
It would be a totally individualistic decision, and would be different from one person to another. It's difficult to answer till one goes through a situation, but i can say at the same that if this was to ever happen in my case, i would not. The decision to seperate would have come through after a lot of efforts of trying to forgive, forget, and reconcile. Further i would have decided to get on with life and try not to look back. Any attempt of even thinking about this would probably bring about the memories of pain and maybe the bitterness.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25475)
• India
28 May 09
I know where are you coming from. But since this is hypothetical, let me put it this way, you still have strange connection and sort of care for her. Then what? The bitternesses in relationsghips are gross but love is amazing. You never know what it can make you do. It knows no rules. Even the LTTE Chief had to succumb to it and had to break its law - that was the first and the last time!
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10897)
28 May 09
If things had got so bad that we had to part in the first place, if I still loved my ex. partner, I would not marry but suggest that we lived together for a year to see if we could make it work first. If it didn't work, then we both could walk away, if we had re-married though, we would have to go through all the legal hassle of getting divorced again. - Derek
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25475)
• India
28 May 09
I will that would be a wise thing to do Derek. One year is a good time know his/her intention. Of course you have to still like that person.
1 person likes this
@justinus (1110)
• Karawaci, Indonesia
1 Jun 09
hello, let me joint to your topic: Yes, of course, and why not? reconcile is indeed very good, reflects our high consideration that perhaps we are guilty in the past and our willingness to make better. It will be more better if we have also children and want make them happy. good luck
1 person likes this
@Muffyy (12)
• Australia
1 Jun 09
Depends on what the spouse was like. I would marry someone over and over again if i loved them enough and knew they loved me too. If they made me happy and I did the same I would.
1 person likes this
@denisewy (90)
• Philippines
1 Jun 09
Yep, I will. Because he loves me that is why he's changed to become a better peson. And since the love is not g0ne yet then, why not? He deserves a 2nd chance if I see and feel that he's sincere.
• India
29 May 09
if the person really realizes and becomes good means then im ready to marry...
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
29 May 09
I suppose it is an innately personal decision. Only the people involved can know each other intimately enough to judge whether a second chance would be worth the effort. It would depend why you separated in the first place. My ex husband attempted a reconciliation with me some years ago and although he tempted me with his kind words and actions, I had to step back and re analyse how our life together was and our differences which, take away the romance, were indeed irreconcilable. I have since re-married another man and in this situation, as of right now, I would have to say that I definitely would marry him again although I would go into it with different expectations because we have been together for 16 years and there is a lot we have learned about each other but I guess that is the natural progression of any relationship. Another great discussion mimpi!
1 person likes this
@Uroborus (910)
• Canada
28 May 09
Do you mean to ask if I would marry the same person which I had divorced, or do another wedding ceremony with the same person you're already married to? I would have a second ceromy with my wife, I can't imagine marrying an ex.
1 person likes this
@cobra1368 (704)
• United States
28 May 09
I guess it would depend on the circumstances under which we divorced. If things just didn't work out at the time, or we were in different places in our lives when we were together the first time, I might consider a remarriage if we were to reunite at the right time in our lives. If he cheated on me or abused me in some way, that crapweasel is out!! My relationship with my husband now is good, with the exception that we haven't had any kids yet, and his idea of trying is kind of a half-a$$ed attempt. But if that is my biggest problem with him, we're doing okay.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
28 May 09
When I was married, we'd always had a rocky relationship, which included two separations. I knew the whole while I should not have married this person. We are now divorced, so my answer, even then, would have been no. Sad, but sometimes we cannot tell ahead of time how a relationship will unfold. Karen
1 person likes this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
28 May 09
As much as I love my husband, I find that we are not always on the same page and we have changed a lot. I concede to things that are not worth a fight but honestly, I would want someone who thought more like I did. I am adventurous with a husband who likes the beaten path rather than going off on the new and different roads. He likes the familiar and hate change. I love change and new challenges. I am accepting of things and roll with the punches. Again, he hates change and anyone who does not think like him he has a hard time dealing with. I am outgoing, sometimes outspoken but have good people skills and tact. My husband is shy but comes across as a bit rude and when he speaks, has not filters and sometimes I just want to die with the things that he says. He also is not a thoughtful person and does not consider people's feelings. That bugs me. He does have a big heart and I know he loves us but it would be nice to be with someone who actually showed it and agreed with me a bit more on things. He also looks at the bad in everything and that drives me nuts. So, if it ever came to the choice of him again, I would say no. It is just because life would be easier.
1 person likes this
• China
28 May 09
oh ,just you have apart eachother ,why you marry again ,all of you just like to marry? i can not understand ,if you have a love each other why you have to apart . i think ,before you get marryed ,you must stay with you gf/bf for a long time ,that you can know each other well .get marry is a important thing in my country people get marry twice is a not good things ,so we will know each other well before get marryed.