Happiness and Kids...

Kids... - Kids...
@twoey68 (13651)
United States
September 10, 2009 6:07am CST
Most ppl will say that having kids is one of the greatest things in life and some will say they are glad they never had any. When you have a child, you teach it, nurture it, raise it and hopefully they turn out as a well adjusted adult that you can be proud of. However, there are some kids that turn out to be constant sources of headaches, heartache and grief. They get into trouble constantly and it seems like there’s nothing you can do for them. I’ve known kids that have lied about their parents to the point of their parents going to jail…just so the kid could get what they want. I’ve known ones that steal everything their parents have after they’ve tossed their parent into a nursing home. Some have accused their parents of horrible things only to come back later and admit they lied. When I was young, my main goal in life was to get married, have kids and live happily ever after. Then I got my wake up call…my first marriage was a nightmare, a few years later I found out I’d never have kids and I realized that happily ever after is a state of mind. Thankfully over the years I’ve learned to accept things…I finally have a good marriage and I’m mostly content with my life. I’m actually happy now that I never had kids. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate kids or anything…I just think that God had his reasons for not giving me any. I like not having to be responsible for another human being and not having to worry about what will happen to them after I’m gone. Are you still happy you decided to have kids? Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like without them? How would you feel if your child turned against you after you spent years raising them? [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
16 people like this
39 responses
• Australia
10 Sep 09
I have 5 adult sons who were all well behaved as children, topped their classes at school, and all gained at least one university degree. They all have top level jobs, married their ideal girl, and are happily married. Three of them have given me five grandchildren and I'm looking forward to more. Yes, I am most thankful. If you had painted this picture of my future when I was younger, I would have laughed - well, probably scorned. I don't recall ever laughing. I was physically abused by my oldest sister, and abused in all four ways by my father and two step fathers. My mother? I think she just didn't know how to love, having been an abused child herself. I grew up a very definite man hater, so any thought of marriage and children was completely out of the question. I had no friends. Having been told every day of my life, for 22 years, that I was totally evil; that no one would ever want me, and that I should do the world a favour and kill myself, it was an impossibility for me to make friends. Everyone hated me. I became very religious but it did me no good. Eventually I decided to become a nun and applied to be accepted into an orphanage convent. I was to become a novitiate early 1959. In June 1958 my life changed dramatically. Through a number of miraculous events, I heard the Gospel for the first time. I became a Christian and I knew peace for the first time in my life. That is another story - a continuing story. It wasn't long before I met a man - the first man I had ever trusted in my life. Less than two years later we married and now after almost 50 years of happy marriage we are so thankful for our wonderful family. How would I feel if one turned against me? Devastated, but I know it won't happen.
3 people like this
• Philippines
12 Sep 09
what cloudwatcher shared is very inspiring and heartwarming i cant help but followup a comment. God listens and answers prayers. I had been married for 18 years, not so happy but blessed with God's grace to be patient and be loving wife and mother as i could be. Now on my second marriage, I am truly blessed with the man God gave me to love for the remaining years of my life. we have our kids from previous marriages, but that doesnt change how we feel towards the big family that we now have. and soon we may be grandparents expecting by February my first grandchild.
• United States
10 Sep 09
You must be talking about my daughter when you said "I’ve known ones that steal everything their parents have after they’ve tossed their parent into a nursing home." I just thank God for the unconditional love I get from my pets. I have a magnet on refrigerator door that says "When I die the dog(s) get everything" That sentence, in my case, is not a joke but the truth!
3 people like this
@laglen (19779)
• United States
10 Sep 09
I think thats great that your content and I agree that happiness is a state of mind. I have one child, I would not trade for anything. However - she is now a teen ager and have thought of trading her for a lamp or something. I had it very easy for a long time, now I am paying for it! lol But I wouldnt change it. I agree HE has a plan for us.
