Is it proper to check your partner's personal mobile phone

Philippines
October 23, 2010 3:30am CST
my man brings his phone, wherever. even when we go to bed he always bring it beside him, and there are times he's receiving text messages and calls during late hours and he just keep telling me its his officemate. I dont know if i should or have the right to check on his phone, if he's cheating or am i just paranoid... is it a matter of privacy?!.....
8 people like this
32 responses
• Philippines
23 Oct 10
i think it would not be proper for you to go behind your partners' back and check and his phone. it would be better if you will ask him upfront and if he is honest with you, he will show you himself that he's telling the truth. although, i once commit the mistake of opening my partner's cellphone before. i was really in doubt as to his honesty and had actually asked him frankly if he is not hiding something from me. he told me he is not hiding anything but the calls and the texting continues. then one day, he asks me to bring to him his cellphone which is out of his reach. i just grab the phone and something glittered in it and so i took a swift look at it, expecting some metal clinging to it but there was none and so i just proceeded to hand the cellphone to my partner. he got mad at me! why did i have to take a look at his cellphone. i did not open it or anything, i just took a look at its surface. there was nothing to see, the screen was pitch black! and so i asked him "what's the matter with you? i did not open your cellphone, why get so touchy?" and then he somehow realized he had overreacted, he kept quiet. the incident nagged at my mind so much that i vowed to find out the truth. and so i did. one night, he was drunk and left his phone at the bedside. i opened it and discovered him cheating on me. i was so enraged i had thought of throwing his cellphone at him while he sleeps. somehow i found the courage to remain calm and quiet. a few days after that, i confronted him about what i found out. he denied it at first but when i told him i opened his cellphone, he accused me of not trusting him. i told him, i trusted him but he was blatantly cheating me and i could not let him do that to me and since he did not admit it, i had to find ways to prove he was lying and so even if it was against my principle, i opened his cellphone. i told him that if he had just been true to me, i would not have done it. i could smell his lying breath and find ways to prove it, and prove it i did. now, i don't open his cp anymore but he's learned his lesson. never underesthimate the intuition of a woman who has done everything to make him happy.
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
The disadvantage of opening your partner's cellphone is when you discovered something that he is cheating you is the problem. I once experienced like that and because of my frustration, I lost my control and I nearly broke our relationship not consulting him what is the truth. Only I understand that he is cheating me but actually, it's not. I only misunderstood the message that is why I did not open his mobile anymore also.
• India
23 Oct 10
I think you should definitely check for the same without permission as in hus-wife relation nothing is private. He should also not bother you checking his phone.
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
Yes! you also right.... as a husband and wife relation nothing is private but if only boyfriend or girlfriend, you have no right to check his or her private belongings, right?
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
23 Oct 10
I agree with the previous responses here. It is better to ask for permission to check on your partner's phone rather than do it without his knowledge. I believe that a relationship should be built with trust and understanding.
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
yes you are right. I agree with you.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
16 Nov 10
i think it depends on your partner.. but i only say thats it`s not good to jealous with your partner...some of us think that one of the privacy is cell phone and their content
@rijovjohn (428)
• India
27 Oct 10
I think it is not good to check others privet phone. If you are using it just to here music or play videos etc it will be fine. When i was in the hostel ,i use to here music from others mobile. If you are reading the messages of others mobile it is very cheap
@rinfour (250)
• Philippines
2 Nov 10
I do not think it's a good idea to go sneaking around to check your partner's phone. But if you are really curious, why not ask him if you can read some of his messages. I still do not like the idea, but it would be better than getting caught reading it without permission. I believe that even if you are in a relationship, some things should still remain private. :D
@34momma (13882)
• United States
24 Oct 10
i would say no it's not proper to check your partners cell phone. how ever i would not be ok with him getting calls and text in the middle of the night. now that's really not cool. I don't know if it means he is cheating.... but i would for sure have a problem with it
@derek_a (10874)
24 Oct 10
I would not check my partner's mobile phone, because I think it would be an invasion of her privacy and I certainly wouldn't like her to check up on mine. I feel that it would be a clear sign that there is no trust in the relationship and where there is no trust, there are or will be problems. It is far better for both partners to sit down and talk about any insecurities either of them may feel and sort it out. Only time will build confidence in a relationship and there are nearly always issues to sort out at the beginning of a new relationship. Afer all, we are all raised with different family values as no two people are exactly alike. _Derek
@celticeagle (164876)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Oct 10
I feel that just the fact that you are questioning and wondering about this then there must be areas in your relationship that you are not sure about. I think that if you are in a sold relationship you should be able to just ask: "Let me see." When he gets one of these texts to check it for yourself. If he won't let you then you have issues.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
26 Oct 10
I think it is not proper to check all thing on cp. But if it is your boyfriend or partner. There is nothing wrong about it. Because it is good for two partners share each other and not hiding anything...
