What is your insight about anger?

Philippines
December 1, 2009 10:28pm CST
I am not an easily angered person. But when I get angry, I could not control my mouth. In fits of anger, sometimes, I break things. In later years, I began to ask what could have caused all the anger that I had. Then, I came to realize that whenever I got angry, it was because my expectations have not been met. My mind has a certain bias that things and people should be this way or that way. When somebody did not behave as I think he / she should, I got very much displeased. As I mature, I came to realize that there are reasons why people behave as they do. Somehow, there should be a certain level of acceptance. And when that understanding and acceptance of others is achieved, I get less and less angry. I learned to be silent first before reacting. And when the understanding of the person's situation comes to my mind, an anger that looms disappears. I used to be very angry with the behavior of a servant in our community. I found her to be very self-centered and arrogant. But when I learned that she had a very sad past as a battered child and an abused wife, my feelings of anger toward her disappeared. Anger happens to everyone. Can you share your insights?
2 people like this
18 responses
@ladym33 (10990)
• United States
18 Dec 09
I think everyone gets angry at one tinme or another. I am not a person who is easily angered. I am pretty patient and understanding with people. It takes a lot to make me really angry, if somone has really make me mad they must have done something really bad, but when I am mad, I am mad, and it is best to just get out of my way because when I do let that tiger out and it's pretty bad.
• Philippines
18 Dec 09
Thanks for your reply. I was like that when I was younger. I think, we mellow with age.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Anger is part of being a human being. In every person they have different ways to control their anger and it depends on the situation that they will react. If the reason of your anger is too personal this may result into disaster to yourself or to others. It is okay to be angry no need to suppress it just control your mind always think positive. You have to release your tension. You can shout, cry, have a dummy to throw or hurt (for violent people), or you can meditate. Once you released your tension, you can think better and feel better. Your next step is to think of a solution why you got mad, ask opinion of others if cannot solve the problem by yourself to enlighten your thoughts. I seldom get angry to others or to myself because I always think that I am not the only one who is in my shoes and there are other people who has even worst situation than I have. I always think of the positive side every time I am in the negative side. That is the power of positive thinking and it really works for me.
• Philippines
18 Dec 09
Thanks for your advice, Genericbe. Oh, I do hope I can be a positive thinker most of the time.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
When I get angry I usually let it pass for a few hours or days before I confront someone. If the person has good reason to do the thing that made me angry then I can eventually let it go. Otherwise, I just forget and not mind the person. Anger is very unhealthy and not a good thing to keep.
• Philippines
18 Dec 09
You have a good self control. That is very nice. Anger is a normal emotion. You are right that it is not good to keep it. Thanks for your response.
@artistry (4153)
• United States
2 Dec 09
...Hi blestrella, My thought is that anger is a part of our human nature. How we respond to being angry is a matter of how disciplined we are as adults, whether or not we allow our anger to control our actions and possibly find ourselves as people behaving badly. I also think that if we practice meditation, we can build a reserve of strength to control our anger rather than react to it. We have to blow off steam sometimes so that we don't explode, but we also need to be as rational as possible. I wrote an article once called "Scream if You Want Too" which can be found at www.socyberty.com/writers/quite+voice.8137, scroll down until you find it, if you're interested. It's really a way of dealing with stress which can sometimes trigger outbursts of anger. Thank you. Take care.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Thank you very much, artistry. I will look into it. Take care, too. God bless you.
• United Kingdom
2 Dec 09
I think that anger is a natural response to something that has either something or someone that has hurt you! I think it's ok to be angry but I think that it's how you deal with that anger that is most important. I come from a broken home and I used to get very angry as a child. Things have changed now and I am much calmer as a person. I also read a lot of those self-help books on remaining calm and they seem to work for me. I never used to break things thankfully but I understand when someone gets very angry they can lose control and then reach for the nearest dish or mug to throw! I have matured with age and generally I agree that it's best to adopt silence before reacting to anything. We really don't know what someone's background is like, we don't know how much they have been hurt so I suppose it would be a good thing to show support towards someone. Welcome to My Lot by the way, I'm sure you will love it here. Andrew
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Thanks, Andrew. I sure am beginning to like it here. I can understand you, too. God enlightened me that people have their own stories to tell and each one needs understanding, and you are right, support. Thanks for your reply. God bless you and yours
• India
2 Dec 09
Anger to me is a normal response towards a wrong thing. I usually get angered at someone wrong actions. However it always leads to some bad end. so as to conclude we all know that anger is a bad thing and hence should control it.
