Internet grooming.
By suzzy3
@suzzy3 (8342)
November 13, 2009 4:27pm CST
This is a sad story for my friend whose daughter has been swept away by a peodophile.The girl is fourteen and the man 31.My friend thought her daughter who has always been a problem was staying at another girls house in the village.The girl always clears off to this friends house normally,this time she was not there,By the time my friend realised she was not there it was about two days.She reported her missing and two days later the police found her nearly two hundred miles away.Thankfully the girl was found.She is convinced the man is her lover and hates everyone for splitting them up.She was found in a hotel room with him with a lap top and camera it does not need explaining what he was up to.The girl is having a pregnancy test and all the blood tests for std's,hiv the list is heartbreaking.You always hear about these poor kids on the news,feeling sick for the parents and the kids,It is not until it comes to someone you know well does the shock become real.I feel sick and numb,seeing my friend who has been knocked sideways by this.she has three other children to care for and she is a divorced young woman.I have seen this girl tear her mother apart with violence and evil doings in the past .This is different no one deserves this,just watch your kids on the internet for goodness sake,never assume they are doing everything right.Having to see my friends shattered face and seeing her pain,is terrible please be careful.
5 people like this
17 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
13 Nov 09
How sad, sue, i'm so soory for your friend & her daughter. Seems to me u had mentioned this girl in a discussion once before. I HOPE THEY PUT THAT SORRY GUY UNDER THE JAIL. yOUR FRIRND IS LUCKY TO HAVE U BY HER SIDE. Have a great weekend.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
17 Nov 09
It's a shame the girl has turned out the way she has. I'm a firm beliver it all starts at home at an early age for children to be displined. So many aren't & bad things happen. Hopefully she will turn her life around.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
13 Nov 09
I cannot think what to say. I am so very sorry for the mother. So very sorry. I hope tht he has been arrested and does big jail time.
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
15 Nov 09
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I have girls right around that age and it really bothers me that your friend is having to deal with this. I have to say that further more..that man should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. I hope your friend pursues that no matter what the daughter says. She has no clue as to the ways of the world yet. I would also be punishing her little tail to the best of my capabilitites.
2 people like this
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
16 Nov 09
The girl has been put into permanent care ,she was in temporary care last year because of her violence within the family.The girl hates her mother as she reported her missing.The mother can do nothing to make the girl press charges as she is fourteen ,if she was thirteen it would be stat rape and kidnap.I could not beleave fourteen,I always thought it was sixteen.
1 person likes this
@punkincat (214)
• United States
14 Nov 09
Just like kids are taught Stranger Danger and to be ware when out playing in the park internet grooming should become a must. Kids should be taught to be careful when on the internet and parents should check the browser history and emails. They should also check up on the phone text.
They training should be for both adults and kids so hopefully they can be kept safe.
Real sorry to hear about for friend hope both the mother and daughter will come together.
@lindiebiz (1006)
• Canada
14 Nov 09
From what I see, your friend is having teenage issues she thiks she has life figured out but in future, she would realize she has made a lot of mistakes. Talk to her and tell her that she has no business with a man who is two times her age all he wants to do is use her. try to get her tell you her problems and tell her mum to try to get her over to her side. This will help her get on track
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
16 Nov 09
The girl has already been in trouble with the police,she is a real problem for her mother.This is her second spell in care for bad behavoir ,she used excessive violence towards her mother and younger siblings ,she has had councilling,social workers,special help at school infact everything her mother could do to help her get back to school and live a good life.Her mother has fought for her rights and tried everthing she can.Her mother says the girl went off with the chap quiet willingly and will not lay rap and kidnap charges against the chap as she loves him.The girl hates her mother for reporting her missing.If she was 13 it would be instant rape charges but as she is fourteen they say it is down to her.What a stupid law that is .sexually responsible at fourteen.I think the girl has mental issues and needs help,but all the doctors say she is not mentally ill. So what can you do.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Nov 09
hi suzzy this is heartbreaking and it happens over and over'almost word for word. what goes on in this family that the girl at 14 would turn to a stranger online? I know from all you'
have said that her mom has been good to her, and the girl'has hit her mom. but yet there are always two sides to a story and wonder what the girl's side would say? Perhaps she has felt left out if the others are younger, I know that problems do not just arise out of nothing, if she hit her mom, what prompted it,if her mom called her bad names,even if she probably deserved them,that could trigger anger. I wou ld think that now the girl is back home that her mom would take her and go to family counseling as there is something that made this girl turn to a man old enough to be her father. Maybe she misses not having a father, maybe she feels left out, something had to go wrong back a few years to turn a nice young girl into a teen brat. I think that divorce is almost as hard on children as it is on adults.Also maybe without meaning to mom might have tried to make her grow up to soon if there are three other kids in the family. its a sad situation anyway you look at it. I feel for the whole family.
