What did she ever see in him? Why did she marry him?

@Hatley (163905)
Garden Grove, California
December 16, 2009 10:52am CST
I couldnt sleep last night, and got to thinking of a remark I overheard."What on earth did she see in him? She is so pretty and she married that plain looking guy? Why, she could have had anyone so I c annot understand her marrying him?" I thought that woman was being a real snob but I kept my mouth shut. this got me to thinking I had overheard others wonder why a good looking man or woman chose a man who was really quite plan. What is your slant on this kind of thinking? I have my own thoughts on this, but will not reveal them as I do not want to sway others opinions on the matter.
22 people like this
77 responses
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
17 Dec 09
It saddens me to hear such comments because corny as this may sound it is not looks that make one fall deeply in love with another; I’m talking about real love not spontaneous lust. My own family is very critical on looks, which is interesting because they are no oil paintings themselves! I grew up always trying to look prettier, because I figured that would have been the only way I would be loved by my parents; I know now that they are not capable of love, but that’s for another discussion! My mother would be one to make a comment like that, superficial and shallow. It makes me so sad because as much as I admire good looks in males and females, it is not a personal achievement; looks are something you are born with. Being a good, kind person is a personal achievement. We may not all have the choice to choose how we want to look but we certainly have the choice in regards to who we want to be!
3 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Dec 09
paula you make such good sense. I too had parents that never used unconditional love for me, but I met a man whose eyes sparkled whenever he saw me as he told me he fell in love with the person I was,not my looks at all. He loved me unconditionally and not even my own parents had done that. He accepted me as I was, warts, faults and all. and I loved him unconditionally too, we were both best friends and lovers which is great for a good marriage.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Dec 09
hi paula yes when it boils down to it, good looks are really sort of fleeting, but real love thats looks into the real person can grow even better each year. I was indeed lucky as my parents often tempered love with whether or not I made good grades or succeeded in something. my hubby did not do that. In fact I thought maybe he would like me better 'as a blonde so bleached my pale brown hair, this was just before we got married. he took one look at my hair, and said, I ought to paddle you, if I had wanted to marry a blonde I would have done so, I loved your pretty hair. so I dyed it back to its normal shade and he was most happy. he always told me do not change, I love you for the inner you.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
17 Dec 09
You are lucky that you have had that in your life, many people never get to experience that kind of unconditional love in their lifetime...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84863)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Dec 09
Reminds me of when I was 20 and I was at the beach with my boyfriend and this other guy gave me this look like "why are you with him"? Well sorry, but kindness wins over looks any day of the week...
3 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Dec 09
hi dawnald I have heard people say why did my husband marry me, and my hubby overheard that, he said I wasnt looking at her outside, I was looking at her kind heart and gentle soul, and she is beautiful to me. as for you maan.you have an ugly soul. I had to marry him after that, we were just engaged at the time. I loved him for his kindness and his uncondional love. He accepted me, with all my faults and fussed at me when I bleached myhair. He said I ought to paddle you, you ruined your pretty hair, if Id wanted a bleached blonde I would have married one. You gotta love a man like that.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84863)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Dec 09
I'd say it's a pretty precious thing to find somebody that special!
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
17 Dec 09
Kindness wins any day of the week.. awesome..
@ElicBxn (62692)
• United States
17 Dec 09
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwpR2-9EvsQ
3 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Dec 09
hi ElicBxn yes this could be so true too, as looks fade but the inner person, the personality and character can become better and better as we age and mature. Some pretty people both men and women sort of worship that beauty and are so stuck on themselves they would not know a real great personality if it bite them in the butt. he he he.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 11
hi two yrs late. that was a beautiful song.
1 person likes this
@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
17 Dec 09
LOL I remember this song!!! Kathy.
3 people like this
@sid556 (30962)
• United States
17 Dec 09
I actually think it is pretty shallow thinking and prevents the person from so many possibilities. There are some very beautiful people lurking behind some of those plain packages just as there are some pretty ugly people lurking behind all those pretty wrappings. You just never know. Also looks are quite apt to fade in time or sometimes even quicker in the event of an accident or certain illness. People that base their relationships on looks are really limiting themselves.