• Philippines
18 Dec 09
I agree with you that it is normal to become angry. Sometimes, it is difficult to control. But it should not last.
@gx7001lm (63)
• Malaysia
2 Dec 09
i agree with what you have written other than that i see anger as an opportunity to become a better person after i cool down from an anger i would think what i should actually be doing to solve the problem cause getting angry at something can't solve the problem it helps me to understand life better and that everyone on this earth is unique and we should all be tolerant and treat everyone with respect. sometimes there is a need in people's life and it is up to us to help them as much as we could hope you can understand what i have written here
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Yes, gx7001lm, I can understand you and I agree. Thanks for your reply.
• Philippines
2 Dec 09
Anger could be a normal reaction of any person, but as much as possible if you can control anger... control it right away before it controls you. Sin starts from anger, you should not fall from the trap made by anger. always remember that "patience is a virtue"... Let us always start our day by asking our Heavenly Father to give us more patience that we will not fall in the sin made by anger. God bless to all...
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Thanks krystalheart. I truly realize that when I fail to pray well in the morning, my day doesn't seem to be very good. God bless you, too
@syankee525 (6292)
• United States
2 Dec 09
yeah anger is a feeling and its ok to be anger. but i had big issues with anger where i had to go anger managment for a few years. i do get upset because how i think people should be and do. but seeing and facing the fact people do things just because they are stuipd. learning how to control your anger and stuff is the key. most of the time i am like oh well what the hell. cant have high expectation of people because they will always fail you. if you still have anger issues seek anger management it helped me. good luck
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Thanks, syankee525. I really prayed about my anger issues and I am better now in controlling it. God showed me that there are reasons why people can not live up to my expectations. They have their own personal issues as well. Thanks for your reply. God bless
@ebuscat (5940)
• Philippines
2 Dec 09
For me angry is not good I feel angry when I have work to do then there's a person break my time my mouth is about to say but I keep in so that I don't make bad thing's in the bible say be angry but don't make sin.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
You are right, ebuscat. Anger must not last long because it will turn into a sin if anger is kept. Thank you for your reply.
• China
2 Dec 09
Unluckily, I am an easily angered person and i'm really a bad tempered person.I want to change this suitation, but i find it's really difficult. Just like you, i can't control my mouth and beheavior! This noon, i got angry badly just beacuse of my broken bike. I shouted at my boyfriend. After that, i felt very sorry. But i really find it's diffcult to change my bad temper. What should I do? Oh, my god...
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Hi, crystalfealy520. When I realized that I was being unreasonable with my anger, especially with my words that hurt the other person (esp. the person very close to me, like my husband and others in the family), I prayed and asked God for His help because I wanted to change my behavior, too. Then, He made me know the root cause of my angers. I realized that it was because of my high expectations toward them. With other people like my friends and acquaintances, I did not get as angry. Then God gave me the grace to become more understanding of the other persons' situations. Right now, I learned to quiet down and think first before I react. In this way, I don't hurt others' feelings like before. God is very good to us. Ask Him to show you, too, the reasons for your angers. He will also help you out of it. Thanks for your reply. God bless you.
@dong88 (796)
• China
2 Dec 09
Happiness,anger,sadness and joy, is a human emotion,which is the inner thoughts and the imput of the outside world made a comprehensive outcome.But emotions can be controlled,I think no matter what things, first of all to relax calm yourself.then how to "Transposition" thinking ,and it's passions stabilized. I oftendo, so I feel I have a very good mood every day.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Thanks for the advice, dong88. Sometimes I cannot control my emotions. I will try your formula because I want to be in a good mood everyday, too. Have a happy day!
