when did you think you became an adult?

@jb78000 (15139)
December 4, 2009 2:51pm CST
i have seen several discussions on here from parents being, i think, rather intrusive into their older children's lives. i left home at 17 but from 16 onwards my mother would not have considered telling me what i should do in relationships, in particular trying to say i shouldn't stay at the long term boyfriend's or shouting seperate beds when he stayed at mine. and i admire her for this as i think it is natural for parents to be overprotective. so at what age did you think your parents should realise you were not a child, and if you have children when do you think you have to start being less protective?
9 people like this
37 responses
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Dec 09
Me? I'm just a big kid... Well ideally parents should let go just a little bit at a time as their children grow older and as they show that they can take on more responsibility. In reality, some parents let go too soon and others never do. Hopefully most people find a happy medium.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Dec 09
(rubs dog's silky ears)... yeah something like that...
@jb78000 (15139)
5 Dec 09
[gives dog a biccy] knowing when to let go could be a tricky one. i think my mother was spot on but although i don't have children i know that i am overprotective and bossy in general so will have to make a conscious effort not to smother children if and when i do have them.
• Australia
4 Dec 09
When did I become an adult? What is an adult? Maturing was a veeeeeeery slow process for me. I never had a childhood - or at least not one that could in any way be described as normal. I had no friends. I had no social-interaction abilities. I was highly intelligent, topping the school in all subjects, but mature? No way! "at what age did you think your parents realised you were not a child" I would have been pleased if my mother ever thought about me at all, in any way - and if my stepfather had totally ignored me. I guess I started to mature when I was 22 years old and my life changed dramatically. I matured more two years later when I married, and I am so thankful that my husband put up with so much immaturity and helped me to become a real person. Then I matured even more when I became a parent. The responsibilities of motherhood tend to mature us quickly. Maturity comes gradually and I like to think I am becoming more mature each and every day. With my own children, I like to think I helped them toward maturity by teaching them values and ethics and allowing them to make decisions they had the capacity to make throughout their young lives. I like to think that by the time they left home to go to uni they were equipped in all ways to handle their lives. Since none of them ever gave me any hassles, and they are all now very happily married and in top positions in their chosen careers, I think they learned well.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
4 Dec 09
When I moved out which was at the age of 17 Long Story and will not go into it lol but I left home at 17 to start nursing That is when I was able to breathe and do the rest of my growing up to adult hood
2 people like this
@jb78000 (15139)
5 Dec 09
ok, i would guess that your homelife was slightly claustrophobic. mine wasn't really, from 16 onwards (and indeed earlier in some ways) i was allowed my independence. i moved out at 17 to go to uni, and moved in with the then boyfriend 6 months later. the only person that was slightly critical was one of my grandmothers, who thought we should have got married first but did say that she knew things have changed.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Dec 09
hi jb I think that you are right but when I was growing up parents tended to overprotect and 21 was considered the age for being an adult yet screwy as it was 18 was okay to send young boys off to fight in the second world war.go figure,my dad thought he had the right to order me around at age 31 and was really furious when I married against his consent my hubby who was 37,He even wrote me out of his will thinking that if he threatened that I would not marry. it did not work poor dad. well anyway I am glad people are not like that now days.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Dec 09
my dad was a hypocrite and a tyrant, I am sorrybut my love for him fled when at the age of8 he made me a substitute for my mom who was ill in the hospital, he molested me once but never again,I made sure I was never ever in the house alone with him, I was polite but he lost my love then and as he never ever apologized or even acknowledged he had done wrong I did not forgive him until I married my hubby who told me that the hatred I had for him was not hurting my dad but me,if I forgave him the burden of that hate would lift and I would be so much happier, so I did but I never ever forgot that he took advantage of me when I was so young I had no idea what he was doing til it was too late.I never told my mom as it would have almost killed her, she thought the sun rose and set in him, how wrong she was.
