Don't give 100% in relationships, just give 50%-70%

@laydee (12798)
Philippines
February 28, 2010 5:27am CST
I know that this topic is supposed to be in relationships, but I think it's better off on the Thinker's category, because I am thinking and it gives out a great deal of thinking. Anyhow, I have always heard people giving advices to friends in terms of relationships. Not just for the romantic types but also for work. Most would say "Don't give your all, just give at least 50%, so that when it doesn't work out, you would still have something to pick yourself up". Sounds familiar? Well, my question is: How do you know you're giving more than 50% or perhaps 100%? How do you equate and check-and-balance yourself with these ratios? How can you say that you've given past the limit? I'd probably know I'm giving 100% when it's all I could ever think of. But still, when we think of someone or something too much, isn't that called obsession or infatuation? Anyhow, I hope someone could shed some light on the topic.
5 people like this
15 responses
@kgwat70 (13388)
• United States
28 Feb 10
I believe that all people should be making an effort to make a romantic relationship or a work relationship be successful. Everybody needs to contribute in order for any relationship to work, not just one individual. I wouldn't use a ratio to make relationships to work. All parties involved have to do their part to make things work well. Things generally don't work out well if only one person is doing all or most of the work while others are not.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
1 Mar 10
I agree with what you said here.. working hard to make things work well..
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
28 Feb 10
I don't agree with that advice at all. If you give less than 100% in anything, you're cheating not only yourself but others as well. If you're employed, your employer is paying you for 100% of your skills...not 50% or 70%...so why would you intentionally hold back and risk being let go or not being promoted? The same is true with relationships. If you give 100% and the relationship doesn't work out, the hurt is going to be the same as it would be if you only gave 70%...only the relationship might not last as long.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
28 Feb 10
I dont think any relationship is ever fairly divided. Someone is always designated the caregiver. Its inevitable. The sad part about that it is that we tend to take it for granted and dont realize it until its too late. As far as taking care of each other goes, physically I do all the cleaning, cooking, child care, and animal care. Financially he takes care of us. I work 45 hours a week and he basically lets me keep my money. It works for us. It all depends on the people involved. In my opinion I think that everyone should give 100%. Happy MyLotting dl
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
i agree with you on this. but the fact is that not every one get's the chance to be couragous in loving some one 100% again. some really does make 50, 70 or lesser than that, it can't be helped. am only saying that it's possible to love some one still 100% after a break up but it's hard to do so as most people are afraid to love again and give their all
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
Hello laydee, I don't believe that notion one bit, but i must say i don't think am capable to give another 100% after a screw break up, but that doesn't mean it's an excuse for us to limit our show of love to that person, he/she didn't deserve to be love less than the one you used to love before. you can love 100% and love yourself too 100%. a lot of men and women had loved and failed but they give they're 100%. there was this interview that a celebrity that he gave it all to his three ex gf's and still didn't work out. it's not bad to give 100%, just that you also love yourself 100%, so that the person screws you, then you wouldn't entirely feel bad since you still took care and love yourself.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Feb 10
Yes i agree. I don't put all eggs in one basket.Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to say that i still try on looking over somebody's shoulders for the better one. I give it my best, but i reserve a part for myself. This percentage i give to myself is the factor that makes my eyes wide open while my heart is head over heels over someone. It also makes me logical enough to think right when i feel confused or doubtful with how my partner is reacting differently.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Mar 10
Hi Laydee I think it would be fair to not give 100% in relationships because if the relationship somehow collapses, you have a better chance of moving on and it will be less painful for you. It is also one way of protecting and caring for yourself
@rsa101 (37933)
• Philippines
1 Mar 10
I agree to that thought. I think before you can give your love to someone you must learn to love yourself. And when you know how to love yourself only then that you can share that with others. Others think that when they love the emptiness that that felt would be filled up only to know that they lose in the end. You should fill yourself with it before you can truly love a person. Do not depend on others that they will fill you when you are into relationship.
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
1 Mar 10
I think the percentages are just general terms to describe how much people're holding back, getting attached, expressing their affection, etc. It's called being guarded! I do that up and until the point where I'm committed in a relationship...meaning, I've decided that forever's what I want with a person and I trust them completely etc.
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
1 Mar 10
100% love is given mostly by first timers. But for those who got hurt and experienced a painful relationship, they will hesitate to give their 100% anymore for their next relationships. For me, I don't think it's fair to give only 50% of your love, I might be wrong but for my partner, I want her to give me all her love, because I also give my 100% love to her. I believe that one relationship will be tighter if both of them are giving their 100% love. That's why before you enter in a relationship, be sure that you really like him or her because you will be committed to each other. Take time to choose, and when you already found the right one, then it's time to give him or her the 100% of your love. Have a nice day! Happy myLotting!
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
1 Mar 10
I have heard this lots of times too; the percentage on love. I think it's something like not being so committed.. not trusting so much and just to take it easy and see where the relationship lands and stuff like that. Sometimes, it's hard to not give past the limit; I so agree.. love is to be true to oneself, so if there are problems along the way, we have to get back to our own pedigree. This is definitely a very interesting discussion..
• United States
28 Feb 10
Hi, Lady! It would never occur to me to rate contributions to a relationship. However, I give 100% to just about everything in which I am involved. I'm fortunate to have a husband who also believe in giving it his all!
@figjam00 (1445)
• India
28 Feb 10
After reading this discussion I think it is a great way to deal with things. Well, first of all there is no way for quantifying your relationship but the point that is being made is simple that you should have some emotional capacity when things don't work. I have been through bad relationship and I got to admit that it has taken a toll on me emotionally because I have given my 100% in the relationship. So if I would not have given that much the pain could have been much lesser. But in these sort of things your emotional level matters a lot. But all in all a great idea.
• Philippines
1 Mar 10
your right! because you need to be ready for any circumstances will happen. everything in this world wont last, even a relationship there will be no forever. i think having 30% for yourself would be better than 0%.
@jasmeena (846)
• Indonesia
1 Mar 10
I heard that concept too before..I mean,it doesn`t mean that we don`t love our loved ones. We have rights to love and to be loved, but don`t love someone too much. Just like Brian May`s song"Too much love will kill you". Because we don`t know what is gonna happen next.
• Brazil
28 Feb 10
A relationship is a system of mutual conenction and if you have to 'give' anything, then that's not so good. You have to have fun in a relationship and both people need to have their liberty adn their private space. A relationship usually goes wrong because of one of the members futility. That's why I don't envolve my self in suge derogatory situations.