Doing your best...

I think Dearra needs a bit of a push now and then. You are definitely not a bad mom. D knows she can get away with being slack about stuff because she knows you let her a lot of the time. You could push her to achieve more of her potential and both of you will eventually be winners. I don't mean in the backhanded or negative way our parents did but in a more positive way. And no, I don't mean bribery.

Oh, ya! Aren't you horrible?! Give yourself some credit Ma. I think you did just right. It's up to her pretty much now. Sure the B would have been nice but science is a horror if you don't really like it. And if the teacher doesn't make it interesting it is all lost anyway! Doing her best is alot. And I'd keep her to it too. I'm sure you will.

no bad mom just incouraging her to do better

No! You are a good mom! A Bad mom would say , A C isn't good enough and you can't have dessert until you get an A! if she sees C as her best , then it is ok! All you can do is encourage her to do more but you can't Make her do it. If my mom said what your mom said , I would have stopped trying Knowing I would Never please her . I did my best and it wasn't good enough so I quit. The next report card would be all D's and the following quarter it would be all F's. My mom Always said to do my best. My best changed depending on the subject. My best in math Was All A's.But in science, I would And Did celebrate a C and A D!

I know how you feel. My son doesn't put in the effort at all and it's frustrating. I wish I knew how to make a 13 year old realize that his grades now will effect his future. But see, this is one of those things I swore I'd never do but now I do it. I really hated when my parents tried to teach me from their mistakes. When I was younger I swore I'd let my kids make their own mistakes and not try to tell them not to do the things I did. But now that I see the concequences of my actions, I'm even more determined to make sure my kids don't make the same mistakes I did.

I think as a parent you want your kids to do the very best they can. Sometime you may say, "Hey why not try to get that grade up a little more." You only do it because you love them but sometimes they do not understand that it seems. I remember in high school I was one of the so called "good kids". I wanted the very best grades. I competed with other kids in my grade for the best GPA and class rank. It was just as much of a battle as football playing. Sometimes I think I could have laid off a bit but doing that was just how I was then and was fully supported all through school by my parents.

Well, sometimes the way you are handling things will teach her that it is up to her to make Good choices on what she needs to be doing in life to be who she wants to be as no one else can really make her do something she is not wanting to do. Hopefully she can at least continue with the C in the class and prove to you and to herself that she does not need the extra help and learn from this.

I know what you are talking about.And I do tend to push a little more than necessary (consciously trying to stop that now). When I know that my son's capable of a 95%, a 90% isn't good enough by my standards (though it's really really good if he was one of my students..lol). Funny thing?? My parents never bothered about grades...be it an A or a C (I was straight As...and my sister was somewhere down the line hovering around C and D...but neither one of us got talked to or compared..report card comes home...dad or mom gives it a cursory glance and signs it...dad might ask if we need any assistance in any subject...obviously our answer was always 'No'...for different reasons, though.

letter grades are not that important but i do wish my older daughter would work harder. my younger daughter does her best (mostly b's with a few c's in there) but my 17 year old does the bare minimum and i know she can do better.

Good mom....if her heart wasn't in it....well it probably wouldn't have done any good anyway. It would still be a long shot.

I know what you mean about the effort. If a C is the best they could do and I know they tried their hardest...so be it...but it bugs me when they settle for a grade because it gets them by. I think it's an age thing..they just don't understand that part of it yet..she has her C and she's passing. That's the way my older daughter thinks too.

For me it is good so that you find ways to have more income and fulfillment is treasured.

As mothers we definitely want our kids to do the best and you were recalling your memories of the back handed compliment and although you know as a mother it would be best that she try harder you somehow want(ed) to push for more. It is a tough situation and you certainly know it is because you end the discussion with Bad mom - No not exactly a loving mother who wishes her child tries harder but still does not want to ruin her self esteem in any way. That in my eyes makes you a good mother! I would probably say to watch during the rest of the semester and continue to remind her about how much easier for college it would be if she brought it up a bit more, with continual phrases that as long as she is trying her best she too will end up with satisfied results.

Your life sounded like mine. My parents were not there for me really. I probably wouldnt have graduated if I had not had the love of 13 Carmelite nuns that I worked for in a nursing home part time during high school. that and 3 of my teachers that really did care about me. My parents would pile on after school chores and then my bath before bed then tell me if I had gotten my work at home done faster I could then work on schoolwork I was an only child. Now I am finding out 40 years later that the neighbors actually thought I was being abused at home. that was a shock when I heard that. but when my grades went down I guess the school or someone talked to the nuns where I worked They called and told my parents they needed me to work for 4 hours after school on Wednesdays. those precious nuns schooled me on my homework and pulled me through. Today, my son had a reading disability. I went to 3 different schools to have him evaluated and also Sylvan learning center. He begged me not to send him to a public school and homeschool him. Yikes this is high school I am talking about and I am thinking I am 54 years old graduated high school in 1970 am I kidding myself! math was never my top subject and he could ace that so I told him ok I will homeschool you BUT...you are on your own with math! I NEVER dreamed what homeschooling detailed to be. But I put him in a very good academy and he graduated March 18th,2010 with a 3.2 GPA. I think my heart was in my throat the whole time I did it, praying I could teach him. I was fortunate that I had a counselor, a teacher in each class he was in for each year that you could ask questions. And I want to thank all the open college chat rooms where I know I asked questions to young adults that were in college and majoring in Science. My son would have just been passed along, as I see my husband's last child is being done. he will graduate in June and he could be flunking and they miracuously changed his grades at the end to pass him. We can see what he does every day onlinea and have watched the school do it rather than make him learn. he has missed 32 days of school and he will still graduate. To me he has not had to learn to become dependable and self esteem must really be low. We do not have him but his father has kept up with his grades and even asked questions. His ex never knew we have the right to watch his grades etc He turns 19 in Dec., and when his dad asked him earlier this year what he was going to do when he graduated, he replied, "go to college" Well I can see a college taking your money but I also see if he does not show up, they got the money whether he chooses to learn or not. Lucky College huh? I know I did everything within my power to teach my son and he got all A's and B's. And trust me we had subjects for homeschooling that kids in public schools only would think to have! Amazing how public schools have changed...

You are torn between what you promised yourself you would never do, and what you truly believe is best for Dearra.

I still remember when I was in primary school, there was once I got almost all subjects 100 marks, except for one, which is 99, my father said why I didn't get all 100. Well, though he said it with smile and he never scold me because of my marks, it gave me pressure throughout the whole studying life. I always tried to push myself as much as I could just to achieve better. Now, when I think about it, why do we want to strike for the marks? What's the significant meaning of getting 100? If I spend all my time studying, and I'll lose lots of fun enjoying my life, why do I still do so? Now, I just don't see what the point is to get the very good result. I was striking to do my very best, I never compete with others, but always competed with myself, always tried to my best, but I felt that I spent too much time studying, but not learning others, which I think it's not a good thing to do. My son is only two years old now, and I hope I won't give him any pressure at school. I wish he can really enjoy his life, like what I want to do and am doing now. Of course, enjoying himself doesn't mean he doesn't need to study at all. At least a pass should be good enough. I really do hope I can still behave like this when he goes to school later.