Anger Management part 3

Don't ask me...I do the same thing. I hate loud/angry voices and will do anything to calm the situation...or leave. Leaving is what I prefer. My folks never raised their voices at us as kids...and I just can't stand it -- even directed at someone else...at the world in general... If you find a solution, let me know. Otherwise, I'll keep being the mediator...or leave.

If there are people around me being angry, not at me, I tend to try to put internal ear plugs in. I do not want to hear it. I am sympathetic, and also nervous, like it is not okay for people to be angry with one another. My own anger often embarrasses me and makes me feel like I have mistreated someone, but if I am in pain or tired or sick it will just spill all over. I get past it quickly then regret lashing out, because it is usually at hubby who does not deserve it. I guess many of us want to cringe and hide from anger even when directed at someone else.

I don't think that's all that abnormal. I cringe at anger too most of the time.. unless it's my own. With hubby it depends on my mood, some days I'll just sit there and laugh at him when he's screaming at me... other days I cringe a bit. But when it's someone else getting angry at me or arguing in front of me I feel really uncomfortable, and I think that's very natural.

I avoid all confrontation if possible. I don't think that is to unusual. Let's look at this from a science point of view. Anger creates a hugh amount of negative energy, if you get near it there will be an invasion into your energy field. So it only makes common sense to avoid it at all costs. How's that for an excuse?

Dawny, as i don't have children, i get very protective over my family and friends. No on should even dare coming near them. But to deal with other peoples anger, i haven't got the patients for it. As i have a temper which i cannot keep under control. i try to stay away from them. TATA.

Well I'm like you if I can save myself from the situation I'd rather be not involved. But if I am the one in that situation, I give it a few minutes. If the person still hasn't controlled his anger then I'd try to talk to him calmly. I think the more you go in a shouting match with someone the more hostile the situation becomes. OF course there are times when I can't help myself from shouting back too. Especially if I really think I am right.

Well it seems that it's not that abnormal. I too avoid all conflict, including what I consider hibernation mode. This means that if the anger is directed at me I will go to all costs to avoid this sometimes means I won't answer my phone or door and will even avoid going out if it's a possibility of running into the person. Even directed at others I'm completely uncomfortable. I have a few times tried to smooth things over but just end up in the crossfire, so I try to just walk away from that also. As you said if it's directed at one of my children that is a whole other ballgame, I'm a lioness protecting her cubs. I do sometimes envy those that can stand up to anger, as I find that do to my "fear" of confrontation I tend to get walked on a lot. Which builds up resentment and angry feelings in me, which is quite unhealthy. I have no solution for this, but will be monitoring this discussion to see if anyone has some good suggestions.

people i've known previous with that reaction have been exposed to it at some time before.they just don't want to deal with yelling again. it causes the fight or flight reaction almost immedietely even if not directed at them.sometimes it's the fear of it becoming directed at them if they're around.

Hi Dawnald, Having been in a very abusive relationship, I have to say that I don't deal well with it. I'm kind of like you...I just want to restore the peace. Sometimes and thankfully not much anymore, my daughters would get in these vicious arguments over things that in my mind were trivial. Even though I was not involved, their loud voices invaded my ear space and instantly affected my gut. If I am not a successful peacemaker and I usually am not when I butt into these fights, I have a horrible habit of walking away swearing horrible things under my breath. All too often I'm overheard and then I'm the target of the anger too. I hate it. I hate it. I don't like when it is directed at me or at others. Recently when I gave one of my girls a ride, we stopped at the store. She ran in and I sat in the car. Seems the store clerk got on her nerves and so when she returned she was hopping mad and proceeded to angrily describe the exchange. Oh..I had to pull over and tell her that I was open to hear her side of it but she had to please change her tone of voice because I seriously felt as if I was the one getting yelled at. She did and she even smiled and told me that I was way too sensitive. I know where you are coming from. Anger might be a normal emotion but most people say really hurtful things that they don't mean in anger and so it is never a pleasant thing.

