What kind of love is this?? what do you say??
By nina_khan
@nina_khan (749)
Pakistan
May 26, 2010 1:53pm CST
A lady in last 8 month told me again and again that she has deep interest in me and she is started to love me.
i had already told her that i has been in a relation for last 3.5 years and i am not such type of boy who likes to have multiple relations in a single time.
she told me its ok she will be my friend till i get married with the one i am with or may be if she get a chance to be my GRIL ONE DAY?? who knows??
i told her ok Friend ship is fine. she showed her love towards me for many many times. and she made me sure that she wants to have a very good and healthy relation with me, she took many blows for me in many cases and showed see i really love you.
i was amazed that i am showing no interest to that lady and she is doing so much for me.
why is she doing that?? i talked to her on that topic with her for too many times. asked her too many questions and the response was very positive i told her see i am already with a girl you are putting me in lots of trouble by showing your interest in me. she said i Pray ALLAH that what ever is better for we all three must happen. in last 3 months she started showing like she has gone mad and she is in love with me, told her parents about me even all of her family members start to tease her by calling my name...
i was again shocked by this behaviour and i started to take some interest in her. and found she is very nice girl and have very good family but told her nothing.
but in last 18 days without any reason she changed her number and have no contact with me and i have also come to know that now a days she is having a relation with my friend.. she is now very serious with him but that Boy is just passing time with her. she is caught in her sayings and her words and believing him too much. i have no idea how to stop her?? because we dont have any contact. because the place where we worked together i have left that place too and have no number of her. i cant say any thing to my friend too he is my childhood friend and i cant say tell or cant stop him.
what kind of love was that?? which has changed in a single day??
how can one do like this with some one??
the day on which she changed her number she was fine no fights nothing happened? i told her nothing, she just msged me ok take care. bye bye i will not be able to contact you again? what was that?? there is a big contradiction between her sayings that she will die with out and now she is Fine and i am finding trouble to live like that... what is all that??
Do reply with solid reasons and dont be harsh with me. please
2 people like this
13 responses
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
26 May 10
You reacted far too late. Since you confessed to her that you are already in a relationship, this might have made her decide to seek love from someone else. It is only fair that she share her love with someone that love her and is uncommitted. Why should she hang on with you when she can't feel the love from you. Women are sensitive especially when it comes to love.
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
yes, i believe that women are very sensitive in this case but when i told her again and again in early days why she didnt listen to me?? and now she has done that with me only because i was taking interest?? did she want to take revenge from me or what??
also the boy she has chosen is not a good boy. i have talked to his father he directly told me that i know that lady had relation with you. i will be Mad if i listen to my son. it means that what ever he has told her is wrong and playing with her.. and i dont want that too
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
26 May 10
Hi Nina! Good to see you here!
This may sound harsh, but I think your friend is more in love with 'being in love' than she is actually in love with another person. That is why she was able to swap so quickly from you to your friend. Her relationship with your friend will last until either he ends it, or she finds her next love interest. There really is no way to stop what is going on between them. Who knows, maybe something real will develop?
You know from your own experience that real love is not something that can be instantly turned on, or off. But sometimes it does happen when both parties least expect it. Maybe this will happen to your friend.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
27 May 10
What's sad is that this woman seems to believe that all that is necessary for a man to love her, is that she tells him that she loves him first. You know that's not the way it works.
There's isn't much you can do for her, she will have to learn that lesson herself. We have a term for it, 'Lesson from the School of Hard Knocks'. You never said how old she is, but I'm sure that eventually she will learn and hopefully find a good partner for herself. Or, she will convince some one to marry her and she'll be stuck in a loveless marriage. I hope that doesn't happen though...
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
yes, you are right.. i agree with you on this.
and i wish and hope that she may not find such person in her life too.. because i dont want her to be in trouble i will always pray for her. but what ever she has done with me is not fine, and as you said let her learn the lesson of it. than ok fine i tell you that too. that i am sure she is going to learn it very soon too. as far as i am concern she is going to have a big problem in some days or months when she will come to know "my friend is getting engaged with her cousin" his father told me. and that is what she dont know
she was 19 years old. 3 or may be 4 years younger than me. i dont believe females when they tells you your date of birth :P hahah
1 person likes this
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
Hello catdla....
how are you?
well you are right that she swap so easily because of that, but the main problem is that he is not interested too. he is only passing his time with her. i have come to know that his family is going to engage him with her girl cousin who is Doctor, because he is a engineer of future..
his father is a very good friend of my father has told me that i know there was a relation between you and that lady. therefore i will never listen to my Son in this matter, he has gone mad. and just passing time nothing else. and this passing time is not what i dont want
1 person likes this
@rosie230 (1696)
•
26 May 10
It sounds to me as though she does not really know what she wants... if she really wanted you and loved you then she would do whatever to be with you, the fact that she is quite happy to say goodbye and lose contact for you suggests that she does not want you , and was perhaps just playing until something came along. You probably are better off without her.
