Arranged MARRIAGE?/ Love MARRIAGE?:

Two family bonds together - Two souls get together......and brings love to its whole society.
India
September 10, 2009 9:22pm CST
I am in an arranged marriage,where I feel it is the only way where one is committed to love to his/her spouse as well as to the others members of the family and then to the society and then putting an example for the younger generation of our society. On the other hand those who do not go for arranged stuff are taking an undue advantage from the society and doing nothing for it as well putting a bad precedence in-front of our kids(the building blocks of our country),these are the people who unknowingly doing a great harm ......
4 people like this
21 responses
@se7enthbird (8313)
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
welcome to the wonderful world of mylot. i married for love and we are married for 7 years already, before we get married we are under a relationship as bf/gf for 3 years. if the arrange marriage is a good way for you and your culture then i have nothing against it. as long as you are a good wife/husband then there is nothing wrong with it. i want to get married to a person i love and i know, although my mom wanted someone else for me to get wed with.
2 people like this
• India
11 Sep 09
Your are very lucky because what you wanted you got it.....and now you are into it for the last 10 years now..... Now its your turn to be Mother/Father and in the future course of time you too might be thinking about yours child's marriage as well where you too might nurture the idea of a future husband/wife for your child,and this very Motherly/Fatherly love for one's child are bound to come into everyone's mind. No culture or boundary can stop such feelings, Its a universal love and affection for their offspring that comes to every Mother/Father.....and this very fact has to be answer in a stubble way or in a proper due manner. Its a gratitude or salute from the children or the young generation, towards the parents and senior citizen....that's all what I wanted to emphasized.They are like a bid banyan tree over our head always blessing us........ Please cherish the relationship with your parents,they don't have anything else except you.......so enjoy every moment along with your parents as much as possible without any expectation from them,one should have an unconditional love for their parents,bring smile to their face,you will be smiling all the way....Your childs are also taking lessons by your conduct. Thanks.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Sep 09
yes of course it does come to my mind that one day my child will get married and i will let him choose the person he wants to wed with. i know the g\feeling of forcing and i really hate it. my mom wanted me to marry a person i dont like, and i went out with that person to know her better for three times maybe but i dont really like her. we have nothing in common. then after a few years a met my now wife. i will never force my child to wed someone i like, i will be here to guide him for thats what [parents are for to guide and to support not to force anything. not following my mom means disrespecting her, i just proved my point and now she sees that who i choose was worth. the girl she was forcing to me was wed 3 times and divorced two times. as of now my mom is half bodies paralayze because of her diabetes and high blood but me and my siblings are with her 100%.
1 person likes this
• India
12 Sep 09
Good luck and take care of your parent as she is half-paralyzed. Thanks for your valuable comments.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
Arranged marriage happen when a girl or a boy is set up by both parents or even by friends or relatives. They are the one who select , especially if the girl or boy is so timid, shy and could not meet a potential partner for being homebody, busy with their work and have no time to socialize. Some are into arranged marriages as you could select a partner who is financially well off and have a comfortable life. While other seek love marriages and everything goes well too..when both mind and heart unite to meet in one goal it becomes successful. Some arranged marriages becomes successful as love develop through their companionship and some marriages fail because they discover their partner is abusive and often neglect them..
2 people like this
• United States
11 Sep 09
I am a rare situation. I was born in the United States, raised in the United States, and do not come from any culture that typically has arranged marriages. I did, however, come from a poor and very conservative family who thought it was the father's duty to arrange a good marriage for a daughter. I was 19 when they tried arranging a marriage for me, and while I liked the man, it was only as an older brother because he was 38. I could not see marrying him and so I rebelled. Now, I am engaged to another guy, and this one was out of love. We're both very poor and there have been many obstacles facing us making marriage nearly unobtainable for us. My family is telling me that if I had just married that other man I would be financially secure by now. It wasn't that I hated the guy, just couldn't see marrying a man twice my age...
1 person likes this
• India
12 Sep 09
Each of the marriage could break apart or can be success as well, keeping this aspect aside,first we have to understand the meaning of Mother/Father as human being(not like the wild animals) the bond that prevails between the parents and the child as a caring family,they bring us into this wonderful world,they feed us,they clean,they teach us and they make us what we are today,if these things are prevailing between the parents and child then their is no question of forcing comes into play,its another way of providing to one's child.......the same phenomenon is being continued from the child's childhood.....why it should be changed?; all of a sudden.....just because the children have became an adult,(being an adult does not mean that one have to go against the parents or society and thereby get into a relationship,forget one's responsibility towards their parents and society) We have to keep in our mind that we are human being and we have responsibilities,and this only happens when the upbringing was as depicted above,other wise get ready for such problems that we are facing now. we too have to be prepared to live in the old-age-home.........
