Making gentle teasing remarks- How do you maintain a balance?

Indeed it is fantastic topic to discuss. I would talk first about real life situations. I love humor and fun and would make some 'funny' comments to make others laugh and smile and in the process if I have to make comments on me too, I do not hesitate.. I feel life without laughter is boring and tedious. However, I make the humorous comments only when I am doubly sure that people/friends around me will take it sportingly and would join me in the laughter. I see to it that I do not overstep my limits or offend anyone in the process of making fun. If by chance I exceed my limit, I immediately apologize to the other fellow explaining him/her simultaneously that I never wanted to hurt him/her. However, when we are on-line or on mylot, I restrict myself from teasing others because it is difficult to assess/guage about other fellow's mood. S/he may not be in good mood and my light teasing comments could be taken otherwise, which I won't like to. I invariably put 'lol' sign after my sentences to make myself clear (that I am joking). Those about whom I know very well and have an idea about their nature (here on mylot) I tease them only occasionally with light remarks and I dare not tease any user, who is not known to me. Excellent Post! Have a nice day! Deepak

We are comparatively very talkative and become sentimental with the people we like at the first meeting very much. You might have seen many people who readily make friendships with the co passengers in a train journey taking note of their addresses and phone numbers. How many of them really sustain that relationship is a big question mark. We tend to over speak and want everything rosy and up to our expectations. We are not prepared to take criticisms in the right spirit and the same time we readily jump into criticize others and give advice freely left and right where it is least warranted. Crossing the limits and substantiating it with several excuses without realizing that it is bad manners is the in thing here. I think that we have to go a long way in improving our social etiquette and manners. I value my privacy very much as I respect the privacy and personal life of others. I know teasing is like prodding and tail twisting which may bring nasty results which is not at all necessary in any relationship.

Hi Kala, Yes, it’s a typically Indian style of teasing our friends and near ones and yes, in most cases it’s a case of showing affection and closeness. I too am teased and I love teasing too and I think the trick lies in not taking offence when I am teased by others. I have to take it lightly and in true spirit only then will the others accept my teasing. Ego should not have its place among friends and teasing is just a way of testing that and also our own maturity.

I do NOT like teasing, so I very seldom tease others. To me it is not a sign of affection at all, but rather an invasion. I do not like familiarity, preferring more formal relationships. I never thought of it as a cultural difference, though, because many of my relatives and neighbors are big teasers. I just think of it as an individual difference. It is impossible to deal gently with teasers in my experience because if you let them know you do not like it then they want to do it all the more, so one can only avoid those people, which is not usually possible, or out-tease them until they back off. My uncles, especially, liked to "win" so if they got teased back, they would withdraw. With them I think it was a power trip.

To me this is soo not funny. I always think that all humor is based on truth, so when you are 'joking' with a person about some flaw that they have or some difference you are basically critcizing them, and also enjoining others to laugh at them. This is humiliating. I can see how some things are harmless, however as the ones making the joke we have no idea what someone may be secretly insecure about, and the socially acceptable response to being teased like this is to laugh, even if it was hurtful. So the person who is joking is allowed to "tell the truth" which in terms of joking is always that the subject is somehow inferior, or stupid, i.e. laughable. But the person being teased is required to pretend that they enjoy being berated. Has anyone ever teased you lightly and you ended up protesting, what happened? Everyone told you to be a "good sport". In other words the whole thing is just a civilized way to control the social heirarchy. Our social status whithin a group is partly determined by this action of teasing. If you do the teasing you are acheiving a higher status by undermining the inate traits of a rival. And being teased can either raise or lower your status in a group depending on how one reacts to it.

We had this very discussion at home just the other night. My daughter and my husband often play games with each other and tease one another a lot, my daughter will jump on her dad, playfully hit him and so on…But how much is playing and when does it become disrespect? We had a difficult time explaining the fine line to our child. I think that, for a start we generally know who we can tease and who will not tolerate it and the trick is to know how long before we become obnoxious with it and that too is a fine line. I admit that I am not a fan of too much teasing a little every now and again but people who do it constantly can wear me down after a while.

I do not approve of teasing, neither do I do it myself. Most of the times the teasers cross the limit and they have no idea what's they are talking about! I agree, that there is a time and situation but hardly the chronic teasers follow it and without knowing they tend to hurt people. I am a person who is gentle and have been brought up in a fashion that does not quite practise insinuations and negative allusions, which are considered as improper. Teasings fall in that group too. However, having said this, they are some gentle teasers who never could hurt or be improper with their dispositions. But it's also important to know about the subject. You never know, who you are going to hurt! I would rather not tease.

With close people, who understand us properly, we can joke but I do not think anyone will like teasing. Evenif we take it lightly, others may think bad and degraded about the person on whom teasing was made. So I never tease anyone, even for fun.

Hello kalav. I agree that sometimes we love to tease some people familiar to us. I think that it is because we have a very good relationship that we think of teasing. But it all depends on the person's personality as to tease. If it happens to be one who is introverted, then it is not proper to tease him or her, but there is no problem for someone extrovert so long as we don't hurt them.

It is an interesting topic. Some members of my family are big on teasing other family members, and some people take it well, some people don't, and some don't realise when they're being teased! Most of my friends now aren't so into teasing, although I used to have a friend who took it too far, and she offended a lot of people without realising it. I think it's ok as long as the people being teased aren't too bothered by it. It's when the teasers don't realise the bad effect they're having on people that it really becomes a problem.

Hi kala, I too like to tease some one I feel very close to. I am constsntly teasing my son about his friends esp girls and also my younger daughter...they too tease me a lot, my son teases me about my weight. He in fact calls me chubby mummy LOL,no matter how much they tease me I never get irritate or angry and it is the same with them....I do it with my sister as well. But I can never do it with others because I do not feel that close to anyone else....I guess it is the comfort level that is important....all the best kala, your discussions are always intersting and something to look forward to, have a great evening

Yes!We like to tease and get teased among best friends circle.That really shows the intimacy of any relationship.it is quite natural to tease our relatives too in a function or festival gatherings.but we should always know the limits and should not exceed that.A person who use to tease without awareness of the environment will be disliked by all.

Good to tell her when she is looking special,,best to sense the person's mood,,as trouble comes very EASY for me

Hi kala, I have been visiting some of the discussions of these foreigners. They truly do not indulge in personal level teasing. They indulge in repartees, and rejoinders, but never will it be aimed at any personal aspect. It is not as if they are enjoying any less than us. :) A little bit of teasing is just fine. But this cloak is cleverly donned by those with malafide intentions. The litmus test is the reaction of the person. If the person apologizes adding that he or she meant it as joke, then the intentions were not innocent. This is because if the person understands why it hurt, then the person also realizes it is not something about which anybody should be joking. This is not my original thinking. I read it somewhere on net. I merely putting it in my words and presenting it here. :) What can we do? We just have to bide time and expose such a person. God gives opportunities. He doesn't really like such bullies. Other than this of course, I think teasing is healthy enough. :)