interfering grandma??

@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
United States
July 27, 2009 9:58am CST
I normally try to keep my opinions to myself when it comes to my son & dil's buisness but my grandson is so important to me i have expressed my opinion to both of them,. Sat. night we went to a ballgame for my grandson's birthday. My son & grandson came & picked me up. They normally dress him real cute but he has been needing new shoes for awhile & i had already said something to my son about his shoes a few weeks back. WELL, sat, night he had a hole in his shorts. I was very upset that he had brought him to go somewhere special in clothes like that. wE WERE GOING OUT OF TOWN & I TOLD HIM IF HE'S STOP SOMEWHERE I WOULD BUY RYAN SOME SHOES & A PAIR Of SHORTS, OF COURSE THAT WAS IGNORED. . Someone mentioned the hole & it embarassed ryan & made him cry. I didn't like that either.. My dil is off on mon. so i called her & told her i wanted ryan to have new shoes & shorts to if he needed them & that i'd buy them today but she had something else planned. I may have p.o. both of them but i don't care. They don't run around in clothes like that & ryan is not going to either. Would u have said anything??
7 people like this
20 responses
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
27 Jul 09
I probably would have said something, but not after I bought the shoes and the shorts for him ! then, blast them both, at least Ryan would have no holes in his clothes. They are reacting to you as mother/mother in law ---interfering :( But, by all means, call them, tell them you didn't wish to interfere just wanted to help. I would do this. At least you'd know by their attitude on the phone if they were POd or not. besides it would break the ice now that you think they are POd. I'd go for it. But, in the future, pay attention to the sizes that little boy wears and make sure he has all he needs :) Hugs, quita88
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
If they are mad they didn't let on. My son called me tonight so everything is cool as far as i know. Might as well be. He got 2 new pairs of shoes today..
1 person likes this
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I am so glad Ryan got two new pair of shoes. If they are not mad now, I'd still make sure I knew the boy's sizes in everything and just slip them in when you go to visit. HOpe you are feeling better now, and also you don't say if you have a hubby or not??? Don't mean to be prying, just thought I'd ask. Have a good day, quita88
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
30 Jul 09
ME TO. Saved ALOT OF STATIC .. tHEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO PICKY ABOUT HIS CLOTHES DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON W/THEM SAT. NIGHT. fILL FREE TO ASK ME ANYTHING, I HAVE NO SECRETS. nO, I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND, HAVEN'T HAD IN OVER 30 Years. i GUESS IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE. fUNNY THING ALL I EVER WANTED was a good husband & alot of kids, I just wasn't too good on picking them out. I had two & then i quit looking.
@kareng (18912)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Yes, I would have--especially if it embarrassed the child! It is a sticky situation and one that could tick them off, but I think most people wouldn't mind a parent helping out every now and then. Why don't you ask if Ryan can come over and stay with you for a day and then you can just take him shopping? We used to do this with my grandmother and it was fun and always a day to look forward too. It was special time with grandma! Then, it is done and they will just have to accept it. Btw, my grandson's name is Rylan--close to Ryan. Have a great day!
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Thanks for your response. That is why i called my dil this morn to see if they had plans. I would love to take him shopping but have never got to. They usually think they have to take him to a bigger town to buy for him but i know anything would be better than what he's wearing. They spents alot of money on his birthday & his party. Shoes should have been in the presents,
2 people like this
@kareng (18912)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Hopefully, you will get to take him soon. Take care!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I didn't have to take him. His mom bought him 2 new pairs of shoes today.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Jul 09
Perhaps in this economy where we cannot all afford to run out and buy new shoes your instance is actually embarrassing your son and his wife. I know how they feel and it can be horrifying when ones parent condemns you even as an adult. We have had clothing issues. though I am sure they could have put clothes that didn't have holes or at least patched them up, it is probably hard to admit. My own folks just buy stuff and make up reasons to give it to our kids. They know we are hard up for cash but do not make it a challenge to our pride. Your offer though nice may have just been too much. Hold off do not say anything and let it blow over. Then get something small like a t-shirt that says grandma's angle or something like that and just give it to him. Don't make it seem as though you are helping out, just that you are spoiling your grandson.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
27 Jul 09
They can afford to buy him a pair of shoes. They don't go around in shoes like he had on or holes in their clothes.If i made them mad then they have the sme britches to get glad in. I would never have let my son go out in sush clothes.They should be embarrassed.Thanks for your response. I may be wrong in expressing my feelings but i'm just that way.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jul 09
Well if they can afford it then they shouldn't have him out in those shoes and what not. But be careful kids do not like their parents to know if a failure has occurred and if these clothes are something new to be happening things may not all be as good as you think. Making their reaction worse I am sure.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
He got 2 new pairs of shoes today, mission accomplished.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
27 Jul 09
yes.....and I have actually went and bought my granddaughter a new outfit to bring her some place in if she is staying with me....she doesn't need to look like a ragmuffin! And I have said those things to them...I have also offered to replace coats or shoes....and I have also washed her winter jacket when she came to stay because it was dirty.....I know at four she is rough and tumble and it's hard to keep her clean...but I like to have her all dolled up...I would have done the same!
