Lost A Friend, One Came Home! How Do You Deal?

@Opal26 (17684)
United States
November 17, 2009 6:01pm CST
This has been a very difficult week for me~ I learned that one of my very good friends and neigbor passed away. I have known him for about 3 1/2 years now and was devastated to hear about his passing. He was a wonderful man, friend, neighbor. He had Diabetes and was on Dialysis and apparently needed a Kidney transplant. I loved him as a friend and will miss him terribly. I have been going through some other personal stuff and have been thinking about my friend, Howie alot. And then tonight, my other friend and neighbor rang my doorbell with another suprise~her son, who is like my nephew, was released from jail, after a bit of time for a stupid crime. I was so overwhelmed to see him and happy that now he has a chance at a new life! My girlfriend and I are both dealing with the loss of our friend Howie, but we have this new beginning with her son to be happy about~ How do you deal with to such opposite feelings at the same time? Her son has paid his debt and will get another chance, but our friend Howie has run out of chances and I know my heart is broken! Please try to respond respectfully. Thanks, Opal
8 people like this
21 responses
@LadyMarissa (12160)
• United States
18 Nov 09
OMG Leslie, BIG HUGGGGGGGGGG!!! It's hard to deal with two equally important & opposing emotions. Just remember that Howie wouldn't want you to be sad for him & he would have shared the happiness that you & your friend are feeling about her son!!!! It's OK to be happy for your friend's son while feeling sadness in your heart.
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hi LadyM, I can't thank you enough for the words of encouragement. My heart is so torn right now! I have to split my emotions and just don't know how~Howie would have wanted to meet Ari and get to know him, so that's so sad too~Hugs, Leslie
2 people like this
@ZephyrSun (7382)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hi Opal, sorry to hear about your friend. I know that it is hard when you lose someone close to you, I lost a very good friend 13 years ago and I know that you never really stop missing them. At least you also have good news to go with your bad news, I ended up with the same situation. My oldest son was born 2 weeks after my friend passed. I hope that you find some peace with your friends passing, that he no longer has to deal with dialysis, from what I've heard that can be very difficult. Good luck!
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hey Zephyr~ Once of the only only good things that I know is that my dear friend is no longer in pain and no longer suffering. It just hurts to know that he was scared and never admitted it out loud. I know he tried to be brave, but I also know he knew his kidneys were failing. I hurt so much for his family right now, but there are so many of them and they have each other and their love so I know they will be ok~
@ZephyrSun (7382)
• United States
18 Nov 09
When my friend was dying she knew it, she had cancer that invaded every part of her body thanks to HPV. It was sort of ironic because she was in one hospital dying of cancer and I was in another hospital with kidney failure, she called me every day to make sure that me and the baby were ok. Ever heard two women doped up on morphine talking? It's actually very funny. She never told me she was afraid and never complained either, maybe they were just those types of people that care more about others and how those others are feeling, than about themselves.
@celticeagle (124394)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Nov 09
Well, you just do the best you can. You go from day to day and try not to harp on it too much. Try to find something to occupy your mind. Don't be afraid to cry. It is really healthy to do so. You heart will heal. It may take time and you may be reminded from time to time and it will grab at you and be all raw again. But remember your friend would be honored to know you cared and it is just a part of the adventure of life. If we didn't go through the bad times we wouldn't appeciate the good times near as much. Take care sweet thing.
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hey celtic, and thank too for your kind words. I wonder if Howie would be surprised at how much I really loved him and how much he really mattered to me. I didn't know him that long or that well, but he was just like a ray of sunshine whenever he was around. I am crying right now while I'm typing and wondering if I have the right to feel as badly as I do~
2 people like this
@celticeagle (124394)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Nov 09
Ofcourse you have a right to feel what you are feeling! If I might say this to you: perhaps this is a lesson learned and by that I mean that perhaps we take people for granted, think they will be around for ever, and I think this should teach us to tell people we meet and think are cool human beings how we feel and so if, god forbid, this sort of thing should happen we can feel good that we did take the time and told them they are one heck of a guy or gal.
@dawnald (84199)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Nov 09
I think it's possible to have mixed feelings, to be happy for one and sad for the other. It's got to be an emotional roller coaster though. My condolences on the loss of your friend.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Thanks Dawn. It is a sad mix~
@pyewacket (44032)
• United States
18 Nov 09
I'm so sorry to hear you're in such emotional turmoil right now and dealing with two very opposite feelings, but perhaps the happiness you are feeling about your friend's son being home can somehow dissipate some of the sadness you are feeling over Howie
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Thanks pye, I wish the good feelings would just outweigh the the sad~ But, right now my heart hurts so much~ My girlfriend and I wished so much that Ari and Howie could have met. Howie would have been such a great influence on Ari~
@Hatley (164169)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Nov 09
hi opal its always hard to lose a dear friend, and then the opposite happiness comes at the same time, do they cancel' each other out? I hope not. You deal with it best if you just take it one day at a time. that way you can handle almost anything.one day,one step, at a time.Be sure to really treasure your other friend and her son's chance at a new life as that might dull some of the loss of your other friend Howie.
@AmbiePam (56903)
• United States
18 Nov 09
I'm so sorry, Opal. I can't imagine. I don't know any words that might comfort you, but I'll certainly be praying that you will receive the comfort and peace you need.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Thanks Amber~ I'm just going through so much right now and appreciate my friends being her for me! Hugs, Leslie
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
19 Nov 09
Whqat a very sad and happy thing to go thru. one thing you now know your friend is out of pain and gone to a btter place where there will never be any more pain. adn your frireds Son has a new chance on life hope he does take good advantage on that!