• Philippines
2 Dec 09
I know what you mean. Anger can be so terrible once not controlled. It can break relationships and end friendships. I had a hard time controlling my anger before, but I learned to control it, and not let it control me. Sometimes we say hurtful things to those we love or hurl and break stuff when we are in rage. After the anger subsides, we are left with nothing but regret and shame. I realized that anger is normal, but uncontrolled anger is dangerous. What I do when i am angry to take deep breaths, speak how I feel instead of hurling attack words to the person I am angry about. It is also best to leave and spend time alone when you are mad. Just give yourself the time to calm down and begin to think rationally. We cannot turn our anger off just like that, so it is important to give ourselves the time to do so. Speak and express how you feel and why you are mad. Let the content of your speech be these. It will help you not think of foul word to hurl. I hope these will help you and good luck.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Thanks a lot. I can relate with what you said.
• Malaysia
2 Dec 09
I find myself is the same like you when it comes to anger. I don't get angry easily, but when I expect something that need to be done but didn't I become so frustrated and think over and over again till the anger build up inside and just wait to come out. Though I realized my behavior is like this, I couldn't stop myself from expecting something too much.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Hi, shikaymaru. The situations wherein your experiences are similar to mine, in my case, happened within my own household and family. My expectations in my own family circle are real great compared with that for my friends and co-workers. That is why my fits of anger happened in my home, not outside in my work or community. Thanks for your reply.
• Philippines
2 Dec 09
hello bletrella.. i guess you are blinded by your own expectations.. you only see WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE and never really cared much of what was actually happening.. thats what causes your anger problems.. my insight on anger is maybe it can be caused by frustration and irritation.. why?? i get angry at myself or someone when im frustrated and irritated by them and of course when they did something bad to me.. but in your case its kind of like what you want to see only pleases you and if you dont see what you want to see then you wont care to watch the bigger picture as to why you did not get what you expected.. you just simply scold someone that did not meet your expectations to satisfy your anger.. not good.. hope you care to think about what i said.. have a nice day.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
That's true. We are sometimes carried away by our own expectations. I wanted to see good works, no wasting of time and resources, etc. But the reasons behind such 'failures' to do what I thought is right, I could not easily see. So by grace, I learned to stop awhile and think of the possible reasons why a person does not do things productively or 'rightly' at all times, then understanding sinks in. Thanks for your reply.
• United States
2 Dec 09
For me personally, I can get quite quick-tempered at moments but it depends on how my day is. Sometimes I may be having one of my happier days and so it takes a lot more to get me angry. But for the most part, when I do become angry, it's hard to control my thoughts because it feels like everything's just rushing to my head and I get frustrated, especially trying to express how I feel in an argument. When I become angry, I feel like sometimes I crave power. As if I demand that they listen to what I want to say, and if I can't successfully get my feelings out, I get so frustrated that I want to physically take my anger out on an object nearby. I never usually hit anything or break anything, except for something like a pillow or something that can't break easily. I do my best to maintain my anger, but sometimes it's just so hard because it's like the real me is released, even though I understand that the angry version of myself is not the real me.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Hi, Ishme4nowz. I remember when I was about your age. I was volatile, wanting so many things and wanted to be listened to and stress my points. As we mature, 'though changes in us take place. Thanks for your response. Have a happy day!
@rosgill (45)
• United States
2 Dec 09
Anger is a normal emotion that we all feel for one reason or another. Everyone gets angry but anger can be controled. My xhusband used to get angry over little things and he'd throw things, hit the wall or hit me. He could not control his anger and that is when it's a problem. We are in control of our emotions, we decided how we feel and if something is going to anger us and how we react to it. So if you feel yourself becoming angry, walk away from it and ask yourself if it's worth being upset over it. Shame these wife abusers can't stop and look at themselves before they react. Reguardless of who you are, you are human and it is human to feel angry at something but it is wrong to become violent over it.
• India
2 Dec 09
i'm not a angered person. but smtimtes smthings made me anger.