3 people like this
@sid556 (30962)
• United States
20 Dec 09
exactly!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Dec 09
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Dec 09
hi sid wish mylot let us make two or three best responses. what you have said was just what I was thinking. there lots of really great people behind plain exteriors and some really mean people hiding behind that gorgeous or handsome face. If one persons inner person recoginzes the love and compassion and honesty shining in another's inner person she or he may fall deeply in love.
@bigplay (212)
• United States
17 Dec 09
Yeah its like it was just said, looks shouldn't matter, it shouldn't matter whether a person is unnatractive or skinny, or short and fat, its what's inside that counts. As long as the person is beautiful on the inside is what matters, its as the old saying goes, beauty is only skin deep.
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 11
i bigplay yes the people that s aid that were so right looks fade but goodness, kindness, real love does noever fade.
@lindiebiz (1006)
• Canada
17 Dec 09
Hi this is BS.When did looks become a defining factoe for marriage. Where then do you put values, spirituality and the persons character.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 11
hi linde sorry I missed these youo are so ri ght it w as bs looks fade but kind hearts and gentle people can love for all theirs lives as its what isinside that counts in love and marriage.
@riyasam (16556)
• India
17 Dec 09
yea,you are right!what a snob!marraige does not rest upon physical appearances for BEAUTY LIES IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER and as you know opposites does attract!
2 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Dec 09
riyasam she was a snob and I bet anything she was jealous for maybe she did not have the love this woman shared with her plain hubby. beauty does indeed lie in the eyes of the beholder as love changes the way we view our loved one anyway.
@MsTickle (25182)
• Australia
21 Dec 09
Some people fall in love and marry...it doesn't matter what the person looks like. They were attracted by something in that person but looks obviously were not important. Good looking people can be vain and self centered but not all good looking people are this way. Good looks could maybe intimidate a plainer person but again, this will not always be the case. I knew a stunningly beautiful, from top to bottom woman who was married and they had about 8 children...she kept getting pregnant...happily. Some would say maybe..."why is that beautiful woman having so many kids? She could be a model (or some such drivel). Different strokes for different folks. Two things....bottom line -1 We each have our personalities, preferences and opinions. -2 Some people should mind their own business.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Dec 09
hi mstickle they say love is blind and maybe it is because its looking at the real person behind the facade, and not the outer looks at all. I know I loved my hubby for what he was, and if he had been homely it would not have stopped me for a moment. I loved the inner person,his sense of humor, his cockeyed optimism and his love of life and people, he complemented me with my pessism and shyness.to gether we made a real whole. You are so right. that outspoken woman should indeed have minded her own business.
@stephcjh (38557)
• United States
17 Dec 09
I am not really sure why alot of people do this. I think some of them have a very low self esteem and they settle for less than they actually deserve. I think alot of them like to feel power over the plain person also.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 11
stephcjh why not beca use they see something in the other person thats wonderful to them and only they can see it and share it. sorry I am a bit late here lol lol
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 Dec 09
Hi Hatley, well marriage now has a lot of criterion. I could think of being practical which means in need of money or to have a better life. Another is misery, in which no other choice. That's the one who accept. Third is REAL LOVE. Love doesn't look at all the adjectives that the mouth, and the eyes sees to describe people. It is the heart that decides for that act. Thanks! Happy day! =)
2 people like this
@ajithlal (14702)
• India
7 May 12
I also real love look at the heart of person rather than the physical appearance. I also think that beauty is different in eyes of different people.
