Being Depressed is making me a bad Mother
By bonnie
@bunnybon7 (50973)
Holiday, Florida
August 14, 2011 7:19pm CST
Tuesday Im seeing the plastic surgeon thats going to be there for my surgery when it gets set up to make sure a skin graft can be done to cover the empty spot left from the removal of my breast. My oldest daughter thats had surgery already just 2 weeks ago, has flown out supposedly to see me before I go to any surgery. Hers is doing well. she feels great already. my youngest daughter came here begining of this month to live here and help with me. It put me short on funds until the day the oldest is going back home. ive explained this to her. still shes (the oldest) is acting like its just a fun vacation and flitting about site seeing, dragging my youngest with her, etc. my worry and depression is causing me to be cranky. im trying cause I dont want to leave this world with bad feelings from my kids. but yesterday, my youngest son came to see everyone which made 4 of my five kids in one house for the first time in many yrs. We were having a great time but i was getting worn out from visiting. anyway, one of them brought up my mother, that i have bad feelings toward even after she died because of the way she treated me. that turned into a bit of arguement over, its their grandma and i should let it go. My mom had even tried to turn 2 of them against me yrs ago. they dont even know all of it and dont care to hear any more they said. so i left it go. everyone was visiting till 1 am. 
so i thought at least they would sleep late and id get to since i havent had over 4 hrs sleep a night since she came Friday. 7 am she came into the room to get something, since its a bit crowded here right now and woke me up talking with her sister about them all going off to visit Sedona. so i got up cause couldnt go back to sleep. my oldest son didnt want to go since he hasnt been getting much sleep either and has to go to work 2 am in morn. But my oldest, everythings always been about her. 
then son couldnt sleep after all and decided to go meet a gal, since hes been depressed and hasnt found a good relationship yet. so, here iam alone, feeling sorry for myself and realising i made a fuss about it all. Im just scared to death and no one seems to care. theres much more to it but this is already to long to read. 
so i thought at least they would sleep late and id get to since i havent had over 4 hrs sleep a night since she came Friday. 7 am she came into the room to get something, since its a bit crowded here right now and woke me up talking with her sister about them all going off to visit Sedona. so i got up cause couldnt go back to sleep. my oldest son didnt want to go since he hasnt been getting much sleep either and has to go to work 2 am in morn. But my oldest, everythings always been about her. then son couldnt sleep after all and decided to go meet a gal, since hes been depressed and hasnt found a good relationship yet. so, here iam alone, feeling sorry for myself and realising i made a fuss about it all. Im just scared to death and no one seems to care. theres much more to it but this is already to long to read. 5 people like this
15 responses
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
15 Aug 11
Hi bun~ I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this stuff. I know
that you are scared and I don't blame you. But, the main thing that
you need to do is to concentrate on your health right now! You
are the one that is important right now and never mind the kids! And
if you are not able to relax with them around then you need to say so!
I'm sure they are there for you, but if it is causing you too much anguish
then that's not what you need right now. I am praying for you, as I'm
sure many of your other "lotter" friends are and I told you that I am
here for you if you need to "talk". Send me a Private Email and give me
your phone # and I will call you if you are really upset! I mean it! I am
available 24/7!!!!
Leslie
Leslie1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Aug 11
thanks dear, i just left it. id call you or a nice family member if my kids didnt already have the bill so high. 
@celticeagle (159400)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Aug 11
This is a very scarey time for you and you certainly have a right to be depressed. I think you need to set up some boundaries. Tell the older child to please get anything she needs out of your room the night before so you aren't disturbed. I think you might be expecting them to understand and they obviously don't. A curt word may do the trick. Tact is a wonderful thing. I wish I had some. LOL
@celticeagle (159400)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Aug 11
Call a family meeting and express your feelings. You don't need this stress on you at this time. Try to think it out first. Use positive statements. THink of things you like about her and that she has going for her. Communication is very important. You could be thinking things that aren't true at all and so could she.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Aug 11
me to. because im afraid i didnt have much this morning and they are back now so and she isnt even talking to me. 
guess i shouldnt care at this point. i just dont want it to be between us like it was with me and my mom but there seems no hope with this one.1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Aug 11
you know you are right. we had words last night and we worked it out. but still not perfect just better
1 person likes this
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
15 Aug 11
Hi bunnybon, You have every reason to feel depressed for what you are going through, and SCARED! NONE of this makes you a bad mother! I think kids are kids, they never grow up when it comes to their parents! I think that is just the way things are, and of course they would never treat someone elses parents like they treat their own.
May God be with you tomorrow, comfort your fears and give you peace. Blessings
@Christmas2006 (1661)
• United States
16 Aug 11
Unfortunately, I am still just as busy. Was up till 1am Sunday Night finishing my assignment, so exhausted all day yesterday, that I did nothing! So now, I have to work double time on this next assignment. Last one for this class, then next week I start a new class. I seen your post and wanted to drop you a note.
