A trap that backfired......................

Well lets see, he wanted her to delete her profile from the site, and she did so no one else can contact her. He said he could not because he doesn't have a computer or phone with internet services. They saw each other for a month and seemed to really hit it off and I would imagine she was falling for him, and she THOUGHT he was falling for her. Before she started to fall for him completely, she decided to see how sincere he was, so she did a smart move on her part and caught him taking the "bait" from another woman. Oh yeh, and still online (but he doesn't have a computer or phone line, hmm?) Why would you think SHE messed things up by doing this? It sounds to me like she is a very careful person and smart enough to know not to get too hooked on someone that can't be trusted. It's good she found this out now after only a month, instead of six months or a year down the road. He sounds like nothing but a loser and good for her for finding out. Or am I missing something?

well you can not trust anyone nowadays, if i am in her position, i might do the same thing to find out if the man that i am seeing can really be trusted.

what i don't understand is why did he want her to delete her profile?

I would consider it a HUGE red flag, being asked to delete my profile like that. If the guy was really into her, why would he do that? Maybe she has trust issues, but it sounds as if she followed her gut instinct and she was right.

i certainly think she did the right thing. in fact she should have done it before she had any feelings for him. because if he cheats already, that means if they got together he'd cheat anyway and that would be even more hurtful. i had a guy on pogo game site a while back. he started all this love stuff with me but i was careful as ive been in to many bad relationships already. I looked into his guestbook, picked out gals i seen with comments on there, made friends, then went into rooms they were at to talk. one we were talking one evening and i asked her what kind of relationship she had with him and guess what? same as me. he popped in cause i guess he wondered why we were in the same room. well, i sure gave him an ear/eyeful with the chat as did she. he denied everything right in chat with us both. so, he lost both of our attentions. im just glad i found out before he came to visit and take advantage of me

I don't think it was right what she did, but that is not why it happened. It would have happened regardless if it were her friend or not because the guy was clearly still looking for others.

I don't know if I would have done that, but in reality, she found out that he can not be trusted. There are so many temptations out there anyway, if you cannot trust him on a computer, that he claims he does not have, you cannot trust him in other situations.

It sounds as if both of them have issues with trust and a tendency to be sneaky.He did not trust her to leave her profile up and she did not trust him to be faithful. She was deceptive, opening a new profile, and he was deceptive falling for Tiffany. If he really had wanted to delete his profile he could have done it at the library!! If she really trusted him, she would not have made up a new person. She was not wrong to do that, because it did show her what she was in for, but it tells me she was wrong to fall so quickly in the first place.

And now 8 months later are they still seeing each other or are they finished? I would have done the same thing to him to see why he was still on the site. But at the same time, did they say to each other that they were going to see each other exclusively in that month they were dating? Because if the words weren't said then he really wasn't doing anything wrong. I am a member of an online dating site and I have dated a few men at the same time because it wasn't mentioned that we were to see each other exclusively and I knew they were probably seeing others too. Until it is talked about then dating is an open game. And it isn't said until it is really felt on both sides. That is the way to meet the right person for you, date and get to know them to see if they are who you want to spend your life with. Have a good day, your friend Chris

Hi. linda4ualways40. Welcome to myLot! Maybe she went the wrong way about going by seeing if he will be unfaithful to her. But, I feel that she did the right thing because it is best that she find out the truth about him anyway. This guy is very deceitful and she deserved to know the whole truth about him before she falls deeper into love with this guy. Why would he want her to delete her profile to the site that they met at? Oh, I see!!! It seems that he did this just so that she can no longer see what he is up to. He is very dirty! She was very smart to act as someone else under her real name, which of course is my real name too! Now, he is busted because he is still resuming on this dating site by talking to other women. That is why I don't trust dating guys on a dating site because this is really risky!