1 person likes this
@jb78000 (15139)
4 Dec 09
it is still different with different cultures. i got a little shocked at the attitudes from americans on here, but i have seeb the same very traditional attitudes in other countries too. and they include that young men can be sent off to fight and die but otherwise are still legally children. your dad sounds a bit on the bossy side - i have to say if anybody from my family tried to do this after i was 15 they would have had rather a lot to deal with.
2 people like this
• Spain
4 Dec 09
When you take your own responsabilities, lots of children are even forced to work and help their parents or siblings. I guss it depends on the case. I would say at 21
@jb78000 (15139)
4 Dec 09
i just checked the country because when you said 21 i was guessing the states. well i would say maturity increases over a lifetime but for practical reasons 15 or 16 seems to be when you come out of early adolescence with most people.
1 person likes this
• Spain
4 Dec 09
I´m just saying that no 15 year old is mature enough. We all have a child inside, some reach maturity earlier than other. But I believe you become an adult when you have adult responsibilities such as children, bills, a job tax paying etc etc... and at 21 there are LOTS and loads of people who are NOT mature just yet. Evey person is a different world and we all develop differently.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 09
I think i became an adult early on in my life. I have always been very responsible and mature for my age. My mom also used to work and go out a lot so i learned to take care of myself and my little sister. I'm glad i grew up the way i did now because i think I'm a better person for it.
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@jb78000 (15139)
4 Dec 09
from the age of 6 i took care of all the family pets. later all my friends. i also like that i have grown up as a fairly kind person and acknowledge my parents for this.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
5 Dec 09
My mother was the type that as long as I lived under her roof....her rules. I was very independent minded and could not wait to get out on my own. I moved out as soon as I graduated highschool. Even then she tried to control my life but I was paying my own way so it was my house...my rules. I considered myself to be an adult...she did not. Was I? Looking back...nope not really. I was still a dumb kid making dumb choices but since I handled the consequences of those dumb choices on my own without running back home....I guess I starting to be an adult.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
5 Dec 09
I can look at this two ways - if you are an older teen but still completely dependent on your parents (still in school, still live at home in their house, have no independent source of income, no car, and they still pay for everything for you) then there ARE some general house rules and rules of respect. If you are an older teen but you are fairly independent - ie you have an independent source of income, are doing fine at school without parents breathing down your neck, have your own transportation, and are fairly responsible, then perhaps the rules can be relaxed. I have two older kids and as far as relationships, I don't get overly involved. My daughter is 20 now and she lives on her own. I have told her several times before not to be concerned with what other family members have to say about her lifestyle or her choices because she is not only a legal adult now, she is INDEPENDENT and lives on her own! My son is 18 - however he falls into the first category which is that he is still totally dependent. I don't get much involved in his relationships - he does have a girlfriend which is fine, but she's younger than he is and her parents are quite restrictive. I have already had this discussion with my husband about how he is not going to go psycho when our five year old gets old enough to date because if he does, she is just going to go around behind his back - and I would tend to support her because that's what *I* went thru when I was a teen. Bottom line for me, it was when I was 18 and a legal adult when I really pushed back and told others to butt out of my decisions. I was still in school but I was working and I had my own source of income. Once I moved out on my own, that was where the line was drawn and I really took no heed of anybody, regardless of who they were, trying to influence or change my decisions. I am still that way today. I think most people who are approaching the age of 18 would be wise to become totally independent in preparation for taking on the responsibility of making all of their own decisions. Some parents can cut the apron strings easily, others cause all sorts of problems for their almost-grown kids. It is wiser to be prepared to strike out on your own in case that is what you HAVE to do to get out from under their thumbs. My older daughter had all sorts of problems while she was still living with extended family, but as soon as she moved out on her own with friends, she has been FINE. From my experience, extended family can cause a lot of problems and restrict people or prevent them from actually getting on with their lives as they should.....keep in mind these are people that *I* wouldn't even live with.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (157563)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Dec 09
I think you have to be less protective from day one. You teach your children what is right and that this can hurt you and that will not. Then you need to let them be their little individual selves and do what they will. If you don't do this and you help them through all the little problems and mishaps then they totally depend on you and you are sunk.