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
26 May 10
thanks for your response
yes, i agree with you. but if there was any ego or some what like this than why she told me again and again that she is in love with me?? why she made those stupid mistakes which added insult to my life and also in my Job. Was she mad or what??
she used to say. i love you and i am not worried about people. and you should not be too..i showed her self alot, then backing up like this?? what was that?
1 person likes this
@rosie230 (1696)
•
26 May 10
I think that was just obsession and possibly jelously...maybe you had a relationship which she too wanted... maybe you showed her how happy you were and she wanted it, or to be honest sounds like she could not get what she wanted, because you wouldnt give in.... there are people like this out there unfortunately and all you can do is forget what she has said and done, and enjoy your life now. She is not worth the aggravation or stress of the situation.
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
yes, you are right and i will try my best to do what you have said, but when i am alone i feel and remember all those things and i am unable to control my self most of the times,
thanks for your response
@mario_stevens (6971)
• Malaysia
27 May 10
hi nina..
hope i don't come off as being harsh..
now, you did mention that you were already in a relationship. if i were you and still serious about it, i'd re-focus my attention back to that relationship and make it better and stronger. it's pretty much obvious that the other lady is not serious & unable to even commit to a serious friendship with you.
you have to choose for yourself, do you worry about what could have happened between you and that other lady, or would you rather much concentrate on what you have?
speaking from my own experience, it's much better to focus on what you have in front of you 
take care nina! 
take care nina! 
@vandana7 (98859)
• India
27 May 10
After sleeping over it - me thinks the lady is a psycho - will try to return if nina gets married to this other lady. So the issue needs to be clearly explained to the other lady!
You know "Fatal attraction" kind!
May be she was told nobody can love her, and so she is on proving spree that she can get any man she wants! Proving to herself!
People do need to be cautious with their words. Some words create psychos. :(
@mario_stevens (6971)
• Malaysia
27 May 10
i can get almost any woman i want..it's just that they don't get me sometimes 
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
Vandana sis.
you are right there is some thing wrong with her.. because no one can take a very quick decision in few hours..
i think some one has washed her brain. what do you say?
@MRSSTEVENS (125)
• United States
27 May 10
First of all, Love is not something that goes away...If it was true love, then she still loves you, but she is doing everything possible to stay away from that. also, there is a fine line between love and hate...when someone you love doesn't return that love, it can make you very angry and hurt. with those feelings we can do and say things that we don't mean or never would have said in the first place. if you have no intentions of being with her, it would be best to leave it alone. You don't want her, but you don't want her to have anybody else. it doesn't matter what her reasons are for losing contact, maybe she just needed to be away from you so she could find closure. best thing to do is strengthen the relationship with the one that you love and want to be with and wash your hands of the situation. everybody likes to be adored...but you cannot change your life.
@MRSSTEVENS (125)
• United States
27 May 10
well, it sounds to me like you miss her more than you thought you would...if you're relationship is strong now, would you be missing this girl? its a hard question to ask yourself, but are you sure you are in the right place? you have described this girl so much, but what about your current mate?
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
she with me and she is working hard with me and having a good healthy relation. but she dont know that i had serious interest in her too. i am worried if she came to know about all that she might not leave me too??
because she believes me alot and only knew that "she was interested not me". and i only called her my friend or colleague. But she does not know any thing more than that and i cant tell her that too.. you know what do i mean
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
i only felt very bad for what had happened, if she didnt want to had a relation with me. she would have directly told me that she has lost interest in me and does not want to run any type of relation with me. but the method which chose is wrong and was hurting. i was thinking last night too that what kind of girl she was?? if i was busy for few hours she used to call me and talk to me for hours on call. and now its been 18 days and how will be living?? she seemed to me like a crazy lover first now she has become master mind
@chrisjea (9)
• China
27 May 10
As a girl, I can understand this lady somehow. You are saying you have been with your girlfriend for a long time and don't respond to this lady's love. So I think you shouldn't blame on her for transfering her focus to your friend. I think maybe you can talk to your friend and tell him this girl he has been with now is actually a nice girl, not that kind he can play with. This girl also deserves love right? She can't always waiting for you without any response. I know maybe in some level you shall feel a bit disappointment because the one who is always saying love to you and doing things for you,suddenly turns to your friend. However, I believe eventually you will be happy for her to find her own happiness. Just treasure the one beside you and bless the one loved you.
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
yes, you are right and i do accept my fault.. but this really isnt my fault. i am with a girl and she wanted to start a relation with me is not my fault. i told her again and again that i am interested in a girl dont do that to me and still she done is not my fault..
but yes, she now left me is my fault??? is it fair with me?? huh??
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
28 May 10
yes, you are right i have let them do what they want, even i prayed for both of them too and told ALLAH to guide both of them because both are alike and they are playing with each other now.
i wish they will get what they want to get.
i can only pray for both of them now
@chrisjea (9)
• China
28 May 10
Personally, I have to say I am sorry. I don't mean that way and I am not saying that it's your fault. I think you are a good guy. You know not every guy can deny a nice girl just for his girlfriend. So I think you are very responsible and know very well what should not do. If this whole thing bothered you too much, just forget it. Since you have talked to your friend, and it doesn't work. You have tried your best, so just let it go.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
26 May 10
Seems to me that if you are in a relationship, you are better off not having contact with her anyway. Why do you care that she's broken contact? Do you have some interest in her after all?
