Women Remaining Unmarried & Men Remaining Unemployed The Biggest Embarrassment?

marriage - Marriage is inevitable for women and job is a necessity for men
India
August 28, 2009 4:30am CST
IN many societies around the world, unmarried women are looked down upon. She doesnt quiet get the same respect as those who are married. She on her part develops an inferiority complex and starts to shun social gatherings and functions. Unemployed men have a similar problem. They feel shy to appear before their friends and relatives. They become introvert in their nature. Some take to drugs and crime to overcome the pain of rejection and scarcity of money. Is marriage the ultimate for women and job the ultimate for men, for social acceptance?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@patofgold23 (5075)
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
oh my..i am turning 31 and i am unmarried...well i am a single mom...does that mean i will be looked down upon?in some societies... i don't think so .. nor will i let anybody look down on me for that reason... i do respect different cultures though... but iif that happens to me in my own society...boy, I will be so disgusted and pissed! marriage is not the answer to everything. in fact I am on the verge of not wanting to get married------ ever! people will accept you for who you are..not for your marital staus.
• India
29 Aug 09
it depends where ur living. In some societies women get insulted and a social stigma is attached to ummarried women. Ur lucky that u dont belong to such a society thx
• Philippines
29 Aug 09
I guess I am pree... so lucky here..i am so free to express my views anytime, without any restrictions or prejudism...
• Philippines
29 Aug 09
yeah, that is true even others people experiences it and it is very hard for other to admit but is is an annoying truth..even in this modern society where men and women are almost have the ability to rise among the ordinary profession. It is still a fact of life it is lonely to be a spinster or to remain bachelor for the rest of your life here on earth. Aside from loneliness, frequent teasing, lot of pressures from parents, relatives or friends sometimes singles are being pre-arranged marriages, and being pitied for being alone..I have aunties and Uncles who remain unmarried not for the fact that they have not experienced having a relationship or having their own jobs. But, they are destined to be single. Their are instances when they are still not yet over aged, they are being pressure to get marriages but with lack of follow up..this plan quickly fades. Now, they are of the old age, they look back with resentment and even becomes envy of their sisters and brothers who get married. They have children to take care of them and finance their family. Now, they are asking me to get marry and not to be like them. They are afraid of me being unmarried and childless. They says I should not acts choosy and its is really a problem to remain unmarried. Even if you have your own house and have own brother or relatives singles would still feel abandon..This what my spinster Auntie told me and its already too late..then, she says I have still time..A choice to do and it is to find someone who will truly love you and even you never love him. having a good companion is a must especially when you becomes older..
• India
29 Aug 09
yes it is annoying. sarcastic comments being passed and it take some mental effort to ward off the pain of such comments. thx
@jasmeena (850)
• Indonesia
29 Aug 09
Sometimes, i feel embarassed for being single in my 30s (i`ll be 33 this year)..not because i`m too picky, it`s just because i always meet the wrong men!different religion,not open-minded enough et eventhough from the same religion etc..I want to get married but i don`t want to get married because all my firens are married or because i feel under pressure with questions from relatives,neighbours, friends and so on.. What we have to do is to be patient and keep trying and praying..i also sometimes feel desperate, why am i not married?why is it so hard to find the man who loves me and i love him too and my family agrees?What`s wrong with me?those questions keep haunting my mind..
• India
29 Aug 09
yes same here. I am 44 and still unmarried. I love to have my own girl than marry someone who i havent seen before.. yes it painful and this loneliness is killing me. i sometimes go mad thinking about my future. Wish u find u partner soon thx
• Philippines
29 Aug 09
I don't see why people scorn women who are unmarried.it's a difficult choice.it takes a strong personality to live without a partner.I see being unemployed-in both men and women-the biggest embarrassment.as an individual,you have needs and wants.it's a shame if you rely on others for your needs and wants.
• India
29 Aug 09
yes certain societies are controlled my men who make the rules. women are looked down and mocked at for remaining single, especailly in remote areas. While in big cities the trend is changing but still ... thx
@kprofgames (3099)
• United States
29 Aug 09
No. Marriage isn't a trophy. I've known several woman active in their own careers (still date) but don't want the hassel of a husband and children. They aren't looking for the white picket fence and 2.5 kids. They don't see it as a neccessity. As far was an unemplyeed man, here I can see take a toll. Men are 'deemed' the man of the house the bacon winner. So when they are unemployed people tend to think what's wrong with them. Even in a crappy economey with jobs few and far between this is common to look down on a man. I don't think that is fair, but over all - a man is looked down on more for being unemployed over a woman being unmarried.
• India
29 Aug 09
it depends on which culture and nation u live in. In certain countries which follow a traditional lifestyle, marriage for women is a must. If not there is a lot of pain to endure. thx
@meapas (2433)
• India
28 Aug 09
In the case of women it might be true to a certain extent but that too if they are living in the backward areas. In the case of men I have not heard such a problem. Ask V.K.Krishna Menon, A.B.Vajpayee, Dr.Abdul Kalam or going back to history George Bernard Shaw. Men just don't care about such things. Men make rules.
• India
29 Aug 09
For men marriage is not an issue. Job is. it causes the same embarrassment to men as remaining unmarried will do to a women thx
• China
28 Aug 09
such Cultural and social phenomenon dosesnot exist without reasons. As the society develops and the civiliaztion of human beings elvoves, everything willl change.