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Good for u for being such a caring grannie. Ryan got 2 new pairs of shoes today.I talked to him tonight & i ask him. he said he got a red & black pair & a gray pair. He wanted to know which one i liked the best..Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
27 Jul 09
I would have probably done the same thing. They will get over it.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
HE GOT 2 NEW PAIR OF SHOES TODAY. I guess it worked.. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
27 Jul 09
I would have done the same. Small kids will lost their confidence if the other kids tease him on his appearance and I think you have been a great motivator to your grandson. If it is me, I will not ask their permission but just go ahead and buy him a new pair of shoes and a new shirt. He will be excited to know that grandma bought him a new pair of shoes.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Ryan is a hoot but he is very tender hearted also. It really upset me that they brought him in the clothes they did. I don't mind buying him anything he needs but had rather his mother go w/us & then i know he'll get to wear them. U know what i mean??
1 person likes this
@HelScream (2823)
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
at one of my discussion I said I wished you where my mother in law but now I think I wished to be your grandson lol spoil me grandma lol oh Jo you are just fun with him are you no wonder he loves you too lol well if I was in your sons place I would gladly accept the offer and besides it's his request on his bday right so theres nothing to be p.o by that ... grandparents really do love to spoil the young ones lol.... I just wish now that I was your grandson lol
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
LOL, I guess i will have to adopt you..My grandson ended up w/2 new pairs of shoes yesterday not from me , his mom got them.
@HelScream (2823)
• Philippines
29 Jul 09
Well Jo can I call you grandma here at mylot then adopt me adopt me plsssssssssssssss want to be spoiled by you grandma
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
30 Jul 09
o.k., u are adopted, lol. U wii have to call me BOBO that'swhat my grandson calls me.
@bunnybon7 (43287)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jul 09
i sure would. your a great grandma and i have no idea why they would be that way with their own child. funny thing is, my daughter and sil were always hinting about what the kids needed even tho they had a lot of new clothes and several pairs of good shoes, they expected me to buy something that they just wanted and my daughter would keep after me until i got it so i guess we have oppisite problems. but i would be just like you if the poor kid was running around with holes in everything that would be embarassing
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
It was embarassing for him & i didn't like that worth a hoot. I had never seen him dressed like that. I see u to have a problem. soory. I don't intend for this to become a problem. It best not happen again. Ryan got 2 pair of shoes yesterday. so now we are in the calm after the storm .
@bunnybon7 (43287)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Jul 09
wtg, grandma. im glad they listened.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
30 Jul 09
THANKS, They were going to be pretty big to whip.
@dawnald (84075)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Jul 09
Yep I would have said something.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Thanks for your response. At least y'all are making me feel better. I sure don't want any trouble w.my kids but i was very unhappy about this.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84075)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Jul 09
And to finish my thought (now that I've woken up)... You're a grandmother, you're supposed to care! It's not as if you kidnapped the child over his parents objections or something. I hope it doesn't cause trouble with them either, but I don't see what harm there is in asking.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Thanks Dawn, It got the job done. He got new shoes today.
1 person likes this
@superaren (209)
• China
28 Jul 09
Good answer I agree.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Thanks for your response. Have a great day.
@gdesjardin (1921)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Well I am not a grandma yet, I sure do know that if my kids had holes in their clothes my mom would say something. I don't blame you, I would have said something as well. It would be one thing if they couldn't afford anything new, but if you offered to buy your grandson new shoes and clothes, then they should have said yes. I know I LOVE when my folks offer to buy my kids anything, as I am grateful it is something less that I have to buy. By the way, we moved this weekend (well half of the house)...we are Tennessee bound!!!!
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Good for your mom, at least that makes u know how much she cares about your kids just as i do ryan. GREAT, i hope your move is a good one for y'all. How does it feel to be a good ol' TENNESSEAN?
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (115100)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I do not say much to my dil right now. I have bought clothes for her son and daughter before. For my daughter, she will not take the kiddos out looking trashy, but I also sent her tons of stuff last summer when she was trying to potty train the oldest. I do not think my son in law would put up with his girls not having nice things.