1 person likes this
@sredith (239)
• United States
11 Sep 09
I don't know much about arranged marriage, nor do I know about marrying for love. I married out of necessity and it failed miserably. Now I don't ever want to get married at all. I'm far too concerned with myself to have to answer to anyone ever again in my life. I feel far more productive and that I am a better person when I'm just living for myself.
2 people like this
• India
11 Sep 09
I am really very sorry for that! but remember my friend sredith whenever one doors get closed thousands others betters doors get opened automatically,so don't be disheartened. In one's marriage one does not need to answer the other part,its a mutually benefiting relationship i.e. to say both the partner are committed to each other,but before getting married to someone again the other party had to adjust it out,when two soul gets together both had to understand each other,and do the needful to sustain the relationship in every circumstance,as because after some time it is bound to give both of them immense satisfaction which cannot be comparable to any thing in life then the married life. So I would request you to change your perception stick to it,because that's the only way out in this world in a proper manner.On the other hand lots of people are living just the other way and there is no body to stop you to do so....except your soul,whom you have to answer.......
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Sep 09
I got married aug 1st 2009 , i am madly in love with my husband and to me that was the best day of my life. I have nothing against arranged marriage as i do not judge anything or nobody but i am sitting here trying to figure out what i would have done if i was forced to marry someone else when i love my husabnd so much and .. i could never do that. to me falling in love is the most beautiful thing ever. i love love, and i love being love and i love taking care of him because i want too and not because i have too. I really believe he his my soulmate and i never been more happy in my life before.
• India
18 Sep 09
That's it!!!!Dear MrsWiers, When you are madly in love,there's no time for any sort of examination or retrospection or what's so ever.It should be only love,love and love and nothing else,and i believe either of the marriages can have this ingredient and if love ingredient is there than every marriages will be a success one. Hence one has to be compatible with love love and love and nothing else then only love comes to if one is greedy and look for other aspect other than love then love passes away from us......and nothing comes into our hand.One has to be positive towards love in its entirety and fully committed to it without any sort of prejudice. Thank you for your lovely comments.
• India
11 Sep 09
Love marriages should be encouraged in every society. Arranged marriages should only be used as a last resort. Falling in love with someone before tying the knot is a healthy thing since it is much better to know a person completely and become attached to him or her before deciding to live with the person for the rest of one's life.
• India
12 Sep 09
I wants to bring you a situation about a girl who fell in love for a Music-teacher who used to come to her big house,one day the girl left with the guy and got married living happily in a mud house,where both the girl and parents are ashamed to visit each other........keeep your self in that situation either one of them what would have been your reaction...??? Thanks for your valuable comments.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Sep 09
I have seen both sides of the spectrum, and although I am not for arranged marriages, I will admit that it is the choice of the parties involved. I think that people should marry for love because what is a marriage without it? When you love someone, you care for them, you want the best for them, you will do anything to make sure that they are taken care of... you will fight them. Love is so strong. I firmly believe that marriages should be about love.
• United States
12 Sep 09
Do you really love the person that you are with? Would you give up your life for that person? I would do anything for the man that I love. My parents would never force me into a marriage that I did not want to be involved in. They would never make me marry someone that I did not love. My mother and father loved each other, but in the end, they also knew that they were too far apart in age and in ideals. My mother was never married, she did not believe in it because she has seen so many unhappy marriages and she has seen so many marriages fall apart. She says that if I get married, the man that I marry better love me as much as I love him. Our love better be real and strong. He better care for me as much as I would care for him. He better give up for me as much as I would give up for him. Our relationship should be 100% on each end. He has to show it to me. He has to show me what he would do for me. Marriage is serious. Marriage is special. This is the person that you are committing yourself to for the rest of your life. I have felt true love and I have felt true passion. Ever had a crush? It feels like your heart is ready to race out of your chest. When my boyfriend walked into the room for the first time, I went pale and my heart was ready to escape my body. I wanted him so badly. I never knew what all those love songs meant until that very moment. Love is powerful.
11 Sep 09
I absolutely despise the idea of an arranged marriage. The woman is basically a slave for them man whilst the man goes off and has an affair and also arranged marriages tend to be very abusive and controlling. I am glad that in the Western world we do not have arranged marriage.