2 people like this
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
16 Nov 09
Yes it is a sad sorry situation.No body really knows what to do about her,she probably did turn to this man for love ,as her father is not bothered with her.Loads of kids go through this and not many do what she does,she has not left herself a way out.I always used to give my teens a way out change your ways and if you do you can have those jeans you wanted.Or something like that not always a present but we can get along fine.May be I was just lucky .I remember being very firm and would not take any nonsence if they started up.The girl has had councelling for ages ,social workers, school workers,special workers at school for a year since her last turn out.She was welcomed back home by her mother and other siblings .She actually went into care herself as she found out there was pocket money and everything she wanted.The doctors say she is not mentally ill.so we wait for the next time she wrecks all our lives ,she has control and there is nothing we can do about it.
@captainmorgan (773)
• Canada
13 Nov 09
If the girl knows that her mother thinks of her as a problem, she probably feels unloved. Therefore she is more likely to fall for these guys on the internet who claim to love her, because she is looking for any sort of love she can get.
I am very sorry to hear about this. I'm glad they found her and that she is okay. It happens so often and it really is unfortunate. Thanks for sharing the story.
2 people like this
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
13 Nov 09
Her mother really tries to show her how much she is loved but the girl always throws it back in her face.The trouble is she is loved but she has hit her mother and caused no end of trouble in the recent past.She is a marvelous mother always taking all of them out and giving them treats.If she feels unloved then it is not fare.All that taken in part this has broken her mothers heart,the girl refuses to come home and has chosen to go back into care,it is an awful situation and we all feel so sorry for the girl.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
14 Nov 09
This is a sad story. Your friend sounds as though she is doing it tough having to raise four kid singlehandedly. I don’t know your friend and I am by no means a parenting expert, but part of the problem may be that, aside from the difficult stage of teenage years, the girl may be missing the attention she needs but it is more than likely impossible for her mother to give her more time as a single parent with other children to care for.
I hope the pervert the kid was found with is charged and put away and that both mother and child find some help along the way. I also pray that all the tests come back negative!
and that both mother and child find some help along the way. I also pray that all the tests come back negative!
2 people like this
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
14 Nov 09
it takes two to create this situation. First of all the predator, and second the teenage girl who thinks she knows better than ever one else. With all the warnings out there about this sort of behavior it is hard to believe she did not know what she was doing.
It looks like they got a woman is too rebellious for her own good, yet I assume she is under age in your country and legally cannot make those kind of decisions. In another five or 10 years she will be mature and will probably be ashamed of what she has done but that does not help you today. In most countries a 31-year-old male would be guilty of statutory rape and would go to jail for a long time, he should know better and will be paying the consequences.
It is not a situation I would like to find myself in if a relative or friend of mine did such a foolish thing.
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6113)
• Jamaica
13 Nov 09
Wow this is indeed a very sad story .I guess something needs to be done about these internet predators .And the poor mother has to be going through all of this traum,I can only try to understand what she is going through .Girls at this age are a vulnerable group and they think they know about love and they are so eager to prove that they do but little would they know about the dangerous men who are out there waiting for them.I hope thi slittle girl will turn her lfe around and I hope that she is not pregnant or hasnt caught any STD'S
2 people like this
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
13 Nov 09
She met him on the internet,he moved to our area to meet up with her ,she really thinks she is in love and is heartbroken.She sees her mum as the enemy and refuses to come home so she is back in care again.What these men say to these young girls and how they use them.It makes me feel sick still.It has shocked everyone.Especially the men down the local pub who thought he was a nice bloke,they had no idea they were drinking with a pedophile.I don't think he would be daft enough to come back to this area.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
13 Nov 09
You are so right. Parents are off to work kids are home after school and the parents don't have a clue as to what the kids are doing on the internet. There are so many pedophiles out there that are registered and so many that are not. If I had a young child I would have a lock on it that they could only do school work on it when I was not home. Its just to scary what so many parents are going thru due to the internet and these disgust preverts all over the US and beyond. I hope and pray your friend gets thru this and the daughter straighten out.
2 people like this
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
13 Nov 09
We are still in shock around here we always say we don't work ,we stay at home to make sure the kids are ok.I guess even then these dreadful people are so crafty it must be more of a challenge and make it even more exciting for them.We all hope the girl sorts herself out as we have known her since she was two it is like having one of your own hurt.
1 person likes this
@rg0205 (2636)
• Hong Kong
14 Nov 09
This is very sad. I feel for your friend.
