I know you never loved me.....

@jillhill (37379)
United States
October 21, 2009 12:00pm CST
Today I ran across some letters that were sent to me when my last relationship ended. I cried. I wonder how I could have ever thought I loved someone that would actually say those things to me...I don't know now if I was just in love with the idea of being in love at the time....or if I actually ever loved him either. Some place in my heart I still feel a tug when I think of him or hear his name but after reading the letters I wonder if he even loved me a little bit......or just used me for whatever reason. Have you ever wondered if you really loved someone or if you were just in love with the idea of being in love? When you look back do you get a different perspective of how the relationship really was?
7 people like this
16 responses
• United States
22 Oct 09
It took some time but I now know it wasn't love with my ex too.I thought I was in love but it wasn't love.It just ended.I will never know why. At first everything reminded me of him or a talk we had but now I can hear his name and I feel okay. I have fond memories of him but I know it couldn't been real love because it didn't take me that long to over it.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
Strange isn't it? I think we get caught up in the moments of the relationship!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 09
All of it was a huge surprise!And it got heavy real fast. I guess it burned out .
@jaiho2009 (38989)
• Philippines
22 Oct 09
Hello friend, Sometimes,it really hurt us to think that we had love someone and doesn't love us the same impact as we did. Don't be sorry or don't feel sorry about it my friend. He may love you,or he may doesn't love you like what you think,but,what is important...in every relationship,as long as we know that we had given our best to make it last or even last forever is a big consolation. Losing someone we love is the name of the game,and it is worth losing someone we love and giving our best,rather then losing someone we love without taking a chance to love and give our best.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
So true and well put!
@jaiho2009 (38989)
• Philippines
23 Oct 09
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
21 Oct 09
i can look back twice at what a fool i was, Jill. i did love them but i know now they didn't love me enough or things would have been different.I hope u weren't hurt as bad as i was but we can certainly learn from our mistakes, huh/ Happy days to u.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
21 Oct 09
THat's for sure! I hope I did anyway.....haven't had anyone since...
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
21 Oct 09
If you are like me u don't want anyone. i never want to go through that kind of hurt again. I'm sorry u were hurt, Jill.
@riyasam (16570)
• India
23 Oct 09
i know jill,i had a similar,i am thankful that i wasnt further duped,all the signs were there but i was in denial.the break-up was painful for me but today i can see that he was using me.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
23 Oct 09
That's the part that hurts the most.....knowing that they were just using you!
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
22 Oct 09
Yes Jill, the same here I know now that I did not love my Ex Husband it was a case I thought I did, I now know what love is and I certainly never felt that for him It is sad really but I know he did not really love me either as you do not treat someone that you love the way he treated me either I think we are both best of without them, It is awful though for him to say that to you Big Hugs to you Jill and much Love
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
Maybe someday we will both have the opportunity to love and be loved..
• Philippines
22 Oct 09
hello jill, for me, i think it would be much more painful if I look back to the things that it could have been. maybe i don't mind if i can just travel back in time and do the right thing for the second time, but that's not possible the only thing i can do is to remember it.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
For sure!
• India
22 Oct 09
Well, I have been into that situation, where I was left thinking, whether I really loved her, or did she ever really love me. These thoughts pulled me deep back, into the past of our relationship. She was my first love, I was so truly in love with her, that it almost killed me when she broke off. I was totaly numb after a few months and then slowly the numbness gave way to pain. The pain actually taught me a lot of things. I came to understand, what true love is. I got to know, that, true love is not holding on to the person you love, even after they left you, but it is in understanding the reason why they left you. Though I never stopped loving her, until this day, I haven't felt angry on our break off. I feel that it was just, as we both are two completely different people and want different things in our life and our present goals are entirely different. I have analyzed the many things we did back then, many a times inside my head and all those times the conclusion that I reached, was, that we loved each other and still do, but its just that, it is much easier to achieve our goals of life apart. Though I am alone right now, and sometimes feel the pain of loneliness, but still I am happy for her, that she found someone else and is currently fighting head on for her life's goals. We still are friends and we still do speak to each other, its just that we ain't in a relationship now. But that's alright, as long as we still achieve our own lives. Take Care
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
Good for you! Your deeper understanding will bless you in your next relationship!
@daliaj (5683)
• India
22 Oct 09
It is sad to think about the letters and gifts which you got from your old relationships. So, it is better to delete all the things from the past relationships, if you don't want to get back into it. It is hard to believe and realize that a person whom we loved a lot have not understood the deepness of your love even afte being together for many years. I'm sorry.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
THank you!
