I want to try this theory of mine out on you!!

Okay i have been hurt a lot of times too. And i have become real hard. I can still be in love the same but it has to be natural love (love that maybe i have already had for that person, not a love that you hope to grow over time). In this situation, i start to become heartless and not care about other people feelings and is not like i can help it, it just happens. If me and someone getting a prob, it would be better for them to try fix it because i would not care to fix it. But i wont lie though, in the area of love and relationship, i think its better this way when i am heartless because when i wasn't, i showed too much love to my girl and it end up being that the relationship did not work out, but when i became heartless, everything change and when i only showed a bit love to my girl it ends up that she trys real hard to keep me and this lets the relationship continues. What do you think of that?

Hi, I was hurt, severely. I was on the verge of being insane. I lost all hope to live. But surprisingly that changed me entirely. On the contrary to what you've suggested here, I think I didn't know what love is before I got hurt. After that unfortunate incident I realized the true nature of love. Now, I have love for all. I never had this unbiased, pure, philanthropic love before. How can I say that I've become hard? I feel things that I never felt before. They are all tender and pure feelings of affection for all. My intentions became transparent. I became more honest and righteous. I think it all depends on interpretation. Being hurt may bring serious changes in life. Whether these changes are positive or pessimistic, entirely depends on how we are dealing with it. Some times we try to find peace in something that causes us even more pain. A negative thought can't be a good replacement for another negative thought. Progress can only be achieved through positive and optimistic interpretation. People who have suffered a lot often seem to be afraid for the rest of their lives. What you regard as rigidity in this context, I consider it a vulnerable person hiding behind an apparently formidable fort. The best way to treat your wound is to heal it, not hide it. Thanks. God bless you

hi, saphy, you are damn right that people will become harder when they are hurt. A honest man happens to starve, he may not be honest after. In my opinion most people turn violent and harder when hurt. There are some people who take this as a challenge and get the energy to win from such incidents. You are now reading one of those few persons' response.

...what doesn't kill me does make me stronger humans are weird...we don't really learn anything from life unless its purchase with an equal amount of pain. and pain can come in many forms. so, the harder it hits me, the harder i get. and the more tactful i get too.. humor is just a way to make sure that i am still sane at the end of the day, instead of giving in to my negative emotions and going crazy..

THIS IS UTTER NONSENSE WHAT A FIASCO!!!

Totally agree the more a person gets hurt the harder they become "well thats for some" but the majority or minority of those who have been hurt become harder they learn how to react to certain situations that they have been in before and also how to understand emotionaly and pshycologicaly and let me not for get Physicaly how to relate to an incident that they are familiar with. LATE RESPONSER I'AM A NEWBIE LOL but could not help but to response.

Sap! Many have already responded. I can add - "maturity is proportionate to the embarrassment, one can tolerate". I try to be as tolerant as possible.

a HOUSE was completely turned into ashes after the big ate it yet a porcelain molded fire remain untouched and left alone on the ashy ground.... so what you've got with that? tests and trials make a person harder, and stronger.... but I do not think it could be also done with love and trust.... because love would always understand.... the heart of someone who is in love is tender and understanding....

Think twice, go slowly...

The more you get hurt the more human you feel. I think a lot of people ride on this gushy wave of nirvana and when something happens to them they take it as a personal insult to their utopia. We are all going to get hurt, whether or not you forgive that person for what they did or said is up to you. Don't get a hard heart, but know the lesson that has been taught. Not everybody has your best interests at heart, have your own and go through life with open arms not closed fists.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Yes, being hurt has an effect on a person and, the more someone is hurt, the more cautious and mistrusting that person will be. People put up walls to protect themselves when they are hurt but that does not mean that those walls cannot come down.

Hey saphy, I have been knocked down, hurt, taken forgranted so many times in my life and I swore "never again" would I leave myself open for the pain or love or caring! But, in time when the pain lessons and you feel better you will see that you have learned and you have gotten stonger! Each miserable "life lesson" as awful as they are do make you just a bit strong and less volnerable! I know that I am not the same as I was years ago! I don't let anyone step all over me! I still get hurt, but I can also fight back. Just give yourself time~it does lesson the pain and makes you think before you do the same thing again!

but there is some person that the more they got hurt the more they got weak. they are the one who can take the lesson from the experience. I think i am talking about my self

Many things can hurt a person A word,indifferent,revenge,selfishness If we do not bad,we feel we need to be treated equally I think the most dangerous is to became cynical If we lose our humor and sensitivity towards people...all is lost.

I don’t know if being emotionally hurt several times during my lifetime has necessarily made me harder. I think I am certainly wiser and much less naïve because of my bad experiences but my core is still soft and as compassionate as before and for that I am thankful. I don’t like being hurt anymore than anyone else does but I don’t want past emotional pain to change who I am and I hope it hasn’t.

Some people live in a fantasy world where everything is wonderful and fair and all that good stuff where everybody loves each other. Sometimes I envy them because ignorance is bliss. The real world can be an ugly place and people can be ruthless. You can know someone or think you do for years until they betray you with their real feelings. After you see so much of this it hardens you no matter how hard you try not to. And I think in my experience, you become unable to trust. I don't think you ever get that back because once you know you can't not know.

People hurt you and desert you. That's been my experience. So I typically don't need or want to be around people. When I'm in a group of people, that's when I'm most uncomfortable and stressed. Equally, I find nothing more relaxing than a nice quiet evening at home. Not sure if that makes me a hard person, but oh well.

hello saphrina, i would say, people are more careful the next time. when hurt they feel unworthy, they pity themselves for failing, they want to be somewhere somehow where they dont know anyone and want to start anew. they pass on many phases before they accept things the way they are.. even they get to be angry with everything around them.. and then they get stronger as they move on in life. have a nice day. ann

Nice question you have here. To tell you, the past experiences just made me more careful and choosy. My first love left me to work abroad and returned for another girl. My first boyfriend married another girl because he got her pregnant. And my last love... well I try to avoid him and not show him my emotions. Because I am afraid I'll be laughed at and be rejected again. I guess those experiences did not make me a hard person but left a fear so strong that until now, it affects my decisions. Good thing that I am a very busy person and a jolly one. The activities left me less time to think about it and not to miss snogging. LOL.

HI! As for me, when I am hurt by another person I will loose my faith on that person and somehow I am already doubtful of other people's intention, this is my reaction and as much as I wanted to trust somebody past experiences already hinders my thoughts and actions regarding certain relationships.