Do your surroundings influence your thinking?

hi raynejasper I am also from the US but I just wanted to say I hate the way we do put our elderly in old age homes, and I think a lot of Americans here do agree with me. I am friends with a family who moved here from India and was very impressed with how they have both their adult son and adult daughter living with them as the son was having health problems and the daughter just newly graduated from college was diligently looking for a job but living at home. While this is not the morm for us Americans I do think its sort of nice for the parents to do this. I do respect your values, your traditions and your culture. I do think families should care for their elderly at home and not ship them off to die in some godforsaken old age home. this is just not right.

@raynejasper, I totally agree with you. I cannot think of putting my papa in old age home! I know he would feel so lonely! And he has so many (bad) habits, which he will have to forego there! I dont think he should be called upon at this stage to let go of habits that he has had for the last several years! @Hatley, yes I so very much agree with you. I really feel bad that elderly out there have to live amongst strangers. As it is - it is difficult for the elderly to adjust. How tolerant the stranger would be depends upon the luck of the person I suppose. Any in any event, I think old age homes are depressing. @jonjee - that is very self respecting of you. But you are a rare person. Most of us are like Hatley. We would like loved ones around us.

Yes, way of thinking is affected. When we see others do something, which may be really wrong if we think about it, but when we find everybody doing it, somehow it gets sanctified. :( @jonjee, that would be ideal situation but by the time we retire, the place gets crowded again. :(

Aunt, I've a lot to catch up...been hibernating for awhile, so I'm back now.. I take heed in what you say here, it's so bad that the elder daughter and son don't want their parents...

Hello my favorite nephew out here. :) Good morning to you too, though I am writing this many days later at 8 pm. :) I dont know how I missed this page. :) So I am catching up. :) Zed I so very agree with you - if the environment is oppressive, the person owes it to himself or herself and to the world to break free as only a happy person can spread happiness. And out here in India, parents continue to support children even when children are old enough to earn for themselves! I will give you an example. My maid has a 2 daughters and two sons.. The elder daughter and elder son are happily settled, they dont want their parents. The younger son is a drunkard, and doesnt work. The younger daughter is married, but doesnt want to work. So this old woman is earning at 50+ to support her family while younger able kids sit at home! I feel so sorry for her because after all the chores she does here, and in another house, she rushes back home, washes clothes, and collects water! She also does the shopping! How lazy can children get? But nobody every thinks about it. However, everybody asks her when she is getting her second son married - even though they know she doesnt have money right now in her hands, leave alone the boy being responsible. Keep wondering why people dont address a problem and instead try some other way to be social. By the way the younger son may be near about 25. He is a graduate. So it is well beyond schooling, and college. I too think putting people in homes is so bad! I can understand people who have nobody. But people who have somebody should be looked after! Imagine own children doing that. :( It is still understandable in countries like the US, where help is very expensive as well as dangerous. But in countries like India, where labor is cheap, this is heartlessness of kids. To an extent, of course, the children become materialistic if parents are.

Hatley dear, wish I could keep you with me. I would never send you to those retirement centers and nursing homes. I wouldnt like that for anybody. I did think of that. While on outside we accept that because of financial constraints, the truth is - it is not the right solution. :(

@ jonjee, I think it is only fair that a person who has struggled so much in life as my dear friend Hatley has, that she expects some moments of joy at least at this stage of her life. We are adjusting to everything throughout our lives! Why must it never end?

I meant adjustent.

:) There are a lot of positives about your society. We, unfortunately are not picking those. Instead, we are happily picking things that would actually increase the problems out here - simply because it is an easy way out. :( Dawn, honestly I think elderly are cho chweet - except when they are adamant. They look cho cute and honestly I really love listening to their stories - even if they repeat them n number of times.

And I think it must depress them to see somebody or the other sick all the time, or somebody dying. That can trigger the fears of dying I think. Effectively, they live through the same feelings as the cancer patient! I may have a whole lot of differences with my papa, but I could never push him through that.

Hi professor, yes, once those nasty words become aprt of the vocabulary, they are so difficult to get rid of! Yes, prisoners dont improve in prison, and they feel as if they are discriminated against once outside the prison. They need to be understood, and offered solutions to prevent crimes. I also agree parents should not be kept in old age homes. I would never do that.

By the way professor, did you know that some children beat up their aged parents?

I agree Buchi_bulla. When I was young, my cousin was married and given a dowry of 1 lakh cash. Today, I know of people taking dowries of not less than 50 lakhs! That has become the minimum in our communities. Girls too accept to give it, knowing fully well how much of strain it would be for their parents and brothers. I think that is shrewd on the part of girls! If they cant love their parents enough how will they love their in-laws enough? I would never choose such a girl as my daughter in law. But yes, society is changing. More and more people are working and falling in love. I dont know anymore if money factor continues in there as well. Hopefully not. I think some of these so called godmen should be given challenge to reform the prisoners, dont you think? Yes, I agree. I think adopting elders should be allowed, just like adopting children is. What do you think.