@buping (954)
• China
22 Oct 09
hi jillhill. i can understand you completely. when my ex parted with me, i thought it would be impossible. for we had in love to each other for 5 years. but he parted with me for another girl, and at that time he said much good words about that girl. i was so sad, i thought it was not him that i have known. but after a few months, i am finally ok now.:)
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
Good for you! It hurts though doesn't it?
@maximax8 (30121)
• United Kingdom
22 Oct 09
Hi Jill. When a relationship ends some very hurtful things can be said and in many cases few of the things said are true. When people are hurt they can say some of the most awful things. I dated a man that I met on an organized walk along the White Cliffs of Dover. We had a long distance relationship. It was fine traveling that long distance one weekend and him coming to see me the next weekend. However in the winter we began to not get on very well. It was bitter when we split up. We met up as friends in Staford Upon Avon. We had regretted slitting up but it was too late to get back together. Looking back now all these years later I can see he wasn't as lovely as he seemed.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
I think you are right.......when you look with your head it's so much different when you see them with your heart!
• United States
22 Oct 09
Yeah I have with relationships & friendships. 1 guy I dated I think just liked 2 toy with my emotions for fun I think & with past friendships I have wondered if they had used me 2 get things or something & didn't care. Its something that you can't let yourself dwell on since he is long gone now
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
For sure..I think he was one of those game players......I don't like playing games....especially when it comes to my heart.
@GaryJoule (216)
• China
22 Oct 09
If I were you, I'll throw away all the stuff related to him,leave everything behind and move on. If you were being loved, congratulations, it's your luck. If you were not, sorry, it's his choice, not his duty. why do you have to torture yourself again? just stay away, as quick as possible.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
Good advice.....thank you!
@irene3184 (900)
• Philippines
22 Oct 09
You know what in your posted discussion, that is I am feeling right now. I am in the midst of thinking if I really still love my boyfriend or it is only an idea to still hold time for we spend too much time in our relationship. I also ask myself if he still loves me now because I feel taking for granted already. It's very complicated thing but makes me wonder same with your situation. I really don't know at all but I am really feeling now is I need space.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
THen give yourself some space......
@carolbee (16231)
• United States
21 Oct 09
I had these feelings when I was 15 and first dated my husband. One day thought it was puppy love and the next day thought it was the real thing. Looking back, am not sure what I knew at 15. I did have other boyfriends for a very brief time when we broke up for a couple of years. Never felt the same about the other guys I dated. Now I know it was love since we were engaged at 20, married at 22 and have been married 40 years. It was the real thing. I feel bad you had to go through all the emotions today. Did you keep the letters or throw them away?
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
22 Oct 09
I kept them..but threw out some other things I found I still had from him.....time to let go and move on.....
@katsmeow1213 (28910)
• United States
21 Oct 09
Oh forsure... probably every relationship I've been in (except my current marriage of course). The last guy I was with before hubby... that whole relationship was just stupid!! We were together for over a year. I never once actually felt like I wanted to be in the relationship, and I did spend the entire time actually trying to find someone else to leave him for, but when I'd get too close to someone else I'd find a way to push them away and stay with the guy. I can't honestly tell you what I was thinking. The guy cheated on me, called me terrible names, put me down in front of his friends cause he thought it was funny. Eventually I grew immune to it, I didn't even notice what he was doing anymore. Until one day someone pulled me to the side and said "Why do you let him talk about you like that?" I don't know.. but that was like a lightening bolt! Holy smokes... you mean there is a better way to be treated??? Looking back on it, I guess I was just stupid and not in my right mind. I guess I also had some self esteem issues, figuring I wasn't capable of being alone, or something. Most of the time I just feel like I have no explanation for how I behaved. I'm certain I wasn't in love, and neither was he. But thanks to being in that relationship, I'm much more aware of how good I have it with hubby. He never says anything mean to me, not even when he's angry. Actually this one time he was really stressed out... we were moving and things just seemed to keep going wrong for us trying to move our stuff out. He got so mad he picked up a bed and threw it across the room and started screaming out "I hate....!!!" the bed, the boxes, the move... just about everything. I was sort of chuckling and asked "Is there anything you don't hate?" and even at his most frustrated his answer was "you".
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
21 Oct 09
Good for you!!! I am so happy for you!
@dawnald (84075)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Oct 09
When you look back, you tend to analyze things and see things you didn't see while you were in it. That's normal...
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
21 Oct 09
THen I am glad I am normal! LOL....when you are in it you can be soooo blind!