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Thanks for responding, GG, T hat was the first time in ryan's life that i had ever seen him looking like that & it better be the last time.I talked to ryan tonight & he told me he got 2 new pairs of shoes today so all's well that ends well.
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8352)
27 Jul 09
Yes I would have had to said something after all I would buy them clothes if times were hard. I think you were right to look out for him.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Thanks for your response, Suzzy. I don't think times are that bad for them. I think they need to get their priorities straight.. HE best have on new shoes next time i see him.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18613)
• Jamaica
27 Jul 09
No kid likes to be embarrassed about wha they are wearing. I would have done the same and offered to buy him both shoes and shorts. I do not see anything wrong in that. I woul dhave done the same.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Thanks Cynthi, I was very upset about it. I have never seen him dressed like that & i did not like it. ,Hope ur day is going good.
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18316)
• Greece
27 Jul 09
Hi Antiquelady, maybe if they don't like you saying something about Ryan's clothes you could just buy them as a gift for him, maybe they are just embarrassed to ask for help. If you present the clothes as a gift then surely they can't take exception to that. Children's clothes and shoes are always getting holes in them with alarming regularity and I for one am grateful when my son receives gifts of clothes. I don't think that could be misconstured as interferring.
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@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Thanks for your response, thea. I don't think they need help because my son knows i would help him anytime & have. With all the money they spent on his birthday there should have been a new pair of shoes bought.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (128852)
• Chile
27 Jul 09
I have often helped out with my daughters´ lack of things. It´s not only lack of money (they have a lot more than I do). It´s just that they don´t seem to mind. So I take the bull by the horns. I have just given my oldest daughter´s my spare single bed sheets for her youngest son. The one he had were pityful. I just left a pair for me, just in case I had visitors. Let´s unite, granmas of the world!!!
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
27 Jul 09
GOOD IDEA MARG, I see u are the typical grannie to. I did w/out for my kids when they were small & still do sometimes if i think they need something.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Being on the other side of this situation, I think that they are feeling criticized. I think what would work next time is to never say anything about the shorts or shoes but rather purchase some new things and tell them they were on sale and you couldn't resist! They will not be embarrassed and your grandson will get new things. Everybody's happy! Good to see you again here, jo!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Thanks for your response, i appreciate u seeing the other side but i was critizing them & i think they needed it. They are so picky about what u buy him that i quit buying clothes for him when he was little because i never saw him wear them. They think they have got to come from a high dollor store which is ridiculous to start with. The ways kids grow i think that's silly to start with. I had rather see him in something from wal-mart or wherever than the way he looked sat. night.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
29 Jul 09
I would have said something about it also, especially since you all were going out somehwere and Ryan cried from the comment made also. I think they do not want you to say anything about it. I do not blame you though. I would say something about it too.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
29 Jul 09
Thanks steph, we got new shoes mon.I couldn't believe they did that. Don't believe it will happen again, better not.Thanks for your response.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
28 Jul 09
My first thought was that maybe money was tight. But then you offered to buy him some new things. I don't understand why they did not allow you to do that.If the boy is embarrassed about the condition of his clothes and others are commenting then I would say it is time for the parents to budget in some new ones for him. My daughter dresses her kids decently but if I saw that one of them was dressed in rags or shoes with holes, I'd probably offer to buy some new ones.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
it GOT TAKEN CARE OF YESTERDAY. hIS MOM TOOK HIM & BOUGHT HIM 2 NEW PAIRS OF SHOES. wAR CANCLED.
• New Zealand
28 Jul 09
You sound like a caring grandma who has her grandchilds best interests at heart. There is certainly nothing wrong with sharing your opinion with your grandsons parents or offering to help. Theres no need to beat around the bush. If there is anyone on this world you should be able to speak freely around it is your family. If they take it the wrong way then this is due to their insecurity and has nothing to do with you. Perhaps you could arrange to see Ryan for the afternoon one day and take him on a surprise shopping trip to buy shorts and shoes, this way his parents won't feel embarassed and Ryan will get the new shorts and shoes he is long due for. You could make quite a fun day out of this and this could be another oppurtunity for you to spend time with Ryan. I remember and cherish spending time with my grandparents as a child. I believe there is a special bond/connection between grandparents and their grandchildren.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Thanks for such a sweet response. I love ryan so much & of course my son & dil but i was pretty upset w/the both of them. His mom took him yesterday & bought him new shoes so all is peaceful right now. U have a good day.