We always have choices...
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85130)
Shingle Springs, California
February 9, 2011 4:18pm CST
I saw on my other soap yesterday (All My Children) that when Jack confronted Erica, she said about something, she said, "I had no choice". And he replied, "we always have a choice".
No, this isn't another soap opera discussion. :d
But it reminded me of something. A not so long ago ex-friend at work was getting married. We had been not getting along too well for a while before that, mainly due to him constantly badmouthing everybody in the company. But because we were friends, I was elected to try and get some information out of him about what he and his fiancee needed as a wedding present.
Anyway, he was quite uncooperative, didn't want to register, didn't want to give me an idea, and apparently I pushed a bit. I remember saying pbl, which is my way of doing a raspberry.
Next day I sent him a funny story about Naomi. He used to like my funny stories about my kids.
No reply.
Hmmm... He always replies to everything, even stock jokes that I used to sometimes send.
So I asked him how he liked my story. Blank look. "I e-mailed you a funny story about Naomi." Embarrassed look.
Turns out he got pissed at me for pushing, and blocked me. And when I asked, "why would you do that instead of just telling me to stop pushing," he replied, "I had no choice."
Well of course he had a choice. Instead of blocking me, he could have:
1. Told me to stop pushing or he would block me
2. Told me I was pushing too much so he had blocked me
3. Told me to stop pushing and turn off his instant messenger
4. Many other choices
To me, blocking me and not telling me when I was just trying to help the group figure out a gift really struck me as the least nice of all the possible choices, but the point is, it was a choice. He had choices, and that's what he chose.
Why do people say they had no choice when they really do?
7 people like this
20 responses
@celticeagle (158739)
• Boise, Idaho
9 Feb 11
Small minded people don't have any choices because their is no room for them in their minds. lol? Sad. I think he just said the first thing to come to mind and some seem to feel that to reduce a person's input into their life is a private and well suited insult. Consider the source and move on!
2 people like this
@celticeagle (158739)
• Boise, Idaho
9 Feb 11
Thank goodness. One less zit on the face of your humanity.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
10 Feb 11
I guess he didn't see all the choices. I know when I was 16 I thought either I Had to go to college or die. I didn't see there were other choices. Once my mom told me there was another choice , I took it. The guy at work didn't know or see that all he had to do is say , Quit pushing. I bet he thought If he say iot point blank , there was going to be a fight. So he just made it stop the best way for him. I must confess, I would have done the same thing. But I wouldn't say I had no choice,. I would say i did it so I wouldn't be badgered about my wedding.All of a sudden I'm glad one I never will marry , and two If I were None of my co workers would know.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
10 Feb 11
He must have thought so. People have differnt tolerance levels.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
Could be although I thought the chat ended pleasantly enough...
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
I really don't feel like I was badgering him that much, but oh well...
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
Didn't lose any sleep over it, but I sometimes wonder about them. He once told me she checked all his text messages and e-mails right after they got together, and when I made a comment about insecurity, he kind of bristled and said "that's what people do when they're in a relationship." I figure she has issues too. Maybe they're perfect for each other!
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
I wonder about people who go from zero to married in 6 months. But who knows..
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
Perhaps it's just a polite way of saying "how dare you question me?"
@Lhenni (1242)
• Philippines
10 Feb 11
... I always this funny experience with my family accepting that I really have no choice. Everytime we're deciding where to go out, where to eat, what to eat... My husband and kids always have the same liking at all and i'm out of place always.
Like they always want to go malling, swimming, eating in a foodstore that caters many sweets, cakes and pastries to choose from, gaming, to watch horror movies... While, I'm not fond in those crowded places, I don't have a sweet-tooth, I loved to watch romance movies...
When voting, who's in favor going there, eating this, watching this kind... I always tell them, do I have a choice?... Hah! I always give-in to their liking! Anyway, it's just a simple thing to hand over. What can make them happy,... the happiness is mine too.
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
As long as it's freely given...
But it probably wouldn't hurt for you to take off with a female friend now and then and go and do the things that you enjoy.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
20 Feb 11
Because people like him Terminally Unhappy Rubbishy D!ckhead don't have choices...they just have nasty minds and pick the first nasty thought that pops into their heads.
Someone terribly broad minded might see ALL the choices, others see only a couple. It's just diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.
I think he would deny that. lol
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
13 Feb 11
It is true...Almost always we have choice, it’s what life is all about…A series of choices which lead to a certain point and In your ex friend’s case his choice led to losing your friendship which I guess may have been what he wanted or perhaps he just wanted you to stop pushing him about a wedding gift and if the latter is the case he clearly made the wrong choice because it cost him a friend…Yep, life is all about choices and saying “I didn’t have a choice…” is the easy way out of offering an explanation for your actions.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
11 Feb 11
I think that when people say that they have no choice in any kind of a situation that they are choosing to take the easy way out on something. When I am making any kind of decision in my life, I always try to think about the different options that are available. I can't think of a single time in my life where I've told someone that I have no choice in the matter. Even in things that are very clear cut and there is really only one decision that we can rightly make, there is still the wrong decision.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Feb 11
That's a great point, there's always the wrong decision. Or several of them. And often there is more than one right decision...
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
10 Feb 11
No matter what we do in life or what happens to us, there is always going to be a choice for us to make. We can not honestly say we had no choice when the opposite will be true. We have a choice. We just have to make the right ones.@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
It probably was an instinctive reaction to say that...
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
10 Feb 11
Because they made choices earlier that are now habits. Habits they don't even pause on to consider who they're doing them to.
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
He was a person who was very "only one way to look at things"....
@sanijas83 (270)
• Latvia
8 Jul 11
Sometimes it seems the hardest thing in one's life is to make a decision. Perhaps there are two ways of actioin in one's life, and one should select the right one. There are choices, to stay or leave, even to be or not to be as it is known. People might be afraid to make choices, they might be afraid to make mistakes because of their choice.
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Jul 11
I'm sure he really believed that was his only choice. Point is, it wasn't.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
9 Feb 11
I agree we all have choices probably about every single thing we do, I think your friend was just being stupidly stubborn, sad because you were only doing something nice, as I see it his loss if you make the choice to discard him.....
@GardenGerty (157494)
• United States
9 Feb 11
We always have choices, we just do not want to make them. He chose to make a fool of himself, I guess. We also used to say "Not to decide, is to decide". So, did he not want a gift from work, or was it just an issue because you were asking and not someone else?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
Well he did say "money" at some point, I think, and that's probably what he ended up getting...
@ElicBxn (63233)
• United States
10 Feb 11
there's all kinds of reasons
1 - he didn't want to make a choice, so he took the final choice rather than risk any further confrontation.
2 - he's getting pressure from someplace you aren't seeing - perhaps the girlfriend has told him to stay away from other women and he's using that as an excuse inside his brain...
3 - he's getting stupid, after all, he's getting married...
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (45437)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
9 Feb 11
And let's not forget the choice of actually telling you what you wanted to know...
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
9 Feb 11
It is a method of procrastination to buy time when is unsure, I am sure.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
I just don't think he wanted to explain himself.
@meditated1 (238)
• United States
10 Feb 11
Well it is true that they had no other choice from their perspective, as they choose to think and act upon that closed minded thought. He sounds like hes going through some personal battles if he just pushes everyone away and talks badly about others. Of course you know that there are limitless choices to make, but thats from your perspective and where you currently are in your life. He may be entrenched in stress and disconnectedness that he feels so squeezed by others that he just reacts negatively.
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
That could be. Or maybe this is just how he was taught to behave, and he can't imagine anything else.
