Kind of bummed tonight
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
July 4, 2011 11:06pm CST
For the last few months I have been planning on traveling to NY with my family, but mainly I think the trip would be a drag for me. My daughter is meeting her father for the first time.. she and her husband. She hasn't seen her father in 40 years. Well, of course, I won't be in on that meeting, so I would probably be just stuck in a motel room for all the time they are with her father... so I opted to stay home and use the money on myself than on the trip. I need new dentures, and new glasses. Well, i can only get one at a time, due to limited funds... so I plan to get my teeth and then maybe next year get my glasses... and then maybe sometime I can get to NY to see my brother.
My family probably wouldn't even see my brother this trip, and I would probably only see him if he came to the motel to get me. I'm bummed though because I wanted to see my brother and I wanted to see where we grew up and stuff.
I mentioned yesterday to my family that I looked forward to the ride to NY but really didn't want to go without my teeth. I am ashamed for anyone to see me without teeth. So I think it is a better decision to stay home and get the teeth I need which will be close to $500.
So since logically I know this is the best decision, I don't know why I am feeling so bummed out.
Have you ever made a decision that made the most sense, yet feel kind of bummed that you weren't going to follow through with your other plans? Please share your experiences.
5 people like this
9 responses
@sjvg1976 (42727)
• Delhi, India
5 Jul 11
Hello PQ,
Thats better that instead of sitting idle in motel room & wasting moeny you decided to invest that money on youself.No doubt every one feels embarassed without teeth but mine are the original ones(hehehe).
Don't worry you plan your tour next time to see your brother.
It happens sometimes we make a plan and could not implement it because of various reasons but we should not do it when it is effecting others also. Suppose if your daughter also says that we also won't go if you are not coming with them then it would have been more hurting as due to yourself the whole plan has suffered.
For me i make firm plans and most of the times i adhere to it.
Don't worry you plan your tour next time to see your brother.
It happens sometimes we make a plan and could not implement it because of various reasons but we should not do it when it is effecting others also. Suppose if your daughter also says that we also won't go if you are not coming with them then it would have been more hurting as due to yourself the whole plan has suffered.
For me i make firm plans and most of the times i adhere to it.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
5 Jul 11
I feel better about it now. My daughter only wants to spend time with her father so theyvwouldnt be taking me to my brother. Hope my brother doesn't die before I see him again. He just turned 65.
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
8 Jul 11
It could be even though you are feeling as your Teeth are your highest priority for now considering your finances, you are feeling at a loss because you know your daughter is meeting her dad and spending time as family, and you will be left behind and not able to see your brother. It is sometimes hard decisions to make with this choice, but wishing you the Best.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
8 Jul 11
I'm feeling better now... but I was bummed that they would be only about 40 miles from my brother or so... and not make the effort to see him at all. That would even hurt his feelings, I bet. I feel good though with my decision to stay home and get my teeth.
@manleyjoe (1597)
• United States
5 Jul 11
I think you have made a good decision in this. You should have another chance next year to visit your brother unless he is siskly or something then you may have to go sooner.
Of course I assuming that you do not live across the country and need a lot of money to go there. I save back a hundred dollars a month for vacations and such so just put back each month a little and you should be able to visit next year.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
5 Jul 11
I hope to vet to go next year. My brother has some health problems but overall hens well.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
6 Jul 11
Sorry to hear u are bummed. Ican see why. I wouldn't want to go sit in a hotel room either. That would be an awful long trip to just do that. I would cut back on all that u spend for groceries & get me some teeth. They could eat 'beans & taters' for awhile, lol.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
6 Jul 11
That's what I say too but I get yelled at and told I'm letting them down.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
5 Jul 11
Hi PQ~ I do understand how you feel for alot of similar reasons. I have
dentures and glasses for starters and only have the dentures because the
insurance I had 3 years ago was at the time (paid for by NYS). The
glasses I had to totally pay for and I needed 2 separate pairs-long story
but, got discount. I now have been paying for my Medical Insurane from
the NYS at the rate of $447 amonth for 3 years! People that work don't pay that! I am on Disability and I got "screwed" because I "worked too many quarters"?
Doesn't make sense except that if I never worked I'd get "free medical
care" and come out with a bit more money. Anyway, I think you made the right
decision. As long as you were only going to stay at the motel and not be able
to see your brother anyway, this way you saved the money and can use it the
way you need to. Maybe your brother will be able to somehow see you by meeting
you half way or something. Cheer up!
Doesn't make sense except that if I never worked I'd get "free medical
care" and come out with a bit more money. Anyway, I think you made the right
decision. As long as you were only going to stay at the motel and not be able
to see your brother anyway, this way you saved the money and can use it the
way you need to. Maybe your brother will be able to somehow see you by meeting
you half way or something. Cheer up!1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
5 Jul 11
Hi Opal,
My brother lives in Lake George. The motel we would be staying at would be closer to where my daughter's father lives. That's probably at least 40 miles away. There would possibly be a problem with my brother coming to the motel to get me. My family would rather go by themselves anyway since it is for her to meet her dad.
I've been almost a year without teeth so I feel this is more important for me. I guess I will just miss my family for those days. I don't know.
