Those cruel customs in our culture...

Maybe it is time i come and visit india, Vannie. Time to get those idiots to wake up and smell the coffee. I ignore our customs here as no one will ever tell me what to do, when to do it or where i may go or not. The hell with them. I personally think that women in india should start putting there foot down and let their voices be heard. Who will try and stop a few thousand women? What are you, SLAVES? And to think that family and in-laws treat them that way. That is freaking disgusting. TATA.

Of course I'll be confused and may question a lot of things that is not in the doctrine being implemented. And to think whom is responsible it's very difficult to know because they might condemned you for going against the practice.

I think things have changed a lot today. I have seen many widows leading a normal life like other married women living with their husbands. They dress nicely and don't use white dresses. They use flowers and jewels. Some widows remarry as well. I think dowry problem also has decreased today. This is my opinion, vannie. Looking forward to Saphy's visit to India.

hi vandana I really did not know all this and am ap alled by the treatment of widows. Thats unheard of in our American culture today. Thats awful that she gets widowed and does not even have the help of whatever funds her husband had left for her upkeep.They should be helped not tortured because she is a widow.Education I would think might help some who for whatever reason have been belittled .If they knew the laws now and that they could have their freedom from being used like that. So some old practices still remain. so its time for those in power to practice the laws for all women who have lost their mates.

You have a point here, Vandana. Social misconceptions have ruined a beautiful culture. It is for us the awakened to rectify the situation. Happily there have been people before us have already started the movement of reform and it is gaining momentum. Let us hope we will see much more of this good in our lifetime and contribute to it as well.

Well that is what makes me feel sick too. I have seen widows suffer due to this so called culture and religion. Unfortunately this is something that is not going to change for quite many more years. The main reason for this is Illiteracy (I think you are aware that the larger portions of Indian Population is illiterate). Then comes the orthodox people - many in Rajasthan, UP, Haryana and other states are orthodox. Change in this aspect would come when people are getting into better jobs (as there are less sufferings of widows when we see the Metros). The Dowry problem that you mention would go but it needs the women to be stronger in the fact they should deny getting married to boys who ask for dowry. I know this is a drastic step as this can jeopardize her chances of getting married (because millions still are orthodox) but they have to take this step to safeguard and bring changes in this Male Dominated Society so that the next generation is safer. Lastly, I dont see Ramayan and Mahabharata (so called religious books) to be women friendly. Just an example - Lord Ram(who is worshiped as God in India) left her pregnant wife in the jungles just because a washer man said so. I would never leave my wife for any damn reason on the earth. Again, Ram had taken Sita to go through the fire to prove her chastity. What on earth was he thinking? In Mahabharata, the case of Draupadi being dragged and stripped by Dusshasana... How do you see these texts to be Women Friendly? They are just texts that boast of the MCPs...

Dear Vandana Your post made me so sad. Why do women in so many countries in the world have to suffer so much. Whose fault is it if a woman becomes a widow? Certainly not the woman's. It could be an accident, a terminal illness, a genetic disease that takes away her husband. As far as changes in villages are concerned women have to be the key to change. Women have to be educated to not to force these acient cultural traditions on their fellow women. Women have to be educated in order to be able to earn a living for themselves. That goes for all women. Now, I know not every woman can go to university or college but educated women such as yourselves can become involved so girls get a basic education, can read and write, be aware of their property rights, be aware that they cannot be forced to marry old men as seems to be the practice in many villages. Once girls are educated at least to the level where they can read they can learn a trade, be it as a seamstress, a hairdresser, a shopgirl, a weaver, a cook, a chef, a nurse, a nursing assistant, a dental assistant, a receptionist and many more. Even in villages you need someone to dispense medications, to read instructions, to help fill out forms. It does not have to be a man who takes on these tasks. Women in all societies have been oppressed by culture and religion but in Western Societies women were instrumental in getting the vote, being recognized as persons under the law and in my youth we women here in Canada were actively fighting for getting equality as far as equal pay if we did the same type of work than a man. I am eternally grateful for these women who were vocal, feisty, loud and sometimes unpleasant to get the necessary laws passed. I am so grateful because I too became a widow at an early age, but the progress that these women before me and with me made enabled me to raise two children by myself in relative comfort instead of poverty and enabled me to send them both off to university. So my dear, let us fight wherever we can for equality of women all over the world. The more we make our voices heard the more we will achieve good results.

I hope we find a way to change every nasty and discriminatory practice against women all over the world. You're probably right, it is greed.

Hi vandana, I had a discussion about cruelty to women in India and I got your response. Your present discussion is more elaborate. From the ancient India to modern India the condition of women remain almost same. Still the Brahman priests dominate the society. Hindu religion is divided by so many casts. Normally inter cast marriage does not occur. If a Brahman boy marries a low cast girl, then the girl is killed or both are killed. You praised Ramayana and Mahabharata. In Ramayana Sita Devi had to give Agni Pariksa (jumped to the fire) to prove her chastity. Because she was under the custody of king Ravana who kidnapped her. The beloved husband of Sita Devi Lord Rama arranged this test of fire. In Mahabharata the Kourabs brothers undressed Droupadi the wife of Pandavas. Droupadi had to marry Pnndavas the five brothers. Pandavavas carried their mother's order. But in this matter none bothered to take Droupadis opinion. So the Indian women are oppressed by the males from the very ancient time. The religious laws and customs to oppress the Hindu women are created by the highest cast(priests) Brahmans. So to free the Hindu women from the social oppression we have to break the domination of the Brahmans and the cast system should be abolished. For this we have to start social campaign.

Hello Vandana, Hmmmm.. One of the worst things about our culture. Being one of the oldest, we still have a lot of things to improve, but i believe those old customs are only followed in villages and remote areas, not in a city and other developed place. Except for dowry. I feel weird when some of my Hindu friends talk about dowry, i ask them why do you still want such things when you are going to have a nice job of your own and earn and become an independent person. They just blindly say, it's one of our customs, I say okay whatever. My family follows none of those customs you have mentioned here, and i am so proud of it! Widows still get to live at their husbands place, and cared after from her husband's family.

Vandanaji See my discussion--- http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2393633.aspx?p=0 For dowry i blame the parents of the groom mainly and for the fetus killing, it is her mother only, we have forgotten our culture our tradition, our rich heritage, am i not right? Thanks for sharing. Welcome always, cheers. Professor. .

Hi vandana, nicely described the unfair customs prevailing in India. It is very sad to read or know about all these. But sure i feel some good changes will come because people are aware of all these things and also getting educated. Lets hope for the good changes in the culture and customs.

sad to hear that. i just know different countries have different customs , but dont know have so bad customs .but we have to do it because we have it. maybe we could change it with the time going on . wish you a good result.