Children and expectations.

I just hope they find something to do that makes them happy, and that they are functional and healthy, and don't get into any kind of nasty trouble.

Now a days the children are too fast. Just the parents have to give support. The children looking for passion.

I have two kids, and I had some hopes for them, not so much expectations. My son has had some trouble. In many ways he has been challenging. He is such a good boy, but he really went wrong for a year or so and is paying the price now, and will the rest of his life. No kids. Soon to be ex wife, and a girl friend now. (No, the girl friend was not the trouble.) My daughter is doing really well. She has two great little girls and a terrific husband. I love her life, except she lives a lot further away than I like. My daughter and her husband both have degrees in Ministry, and she would like to be a writer. I was in my twenties when I had them.

DOnt think I did either I was glad when they went to a trade scool. youngest son was always going to be a machnic and is. Daughter she has took 2 trade schools one was welding which she did use and one was massage herapy and she pass the class real fine but the natonls she didnt pas they waitied 6 month to give it to her. Now she wont use it as she thinks in her head that she hurried her dads cancel along faster by giving him massages her teacher friend and i have al told her no as it made him not hurt for awhile and he was so far gone when we fould out either way wouldnt haeve spread it fastr

If this reply seems to be NOT my regular windy one...it's cause the WINDS are coming..up to 100+ kmh, and any moment the power is going to go out! So, if MIA, that is the reason! My son, now 30...is very, very respectably employed, and learned, and travels to many parts of the world..teaching engineering. He is with the same girl, for 7 years, but not married, as she has just completed her training for RMT! There is NO connection between this girl and me, so really, the family unit is broken along with my heart. Please take care...and HUGZ! Will be checking back in after the big blow!

Great discussion, Ms.Tickle! I have raised 4 very beautiful girls. I think all I ever expected of them was to do their best at whatever they chose to do and to be kind and thoughtful people. Don't mooch. No one owes you anything in this world. Count on yourself and be grateful for any help anyone gives you along the way...just don't expect it or take it for granted. When someone skrews you over (and they will) don't get bitter...remember how it felt and don't ever do that to anyone else. When they do something special for you (and they will) remember it and pass it on to someone else. Other than that, no expectations. They are all very sweet and caring and independent and moral girls. They are all very different and I'm proud of them all. I had one that made an exceptional amount of bad decisions and even in the worst of them...she was hurting herself only. Well ok...There were many nights, I worried, cried and stressed over her poor choices and was afraid for her. Through it all, I could see heart. Like your grand daughter, as she matures, I see her coming around. I'm not worried anymore. She'll be ok. If I die tomorrow, I've given the world 4 very wonderful people as anyone who is lucky enough to know them will agree.

Hello my sweet friend. When my son was a teenager, he could be a brat. He had some troubles, nothing huge that I couldn't handle. I asked my mom if she ever thought the children we had were like our punishment for the crap we put our parents thru. she said yes, but that I was a good kid so she didn't understand why I was having troubles with my son. I had him when I was 17 yrs old. He will be 32 next month, wow how time flies. He has 5 kids, three different moms. He is a good dad, I am proud of that. He is working on being a better husband. Sometimes he has disappointed me. I mostly want him to be happy, I want him to be a kind caring man. I have a step daughter who as been going thru a lot lately. In fact she is living with me along with my granddaughter. She recently has been divorced. She has to pull herself up and get her life together and start living. I guess right now I am counting on my grandkids to make me proud. I never had high expectations for my kids. I want them to be happy, I want them to be nice people, to be kind, to care. Now the grand kids, I want the world for them.

Well, for me. It's normal and common for a mother or father to have expectations and dreams for their children. especially if you yourself didn't achieve your goals in life. It's just normal to expect your child to be more successful than you ever were. It's because you want them to succeed in their own life and be a better person and parent someday. But some parents push their children so hard to achieve what the parent wants for their child to be. so what happens is, they don't see that their child wants to follow his/her own dream and they excel on their own dreams than the dreams of their parents for them. It's so much harder for the children to do the things they don't want but is forced to do so for the sake of their parents dreams and because they don't want to disappoint them in the process.

I share Dawn's view about this. I want her to be happy. We have done our best to raise her to be balanced, courteous and focused. Not selfish but not a pushover either. She's at university now which was never an expected goal that we had, but something that she wanted and we encouraged therefore. I believe that having children is a selfish act on the parent's behalf. We must help them grow, but we can't live our unfulfilled hopes through them. They must find their own way and do so better if they know that they are loved.

i always did encourage talents. strange thing. the ones i thought would be awsome hasnt done much with their lives or intelligence. which shows you never know and if they dont live their potential its not your fault. but i see yours has. lucky you. my 2 oldest have went far beyond anything i thought they could do or be. i often wonder where the heck they got their brains. unless it was my dad.

When i was a kid, my mom and dad often voice out their expectations iwth me, but what i observed was that most of their expectations were nto what i wanted. Like my dad used to wnat me to become a pilot and i could remember he also wants me to be an engineer and often times he would compare me to cousins of mine who were successful in those areas and are not working overseas..my mom will just agree to what he says but is less expectant of me. I was the different one in the family, i had this artistic touch and i wanted to paint, i wanted to draw, i wanted such stuff..but the thing is they do not see that as my future, all they know about such is that is only for a hobby. They did not support me all the way on who i wanted to be, i wanted to apply in this University and wanted to take Graphic arts but they did not allow me to because that university is far and so i had to sort to taking one here locally and had to resort to the ones they wanted, Accountancy. I sucked at it lol i failed and had to take engineering and i sucked at it more.. and in the end i got pregnant early, was 19 by the way. But luckily i still survived, my parents were mroe dissappointed... but i finally was able to get my life back on track with the help of my huby, he knows what i want...so now that i have kids i realized how important it is to know who your kids are, what they want, where they want to go. My kids are still 6, 3 and 1 years old but i am willing to open my mind and see where they want to proceed. I am expecting them to be great people, to be responsible and respectful. My daughter is good at drawing and painting and i know she got it from me, that is why i am encouraging her to pursue it..she can even draw people and for her age it is quite good. Me and huby are both dedicated to forming them to become who they wanted to be and hopefully we will be successful at it.

I had my children as you did MsTickle, very young and all that. My first was when I was 18 and my second when I was 21. I´m sure I made a lot of mistekes while I was raising them, not only because I had not the least idea about raising children but because I have my temper. Fortunatly a got married with a wise man, 7 years my senoir and that helped a lot. I had lots of expectatins for them although I didn´t even realise at the moment that they were expectations. I just thought that´s the way things should be. Yet I had done with my life a lot of things against my parents expectations and should have known better. I started the university at 16, two years earlier that most of the kids in my country. I was supposed to have a good career and do good there. But I fell in love. As the girls grew, I not only wished them to be good scholars but to find mr perfect as I had done. The girls both did well in their studies and one is a judge and the other a psychologist. But they did not have my luck in love affairs. My youngest found a second partner with whom she just had a baby. But it has been difficult for both of them. My older grandchildren are doing well and one of them is very talented music wise. But we´ll see. I think one has expectations although maybe not the "scholarlike" ones. We want them to be happy, we want them t be healthy. For me a good marriage is like the one I had. And I know I´m asking too much.