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
10 Sep 09
There are times when I wonder why I had kids. For the most part my kids who are all grown, were fairly good but typical. I, like you, only wanted to be a wife and mother. For what I got out of it, I don't really think it was worth it.It was a lot of work and some heartache raising children. I hoped that they would grow up to be what I thought was good. But their ideas and mine were different. I have been know to say (kidding of course) I should have raised dogs. I wanted two kids since I was an only child. I ended up with 3 (two were twins). I love my kids and grandkids, but, I just don't know...But on the other hand, right now if I did not have kids I don't know where I would be since I'm living with them since my separation.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Sep 09
When I was 7 , I decided Never to have kids and I haven't changed my mind.I Never saw kids as a form of happiness. I know I never had the patience or the desire to raise kids. The Baby I want is my age and not too tall and has dark hair and a English accent.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31647)
• United States
10 Sep 09
Children are one of the greatest joys in life. Some of us can't have children and I think God has other work for those people if they will turn their energies to discover it. Perhaps this post will make someone think, raise their future children differently or change their methods, and that might be part of your job. I raised my children to belief that family is the most important thing in this world. We are loyal to each other, support each other and do anything to preserve our honor. They value family over material things although my youngest (20yrs old) lives with his dad and is being influenced by his materialism a little. I've no doubt he'll be okay, though, and realize what really matters. So I wasn't afraid of my children turning on me. It has to start the day they are born and they see that they are the most important thing in life to you.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84071)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Sep 09
It's a sad fact that sometimes you can do everything right and the child will still turn out bad. So far I have no regrets at all. I really enjoy my kids most of the time and so far they are turning out to be good people.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Sep 09
Hi twoey -- I have one daughter. I had wanted a child since I was about 13, so I was happy when I got pregnant. My boyfriend and I were living together. After about 3 or 4 months I was still having my period. I thought that I must be one of those impregnable women. Ha! Anyway, my boyfriend left town and I thought I'd never see him again. I was planning on keeping my child no matter what. After he had been gone about a month I heard a knock on the door one evening. He was there and said "Let's get married." I was glad. Although the marriage didn't last, my daughter is still here. She's 45 now and just moved in with me on August 5, since her marriage didn't last and she'd unemployed. She's my family, besides my sister. I love her, yet I am stressed because of the added expenses (food, utilities, and little things she needs). I'm also stressed because she's been on a project of decluttering my messy home. Even though I'm happy with the results, I wouldn't have done the work if she hadn't been here. My refrigerator used to just have a few things in it. Now it's so full, it's necessary to move items out so I can get to what I want. I don't like that! I've never wondered what my life would've been like without her. There was a period of estrangement for 2 years. I cried about that with my therapist. Her husband didn't want her to have contact with her family because we were "bad" for her. Then when they were going to get a divorce, he came over to my place to get a feel for how I would treat her. I told him I'd give her a big hug and be happy she was back in my life. A couple days later she came over and we renewed our relationship. It looks like I'm writing a story here, so I'll stop now.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
19 Sep 09
Hi twoey68 I can understand where you are coming from. I have three children and could never imagine life without them, the mere thought of it makes me feel quite sick. I am going through a troubled time with 2 of my kids right now but I am taking steps to sort it. It is very mild behaviour problems but I am on my own with them and it is hard. They are good boys most of the time, they don't steal, they are well mannered and don't fight with other children, they just push the boundaries now and again it's just that two of them are doing it at the same time and pushing hard! I think you feel the same way about children as I do having a man live with me, I don't want another child to look after hahaha
@blackbriar (9080)
• United States
17 Sep 09
To be honest, twoey, I never ever planned on having kids. When I became pregnant, I actually thought about giving the child up for adoption. But, after thinking about it, I decided to keep her and try to raise her best I could even thou I knew I shouldn't being my temper is really bad. She's now 11 yrs old and finally learned not to push mommy's buttons so she doesn't get yelled at or worse. Yes, I struck her and got called on but it was a blessing because I finally got the help I needed in controlling my firey temper. Now I can handle most anything w/o exploding into blind rage. If I could go back in time, I would of found a way to make sure I couldn't have kids cause I could of killed my own daughter if my hubby wasn't here to stop me. A nightmare I'll never forget. I pray she doesn't turn against me later in life when I eventually will have to depend on her for help but I wouldn't hold it against her if she did for I wasn't a very good mother for the 1st 8yrs of her life when she needed me the most.
• United States
15 Sep 09
How many will be truthful when answering this! I, too, thought my role in life was to be married, have kids, be the stay at home mom, do the house cleaning, while hubby supports the family. HA! How dissappointing life can be! Was married, have been divorced for 29 yrs. Refuse to even think of Marriage again. Why would I want to do it again after such a rotten first try...lol... Have one son... Love him dearly, but the pain of seeing him experience life is not something I would ever want to go thru again. If I could do it over again, I would've became a nun! lol
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
14 Sep 09
I only have one child. I did not want to have any at all but it happened. I really would not go back and change a thing. I will be happy if she has children of her own also. I would be so sad if my child turned against me.
@magikrose (5423)
• United States
13 Sep 09
You know I have thought about how my life would be diffrent if i never had kids but then i realise that for me my life would be boring. Dont get me wrong for those who dont have kids and have an exciting life i commend you. For me tho, my kids bring variety to my life. I have 4 beautifull children and each one brings a little something diffrent to my life. My oldest is my only boy and he is my jokster, my girls are all diffrent in many ways, I have my tomboy, my girly girl, and my girl in the middle. I wouldent change a single thing about my life or how I went about it because to change one thing would mean possibly the loss of one of my children and I dont want that.
@GardenGerty (112611)
• United States
13 Sep 09
I never wonder about what life would have been like without my kids, I would have missed having two of my best friends ever.They are not perfect. Right now I am under a lot of stress because of some thing my son did that was wrong, but I am not sorry to be his mom. My kids are really good people, and smart, as well, most of the time. That contradicts the trouble my son is in. I do regret not having more fun while they were younger.I cannot imagine them turning against me.