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
19 Nov 09
Hi Lakota~ Thanks for your response. It's always nice to know that I have wonderful friends like you who care!
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
19 Nov 09
your mmost welcome!
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
18 Nov 09
Opal I am sorry for your Loss I really am and I hope that your Friend will find peace and no more Pain now It is hard loosing someone you love and my Love and thoughts are with you
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hi gabs~ You do know how much I value you as a friend always~ I know that my friend is at peace now and I am trying to find my own peace with that~ Thanks for being here for me~Hugs, Opal
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
19 Nov 09
You know I am always here for you no matter what and I am sure that he is at Peace now Sweet it will take time for you to adjust that your Friend has left but just think no more Pain for him just peace Big warm Hugs to you
@savypat (20244)
• United States
18 Nov 09
At our age my Hubby and I face loosing many friends, we are mourning their loss but do tribute to them by remembering the many wonderful times we had together. One of life's basic truths is we each live our lives and then we die, there is no escape from this, so it is important to come to some type of peace reagarding this. Blessings
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Thank you pat for being such a good and true friend~ You are right about the age thing~ It still is hard to accept~
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 09
Hi Opal! Sorry to hear that i do also have a friends which is already passed away too, and the last precious women in my life which is my mom, also passed away ... sad to hear that i miss her so much and i've learned something for myself after several sorrowful times, but there's nothing we can do about it, their job and task when they live is over,and good people will earn their reward in heaven, now it is our turn to live well, believe me that they will be happy in heaven, what we can do for them is praying hope they will be saved and in heaven, and do the good things like them, when they still alive ... And i'm suggest you to give your friend son's a chance, especially for the silly crimes he dones, so you will have your own chance to God, none of us is guiltless in front of God With this, Hopefully i can make you be strong!
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hi maxi, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. And you are so right in what you have said. Those that have passed are in a better place now with no suffering and those that are left behind need to live and be happy to have known them~
18 Nov 09
it's really sad to know you lost someone..It takes time to heal a broken heart..But at some point of your life, there are moments that he made you laugh..just treasure the moments of you together..surely, you can move on..just pray and you'll have a good start!
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Thank you scout for such beautiful words~We did have alot of really happy times together and alot of laughs and that's what I will always remember.
@drannhh (15237)
• United States
18 Nov 09
I am so sorry for your loss. I too had a wonderful friend and neighbor whom I still miss even though he has been gone more than 20 years now. Take good care of yourself and happier days will come.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Thanks drannhh. And sorry for your loss too. I know that when you really care about someone you will always care no matter how much time goes by~
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Sweetheart, you're on an emotional roller coaster. Just hang on and ride it through for it'll get better at time goes on by. Grieve when you can and try to move on but never lose his memory and be happy at the right time and enjoy the moment for it doesn't last forever. Your friend Howie is in Heaven now, no more pain, no more needles, no more no more but happiness and content. Try to realize that and hopefully that'll make you smile. Hugs to you sweetie!
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Thanks for such kind words Cats. I've lost friends/neighbors before, but Howie was really special and I think he was really scared and I am glad that he is at peace now.
@BarBaraPrz (28191)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
18 Nov 09
Sorry for your loss. My neighbor passed this summer, too, and it's strange to not see him sitting on his porch or in his garden.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
That's what my girlfriend was saying. She said she was going to miss him at our barbeques.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (127073)
• United States
18 Nov 09
You are right, there are lots of mixed emotions there, and it is holiday season as well. I hope you hold on and do not have too many mood swings, but realize that Howie is at least out of pain, and this young person is out of jail and has a chance to make a future if he will.
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hi Gerty, I am trying to think that way that my friend is now at peace and out of pain. That is the only thing that makes me feel feel that maybe this is the way it is supposed to be. Thank you for your thoughts. I truly appreciate it.
@JenInTN (27545)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hi Opal! Sorry about your friend. It's amazing how when one thing is taken that thre is something given back. I would have to say..grasp what you have close. It will help you deal with your loses better. Take care and talk to you later.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Hey Jen, Thanks for your thoughts~ They are deeply appreciated.
@jillhill (37377)
• United States
18 Nov 09
My condolences......maybe things worked out that way to balance everything out for you....to lift you up from feeling the loss of Howie....time does lessen the pain but it never goes away.....RIP Howie....you are now without pain and anguish!
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Thank you jill~ I know my friend is at peace now~
@mcowiti (232)
• Kenya
18 Nov 09
my heart felt condolences and be strong.
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
Hello dear friend Opal! I am so sorry for the loss. Dealing with two opposite emotions at the same time is quite hard. But the fact that happiness came in after grief is a sign that things would get better for everyone. What matters is the present and how we can use it to make a good future. That's what I always keep in mind. Opposite feelings come hand in hand, the way we deal with them is part of how we are seen in this so-called life. Hehe. I'm glad to see you again! I'm back. Or so I hope! I've got a job now. Missed our talks, dear friend.
@Opal26 (17684)
• United States
26 Nov 09
Welcome back selece! And as always I'm so very happy to see you! And congratulations on your new job! I missed you too and do hope that we will be seeing you around a bit more often now! And thank you for your lovely response! Sometimes life is just so unfair and complicated!
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
27 Nov 09
Yes, yes! Looks like I'll be having a bit more time for MyLot now since I have my own unit here in the office. I actually have two PC's here. Hehe. In between my work load I'll be checking MyLot. You're always welcome. See you around!!!