Dating After Loosing A Lover. When is it appropriate?

Kenya
August 10, 2009 8:54am CST
I have a friend who lost his lover, his wife the mother of his children. He confided in me that four months has passed since his wife died and he's lonely. I surely had no idea how long one should take to start dating after being bereaved. Kindly help me reason out this matter so i can be in a better position to advice my friend. Your honest discussion of this topic will be a good start for me. including experiences on the part of those who have had similar experiences. Whats your take fellow MyLot members?
1 person likes this
9 responses
• Canada
12 Aug 09
He could consider what his deceased wife would have wanted for him and also take into consideration how ready he feels and what his children's opinions are. When he is ready and after considering everything he will know when it's time to find a new partner.
@piya84 (2590)
• India
11 Aug 09
Hello Star Time is not so important thing.What is most important is if your friend is ready for dating.Has he recovered from pain of loosing first partner completely?Is he ready to take emotional up and down person face in dating world.
@renydfu (18)
• Indonesia
11 Aug 09
i think it can be relative. how long we can forget our spouse can be noticed how deep we love our spouse? i think so. and if you feel comfortable to start a new dating u can do it anytime. we will get stuck in a moment, feel so sad and think that no one can change our spouse's place in our heart. but life must go on and be realistic.
@beaushell (339)
• Philippines
11 Aug 09
Helo staraevp! This is a cultural sensitive issue. I believe we should take into consideration your cultural background before I can give you any useful answer. But I would like to try to give you some suggestions now. First, your friend need not a lover really (urgently I should say) but someone who will be willing to listen to him processed his lost, someone who will accompany him and help him in taking care and managing his home. Someone who can be with him to comfort and encourage him. This can be done by a friend or group of friends like you and some family members or relatives of his own. Being in a very low emotional state will not guarantee a start of a good relationship either.
• Philippines
11 Aug 09
..when you have really moved on. I think its the right time to start another relationship. 1 month? 2 months? a year? It doesn't matter, as long as you have truthfully accepted whatever devastating challenge you had in your past relationship and finally decided to go on and continue living your life, as it should be.
@xmapril (75)
• China
11 Aug 09
it depends on your lover and you . if your lover is really lovely ,maybe it will take you a long time to forget her or him. but if he or she is just so so, or not that lovely, maybe you can date with somebody immediately. on the other hand, if you are a person of ability, maybe you can get a lover before long, or somebody will be attracted by you. but if you are a person of little charm, it will be harder for you to find a new partner.
• United States
10 Aug 09
hey there staraevp..this is a really a complicated question..one cant answer for someone else..everyone heals differently..if hes ready to start datin now only after 4 mths is a little strange to me..was she sick for awhile? how long were they married? And then again like i said everyone is different..myself when i lost my love years ago,,its been about 11 yrs ..i didnt date for about 5 years..i just couldnt move on..which i guess was pretty long..but i didnt care i wasnt ready and just couldnt seem to move on..just tell your friend it is soon and to be careful and take things slow..he may just want to replace her and maybe hasnt healed enough yet..so if he does date..its going to be like a rebound thing this sooon..it ssoo sad.i feel for him..and i hope u keep us updated..take care..April
• United States
10 Aug 09
For me, four months would be too early to date. I thing six or even eight months is a good period of time. It shows that you loved that person enough to honor them by not moving on too soon. But that doesn't mean he can't go out with friends and hang out with a group of people he likes. I have heard that men usually date and remarry sooner than women. Because they are less emotional I guess. But it would depend on that particular individual. The main test I think, should be he can go on a date if he doesn't compare that person to his lover and be able to see the date as their own person. But I've not been in this situation so I don't have personal experience. Hope our answers help you.
• United States
10 Aug 09
My family has lost many people through the years and most of them hold to the one month for each year they where with the person, should go by before dating, though many wait at least a year. Healing cannot be rushed even if the person doing the healing hopes it can