@rosekiss (30405)
• Eugene, Oregon
26 Oct 10
I think it is a matter of trust. It is his right to keep things private, just as much as you have. I don't have that problem as I live alone, but if I were married and it happened to me, I would be suspicious, but I would also expect him to keep his privacy as well. I wouldn't want him looking at the information on my phone or computer, so I wouldn't ask him to tell me what is going on with him either. I would think that if he really wanted you to know what is going on, he would ell you, but then who really knows. At this point, the best thing you can do is let him have his privacy, and hope that he tells you what is going on in time. Take care, and have a very good day.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
For me yes it is not bad so that you are not to feel jealous when ever they are to be with.
• Philippines
24 Oct 10
The one thing that my hubby taught me when we were both starting out was never to check his mobile phone or his emails or social networking sites he's on. He said that if we were to base our relationship on trust, then there should be no questions: I either trust him or I don't. It was so hard at first because I know him as a player, he has friends everywhere, not to mention girls are always hitting on him. He flirts back, but never takes anyone out. I'm not sure If I was being stupid or not. I did check once in a while because I really couldn't help it. Like if he gets a text message or something, a little bell goes off in my head and I try to read the message over his shoulder, or something like that. But it made me appreciate the times that whenever someone texts me, or calls me no matter what time of the day, he never asked about it or bugs me about it. I could obviously be talking to a guy and he would never bring it up. It gave me the feeling that I could do whatever I wanted, and he assured me of that. I could do whatever I wanted, I could go wherever I wanted as long as I tell him. I never felt like he was trying to find out stuff about me, and i never ever got the feeling that he was suspicious of my activities. Therefore, I never felt the need to do so either. In effect, I never had anything negative to say about how he handled our relationship. It made me feel that I was still single and had freedom, but in truth I had a boyfriend. Give him that space and let him off the hook where his phone is concerned. If you're meant to catch him cheating on you, you will catch him no matter what, phone or not. Let him feel that he's free to live his life the way he likes it and still have someone who loves him beside him. And you can also bring his rear end up on the issue by setting your own rule in slight undertones by saying "I really don't appreciate people checking my phone especially since it's my own private phone. So if you don't check mine, I won't check yours." Saying it aloud will help you stick to this rule, and who knows, it might even make him feel that you're actually a trustworthy and return the act.
@sapaki (54)
• India
24 Oct 10
If we believe our partner we never check their mobile, if receives continues message. We can just discuss with him about these matters but should not check the mobile.
@kaka135 (14931)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 10
I personally do not think it's right to check your partner's personal mobile phone or mailbox, etc, unless he or she allows you to do so. I understand you might feel insecure and might not trust what your man said, but I always believe if there's no trust, the relationship is difficult to maintain. Why not get a time and talk to your man nicely, ask him to be frank to you, and just tell him that you feel so insecure by him doing so, and ask if he can make you feel better by doing something, such as showing you who's calling him, or introducing his officemate to you etc.
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
23 Oct 10
So, you are not trusting your man at the moment. And at the title, you were asking is it appropriate to check your man mobile phone if he is doing something that seems hiding from you. You might want to ask him to flat out with you, because you are suspecting his latest behavior. You can ask him to show you cell phone, and do not steal it, it might agitate him.
• China
24 Oct 10
i don't think its a good way to check your partner's personal mobile phone . and we could chat with each other for the problems but should not do something that press her or him. this is not the best way to resove the problem. and don't do it again. if we love each other so deeply . we could tell her or him but stop this way please. thank you.
@Sanitary (3968)
• Singapore
24 Oct 10
Everybody needs to have their own privacy. But when their privacy is taking up a bigger share of space in your relationship, it's time to do something about it. Be open to him by asking him to show u his phone. If he has nothing to hide, he will gladly show it to u. Maybe u can even take a safer approach by saying u need his phone for something, if he gives it to u right away, u have nothing to fear. Whatever u do, don't ever peep at his phone secretly because it's a bad move. Be it he's cheating on u or not, man won't like the fact we are checking on their movements.
• Bulgaria
23 Oct 10
As for me I think it is not proper to check your partner's mobile because that shows lack of trust. But if you are worried about your husband's behaviour, talk with him openly, sooner or later you will understand the truth, for now do not worry!
• India
23 Oct 10
no u should go and check it as u please but make shoure u do it infront of him if he rebells he ios up to something if he lets u check he is most probably clean