• India
29 Aug 09
no matter how modernised we are in certain matters we are still the same in some matters .we never change. This is true of customs and traditions involving women where men make the rules. it is sad that women have to undergo this pain and they do it in silence tx
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
yeah, that's sad..but i think for me, Men Remaining Unemployed is the Embarrassment - sad to say too that am one of those.frankly the description of men almost define myself.but am making up to it though. Women Now a days, have other purposes and goals in life. where Love and MArriage is really no longer the Main drive fulfillment of every women. there some who wanted a Lesbian, others wanted to have a child with out a dad and last those who prefer to stick with their careers until their names marked into the history. Women have become competitive now that they have a lot of options to choose. for women, i don't call it an embarrassment, i call it their "choice"..
• India
29 Aug 09
yes its an embarrasment for both. But women feel the pinch more in some societies which are traditonal thx
• India
28 Aug 09
well in india the age old stereotype of looking at men as childbearing machines and men as bread earners has still not changed, preetha! so as long as this attitude is there unmarried women will be looked down upon and jobless men will be ostracized.....but the biggest question is do you see yourself in the same light... if you let yourself be bullied by the society you will be made to take a lot of bad decisions for which again you will be blamed...maybe the woman is looking for somebody specific who will let her pursue her career or maybe the guy is looking for a stable job which will give him a satisfaction of working where he wants... nothing ever comes easily...so logically we would have to wait to get what we want but what happens! some distant relative who is just as jobless as you are comes and makesa comment about how i am still jobless and my father who was all trusting in me till yesterday starts pestering me... well i tell you what if i listen to him i may most probably be kissing my dreams goodbye...also in the case of men a job is a big issue because it is minimum qualification for marriage... so a jobless guy gets flak from both sides ... it all comes down to what you want to do... and personally o dont think it is so bad being unmarried or jobless....nothing is eternal so if you are patient enough your train will come!
• India
28 Aug 09
yes women are considered kid bearing machines and men are bread winners. But the trend is changing. no matter how much we advance our stone aged style of thinking will never diminish one bit. we are what we were 100 years back. But to look at the positive side of an unempoyed man being hounded, this will keep him under constant pressure to keep trying, lest he fall into bad habit and become a vagabond in life thx
• Philippines
28 Aug 09
I don't know about your culture, but in my country, if a female is still single, they enjoy the most of their life, they party a lot, they mingle a lot because they have freedom to do so and no one is limiting them to have fun. All to what you have said is the exact opposite of what is life in our country. When a female is single, she is not supervised or limited to her actions because no bf can limit her of what to do. Single women here in my country are many, they have good careers, they enjoy life to the fullest and there is no such thing as being degraded or people would "AVOID"???? her what is that, a disease??? Being single has no sense of being tied, not yet responsible for anyone like a baby or a husband to take care of. About men who are unemployed, well they drink a lot, they mingle too, but it depends, if that guy is single, still a hype, but if he is married and yet he is unemployed, then that is an embarrassment to him. So all in all, in my own opinion, as I have mentioned, when I try to compare which one is much more embarrassing, i would say, men who are unemployed are much more embarrassing (Hey this is my assessment base on my own country). I don't have anything against male genders. Peace to all.
• India
28 Aug 09
Yes each country has its own set of unwritten social and cultural rules. Ur pehaps lucky in that respect. But in my country parents burn midnight oil to get their daughters of marriageable age married off. At many homes men are hounded for remaning unemployed thx
@lingye (57)
• China
28 Aug 09
If you are just an ordinary person, do things that most people are doing, live a common life like others, and get earnings that just arround the average level, no one is likely to tell aboat you. As long as there is some disdinction, suspicion and talkings comes. Maybe not only marrage and jobs.
• India
28 Aug 09
yes u have a point. Most marriages dont happen because we keep high expectations and most are unemployed looking for white collar jobs which dont come easily. If we are willing to come one step down then i think we can still solve most problems in life thx
@bvijayks (137)
• India
28 Aug 09
ya ya ya these are the things which each and every one faces. my advice is lets not bother about it and let the things go on and try to give ur best shots in real life and iam sure each and every one has got his own day so it maight come a bit late but it will come a day
• India
28 Aug 09
yes its a good attitude to ignore society. But it hurts more when the near and dear ones join in to criticise such people thx
@chaitra001 (3278)
• Bangalore, India
28 Aug 09
Hi preethaanju you are right.. if the girl is not ready get married also people around her speak a lot of things and make rumours and gossips on the girl and in a way make her to feel very down and inferior.. Same comes for an unemployed boy.. So to please the society the girl might agree to get married though she is not interested and the boy goes for some job which is not fit for his qualification..
• India
28 Aug 09
yes its hurting. My brother is an engineer and was unemployed for 2 years . When relatives came he used to hide on roof top to escape their strange questions thx
• Malaysia
28 Aug 09
hi preet i have to agree with you on this ... i have personal experience to the first one me and hubby were lovers for 14 years, his family did not approve of me while i was not willing to let go of my husband .. all those years, my parents got so much of comments that they cried to me, they even went to begging to my husband to marry me .. (not that he did not want but the respect for the family) People around my parents started rumours of me .. made them sad and cry, every function they attended i was a topic of discussion, they were giving solutions to them on how to handle me ... Now that i am married it did not end, as now they are talking about me not having a child yet after 3 years of marriage It is pain dear ... real pain cheers
• India
28 Aug 09
yes its painful. society never stops speaking ill of women and men in such positions and its fun time for them...thx