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Dec 09
hi leateagee real love is to me the guiding element that makes people that do not think say what did she see in him, and they have not got a clue. real love does not care about outside looks, it cares about our characters and personalities, She saw in him real love and she returned that love.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Dec 09
Well if I was going to be completely honest, I would have to say that most very attractive people aren't very nice, some of them can be, just like people who are not as attractive...I think it depends a lot on how a person is raised and how they view themselves..and a lot of attractive men out there these days don't really want to settle down any time soon and get married, at least that's pretty much how a lot of the guys that I know where I live feel. I suppose in their eyes it's better to wait because when men age they tend to become more attractive, so if they wait longer, then they think that they will end up with a young girl ten years younger than them, and won't have to be saddled with a woman who is their age and looks it....at least that's how some of my guy friends think.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Dec 09
hi callie yes and a lot of those handsome guys we call sugar daddies as the young women marry them solely for the money they have. no real love there. real love is blind as it sees beyond the skin into the inner being. if it likes the qualities its sees there it sends its love to the others inner being, the real person. I know a lot of attractive people who have zilch personalities as they are just too stuck on their outward looks.
• United States
16 Dec 09
I don't think it should matter.As long as the heart is beautiful,the person is beautiful.If the heart is ugly, the person is ugly.
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Dec 09
jahernandezrivas you are so right because its what inside us as people that count, yes if your heart is ugly, it makes no never mind about the outside as you will be ugly too. Love is better than the superficialties of people,it sees beyond the outside into our hearts.
@ajithlal (14702)
• India
5 May 12
I also think the real beauty comes from the heart rather than the outside physical appearance. What good is a person who is very beautiful and not with good heart and good behavior? I think one should look at the character of the person rather than physical beauty.
• United States
5 May 12
I agree
1 person likes this
@rosepedal64 (4188)
• United States
16 Dec 09
Hi Hatley You know dear I was told the same thing when I married my husband now. I think that looks has nothing to do with it at all. Your heart tells you who you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. Oh yeah Im sure we all want to look like the beauty queen or the handsome prince but we have want we have. To me looks is the last thing that I look at. With my hubby it was his sense of humor that got me to notice him and want to learn more about him. Those women was being very nasty on the matter. They believe in looks and the truth be known they probably are not in love.. Great discussion and have a great day my dear. Keep smiling.
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Dec 09
Yes my husband was one of the best things that ever happened to me and even the few times we quarreled we always made up as we were both best f riends and lovers too, and it helped me' so much to have that self confidence Inever used to have.
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Dec 09
hi rosepedal64 Your heart looks beyond the outside and connects with the love that dwells within the other person. I think the one thing that drew me to my own husband was his ripe sense of humor, and his outgoingness with people. those were elements I lacked and together we sort of filled in for each other. I was the practical shy one, he the people lover who saw the world in delight. we completed each other.
• United States
16 Dec 09
Hi Hatley This is great to hear about you and your hubby. I know that it takes two to make a good relationship. I was kinda in a self esteem dump when Paul came into the picture. He gave me the strength to see the good in myself. I will always be thankful to him for that. Have a good day. Keep smiling.
2 people like this
@cerebellum (3865)
• United States
17 Dec 09
I have heard this said about people also. Society teaches us that we are supposed to love someone attractive. Physical appearance might play a role in the initial attraction. It's how the person acts and treats his partner that matter. You might be attracted to a man and then when you get to know him, lose interest. Things probably work better when it's the other way around. Sometimes money has a lot to do with it also. If a man has a lot of money it makes him more attractive to some women.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Dec 09
right cerebellum looks fade money gets spent but the good inner person will survive and love and be loved in return so we should look for the wonderful inner person who will call out to our inner person. I love the inner person I saw of my own hubby as it was kind,compassionate, full of humor and an unquenchable sense of optimism. he could not be put down, he always knew things will be better.
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Dec 09
cerebellum when we close our ears to what society says and look and feel with our heart we chose the inner values, like honestly, kindness and compassion, then love can call to love from one inner person to the other inner person. that kind of marrage will last and will be a happy marriage for sure.
• United States
21 Dec 09
Yes that is the kind of marriage that will last. Sadly, that is not how we are raised to feel. People always think looks or money is more important, and that is not a good basis for a relationship. Looks fade and a financial situation can change.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40194)
• Canada
18 Dec 09
Cannot understand that. I married my husband because he had dark almost black hair, brown eyes, came from the same background as me, loved Floyd Cramer music, loved country and western, and we could just talk. So maybe the men that these women married had all the qualities they wanted but not the looks. Sometimes you are lucky and get the whole package, and sometimes you only get two thirds. I cannot see what she is complaining about. They could have married a Handsome Harry who was a louse. Or a Hideous Hal who was also a louse. I had to put it in so people will know that not all Handsome Harries are creeps and not all Hideous Hal's have the milk of human kindness.