I have to admit, there was a time that I would have done something exactly like this. She wanted to know and she found out. It is better to find out now than to find out when she has her whole heart invested in it. However, the deceptive practice that she used to get the information is no better than what he did. Of course, there is also the consideration that they may not have been that serious to start with. It depends on how serious the relationship was to start. He had no right to ask her to delete her profile if he wasn't going to. The fact that he said he had no computer or no way to delete his profile was obvious BS because how was he talking to her in the first place? Ever heard of a public library? She is much better off without someone who would cheat is the bottom line. Sorry, I have trust issues as well, so honestly, yes, I would have done the same thing at one point in my life. As I have gotten older, I realize one thing. My life doesn't depend on whether I have a man in it. If he wants to cheat, there is nothing I can do about it and I refuse to stress over it. That is how life goes sometimes. I am not saying that I am not capable of getting my heart broken. My priorities are just much different now that I am older. No man is worth all the junk that some of them are willing to put you through.

Hard question. On the one hand, I can't help but think that you really can't build a relationship of any kind, based on deception. She really did straight up lie to him, pretend to be someone else, and intentionally try and trap him. On the other hand, he did take the bait, which calls into question his character. Ultimately she likely saved herself a lot of pain, by finding out now that he has no character, and likely is unfaithful. Now, I'm assuming that he did more than just respond to her fake "Tiffany" profile. There's a difference in a man's mind between 'dating' and planning a wedding, and meeting people online. Just 'seeing' each other is not dating, and is not planning to marry. Seeing each other is seeing each other. I am not sure based on what you told me, where they were in a relationship. If I meet someone online, until we are something more than just chatting and talking, I personally don't have a problem chatting and talking with other girls. Beyond all that the problem is, what if the guy really is good, and she sets a trap, and he finds out? Then it is possible to screw up a good thing, by acting deceptively. There is a real danger there. If I meet a girl, and we're just chatting and talking, and then she acts deceptively and springs a trap on me, when I just thought we were chatting and talking, then I likely would end the relationship. A: I don't like deceptive people. B: If we're not in a dating relationship, and you think I shouldn't be allowed to talk to anyone else, that's a problem. Put it more simply, when you are dating, you should be discovering the character of the other person. It is good and right to find out what kind of person he/she is. However you should not sacrifice your own character in the discovery process, if that makes any sense. In other words, never become a liar, in order to find out if the other person is a liar.

i myself did the same thing to my present bf but unlike your friends' bf, my love did'nt take the bait. So im very happy and proved that he can be trusted. I love him so much.

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well she was right her own place coz he was a stranger, how could she blindly trust him. plus mostly internet relation end up like this. they hardly last coz people mostly go for online dating for fun coz the other person would not be knowing much about them and they can go on dating with multiple people at the same time with different profiles..

She followed her instincts and got her answer. Good for her. I wouldn't say it backfired. Did she confront him with her discovery? What happened and is she still seeing him? One month is far too short a time to fall so hard but I did it myself. Fortunately, mine worked out. I am sorry for your friend.

Hi, i don't know if internet is a good way to meet someone for such a serious relationship, at least i believe meeting someone in person for the first time does much good coz you don't know their profile before meeting them, meeting someone personally and get to know more about them, talking and all, i guess this is much more healthy than merely saying i am that and that over the profile in the internet. Trust issues are bound to increase if people meet over the internet, though it is easier to find someone over the internet, i don't like the concept.

It is always good to know beforehand that the stone you are going to put your foot on would stumble or remain firm. Why do we go on a test drive before we buy a car? We want to make sure that the car we are buying is reliable or not. Likewise, she tested the reliability of the person she was going to spend her life with so what is wrong about it. If he were cheating her, now then he would cheat her later too. It is wrong to think that if you trust someone he or she would never cheat. Once they know you trust them they are more likely to cheat. Before you make friends with someone always, pinch his or her behind to see how the person behaves. This would help you to know that person's true nature. Never trust anyone blindly; you will always be in for a surprise.

it's not the man fault by the way. your coworker seems like taking a wrong footstep and it may cost her, the feelings she had for the guy. if this matter still new, perhaps fixing it back won't disturb each others feelings. but still it's a risky way to save her from her regret of setting the trap. but nevertheless, be positive.

I don't think it is right to track your boyfriend/girlfriend. If you really wanted to trust them you would. Plus your friend and him have only been in the relationship for a month. It's not like their in any kind of serious relationship. If she really had trust problems with him, why is she with him? I don't think you should be with someone you feel you're going to have trust issues with. Jealousy is a common thing but trust is more important.