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
as i told in my discussion that yes, i last 2 months i started taking interest in her, and she was sure that i was also interested in her but dont know why she done that. i am neither happy nor unhappy but feeling broken up
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
26 May 10
Upon hearing your topic it become apparent that this girl loves you because she had done many things for you to show her love to you. And then you don't show her any interest at all because you had a long relationship with someone. When she no longer contacted you started to feel interest for her which is kinda late because
she find somebody else. Maybe she grow tired waiting for you and realized that you are not the one for her.
You had this responsibility to protect her somehow from your childhood friend who maybe is taking advantage of her love. Try to talk to your friend and ask what is his real intention on her. This girl is a hopeless romantic and she might be endangering herself. Being a friend of her at least you can do something for her.
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
i tired to talk to him on many occasions and told him see you are not doing good. you are not interested or may be intentional interested in her and you are not going to hang around with her for long period of time. its your habit to change girls in every 3 months. please do it with some one else, because on one hand you are my friend and she was my very good friend as well as GF too. he told me. mind your own business she is not a kid she knows what to do and be a side dont drag your leg in between me and her too..
i was shocked by his wording
i am hopeless and dont know what to do?
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
27 May 10
Selfish kind of love as I may say. But anyway most mylotters here told you not to focus your attention on this lady. But instead be faithful with the person whom you really love, if that is, your really serious with that person.
I guess you are still young and there are still a lot of challenges, trials or problems that will come along way. But focus more on things which is much more important like your family, your study or career path. Anyway don't get caught on what is just spoken. It is easy to say, but you can clearly see the actions. And she did the opposite of what she claims to be. She is practically playing on you, and your so called friend is also doing the same thing. Well, she will reap what she sows right.
So don't worry, let that woman go and don't let her ego ballooned even more just because you are chasing her like your so cheap. Is that reasonable enough? truth hurts my friend, but you better wake up before you fall down and be sorry.
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
yes, i am not sleeping any more, i do pray for that lady that she must not find a man like her self, otherwise she will find it very hard to live, because she has lost me and if she lost her self she will cry over that forever.
i am not a good boy but i was very good friend, i am such person who had personally solved all her problems which i saw. once her mother told me that i havent changed my own daughter in last 19 years and you changed her in 5 months.. she appreciated me for that but now?? hahaha
anyways.. you are right she will reap what she has sowed.. i will wait and see what does she get?
@med889 (5941)
•
26 May 10
I would say that this girl is a real danger to you and your couple,she is creating a game to get you in it,better you completely avoid her and tell your girlfriend everything about this girl else she will feel really hurt when knowing this from another person.
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
my girl friend has no contact or no way to contact her what so ever, and i have told her every thing from very first day, because i dont hide any thing from her. she really trust me in this case. but the main problem is that i havent told her that i started taking interest in her, because if she came to know about that her heart will break in to pieces which i dont want too..
thanks for your response
@cicisnana (772)
• United States
26 May 10
My son in law was in a similar position. He had been dating a girl for 3 years, this girl had a friend who always professed her love to him and it made him feel quite awkward. He and the other girl broke up but he did not pursue the girl who had been professing her love because, although she was a friend of his too, he did not have the feelings for someone he wanted a relationship with. He and my daughter started dating and this girl was a bit upset. She threatened my daughter many times but my daughter and he continued dating, while she continued professing her love for him still. He finally told her, "I am marrying this other girl, if you still want to be friends, fine, she and I will both be your friend." They married, have a son together. I don't believe there is any friendship with the other girl, she found herself another guy that she apparently "loves" and since she no longer "loves" my son in law she is leaving him alone.
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
yes, you are right.. you are also talking about almost the same which has happened to me,and really it was heart breaking. its been 15 or 20 days i am unable to adjust. just missing missing missing
@vandana7 (98859)
• India
26 May 10
Hi nina - let me just say - you are better off without that psychiatric case in your life. :) It is obsessive kind of love, so once she gets what she wants, she no longer wants it. She does the same thing with everybody. Ego. So ignore! Move on with your girlfriend and be happy!
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
26 May 10
Hello sis,
thanks for your response
well i am trying very hard to forget every thing which has happened with me in last 8 months but i used to tell my friends that if i had a dog for 8 months i would have get used to that too. and she was a female. not animal i was getting interested in her
1 person likes this
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
27 May 10
She didn't love you in the first place. She's just acting like an intellectual girl filled with complex ideas. She was honest when she told you "take care" but everything she said that she like you has little to do with love. A girl like her always go for the impulse she feels not thinking about the consequence it may give to others. If she did it to me I will just forget her and teach young girls to not be like her.
@nina_khan (749)
• Pakistan
27 May 10
hummmmmm......... great words.. teach other girls not to be like this.. wow you gave me a new motivation
why not teach them dont be like them.. dont even care about girls right??
so that they may not do that again with me right??
thank you very much