• India
18 Sep 09
Either of the marriages could be a success or a night-mare!!!!It does not matter which culture one comes from,both the aspect has its negatives as well as positives of its own...... One must not forget that we all human beings are the product of the pre-previous generation when only arrange marriages were the norm of that age what ever may be the culture one used to be...... Only after a solid foundation are laid then only the experiment could be carried out where by one at least have the solace to fall back to the previous custom from which we all are the product of today,very eager to experiment.So one should be very careful about the fact that our grand grand parents used to do......what was the social setup at that time. We are human beings,and not animals we have to carry all the goods forward for the next generations and hand it to them so the this entire eternity goes on and on with love and only love. Thanks for your comments.
@Ddraig (12)
11 Sep 09
I am from a White cultureless background.I search constantly in the histories of other cultures and respect them very much. I understand the stigma that the people who do not even try to learn the facts of another culture,and then take the worst example they can find,do harm that culture. There is good and bad in every situation.But as I have heard that some people are going back to the idea of arranged marriage when they have free will to choose their own speaks for itself. Some people think they are falling in love ,but it is just lust.Sometimes burning out too late when there are children and other family members involved. An arranged marriage can merely be parents recommending someone they know of as a good prospect and the recipient can always refuse if they wish. It is forced marriage that has given arranged marriage a bad name.But ignorant people want to learn the difference between the two.
• India
17 Sep 09
Why the question come into ones mind of choosing,why can't one be faithful to his/her parents???? this very notion brings the negativity in our relationship with our parents....and get into a new relationship without consulting with our older-generation....don't you find some sort of missing......link of ones bond with ones own blood????why this insult is being fated out to the parents all of a sudden.....this question is to be answered first. Either of the marriages could be a success or total failure.......and so too their could be many such reasons....and it becomes one to one society and no involvement of the family or relatives on the whole of the society. Thanks for your lovely comments.
• India
11 Sep 09
be it arranged or love marriage whats important is respect and commitment towards the institution of marriage. both the forms have their plus and negative points. its not fair to say that only arranged marriage is good example before the society while love marriage is wrong . i think there are many cultures where the children have the freedom to choose their partners .i don't think the kids in such societies are lesser cultured than the societies advocating arranged marriage. its completely biased .
• India
17 Sep 09
Dear neo_matrix, first of all I must make it very clear that I haven't brought up this topic to diminish any culture or society what soever it is...... We are as a human being are straight way deviating from our earlier culture,suddenly with the Time...... Now days we presume that we are more cultured and educated,and this is the aftermath of the so called cultured and so called educated ones,that we have destroyed the serenity as well as our richness of relationship,the association that we used to have during the days of our great-great grand parents.....they were more humane more satisfied generation more loving more caring they had a gem of a life. Now days we are running like a machine and still cannot find a little morse in our life even though we have lots of Money,cars,houses and so on but still not satisfied as much as our grand parents used to be....... why is it so??? because of our materialist nature..... I must give my whole-Hearted thanks to you for your lovely comments.
@doryvien (2290)
• United States
11 Sep 09
Hi rocket, I think it varies from culture to culture. For those who grew up in a society where arranged marriage is a normal course, people have been conditioned to the idea and most probably it will result in a successful marriage. But for those have been raised differently, spending life with the person not of his/her own choice could mean hell, and chances are, marriage will fail. As for me, I married for love and I am a happy wife and a mother, I have no regrets so far.
• India
17 Sep 09
First of all a standing ovation to you and everyone those who are Mother!!!!....Yes you are very right those who are born and brought up in such society are very lucky where arrange marriages are still in favor....in the same way it does not mean that the other culture are very negatives ones. The culture are made by we humans beings, according to our needs or according to the our surroundings,prevailing at that Time...... Again we must not forget the fact every culture at its beginning had the same traditions and base......with time everything have suddenly started to disappeared in the thin air.....and it became so more and more because of our greed and negativity in our thought,habit,culture etc. It is very sad we are pushing our older generation into annihilation,and this will be our fate too in the coming days,in the name of high society,educated ones,successful and so on...... I,truly admire your thoughts and I am thankful to you and your lovely comments.
@adityalk (45)
• India
11 Sep 09
well i be more off with love marriage because i feel that there has to be love between you and your partner not much like a eminent thing. two person in love can understand each other pretty much and can live happier than the person who scarified his life for the society. so no arrange marriage.