@hardworkinggurl (37062)
• United States
5 Jul 11
Hi PQ!
I am sorry to hear that you could not go and enjoy visiting with your brother. This is sad and am sure you would have enjoyed the little time on the visit with him. Don't worry dear, try and plan a bit ahead and try to make some effort and see if next year does work out better. Try not to delay it for too long as life is short and before we know it several more years go by.
Yes every year we do plan a trip to Arkansas to visit, my boyfriend's mother, in which his small daughter comes to us from England so we make the trip. Last year I myself had some really personal issues and I knew there was no way I could go. I tried to convince my boyfriend to go with his daughter to visit her grand-mother, as I knew it would be the right thing for him to have done. He would not hear the end of it and decided to stay home with me and his daughter instead and I knew it would have been hard for me to be left alone but he continually expressed the logic as to why they would not enjoy themselves knowing I was dealing with my issues and at home alone. Though I felt really bad as he does not get his daughter but only one time a year and I wanted her to visit her grandmother, therefore I felt bad. So this was more responding that he put forth the logic and made the decision as opposed to going and enjoying their time. Though I do to date feel bad as, but yes it did makes sense he made this decision to stay as I was a wreck.
I am sorry to hear that you could not go and enjoy visiting with your brother. This is sad and am sure you would have enjoyed the little time on the visit with him. Don't worry dear, try and plan a bit ahead and try to make some effort and see if next year does work out better. Try not to delay it for too long as life is short and before we know it several more years go by.
Yes every year we do plan a trip to Arkansas to visit, my boyfriend's mother, in which his small daughter comes to us from England so we make the trip. Last year I myself had some really personal issues and I knew there was no way I could go. I tried to convince my boyfriend to go with his daughter to visit her grand-mother, as I knew it would be the right thing for him to have done. He would not hear the end of it and decided to stay home with me and his daughter instead and I knew it would have been hard for me to be left alone but he continually expressed the logic as to why they would not enjoy themselves knowing I was dealing with my issues and at home alone. Though I felt really bad as he does not get his daughter but only one time a year and I wanted her to visit her grandmother, therefore I felt bad. So this was more responding that he put forth the logic and made the decision as opposed to going and enjoying their time. Though I do to date feel bad as, but yes it did makes sense he made this decision to stay as I was a wreck. @PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
5 Jul 11
Hi HWG!
That was so great that your boyfriend is so considerate of your feelings. I guess deep down I'm also afraid the ex husband will try to turn my daughter agInst me. We were kids when we married and neither of us were ready to be married. I grew up fast and supported us as best I could on minimum wage. He refused to keep a job and drank alot. Now 40 years later he has painted himself the victim. There is still a lot of dysfunction in his life. His other daughter hasn't spoken to him in 4 years. He hasn't seen her children either. He says it is because his other daughter is 'a hot shot lawyer and thinks she is better than them'. So success is not a good thing?
My daughter has told me some of the things he has said about me. I just think it is better I stay home and take care of my own needs.
@hardworkinggurl (37062)
• United States
7 Jul 11
I am so glad to hear that you are thinking of you. Hooray for the new teeth soon, it will be such a relief to get all you need done and when you go on your trip next year you will not have the burdens of not having taken care of you. You will then be able to have a true vacation as none of this will be bothering and or worrying you then. Yeah!!
Thanks for the BR.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
7 Jul 11
Hi HWG! I feel better about not going now. I already have the money for my teeth and will be going on Wednesday to get my teeth. I will probably take out a loan to get my eyeglasses. I would have borrowed the money to go on the trip, but I think my needs have been put off for years now... and I need to make my priority. My Son in law will leave me his Caliber for me to have while they are gone, so I will be able to go see my friends those days, which I never get to do.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
14 Jul 11
it's a shame you couldn't go with them and while the kids are visiting with your daughters dad, you could travel on to visit your brother...or your brother could maybe come to you???
Anyway, it's great that you managed to make enough money to get your teeth. Getting older becomes quite expensive eh??
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
5 Jul 11
I don't blame you one bit. I would stay home and get something for myself also than to put myself through something like that. I think you should take care of yourself first too and then go see your brother. I know how you feel about not having your teeth. I would not want to meet someone without them either.
I have had to make tough decisions like that too but I have to do what is best for me at the time. There is always time to make for other things later. I always have to put things off for myself and it does make me bummed out too, but sooner or later, it will all be worth it.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
5 Jul 11
Hi Steph,
I didn't realize this was going to bother me so much. There's no reason for me to go. I'd be sharing expenses just to sit alone in a motel. Part of me feels like this would be my last chance to see my brother. But logically know that I wouldn't spend much time with him.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
11 Jul 11
hi PointlessQuestions, I think things like this happen in all our lives at one point or the other. Hopefully you will be able to get your dentures soon and new glasses as well and then feel in better shape to see your brother again.
Here it was not about dentures or glasses but being stuck with a decision I had to make. I was forced morally to travel that road but for myself I felt that road of life is wrong. If I had had a real say in the whole thing I would have made a totally different decision which would have been following my heart.
Sadly this decision is irreversible in the sense that the person involved in the better decision has passed away one week ago and on top of all the grief there is a "too late" now.