I can't pass judgments but the most I can tell you is, if the girl is looking for love outside the comfort of her home then there is obviously something very wrong there. You have to wonder why she's looking for that kind of attention. It could be that she feels unloved.
I am not saying that the mother is not good. Sometimes, I think that when a child does something wrong and you yell at her too much, the child may end up thinking that his/her parent hates her and he/she has no place in the home. In this case, the parent has to keep guard of her kids as much as possible and try all means of communication. Yes, sometimes this fails but you have to try. Again, I am not saying the mother didn't try. I wouldn't know. It's just my thought.
Also, this is a reminder of why parents should keep an eye on their kids, most especially when they use the internet. This is not something new because we've heard or read many of these types of stories over the news at one time or another. It is important to safe guard your kids, whether it is on or off the internet.
2 people like this
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
16 Nov 09
I think you have hit the nail on the head she has never been an easy child.The trouble is the girl has brought her mother so much heart ache in the past as much as she tries she always remembers the past.When my teens did something awful we talked it out when the situation calmed down.I told them I loved them and understood that they were going to make mistakes.This girl is a constant attention seeker.Brought the scum of the earth home to her younger siblings always hung around out side smoking,dressed like a tramp,foul words.ect.Knowing full well her mother was indoors with three younger kids not being able to do anything about it.She stayed with the worst family in the village when they argued.The family did not make her come home to her mother,she was 12 at the time.The mother tried to get a social worker went up the doctores ect,but they all said it was her age,and would not help her.We live in nice area with nice people,very quiet and her mother is a well brought up woman who finds it all so embarrasing.I just try to be there for her,mind you years ago she told me she wanted to be friends with her daughter and I said then ,she was making a mistake,the daughter will have plenty of friends ,she needs a mother to show her the way through life.She said I was wrong so we agreed to disagree on that point.
@MJay101 (710)
•
13 Nov 09
Oh, God, that's terrible... :'(
What a sad story. It's really awful that there are such people in the world, and I'm sorry that your friend was on the rough end of such an experience.
Having said that - I met my current partner on the internet. (She's ten years older than me!) I certainly think you need to be careful, and this story proves it. But there are good people in the world, too.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
17 Nov 09
What sort of society do we live in where a very young woman, still a child really, finds a paedophile and his doings attractive and preferable to being safe and happy at home with the family?
Are these young women looking for love...however misguided their search might be?
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
14 Nov 09
suzzy3...my heart goes out to you..AND, OF COURSE~~~your friend! You hear, you see this, all of the time on TV..BUT never believe it will hit so near to home! Your dear friend, already faces sooooo many challenges, NOW THIS! Not for me to advise, but it seems this child (14) is spinning out of control, and I am wondering if there is professional (community based) help available? My fears, also extend to the children, still so impressionable being exposed to the behaviour of this daughter! NO...I am NOT saying, throw her to the wolves, I am thinking, your poor dear friend...maybe, needs some professional guidance with this child, as this severe, sad situation is/will take such a dear toll, on her already fragile situation! Good luck, suzzy...she really needs you to stand by her now! I truly do feel sorry for your friend! And the poor child!
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
17 Nov 09
syzzy...I dearly wished that there was a pat, simple answer...but this child is definitely out of control...and I am just STUNNED that age 14 is considered mature! And they are allowed to be in control of their lives at this point!
Sadly, you all seem to have exhausted every avenue of help available to you, and now you can just pray that something, somewhere, somehow...will turn the lights on for this young, highly impressionable child! And moreso, pray for the strength of the Mother to get thru this time, and have the fortitude to keep her remaining family, happy & healthy! Truly, the best, to you suzzy...be strong for your friend! Cheers!
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
16 Nov 09
You have touched me deeply with your kind words.The girl already had a social worker,therapist,help at school,she had been in trouble before ,she is a pain in the back side although we love her,that is the only way to describe her.She is out of control in fact I have never witnessed such pain ever before by anyone.She is in care again she had a spell last year for three months for abusing her mother and in turn her younger siblings watching it.The family welcomed her back and know this.We all feel sorry for her but somehow after all she has put us through cannot help thinking is this just another attention seeking move,awful to feel this way,I love everyone it goes against the grain to think like this,it hurts.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
14 Nov 09
That's really sad. Kids nowadays really need to be taken by the hand and I really pity your friend so much. Her girl is rebellious, is that it? I think she should really be controlled and monitored from now on. She is a victim of an irresponsible man, whom uses love as a means to lure her into things that he wants. I don't know exactly what happened, but I really feel so sad for your friend.
1 person likes this
