irresponsible or laziness

Philippines
June 28, 2011 11:37am CST
hi guys i was really fed up with my husband, i don't know when my patience would be extended or really i am the kind of person who was very patience... My shift was change to 9am to 5pm in the afternoon, so i came home from between 5pm to 6 pm, before i leave my house in the morning , i make it sure i prepared food for my husband for the lunch, so in the morning i cooked the food, means everything was prepared...and i also cleaned our rooms...I went home about 6pm, when you went home i don't know if i would be happy when i was in the house...everything was disarranged,there are lot of dishes in the kitchen, the clothes was not arranged....oh my GOD....i was already fed up, i don't know if he knows what are going to be arranged or not???i don't know if he was really lazy or irresponsible????
5 people like this
18 responses
GemmaR
@GemmaR (8517)
•
28 Jun 11
You should certainly talk to your husband about this, because it isn't fair that you should have to come home from work and then have to take care of everything in the house as well, especially if he has been at home all day. He might not realise that he is being like this, but if you simply leave him a list of jobs to do in a morning, and tell him that you want them done before you get home, this should be okay and you shouldn't find that he has a problem following it. Do you cook for him in the evening? Make a rule that you will not cook dinner until he has finished all of the jobs which were on the list, and then he might make more of an effort to try and get all of the jobs done on time.
1 person likes this
honeymalen
@honeymalen (115)
• Philippines
30 Jun 11
well i guess you're right,before i went to my worked i always prepared the food so he can eat because if not he rather bought foods in the restaurant than to cooked, so i was thinking of him,well i don't know what kind of attitude of my husband of coarse its very obvious that if you found your houses not cleaned you should cleaned it or do the laundry, or cooked the foods for us....
Oldsix691418
@Oldsix691418 (3872)
• China
29 Jun 11
Maybe he thinks that as a wife you must always serve him,not he serves you,hehe. I always think that both of a couple must help and love each other,or there'll be trouble for the relationship sooner or later.In other words,since he's got married,he must get rid of his bad habit and do some housework to take his responsibility that he's your husband...
1 person likes this
celticeagle
@celticeagle (159063)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Jun 11
There could be several problems here. Could be that he is not aware that you like everything real neat. Did he live as a bachelor for awhile before you two married? Do you communicate with him about tidiness and your goal of clean quarter to live in? Is he a clean person? Are you overly so? There are some OCD clinical psychological issues that you might consider. Lazy? Irresponsible? Has he ever been taught to clean up after himself? Does he even know this is an issue?
1 person likes this
ebuscat
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
29 Jun 11
For me irresponsible yes he is that's life if love would have more patient so keep up the good work.
1 person likes this
rebel_woman06
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
29 Jun 11
Have you ever talked to your husband about cleaning up what he used after he has eaten? And also, ask him to at least arrange his bedding before he goes to work too. Married couples who both work and have no helper at home, should clearly define what are their responsibilities on the chores at home . You both know that it is tiring to work the whole day, so at least you should both help each other in easing the works to be done at home by doing your share.
1 person likes this
jean_marie
@jean_marie (51)
• Philippines
29 Jun 11
I am sorry to say this but he is both. Is he also working? Working or not, household chores should be done together. Couples should work together with the chores, since this is also part of the relationship. You are doing your part and he should also do his. Have you tried talking to him about it? I think he should know that you also need help with chores. I hope you get the chance to sit and talk seriously and find solutions for the problem. Good luck.
1 person likes this
dreamertink
@dfollin (24172)
• United States
28 Jun 11
He does not have enough respect for you!I was very lucky,most of the time I was a stay at home mom.My husband worked a full time job and would even get up early to go and prepare things for his work day.He worked hard all day,come home take a shower,spend time with the kids.Then even start dinner,when my back was turned..I would even catch him cleaning on the weekends....places that I had already cleaned.He said that it was clean enough,but there was no such thing as too clean.He also said that I should leave him something to do,that it is not fair that I do it all. You need to stop this now,before it get's out of hand.....what am I saying it already is out of hand!It is not fair to you.
1 person likes this
Amber
@AmbiePam (85528)
• United States
28 Jun 11
Girl, that is not okay. I hope you have a good talk with him and set him straight about what he needs to do to help you. You do so much already the least he could do is make sure not to add to your workload.
1 person likes this
Stephannie
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
28 Jun 11
I'm not sure if he is either of them or both fo them. I do not live with him or I may be able to tell the difference. Have you talked to him about leaving stuff laying around or dishes in the sink? That may help if you tell him you do not like it that way.
1 person likes this
totallyundecided
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
28 Jun 11
He doesn't have respect at you at all and I agree here with dollin. This is very frustrating knowing that you are working hard for your family and yet there he is - doing his thing - unmindful of your sacrifices. You should teach him a lesson. Like since he's very dependent of you during mornings like you prepare him food - only prepare food for yourself. I hope he would notice that and will learn lessons.
1 person likes this
CatsandDogs
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
2 Jul 11
Most men aren't domesticated like we women are. Some mothers don't teach them how to clean or to keep things clean so maybe your mil didn't teach your husband? Just a wild guess. Or like you said, he could be down right lazy and irresponsible. You need to sit him down and have a nice long talk with him and set some boundaries with him or you're going to have this for the rest of your marriage.
Toni
@toniganzon (72285)
• Philippines
29 Jun 11
He's lazy and irresponsible. Talk things out with him. Sometimes i'm having the same problem with my husband but since we have a helper to take care of things then i don't get mad much. However, I never allow the helper to clean our room since i'm not satisfied with the way she does it so i do it myself. I really hate it when my husband's stuff just scatter everywhere and he does it repeatedly. HOpe you can sort things out with him. You're tired and annoyed and losing your patience already.
1 person likes this
asliah
@asliah (11137)
• Philippines
31 Aug 11
hi, i think is not one of that,usually husband never do that as what the wife do,cleaning or arranging those things,because they know that their wife is there to that,even my father is like that,even my mother is tired,still she will be the one to arrange,clean and even cook our food.because only women/mother know how to clean and arrange very well.
meyi_2011
@meyi_2011 (51)
• China
29 Jun 11
I have the same experience as u told honey. I live with my finance and he rarely cleanes the house and does any housework. Luckly, sometimes he cookes for me and cleanes closes. Because we are of the same age, we dont do any housework in parent's home. I just tell him it's not fair i do the whole housework. Even though he dont want to do at all, but he is gentle to me. hehehe. So u have to talk to ur hubby that u're tired after work and he has the responsibility to do the housework.
1 person likes this
sid556
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
1 Jul 11
Hi Honeymalen, I'm thinking that it might be a little bit of both or maybe he just wasn't feeling well. Does he work outside of the home? Does this happen often? If it isn't something he does all the time and if he is normally helpful then I'd let it go but if it is something that is an on-going problem then I think you should have a talk with him and tell him how you feel.
bellis716
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
1 Jul 11
Doesn't your husband have a job? You'll have to answer the question as to whether he is lazy or just irresponsible. How was he brought up? Did his mother do everything for him, or did she teach him to take care of himself? kIf you don't know, ask your husband if he is a man or a child who needs his mommie to take care of him.
EdnaReyes
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
30 Jun 11
Men are like this, they think its the wife's duty to clean and takes care of the house. Why not talk him over house chores and make him feel he needs to be involved too in house chores. If doesn't want to be, then he's lazy all right!
beingwell
@beingwell (3625)
• Thailand
30 Jun 11
Hi honey! What does your husband do, exactly? Why don't you talk to him so you can express how you really feel. It's hard to keep all these feelings to yourself. Besides, how will he know. Everything should go well. All the best!