I hate confrontations of any kind; they make me feel very uncomfortable. In regards to me, I can only put it down to the fact that my mother was very abusive towards my sister and I while we were growing up and would often yell and scream very loudly and make us cringe. I guess that is why to this day I hate people yelling and fighting and I am not very good at confronting others myself. Did you endure a lot of anger during your childhood?

I'm sorry to say that I was cut off the same cloth as you. I do not do anger well at all. Yes, if family is attacked I become what my husband used to call me - 'Bog Irish with knife skills'. I learnt as a child in an angry household that it was better to hide until the row was over. I have been too meek over the years but I am getting better at handling my anger now. (Just when I am getting ready to check out!) I wish that I had done this earlier in my life. I do plan to stand up to my domineering sister when we meet in a few weeks and not be meek and mild in front of her. As you say, it is a normal human emotion that everyone needs to deal with in a safe way. Good luck. When you find out then you can let me know!

Dawny - you are such a nice person! Let me advise you though you might feel I am acting like an elderly person and resent it. The longer you hold it in, the more you would have brewed the tea and the more bitter it would be. You cringe because you dont really know how much of that bitterness - some of which may sound odd to your own ears and be unacceptable in social group - will come out. You are not confident that you will be hold that part in! I know, I have been there and done that. So I am starting to be so very firm about what I want and what I dont. :) It makes us appear as bad people - but it is worth it for that mental peace sweetheart. Take care.

It depends on the situation for me. Generally I go out of my way to avoid situations that are going to make me angry. However when the "NOW" rare occasion comes up as difficult as it is for me I take a step back, take alot of deep breaths to remain calm and evaluate the situation. If at all possible I will try reason with the individual. If that doesn't work I suggest a "time out" and walk away. In my younger days the situation would have been much different. I guess "WITH AGE DOES COME "WISDOM".

happyness moods make people happy, anger moods make people angry. if u cannot stand being around such mood u should be glad you're strong enough to get away. if u dont like that there's no reason why to stay somewhere ur not comfortable. in my opinion you should be able to deal with it trying not to end up so stressed. but how? by means of understanding. understanding anger is just a temporary mood, if someones mad at you or mad at someone else. just ask him or her why he feels that way. TALKING makes angry people feel peaceful again. and listening might help u understand how anger is a passing mood. HOPE THIS HELPS.

I am the same way..or i wanna crawl in the corner and make myself as small as possible..which is not easy being as hefty as I am...I hate fighting no matter who it is directed at..but I am very protective of my 9 year old little sister and 12 year old nephew...when answer is directed at them I want to protect them the best I can...even went toe to toe a few times with the parents...so has my husband..

something that makes me cringe when it's wife that gets the anger even not directed at me. so i just don't have to get in her way until she calms down.

People react differently in different situations but maybe you aren't used to being around anger..like as a child...or maybe you were around a lot of it and were afraid. I suppose I get a little aggressive..defensive maybe..only in my home though. In a work environment I try to be very careful in the way I handle all situations. Being in management can be very tricky when dealing with others emotions. I will usually listen to their rant and most of the time if I stay calm and assertive..they will calm down too.

When I was growing up, I didn't know how to deal with anger. When I felt my dad's wrath, I just shut down - and wanted to shrink to nothingness. I probably watched my mom as she'd get quiet and I reacted the same. I was often by myself (I wasn't exactly "socialized"), so I didn't have much experience in dealing with others, particularly with anger . . . I didn't know how to argue, lash back, or stand up for myself - even if I was the one who was angry. I finally "grew a spine" later in life . . . but that took a lot of building up over time. So maybe how you react is related to how you grew up in your childhood? But when someone else is angry and it's not directed towards me, perhaps because of my previous shutting down mechanism, I immediately get calm. I guess I see that when someone is upset, they're not entirely seeing straight - so I become that person that see things objectively. I get into "face it" mode.

Oh I feel this completely. I feel there should not have to be needs for anger, but some people just love to dig it out and love confrontation, and sometimes even about worthless reasons. Oh yes, if it came to be about my kids, when I have them, some day, I would sure be their champion.

Sometimes when you're at the pick of your emotion, almost of the time you can't handle yourself. I rather be alone so that others will not be affected with my anger.