• India
17 Sep 09
How come the question comes into one's mind that arrange marriage is a sacrifice one(it is only true---when one is already into a illicit relationship,because he/she has not told about it to his/her parents or the society before going to a arrange marriage)while the love is a straight way love affair??? Isn't it possible for a girl or a boy to be by themselves,and not at all concerned about the Testosterone and Estrogen!!!! and it is only after the arrange marriage they begins their life in a proper way with the blessing of their individual parents,and in this situation What I belive that love is more mature and intense as well. Thanks dear adityalk,for you lovely comments.
@jenlex79 (257)
• United States
11 Sep 09
I've always believed in making your own choices in life, some people don't get that oportunity. I'm not puting anyone down, but I'm glad that I get to decide who I marry. I could not imagine marrying someone I don't know, but I suppose it is the equivalent to dating then falling in love.
• India
15 Sep 09
Dear jenlex79,I do not understand suddenly why should i do something behind my parents or in some cases away from the friends as well,why this negative attitude??? till now i have been doing it along with my parents......and now i changed my track....with the perception that with whom i am ()are going to be rejected by my parents????why this type of notion about one's parents suddenly arouse into ones mind is to be answered first.....why that mistrust....why can't i make my parents involved into such situation??? is also to be answered.....and if the answers are in negative sense then it is not the parents to be blamed it should be me or myself to be blamed. Both of the marriage are always welcome fact....but if one takes prior approvals or make their parents as the party to it I think it is the best thing that happens on the earth. Do not alienate one's parents from one's life that too when the same person is going to take an important decision.......where love is the most important factor.LOVE IS LOVE which does not teach us to get separated from one's root and then get attached to some other branch. Thanks for your lovely thought that you have shared with the mylotters.
@vandana7 (90307)
• India
11 Sep 09
Hi rocket2020, I beg to differ. For some love marriage may suit better, for others arranged marriage may be a better option. And here it is a question of four individuals. Therefore, both u and ur spouse should feel arranged marriage is fine. If one of u feels differently, then it can again be a source of unhappiness. People from society like uncles and aunts, and people who were the go in betweeen for the alliance in arranged marriage, feel morally obliged to see it work otherwise they could end up with a guilt for broken marriage. A similar feeling of responsibility towards love marriage does not exist. That is the reason people in love marriages are left to fend for themselves at every step. Extreme maturity is a must in at least one of the partners in either cases. I read somewhere, patience in woman, and wisdom in man makes any marriage work. And I think those who can make the marriage work are intelligent people.
• India
14 Sep 09
Yes dear Vandana7, You are right in all your assumption, either of the marriages had to have love as the core factor,so to run the engine properly,In India we have the age old or rather time tested mature tradition of arrange marriage,hence in case of such tradition the people too are very matured enough to look for or search a partner or suitor.....and for this type of marriages the would be groom as well as the bride has to have the full faith by their knowledge, wisdom etc and never ever have any sort of elements to cheat upon your parents.....just have patience and wait for the right moment......if one is right then the right person will also comes into his/her life as well. Thus for this one has to be very clean aspect mentally and spiritually and firm believer on the tradition,otherwise its your attitude that make or breaks first one has to assesses himself,that why all of a sudden one jumps into the love affair.....first answer this very fact then ponder upon it......why this change of mind that too against one parents after the age of 09 for girls and 12 for boys,why this becomes your priority No.one????suddenly and even if it becomes so....shouldn't one has to have restrain and look after other factors in life rather then naming the whole episode as love..... Thanks for your lovely thoughts.
@VANILLAREY (1473)
• India
11 Sep 09
If both the families know each other well or at they know the boy and the girl, then its fine to have arranged marriage. There has been incidents where the boy/girls family cheated or hid medical history from the other family. This creates problems, so I am not completely in favor of arranged marriage. If there is love between the boy and girl there is no need to show it off in public. They can meet each others family and get married the traditional. I have seen couples do that. This way the couple and their families are happy.
• India
13 Sep 09
Your are (VANILLAREY) very right after all at the end it should had to be a success that's the whole idea. Its been noticed that whenever the bad things happened to any of the party it becomes very pathetic to either of them and most of the time its the female who gets all........ You have given the right formula to live happily, one cannot live without your parents and its like living with God...... Thanks for you lovely thought.
@piya84 (2584)
• India
11 Sep 09
I guess you are form India or may be from south Asia where arrange marriages are part of culture.I wont to tell you that love marriage is not bad thing and in fact its the only good way to commit someone.Arrange marriage is old custom and as day are passing this concept is going to outdated.
