I'd like to know.....

I feel that you should be internally strong to stand against the tide and the family does play an important part of emotional attachment and support.But still a man is born alone in this world and he has to face the world alone.

The only opinion that matters is yours. I have always said that and I will continue to say that and it's my quote. - Who cares what they think of you or your life. It's just that YOUR life. You can make it without your family. If they want to be in your life great but it won't kill you if your on your own. Show them that you are independent and can make it in the world. Stand up and make your splash in this ocean of opportunity. And don't you don't hate yourself with him, no that's not right you hate the person you've become because of him. All of that can change, it's just up to you and you alone. Goodluck!

I would not want to keep other people happy at the expense of my very own happiness and well being

Yes, people can and do make it on their own without their families but it is much easier if you have their love and support. I think you need to talk to your family and let them know just how bad things really are between you and your husband. Maybe they are not really betraying you but feel that things could be worked out in your marriage. I'm not sure just what your situation is but have you done all that you can to try to work things out? Anyway, you have to do what is the best for you. You are the one that has to live with your choices, not your family.

If your family are not giving you the support you require then i think you have no choice but to do it alone as hard as that may be! Do what you need to do tell them if needs be but take some time to sort yourself out then reconnect with your family once you are settled at a time like this you need support and i find those who cant help are those best avoided good luck x

Hello Doglady112! Wow, I feel like I am talking to one of my best friends. She is in the same situation as you. I tell her all the time the same thing I am about to tell you. My friend, life is way too short to think about others. You have to do what's good for YOU, what makes YOU happy. Your mother is not the one living with your husband, YOU are. So, if anything she needs to support her daughter in her adult decision. My friend's mother tells her the same thing. You can't support yourself, what about the kids. Wait until kids finish with school. I say to that BS, you are an adult and if you are not happy, just get out and make yourself happy. Because if you don't do it, nobody else will. I hope and pray you make the right decision. And always put yourself FIRST! :) Take care my friend and happy mylotting! :)

You've been calling your mom but she doesn't want to hear what you have to say. If she is pretending that your marriage is fine but you've been telling her otherwise, then you're not benefiting at all by confiding in her. You're looking for support and/or approval to take the steps you need to take but, clearly, that is not going to come from her so it's best that you stop trying for it. When I was divorcing my first husband, my mother actually said to me one day, "Well did you really TRY?" - meaning did I try to save the relationship or did I just give up on it. I was insulted. I had been with the man for half my life at that point (6 years dating then 12 years married). I couldn't believe she could think I'd walk away from that, with 2 kids in tow, without "trying." That's the day she became my mom but not my confidante on those matters. Yes, people can and do stand on their own two feet every day. It's hard as hell sometimes but you have to WANT to. If you are miserable in your marriage, that's reason to be out of it. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't make it on your own. That's for you to do, not them. Prepare yourself emotionally and physically for the challenges you will face and do it. As someone else said, don't take a victim stance in your own life. Take control of it. It's yours.

I think the main problem is that you keep lying to your mom and the rest of your family and making them think things are fine and you're married to a really great guy. Maybe you should go for coffee or something and talk to her and let her know how things really are for you. For years I did the same thing, didn't talk bad about my ex to his parents or mine the whole time I was married to him and they all thought everything was fine. You can make it on your own as long as you set your mind to it, get yourself ready for and know that you're ready to leave.

No do not cut off your family. They will hopefully understand in time. I am sure your mother is only saying what she thinks is best, not fully understanding your position. If your mom is all up in your business that means she cares and loves you. Keep a little distance if need be but don't completly cut her off, and don't lie to her, if it is bad tell her it is bad. The unconditional love of a mother is hard to match.

Family in most cases wants the best for us. They do or say things based on the motivation of love. But marriage life is complicated, and only you, your husband and children are the only people who sees what is really happening inside your home. No matter how we try to make other people understand, they will not always see it the way we do. If I may suggest, I would say be honest with them just so that they know what you are up to. If they don't get it. You can decide on your own. Be strong and prove to them that you can do it. Although, I believe in keeping marriages. I don't fully know your situation. I trust that you have a real good reason to separate with your husband.