@dhinar (1)
• Indonesia
12 Sep 09
Iam 23 years old, and never married. But I dream about it, getting married and have kids. Now I live with my sister's family, they have one little girl, 2,5 years old, and I think she is so sweet. I take her in school three times a week, and always get some unpredictable performances there, to watch that little people interact each other. Well, some of the kids in the playgroup are having seriously emotional problem, I must say, that they are always yelling and running around but they still have their something that makes people laugh, right? I think I don't want to live without kids, I mean, who would take care of me when Im old? If God have some reasons not to give me kids, I think I'll adopt some.
@suzzy3 (8355)
12 Sep 09
I think it is down to what life dishes you out,yes no kids.I would have had a career in business,driven a nice car,good clothes from a proper shop.Kept my figure and looked pretty fantastic all the time.As it happens my career fell by the wayside,Never learn't to drive,my clothes come from charity shops mainly.I had my last child sixteen years ago and still fighting my flabby tummy. After saying all that I do not regret having my children or bringing them up ,what a joy.They have had their moments as no kid is perfect but nothing to the degree you have written above,I smacked mine maybe that is why ,I showed them who was boss from the beginning,I also loved them so much and still do.If everyone behaved themselves we went out for sweets or a treat.Marvelled at every success they made of themselves,cryed with them when things went wrong,brought a big bar of chocolate and sat up late eating it with them. Cooked their favourite food,baked cakes with them,painted with them.sat up all night with them if they were unwell or upset.Spent most of my adult life skint,but I do not regret a single thing. If you don't have kids you lead a different type of life.If people did not have kids unless they wanted them and could look after them the world would be a better place.Having kids is certainly a roller coaster and if you cannot cope with that then whats wrong with that.To many people have kids just to shut the parents up and fulfill other peoples needs.That is entirely the wrong reason to have kids because it is expected of them.I am a great beleaver in live your life how you want to.You are obviously a very happy and contented person which is great. As for naughty kids who just will not comply with thier parents wishes and tell awful lies,don't deserve a family and all the fun and love that entails.It would break my heart if I had to deal with a lying ,thief.A good friend of mine has a daughter just like the ones you described in your discussion.We have all supported her and her girl has just come out of temporary care she was gone for five months.We have made it plain to the my freinds daughter if she starts up again we will call the police,we will start proceedings against her outselves as she will not put her mother through all that again,The girl has respected what we have said and is behaving herself,but like we all said we are watching you young lady.The poor mother has three younger children to look after as well.We live next door so we will hear any rows or any abuse of her mother will be reported,straight away.The mother is so grateful to us.We don't interfere but we watch and listen.
@suzzy3 (8355)
12 Sep 09
I am so glad I had my kids it has been a long 35 years of my life bring each of them up with out working full time.I used to work on a farm or house clean so I could take them with me.All kids lie,hide the truth to a certain degree,but not to the point they have cause anyone any harm.Kids who lie about serous things make it harder for the poor little devils that arn't lying,it takes vital resources away from those who really nead it.Not to mention those poor parents being treated so bad,child abusers have a terrible time in prison,not that the real culprits don't deserve it,if you have done nothing wrong what a nightmare.At times I could have happily strung all three of mine up at times.The rest of the time it has been a big adventure that I would not have missed for the world.I respect people who choose not to have kids, everyone is different,after a certain age in my opinion it is reckless to have kids as you get older the patience goes and you don't have enough energy.I know if I had not been blessed with children no doubt we would have been a lot better of.Nicer holidays,staying in a nice hotel instead of our caravan.More free time and hobbies,new clothes,better make-up perfume ect.I sometimes think a career would have been nice,but on the whole no regrets,what is the point of regreting what life has given you.My kids love me and thats good enough for me,that is all the reward that is necessary.
11 Sep 09
I agree with those people, having kids is one of the greatest things in life. Wow, I believe you are one strong humanbeing (based on what you wrote above)! But however, I agree with you. Having kids sometimes is just source a lot of problem. But remember that you make them, you take them, and you risk them. That's actually simple thing. By having kids, you should already know that they can be nice, better than an angel, or bad worse than an evil.
@onlydia (2808)
• United States
11 Sep 09
How would you feel if your child turned against you after you spent years raising them? Well I would kick his behind and if I couldn't I would never speak to him again. But I have enjoyed raising my son and if I had not had him. I really don't believe that I would of ended up owning my own home or being as responsible as I am today. So I thatnk God for my son and every day he is here with me. Your friend onlydia
@scififan43 (2437)
• United States
11 Sep 09
I am not yet married nor do I have kids of my own. I do want to have my own children someday. I do have this current relationship whith a great lady with two kids of her own, so I may be looking at step children soon. they do have there share of problems but I accept them just the same. they are precous. I do wonder what they will be like once they are older. I hope that they will turn out to be well ajustied in life wonce they are older. what ever changeles awaits with them I will simply have to deal with it when the time comes.