• India
13 Sep 09
Dear piya84, you are on target yes I am from India.I am not at all against the love marriage brigade..... love should be always be the only essence of either of the marriages. Either of the marriages could be put into through the question mark.On both the case all of us can provides lot of negatives points as well, but one cannot denied the fact whichever cultures or community you go through the TIME aspect in every culture or community the base was arrange marriage,just peek into the past,and without any bias you too will relish the goods of the arrange marriage. New concept is always full of gamble because their is no such experience... where the female gender mostly falls into prey.....and that's why it should be doubled checked before going to the new age concept. Thanks for you comments.
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
i prefer love marriage. I only know a bit about arranged marriages and what i actually knew about it is that some parents with a Chinese/Japanese descent and who actually are into their traditions would arrange marriages for their children for business reasons or something.
• India
13 Sep 09
Everyone looks for better side out of life and there is no harm if one is going for a arrange marriage with a particular man or girl and after marriage they can easily do the same sort of things what others do like a the people who first get into love affair and then get into a marriage. Its very bad of those traditions where business is the main criteria and not the people souls,In such case the marriage is neither a arrange nor a love at all,its just an adjustment. In India too we have the tradition of very good mix of arrange marriage in the middle class families but not just for business but for a good will gesture from the parents side,and when this type of positive gesture is shown by their children it becomes whole new lot of satisfaction, because falling in love before marriage is also falling to prey to the unknown world where one does not know what type of the guy or the girl is off,and only after the marriage the realize their wrong decision,from where they cannot come out and even if one comes out....the scare mark remains throughout her/his life...... Its a great gamble and generally after the arrange marriage if successful it becomes more fruitful and charming when compared to the love marriage success. Thanks for your lovely comments.
@Juli_angel (1063)
• Israel
11 Sep 09
to me, arranged marriage is a violation of free will. even though I am against marriage altogether, it seems to me that the choice to spend all one's life with someone else should be one's own. only that person can choose who to spent it with, and I can't see how this is a good example for kids to follow.
• India
12 Sep 09
The wheel of natural science is always on and it does not matter whether we give due respect to it or not.Survival of the fittest will survive in this harsh world no matter whether you are a (lesbian or a gay).One has to follow the rules of nature and it is better to follow the rules that have been in existence for ages,we are novice to this world;and we are yet to find out the world where you like to be the example of AGAINST MARRIAGE. Juli_angel I will be with you whenever you wants me to be so..... you are a total opposite of the law of nature,and I am very much encouraged by you lovely thoughts,Thanks.
@asweetie (1187)
• India
11 Sep 09
hi rocket, marriage is a marriage be it arranged or love. You have same responsiblities and same duties in both. If you want to have a good happy married life then you have to work real hard for your marriage otherwise marriage falls apart be it love or arraged. I have seen mostly my older generation in arranged marriage and have seem some marriages gone bad because both spouses didnt work hard ...same way love marriage too dont go the distance if the duties which come with marriage are not fulfilled.
• India
11 Sep 09
My personal opinion regarding love and arranged marriage is that in an arranged marriage the parents and the relatives who arrange for the marriage are held responsible whereas in love marriage the man and the woman who intend to marry are responsible. In love marriage both the partners know about each other considerably that a bit of understanding can take the marriage a long way whereas in arranged marriage it takes time for the couple to know and understand each other and sometimes they never understand leaving room for misunderstanding and rifts which makes the married life bitter. But basically the mutual understanding and the love and confidence between the partners makes the marriage a success setting a good example for the younger generation.
• India
12 Sep 09
We all of us are on a stage show where we have to perform in a right spirit so that the next generation gets the inspiration to perform their act when it comes to them,you are very right that the marriage depends on the mutual confidence and mutual understanding and only then the marriage stay on the right track,no matter its a love or arranged one. Very very thanks for you lovely thoughts to the topic which we dealt with it everyday in our life......
@robert19ph (4583)
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
hello rocket2020, some say that two families arranging the marriage of their children so their wealth will be intact to themselves. They don't like that their wealth will be shared to someone they don't know. That's why there is an arrange marriage. Not really sure if that is true, but whatever their reason/s just hoping that the couple will ended up in a happily ever after. cheers to you and your partner.
• India
12 Sep 09
No cheers to me or my partner,cheers to the society where everything is been taken in a right spirit,Cheers to the parents who keep on providing to the children for ever no matter what their child do to the parents. We are here just because of them its may be an arrange or love after all its Marriage that's been gifted by the senior generation to us. Thanks for your lovely thoughts.
1 person likes this