@shenqixu (130)
• China
6 Dec 09
In our parent eyes, we are their forever children who never grow up ...hehe,,,
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
5 Dec 09
I'm still waiting, but I'd better hurry up, since I'm not getting any younger. I guess when I was 18, or at least that was the standard. I worked, was paying for my own car, and got married at that age, so that qualifies me in some respects. Of course, adulthood in age is no particular guarantee of maturity.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
7 Dec 09
Wellas, being an adult is diferent for each person, for me becoming an adult person was the day a pay my first bank account, my first ticket on the supermarket, on other wrds, when I was responsable for things that my parents use to pay for.
1 person likes this
@snafushe (791)
• Canada
5 Dec 09
My parent's realized I was an adult when I matured and stopped acting like a little spoiled brat who only cared about themself. When I started to show compassion and initiative to help out around the house and take responsibility. Alot of people don't mature and stay little kids trapped in adults bodies for a long time.
@quisha89 (76)
• United States
7 Dec 09
I think I just now became an adult. I am 20 years old and even though they say you become an adult at 18, I don't believe I really actually became one. I believe that, yes, I was an adult by age but in my own maturity I was not. I became an adult at 20 when I had my son (my first child) in October which happened to be 2 days after my birthday. Having a child forces you to grow up and become a lot less selfish. I have a responsibility to take care of my son and provide for him, I can know longer play the childish game of selfishness.
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
7 Dec 09
Morning...jb. I gave up being protective of my son, when he turned a teen, as I realized the world had changed SOOO much from my young years...and the only thing I could do at this stage, instill GOOD sense, be open and honest...give him his wings....AND BE A SOFT PLACE to land. This is NOT advice, this is what worked for me, and with pride, is still working for me! He is now 29 (in 22 days) and we are best friends! Cheers..jb. (Sorry so late in responding, had a huge hurdle, that I am trying to circumvent)
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
16 Mar 10
My grandmother was always nosey and still is nosey about what's going on in my life. I left home at 18 but ended up going back and then leaving again, going back and leaving again, now I'm married and live with my husband. I was treated like a grown up when I was 16 I'd say though my grandmother was still nosey, heh, I guess that makes no sense does it? I was treated like an adult, but still had my grandmother's noseiness to contend with.
@Ruby722 (796)
• China
5 Dec 09
Before read your discussion I never thought about this. I am twenty year old now.Still i wish i can be child for good.But i know this is impossible and actually i think when i was 16 i became an adult.At that time i relize a lots of thing.The world is not beautiful as i thought there are.People would be many kinds.I have to with responsibility for everything i have done.Cause i am an adult.
1 person likes this
@Jokelife (30)
• Nigeria
6 Dec 09
Please, if i must say, these whole discussion get me boring. Someone say is better for a child to live at 21 another person 16,17. Ok, to remind you adult age is for a child is 18. And you may still in school at this age, someone said for 18 a male child supose to be pushed out, where i see this kind of thing happen is in a family that is not capable enough to provide so the child will join to help the family. While the capable ones pamper their child till 24-26. So in these case lets leave the nature to speak the right time. For home biz http://www.tinyurl.com/yarovov
@gx7001lm (63)
• Malaysia
5 Dec 09
i think it would be when they get a job as when they are doing their job, the word "responsibility" would automatic come into their minds. yes i will be less protective but i will still keep a view on my child. for example, i will still ask about what he is working as and only that. maybe once a while ask him whether he has a girlfriend or not. i always believe that people can truly learn when they determine not to repeat the same mistakes that they had made. before any parents be less protective, they should tell their child that they could seek their parents' advice whenever they face any problem. that way the parent is not very protective but still able to guide their "adult" child
1 person likes this
• China
7 Dec 09
i think 20 years old is enouph for me to live on myself,i don't need any protection from that age.If i have children i will let them be individual earlier than 20 years old.