what has happened to manners???
By alaskanray
@alaskanray (4636)
United States
November 23, 2010 7:17pm CST
Okay, I guess this is my rant because I just had this done to me...again! I have a friend in California I have known since 1987. I used to call her on the phone from Alaska...long distance...to chat and keep in touch because she never had time to write. Well, I would be talking to her and five minutes would pass by with dead silence on her end...she was watching TV while on the phone with me! I quit calling her after a few times like that.
Well, I just got into a chat with her sister-in-law on FB and I would say something and get no response for what seemed like forever...she was obviously playing Farmville. Now, what I don't understand is why these people can't just say, "I'm busy right now, can I get back to you?" or something like that rather than just ignore me when I'm trying to talk to them.
What has happened to manners???? When I was growing up we were taught that when you are on the phone you go somewhere private where you can talk undisturbed. We were not allowed to make noise when someone was on the phone and when we were talking to a friend we gave her/him our undivided attention. There is a point where multi-tasking becomes just plain rude!
So...when is Emily Post going to come out with a technology etiquette book? We definitely need one.
Does this bug you as much as it does me? Or are you one of the perpetrators???
So...when is Emily Post going to come out with a technology etiquette book? We definitely need one.
Does this bug you as much as it does me? Or are you one of the perpetrators???2 people like this
10 responses
@icehut (508)
•
24 Nov 10
It's annoying, but its something you just get used to because it's so common. With some people, they just have too many contacts and lose your conversation in instant messaging. Others get immersed in their games and forget that a conversation is a two-way thing... But what really ticks me off are those that call or instant message me for something and then drop off once they've gotten what they'd asked for...
2 people like this
@icehut (508)
•
24 Nov 10
It's not a total drop on the phone... more of a silence which is the sign that the caller has nothing more to say. So, it's pretty much like hanging up. It's just more awkward since you're forced to initiate the end of the call because the other person can't be bothered to.
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Agreed. It is still very rude. If you don't want to talk anymore, for heaven's sake, say so. End the call!!! 
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
24 Nov 10
I never leave a conversation until I have issued some kind of farewell...to just drop it is extremely rude and says you don't care about the person you were talking to...if you don't care about them, why talk to them at all???
@FlowersMom (5)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Unfortunately I think manners are a casualty of the information age. Everyone has so much information coming at them all at once, that we have all lost the ability to give our undivided attention to anything anymore. And I must confess I have been guilty of this.
I cannot sit and watch television anymore. I must be doing something else, or else no matter how interested I am in the show, I find my mind wandering to other things, or I feel guilty or lazy because I'm not doing anything else. I hate it, and I try to stop it. But I have found in today's information overload, I have become accustomed to doing many things all at once.
But I agree with you - manners have gone by the way-side. The "ME" generation has grown up and come into it's own. Saying please and thank-you has become the rarity instead of the norm, and I for one am mourning it's loss.
2 people like this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Well, doing something while watching TV is not the same as ignoring a friend when they are talking to you in favor of the TV. When I am watching a show and get a phone call, the show goes off till I am off the phone. My friends are more important to me than anything I may be doing to keep busy. We stop driving when we pick up our cell phones, too, btw, as most smart folks do. I like to keep my hands busy when watching a show, too. But if someone starts trying to talk to me, I turn off the show and give them my undivided attention. People are more important than shows, after all.
1 person likes this
@FlowersMom (5)
• United States
24 Nov 10
That's very true, and I wholeheartedly agree with you. When I am working at my computer and my phone rings, I will get up and walk away from the computer to talk. Otherwise I find myself continuing what I was doing and missing what the person on the other end said. I am offended when people do that to me, therefore I try not to do it to them.
Also, as far as the television goes, I also will start the recorder and turn the television off if I receive a call. You are absolutely correct that the person on the other end deserves your undivided attention.
Sorry for the confusion in my earlier post.
2 people like this
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
24 Nov 10
Wow, I do not know anyone who could let another person at the other end of the line wait for even a minute without notice. That friend of yours is amazing, and you are calling long distance at that 
I do not like having someone wait on the phone like that. But I am definitely not very good in chatting online. However, instead of making a person wait for my response, I just go offline or invisible so that no one can see me and start a conversation. Except of course if there is advance notice. I can go online for someone if it's important.
Cheers! 
I do not like having someone wait on the phone like that. But I am definitely not very good in chatting online. However, instead of making a person wait for my response, I just go offline or invisible so that no one can see me and start a conversation. Except of course if there is advance notice. I can go online for someone if it's important.