Hi SomeCowgirl, it is a news to me that out there children expect something from parents. In our country - especially people I've come across - most of them count how much their parents and in laws would leave them! That seems so bad! People simply forget that parents have to plan their retirement too! Once they reach an age where they can earn, they should hesitate in asking parents. I thought that is what is your culture. Yes, the nursing home is lonely and depressing. There, however, you all have to travel a lot of distance to work and getting house help is rather expensive. Choices are tough, career or parents. So to that extent, may be it is justified. In our country transportation is not such a great issue. Moreover, labor is cheap, and we get maids at quite reasonable rates. This should make it easier for us to look after our elders. But many people are now leaving their elderly folks alone. :( Makes me very sad. I think prisoners too are victim of circumstances. As you mentioned negative environment can eventually get you. May be if we start raising our voices against negative environment we see in our neighborhood, may be we can stop a prospective criminal. :)

Hi lyzabelle, thanks. And very sorry I responded so late. :( Suppose you were living in a country like India, where we pay bribe to get daily water tankers to our homes in summers. Would you blend with the crowd and pay some bribe, or stand aloof saying you wont pay and make the rest of your family too stand firm on this. You do know paying bribe is wrong, isn't it? :)

Hi JenInTN, you've given a good explanation for prisoners being kept in prison. But the deterrant format has not worked, has it? In fact, when the prisoner comes out, the unacceptability attached to his or her status may make him or her feel like fleeing the normal social environment! So prison may in fact be a bad decision in many cases, though not all. As to elderly, we should be given a choice to adopt them rather than isolate them.

Falling back or retreat would be a better treatment

Hi gunagohan, did you notice one thing, we buy something with great interest, and within a few months we get bored of it? The same is not true of nature. Nothing helps us relax as much as nature. I too walk to the balcony, and watch the trees and birds when things seem to become painful. :) As to comparison, we are exposed more to US - we watch US movies on television, and the US as such has become a representative of all caucasians. :) Of course, we will come to comparing rural India and life in Indian Metros. :)

That's so true! Nobody in prison could write a poem like Wordsworth. :) So does it mean that we need to correct our surroundings if we need to eliminate crime. What led to Germans killing Jews? Did they not know it to be wrong? A few can be mistaken, so many being mistaken is a bit hard to believe. Fear may have been one factor, and greed and ambition another. But no opposition in Newspapers, no reports taken out of the country by German reporters. Seems a bit strange that hardly anybody had conscience for so many years!

So - you would say that if a person is left in a wrong environment, his or her thinking gets influenced by the surroundings, and soon he or she becomes "bad"? Would such a person change if we sort of transplanted him or her into a new and pleasant environment?

So - you would say that if a person is left in a wrong environment, his or her thinking gets influenced by the surroundings, and soon he or she becomes "bad"? Would such a person change if we sort of transplanted him or her into a new and pleasant environment?

I too feel the same way. In fact, I feel once a person has been to a prison, the way people look at him or her changes. This might make the person squirm, and want to run away. I feel they often repeat the crimes because they feel the society is not accepting them back anyway. :(

You've nearly come to the point I wanted to make. :) While our environments do influence our thinking, and we can get muddled up about what is right and what is wrong, we still have that crucial thing in our hands, our choice. :) So everybody around us may be taking bribes, but it is not necessary that we too take bribes. Likewise, everybody around us may be taking dowries, but we have a choice to refuse. :) And so also about elderly. We have a choice not to send our elderly to old age home. And as to criminals, we have to review how we can reform them, instead of putting two different types of people together. :) Thanks for responding Sanjana. :)

Hi Yugasini, it is not that they are selifish. It is because their cost of living is up. They need to maintain a minimum standard. Out here, we have a good public transport system, and then we have the autos, in case we get late. There, they have to maintain cars may be as the nearest bus stop may be at considerable distance! Many factors because of which people behave differently. Look at their positives as well. They love other people's children as their own. They are willing to adopt children who are slightly older. Take them into foster homes, a practice which we dont have out here. :) And they dont depend upon parents after a particular age! Many good things in them as well. :) Thanks for sharing your views. :)

That anurag is so true. :) Honestly, if we didnt have that peer pressure, may be we wouldnt even consider Levi's was anything great. :)

Yes monkeylong, we do prefer to remain in the state we are, and any disturbance to that state can be annoying.

So does it justify leaving elderly in old age home? Would they feel they age faster and give up living faster in old age homes? Just curious. And so also about the criminals. Would they really give up their criminal behavior, if we leave them in cells where there are others who have done things like them?

That brings me to another thought! :) When your child is growing up, would you realize that they have to maintain this dual aspect? :) Yes, we shouldnt be judgmental about others, especially since we cant really know another person as well as we know ourselves. And if we try to ignore our mistakes, we should be able to ignore the mistakes of others as well. :)