Opinion

hi dawnald I do feel as he is the dad he will be responsible for half the cost of college he should agree to amend that just as you suggested, as this is your showing him a compromise, and I feel he is unreasonable and should agree on your compromise. I think he is hoping that part of the agreement about the kids will be left out on his part and you might end up with the total cost.Maybe he is trying to talk you out of this whole thing by dragging his feet.YOur children are pretty young to be asked about what each adult should do about college. Leave them out of it.. why not both of you agree to save what you can to lay away for college in the future.Agree on how much each of you can afford then both do it consistantly.He is not being reasonable at all. also you may see when the children are of college age they still might be able to get scholarships and also gov, help if both of you at that time are notreally way up in the money league. Asking the kids to have a part in thier college set up I feel is going a bit far. it wou d be different if they wear just a year or two away from college age.

Well, they are his kids, and he needs to be responsible for them and what parent doesn't want to provide for the future of their kids and plan way ahead of time for that? I know I would be planning at least 10 years in advance so I knew the money was there when they needed it. Why not start a savings account for the kids for college? Both add a reasonable amount per week or month into it..

I don't know. On one hand , it sounds like he trying to wiggle out from paying for college. But On the other hand, he may just being cautious. I can't tell. I guess the best thing to do is for the kids to seek out scholarships.

Of course he is, he's a selfish pr!ck, but you kind of figured this out before you started divorce procedures...

He is freaking unreasonable. Get a new draft saying if he keep this up he will have to pay the tuition fees in the future, no matter what the cost will be or his salary. It's not a competition. Tell the idiot that. TATA.

NO!! So typical that men would be so defensive about anything to do with the children once they are divorce. Do men realize that when they are divorcing that it means their way of thinking towards the ex-wife does not include making changes to their kids. Ugh... been there, done that and well he is no exception to what I feel about fathers divorcing.

Yes, he is being unreasonable. The kids are not getting a divorce from either one of you. He needs to face the fact that he is always going to be their dad and he is always going to be responsible for the kids. He is just doing a power play.

No, I don’t think he is being unreasonable. Speaking neutrally, if I were in his place, I too would be apprehensive about a future regular expenditure, without knowing what my financial conditions would be at that time. People do become sentimental where children are concerned but this is far too in the future to have a specific guideline. However, I think there can be some arrangement of a joint account where both have to deposit a certain amount of money now, to cover future education expenses. You can take a certain percentage of hike in the calculation and come to an approximate conclusion as to how much money the kids will need for college.

I think it should be under the divorce settlement is legal and binding. Why not set up a fund for each child and contribute equally to it each week or month or whatever. There should be a limit of course, then, when the total has been reached, the money can then be invested, long term.

Whatever the feelings of the parents towards each other, their children are just that - [b]their[/b] children. Parents have an obligation to support their children through to adulthood. Therefore it is axiomatic that they will fund college to the best of their abilities. I think that any kind of prevarication about education displays a selfish streak that I find hard to fathom in a parent. This is not about a disposable item but setting them up for the rocky road called life. Maybe I am just old fashioned but I think that he is unreasonable.

Hey dawny~ Wow! He really is being a di_k isn't he? I wish it wasn't so long ago since I worked as for a Divorce Lawyer (who also had been divorced herself). I don't know how that could even be put into words to even make sense, except to be a separate agreement completely and you know how that might go down years from now. Unfortunately, your kids will be the ones who suffer because they may never realize what an azzhole their father is. Sorry dawn, I am always here for you and if you want to talk in private, even just to rant be my guest hon~ Love and hugs, Opal/Leslie

I think he is...if there is no agreement then the only one that is going to be truly binded is the parent that the child resides with. His child support, if it is ordered, will be considered his "help" if something else is not established. This could make it very hard to take it back to court if at some point he refuses to help. I would not strike that part if I were you..if I did then I would request a greater amount of child support under the terms that it will help with their college. I bet you he'll change his tune then and agree to future payments towards school versus more per month for you now Child support is non negotiable too.

First and foremost ... I am not agreeable to your husband getting up in arms ... because he doesnt want to be as you put it locked in to somethat that far in advance not knowing what costs would .... etc. Now, nobody knows such things when they have kids, ok? He just has to make efforts! That's the deal! Children are his as well.. 50 : 50 is just fine... Dawny. You'd be incurring a whole lot more because in general mothers tend to buy kids things that kids like... some expenses your husband would completely get to avoid.. Second thing ... kids are young... they dont know what is right and wrong for them... how can he even ask for an agreement with the kids? That sounds ridiculous to me. I think he is trying to avoid divorce sweetie, and he is finding this as an excuse...to create an impasse...

Hi Dawnald, Normally I am against a divorce for many reasons. But this time I realize that this guy is just not worthy of being a father. I mean he is not only unreasonable on his part but also he is running away from his responsibilities as a dad and husband. I understand that we are humans and are guided by compulsions but I think the compulsion of right education of kids should be on top priority for any parent. The agreement if needed to be amended should be done as suggested - "would pay would be determined based on costs and our respective incomes at the time" Cheers, theSids.

Yes and selfish this is about the Children not him and you So why is he refusing to help out his Children with a good Education just because you both have split up In my eyes he is just going to awkward about it just like my Ex was

I don't think so....he's right. Who knows what the costs etc will be. And I tried to help my kids as much a possible but basically they got their educations by themselves. I babysat..bought books and groceries....clothes...but they figured out a way to get themselves all educated...and like my daugher said.....It means way more to her then if someone just handed the whole ball of wax to her!

He is being unreasonable. In most if not all states, child support continues until the child is out of school whether that be highschool or college. I think any lawyer would tell you that you'd be remiss not to include something regarding college in the divorce papers. In fact, I can't imagine any judge not going along with this. Stand your ground, Dawn.

I think the original agreement (which was more than fair) stated for each parent to pay half of the costs for a REASONABLY PRICED STATE COLLEGE, I don't see why he is complaining. It wasn't like it was worded to pay for Harvard, or other PRIVATE colleges. It also doesn't mean that in the event that he isn't working that you would have him arrested. I think the way the agreement stood was more than reasonable.

I do think that he is being unreasonable. I think that when two people make the decision to have children at that moment they are acknowledging the fact that they agree to help raise and rear a child through their lives. That does mean that when time for college comes around, they are willing to help their children get through college. If he doesn't want to agree to paying for college for the children in the future, why not agree to start 529 plans for each of your children that you both contribute to monthly and when the time comes determine what additional help you could provide?

I'm no expert in divorce agreement, but I just wanted to butt in here to say that maybe I know where he is basing his point... Although I know it is my responsibility to provide for my children, when they go off to college, secretly I am hoping that my kids would take it for themselves to help support their own education. To teach them responsibility, and maybe a little more income for me when I get to that stage of my life.