Cheers! 2 people like this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Not listening to someone who is talking to you is rude and says you don't care about them. I don't waste my time, much less money, on people who don't care about me enough to listen when I am talking.
@agrim94 (3805)
• India
24 Mar 11
Hi alaskanray,
I can understand how you feel and this has happened to me many a times on chat when the person on other end just gets offline without even saying bye or wont reply even though he/she is online. About farmville well it may be she is on farm and on full screen so didnt see your message when you sent her im. But i think most chatters dont care about it and just ignore or go off without telling you.
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
24 Mar 11
My point is that she was talking to me and suddenly just stopped. She had to know that I was there but she just wasn't considerate enough to even say bye.
@buggles64 (2709)
• United States
5 Dec 10
Technology sure does have it's good points and bad points. Without the invention of the telephone, we would have had to write a letter to a friend or drive over to see them as opposed to texting them on a cell phone or making an actual call. It is easier to "ignore" people while going about our daily business when we get a phone call. I know some people would be just as offended if I told them I was busy right now and couldn't talk. I mean the baby's diaper needs changing, daddy's going to be home soon, and he'll expect dinner on the table. I think we all need to practice proper etiquette in when to call and how to respond when we have someone's attention.
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
6 Dec 10
That's just it...it's nice to know we actually have their attention. When they are insisting on dividing their attention, it is a slap in my face. And that really does not make me feel loved at all. If someone can't understand when the time is not convenient to talk, then the problem is with them but to just ignore the person who is talking to you is just plain rude.
@Kalyni2011 (3496)
• India
26 Mar 11
We are taught good manners right from childhood, here we call it 'sanskar', it remains with us, many parents have no time for the kids, so they don't learn good manners at all
For me, my hubby, even grandkids, we respond the phone/cell phone as soon as it rings, if i am busy on another phone, i tell politely to wait and i do ring back
thaks for this nice discussion
enjoy a nice week end
cheers
god bless
kalyani
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
26 Mar 11
There is a lot to be said for good manners. It is a sign of respect and good feelings for the other person. 
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
24 Nov 10
i also feel disturbed when people not paying attention to me when i am talking on the phone because he/she is doing other things... it is just plain rude... i will straight away hang up the phone and won't even bother to continue the conversation with the person because it is simple a waste of my time... i never do that... i always make sure that i pay attention to other people when i am talking on the phone... i stop what i am doing first and if i am really busy, i just tell the person to call me back again directly... i think it is better rather than ignoring the person... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Will you be my fwend??? 
heeheee We need more people like us!!!
heeheee We need more people like us!!!
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
24 Nov 10
Opt me out of the perpetrator category...I do NOT disrespect a caller and give them undivided attention! I have been known to let others know, that there might be a time when I will NOT answer the phone, even tho' I am home...and that would be the time when I know things of importance will occur. I guess it's like triaging.
I am guilty of multi-tasking....and I think it's the modern day survival tool..but would never, ever be as disjointed & disrespectful as the scenarios you have described. I have been known to say, can I please call you right back, I am in the middle of cooking something that needs my undivided attention...or something of that order. If I cannot give them my attention, I will let them know....but attempt to let them know at the same time...their call is important, but a catastophe is about to occur, if I don't complete my other task, first.
Take care and Cheers!
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Bravo for you! Yes, if I am in the middle of a movie with my daughter and cannot tear myself away for long, I will inform the caller of that fact and cut the call short if I can. Likewise with my online moneymaking activities. If I can't tear myself away, then I will let the person know rather than try to divide my attention. If it is long distance, though, I will always shut off whatever I am doing, regardless of how wrapt up in it I am.
@lady1993 (27225)
• Philippines
24 Nov 10
yes it bugs me sometimes too. The chatting on Facebook has happened to me quite a lot of times. But I always understand them even if they do not reply soon..but sometimes it is very annoying too. The internet really has some bad effect to people, it makes them forget about others... 
1 person likes this
@alaskanray (4636)
• United States
24 Nov 10
Yes, some folks tend to have a problem realizing that there is a real person on the other end of that chat...the computer screen just blocks that connection for some reason. At the same time I have a sister who has Aspberger's and while she has trouble talking in person, get her on IM and she can carry on a conversation for hours on end. Proof positive that everyone has different handicaps, eh?
Bottom line, though, is that we all need to remember that people need our consideration and respect and we need to remember our manners, even when we are wrapt up in our technology.
@MsPatriciaDV (636)
• Philippines
30 Nov 10
i totally agree with you. that is rude. i also hate those people who seem not to pay attention when you're on the phone or chat with him.
1 person likes this
