i need to choose!!
By asliah
@asliah (11137)
Philippines
December 20, 2010 6:24am CST
here me again,
experiencing a difficult situation again in my life,
do i really need to sacrifice my heart,
just to make my family happy and contented?
its hard to decide but i have to,
i will sacrifice again my heart and feelings.
obey them and but have no lover?
or disobey them and stay with my lover?
how sad Christmas is this for me.....:(
4 people like this
28 responses
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
20 Dec 10
It sounds as if you need to read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I am reading that book and it is teaching about how we need to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. It's a great book that is opening my eyes to many things.
As women we tend to forget about ourselves and how important we truly are. This causes us to lose ourselves and just become a mother, a wife and a friend but we truly can't be good at any of those things until we learn to love and nurture ourselves first.
I hope things begin to look up for you. Have a happy holiday season and take care of yourself!!!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
27 Dec 10
This is a great answer and if I had started the discussion I would give you BR. As it is, it's doubtful the discussion starter is reading the responses. Certainly I feel that each person responding requires more information by way of feedback...otherwise it's just not a discussion.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
21 Dec 10
Have them both. Tell you love that you have to go home for Christmas But you will get back to him at new years. Christmas is a family oriented holiday but New Years is for lovers. You and you love can ring in the New Year together! You can and Deserve to have both!
1 person likes this
@youless (112103)
• Guangzhou, China
20 Dec 10
I think the love may be less strong when time goes by. Even if you love your spouse so much, but your feeling may be gone after you live together for some time. However, it is not a reason for you to find a lover. The plain life is a part of of life. It is a famous saying from a movie: Holding her hand is like holding my right hand with my left hand. However, if one day you lose your left hand, you will feel pain. I think it can still tell everything. The lover may give you a new feeling, but who can say it will last forever? Perhaps at the end it is like today. She will leave you because she can't find love in you. I believe that love bases in the trust and I don't like to see the betray behaviors. Hopefully it is still not so late for you to change your mind.
I love China
@deedee328 (1122)
• United States
21 Dec 10
I am confused by your response.... It doesn't really answer the question as to whether the person should choose what the family wants or what the writer wants.
In response to what you said, I don't believe that true love becomes less strong over time. I have been with my husband for 91/2 years now and I love him more every day. In the beginning of our relationship, I didn't think I could ever love him more than I did then.
I think that finding your true love is worth the pain you feel when that person or love is gone. You can't let the fear of losing that love keep you from taking the risks to experience it. Have you never heard "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"?
If you believe that love is based in trust, then how can you sound so skeptical about its ability to survive?
@celticeagle (158876)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Dec 10
It is your life and I would think that the question first is what makes you happiest. Then I would wonder who will you be with most? Family or lover? Do you think the lover is going to be long standing or short lived? And family will always be around. Christmas doesn't have to be sad for you.
@jenzai (388)
• Philippines
2 Jan 11
they say fallow your heart and you can never go wrong. In the end it will be your life that your going to live with, your family the life of their own in some point in time, you will not be in it for a very long time. according to a poem of kahil gibran " your children are not your children they are the sons and daughter of life longing for itself they may come from you though they are not from you because they belong to tomorrow which you cannot visit even in your dreams." Make a life, God bless to that.
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
23 Dec 10
Follow your heart and tell your parents how you really feel. I know they will understand you. You will be the one to get hurt, be happy, feel love and be sad if you go on with your lover, not them. Not to be rude and disobey your parents but talk to them and tell them how you feel. Make them understand that you love your lover. Good luck :)
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
21 Dec 10
it is a very hard decision, isn't it??? but for me, family always comes first... that is what i did in the past as well... i have to let go of my ex because my mum strongly opposed to him... and i did it for her sake even though it hurts me so much... but in the end, God gives me a much better man than him... i believe every parent wants the best for their children and they must have their own reasons for their objections... we might not be able to see it and understand it straight away as a child... but i'm sure we will, one day... so hang on there and i believe that your heartache now will be paid off one day... take care and have a nice day...
@darksador (26)
• Canada
21 Dec 10
Hi
the question you need to ask your self its whats YOU want to do
yes maybe you family will not be happy but one things i learn in my life you cant make everyone happy some time you need to do whats you really want to do
this years i got the choice see my fammily or saty alone and see my girl friend i really wish i see my family but my gf is more important to me at the moment and i really want to stay with her i know some people will not be happy with my decision but whatever i am happy with the decision i make and its whats is all important to me
in few word do whats you really want to do if they are not happy they will forgive you anyway its family after all
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Dec 10
no no no do not give up the manyou love as we all have chnces and if we bt pass them they often do not come again. You family raised now they have to let you go and know you are intelligent enough to pick the right man for you. trust me they will soon get over it and wecome you and your love back into their arms. they have to let you go now you are all grown up and at Christmas how dare they?Stick to your love and just be sure he is the right one for you so your family will not have the last word. Merry C hristmas and a very happy New Year.
I wish you can do something about it. I know exactly what you feel. You can hide your relationship anyways as much as I hide mine. @titchy1231 (732)
•
21 Dec 10
im sorry but its your life and your parents cant tell you who you can and cannot be with. they will get over it in time and hopefully they wont dissown you and ruin xmas.
@braimer23 (108)
• Philippines
22 Dec 10
well its quiet difficult my dear friend, why do you need to choose, if you can make both things, if your family think about your happiness, then i think they will support you from whatever you have as long as it is good for.
@sandrahon25 (114)
• Philippines
21 Dec 10
you will need to sacrifice for the family and take the risk - but if you don't want it, it depends on you
@bagumbayan (2705)
• Philippines
21 Dec 10
When you first sacrifice for your family is it worth it? If it is then sacrifice again. If you love your family you will give what they want but if you love that person then fight for him/her. There might be some reasons why they are stopping you in your new love.
@bird123 (10632)
• United States
21 Dec 10
Perhaps you need to get your lover involved to talk with your family. If your lover can make your family feel their love for you is true, they might give in. If this is true love, the family will give in after lots of fussing, but it will work out. Few things worthwhile in life come easy. Don't give up so easily. Let your family know you are worthy of having someone love you. Ask them what kind of a life would you have without it. God has given this life to you. You need to live it rather than someone else's view of it. You can do this and still love your family. In fact, it might prove better for them as well.
@MirrorLav (8)
• China
21 Dec 10
I think there should be more communication between your heart and your family. So long as they know each other , the matter will release . If you must have a choice(actually I don't want you do this) ,follow your heart~~.As time goes by all things would be deal with.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
21 Dec 10
You have to do what you heart tells you to do as you will always live with your heart. If that choice is to follow your love and or your family first then you are the only one that can truly decide.
As no matter what we here on myLot advice you to do you have to be content with your choices. So I would suggest you dig deep in your heart and do as it dictates as you only have one life to live.
Which ever you decide my friend I hope and wish you all the best.
@Marhler (26)
•
21 Dec 10
I experienced the same crossroads years before. Believe it or not, I chose the path of family and wealth over my beloved fiancee (back then). Now, I am very much well-off, but yes, it is a bit lonely most of the time.
Oh well, I would actually advise you to go for your love instead of your family. Me, I have my regrets. I still think happiness is more important than money (though, i chose to follow the other path).
Follow your heart, it will lead you to your happiness.
:)
Good luck