@suspenseful (40194)
• Canada
21 Dec 09
U think people assume too much. They believe what others tells them, and that it has to be true, like the part I heard about the handsome Hals being jerks was someone else's jealousy being manifested because mine and me got along. He would look even better without his glasses, but then he would have been bumping into trees and saying "sorry Miss."
@suspenseful (40194)
• Canada
25 Dec 09
Oh and thanks for the best response. You never know what you wind up with. Sometmes what is in the inside is also on the outside, and sometimes what is on the outside is not in the inside. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Dec 09
hi suspenseful you just said a mouthful. All handsome harries indeed are not creeps and not all Hideous Hal's are full of compassion, tenderness and love. again its that inner person that calls one to the other. You mentioned you could just talk , and thats what was one of the things I loved about my hubby when we first met. We felt like we had known each other for years, and could talk with each so comfortably just like old friends. No I did not see either what she was complaining about but I think the woman may have simply been jealous as the attractive woman with the plain guy may have looked just too 'happy to this jealous woman.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Dec 09
for some people choice of life partner depends on many factors rather than just physical appearance.it might be something about the real self of that person ,which they found deserving enough to be their life partner. few of the men/women marrying plain looking guys had insecurity feeling and felt that plain guys would be more loyal and homely.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Dec 09
hi neo__matrix that is what I also felt. the real person, what he or she is really like inside matters so much more than the physical appearance. A lot of people marry the person who real self reaches out to them with true love.
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
16 Dec 09
I think we have all made or at least thought the same thing at some point however I would never say this about anyone based on their looks. Anytime I have ever made the comment I don't know what he/she saw in whomever was always spoke for a very serious reason. I hate men that beat their wife's and I have made the comment. I have never and will never judge anyone for their looks. This is what God gave us and we need to accept peoples appearance for what it is. Just my opinion Hatley. Happy holidays my dear friend.
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Dec 09
hi grandmaof2 oh I have said the same thing when a woman told me her new hubby has beat her, and I said it to her face as she was intelligent, and nice looking and she did not deserve the way he treated her. I would have said it to her if she had been plain too, as looks do not matter to me, its what a person really is that matters to me. Grandma your opinion is a good one. Merry Christmas.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
16 Dec 09
Hi Hatley, well marriage now has a lot of criterion. I could think of being practical which means in need of money or to have a better life. Another is misery, in which no other choice. That's the one who accept. Third is REAL LOVE. Love doesn't look at all the adjectives that the mouth, and the eyes sees to describe people. It is the heart that decides for that act. Thanks! Happy day! =)
2 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 11
hi leateagee two yrs late. yes real love doesnt look at those adjectives and its the heart that decides nice response. cheers.
@VANILLAREY (1471)
• India
16 Dec 09
We watch movies and read books about the beautiful princess marrying a handsome prince. So most of us give too much importance to physical appearance. There are people who give more importance to character of the other person. Or it could be that the man was very rich.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Dec 09
hi vanillarey yes we get to into the idea of a handsome prince on a horse carrying a pretty girl off to marry her when a lot of us are plain and fall in love with the person inside that good looking exterior. When you truly love someone you are not going to ask him or her for the size of their bank account. I realize some people do that,but many people do not too.
@cyrus123 (6363)
• United States
17 Dec 09
I think looks do help but that's not what is important in my opinion. I'm sure you've heard that saying "pretty is, pretty does". I think that is so true. A pretty woman or a good looking man can ruin their looks by the way they act. The opposite is also true. If the woman is not very pretty or if the man is not all that handsome but if they are very sweet or you like their personality, you tend to change your mind about the way they look. I also go for intelligence, too. Kathy.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Sep 11
hi kathy two yrs later yes indeed its what is inside us not the covering rotten books often have pretty coversI never got back here till now 11 months without a computer almost did me in.lol