Don't stay where you are not happy. I've been divorced and my mother made me feel bad too, but she did not live in the situation I was in or know the whole depth of it. But I would have to say I was honest with her about everything and did not lie about anything. I know she wanted to hear that her daughter was fine, mom's are like that. They don't want any unhappiness to come to a daughter. I don't know the whole story of what is going on between you and your family, but I sympathize with you that it is hurting you and your self esteem. Been there before. But like the other posts, you need to stand straight and approach life as it comes. None of us have it easy with anyone but ourselves. I am my own best friend and it will stay that way, as nobody knows me, like me. It is still hard to not talk to your mother because there will always be a bond there; she gave you life. But my best suggestion is when you do call your mom, talk about something else that is joyful and deal with your problems yourself. You just need to take it one day at a time to get yourself stronger and have a positive attitude. Start hanging around positive people that will build you up. I am sure you are a great person, but do you know you are is the question.

I would have to write a book to tell you all the things that are on my mind about your situation. I did get divorce sometime ago and I am doing better that fine. I put myself through college twice and am going back right now. I am not going to tell you that it will be easy, it will not, but it doesn't have to be the end of your world either. You stand in front of your mirror, as I did, and ask yourself some serious questions, then you answer them and stick to the plan. One of my answers to my questions was, NO MORE BABIES, I had two at that time. I now have two grown children and never had an abortion. In other words, I stuck to the plan. I knew that they deserved to the best life that I could provide and having more babies would hinder our progress. As for as your family goes, you need to decide whether your relationship with them is a toxic one. If it is you may need to seperate from them until you are strong enough to be around them and forgive them for their, what you call, betrayal. Where there is life there is hope. Using positive strategies, you can make a new life for yourself.

I'm sorry that you are in a situation where you feel that you have to lie to your mother rather than tell her the truth about what it really happening in your marriage. I don't think that lying to her will help your relationship with her and allow your family the opportunity to support you. On the other hand, I'm sure you have reasons for feeling betrayed by them, so you might be making the best choice for your particular situation. It is difficult to say. I do know that it is possible to stand on your own without the help of your family. It is a lot easier to do if you have good friends, but it can be done without them, too. You just have to work hard and be strong. The fact that you have a social worker to help you will make it easier, and it gives you someone to guide you along the way. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that your family will decide to support you no matter what you decide to do.

People can stand on their own without their family's help of course.the key is the confidence and courage,I wish you success.

hi, i know exactly u feel... i have been in that situation once and it was hard for me. I was alone and no one was willing to help me out. I went place to place, not even met a good people but jealous people and bad people. Even I tried to do good thing to them but they still thought im bad. I got out from my ex and moved on my own. I learned a lot from my new life... I know how much value of work and who is good and who is bad around me. I didn't see social worker at all... i just learn how to control myself and think more. (i hate when someone is leaving someone but if you feel like you are not happy at all with him then you have to choose your own way, and I will support you) the main thing you have to do is get everything in order before you go, otherwise you will miss everything up. My situation was, I just have another mail box just for me and my own bank account, my emergency money... etc. hope you will make a good turn here

Actually, everyone is facing this problem as you do, but we all are alive now, and most of us are happy now....why ? Because we do something make us happy. First, I think you need to think about what do you really need ? Do you know what I mean ? Not money, not house, not car, think about it, what you really need. Second, after you know what you really need, try to think about what can you do to get it ? Is it very hard ? Or do you have any problem to get it done ? Third, do it! Just do it, and pray that you will make it. Whatever result is, you will definitely feel good I think. Because you will have done your best to make your dream to be true. Last one, thank god with a peaceful heart.

hello there doglady112 friend. in every decisions of our life, we are always the one to bear the outcome of it all. we need to think a thousand times and to weigh what is the reight thing to do. because if we made any mistakes or bad decisions. there is always no coming back to it. if you really need to separate from your husband, then think all the possibilities. the good and bad effect to it. and also think about your family... are they really of great help to you? do you really need them? always facilitate your feelings and emotions. and choose what your heart tell you. but whatever your decision may be always put in mind they there will be no aches about how it goes. jhelai

as people,their ability is limited,so don't abuze yourself,i can understand your mind,especially as women,they have her owned work and face her family,i found that the pressure is very large as women,there are some trouble for women,somebody could help them,this is not only the matarial and also spirits,this often troble me and make me sad,but i hope that you should talk with your mom and your husband and talk to them your real mind,maybe this can find the right way to sovle your situation,don't let you to face ti yourself ,this only make you sad,you should make attempt to talk with them.

I think family is important to everybody.BUT women can living just by ourself.IF you not happy with him,you shoy away from him.And try your best to live well to prove you are better without him. Best wishes for you

Well,I should say that it is new starting point in you life,it is time you got to make your dicision although I know it is difficult.I think you could always do something for it,at least you could have a try,no matter if you get it done or not.It is just something that we everyone have to do by the age of yours,believe in yourself,belive in life,and God bless you.