This is the day, May God give you the strength and courage and peace for this appointment and news. Blessings.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Aug 11
thanks sweetie. imso glad you are back posting and not as busy now. i appreciate the prayers and blessings very much
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
29 Aug 11
I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now. Have things improved for you yet? It sounds like a frustrating situation when all your kids are arguing in your home and keeping you from getting any rest. Have they gone home now? If not, I think I would ask them to have a little more consideration for your situation. It is really not fair that they are acting that way around you. You may also want to look into getting something for depression to see if that will help you feel better. Have a great week!!!
@daeckardt (6237)
• United States
29 Aug 11
I'm glad things are going better for you now. I am doing ok other than a bad sunburn that I got the other day.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
29 Aug 11
hey hon, i was starting to worry about you. i hope you are doing well. yes the daughter that keeps things stirred up has went home. my helpful one is here now1 person likes this
@margeryann (1845)
• United States
15 Aug 11
Something like that happened to me before. I know how you feel .I wasn't sick or nothing but our water well caught on fire and so do our outer buildings. So, we were without water and it was very stressful but my step-son, his wife and 2 kids stayed with us because they thought they would be helpful. We didn't want to hurt there feelings but it was making things harder. We were enjoying there company but we had to deal with having to feed everyone and having to figure out how to get more people showered and clothes being washed with everyone here. They mainly helped haul water so we could drink things and so we could flush our toilets. That did help but still. I hope everything gets better for you and that you heal real fast after the surgery and get well.
When your not feeling well you get wore out real fast anyways then to not get much sleep because people are keeping you awake or stressing you out.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Aug 11
exactly. i can see you understand. imagine being in some pain and worried about surgery at the same time. we arent without water but our water bill is going to be humungous now on top of all the other bills. this daughter here has plenty of money to and dont seem to understand much. she went and bought some little plaques to hang in my bathroom. wow! and a picture to hang over the table. supposedly she was going to take me to dinner and the others of course. but hasnt said anything about that. we had a big cook out yesterday to feed everyone to
we arent without water but our water bill is going to be humungous now on top of all the other bills. this daughter here has plenty of money to and dont seem to understand much. she went and bought some little plaques to hang in my bathroom. wow! and a picture to hang over the table. supposedly she was going to take me to dinner and the others of course. but hasnt said anything about that. we had a big cook out yesterday to feed everyone to1 person likes this
@margeryann (1845)
• United States
15 Aug 11
People that stay at someones house a lot of times doesn't understand how much more expensive it is having them staying over. Food,utilities and everything is a lot higher.
1 person likes this
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
20 Aug 11
dear bunnybon I am terribly sorry that I could not get back to your discussion sooner cause during the work week I only have one of these small tablet PCs and havent figured out all the techie stuff about it (dumb me.......)
No I dont think that being depressed makes you a bad mother. You have serious surgery ahead of you and its natural that you are anxious and concerned and fearful about it, plus that right now you are not interested in going places or whatever.
When I get it right then it was very good for you your younger daughter came to see you even though money would be even more tight then and its stressful that your oldest daughter who already had surgery and feels great came to see you as well.
I think your oldest daughter is a bit selfish from what I read here. It may be hard for her cause she doesnt really know how to react to the situation you are going through that surgery too and still have it ahead of you. But if I would have been in her shoes I would have talked to you when coming over to see you to find out what would help you best. I mean, what would you want or expect, her asking all the time what you want and need or would you tell yourself what would be important for you without her asking.
After all the purpose of her visit was to help you and not to enjoy herself and go places.
If you need to vent as you said there is more to the situation, please pm me. I may be slow to react as I only have the Tablet PC as I said but will get back to you on weekends like now when I am at home.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
20 Aug 11
what a nice post dear. see you understand completely. yes im afraid she, my oldest was the only girl for 10 yrs and so she was quite spoiled. her little sister was by another marriage and so her dad, my ex continued to spoil her. she said she was coming to help, but that was just an excuse to have a nice vacation i think. anyway, she is back in her state now and we had made up before she left. thanks hon. i still have the helpful daughter here. @RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
20 Aug 11
good to know things are ironed out but if you need to vent please pm me. you might feel lonely or in too much pain so please dont hesitate to pm me if you need to get things off your chest. more hugs to you
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
15 Aug 11
Sweetie, first of all you are not at fault here, your Daughter is, she is being very selfish here, she is suppose to be there helping and caring for you and all she is doing is making things bad for you
I think you need to have a word with her and tell her that you need rest and calm, not all this and if she can not accept it could she please go home,
Now it sounds like I have missed out here when you had an Operation and I am so sorry but I hope you knew that I was close to you
Now sort that Girl out and tell her, because if you don't she is going to end up killing you with her carry on,
Sweetheart you need support and love right now, not this, I love you Sweetie, you have my Email, big hugs
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Aug 11
thanks gabs. i havent had the surgery yet. thats some of the anxiety and depression reasons. the sad thing is, my daughter that im having all this with is the one that just had cancer surgery and insisted on coming here to see me just in case cause we havent seen each other for so long. and worst is she is the one ive never gotten on really well with. but the other kids put in on some of it last night and we worked it out somewhat. 
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
24 Aug 11
Aww sweety, you could never be a bad mother. Your kids are being thoughtless just like kids and they deserve a slap. My kids do the same to me. They say and do things that really hurt me but I say nothing because if I do, I somehow end up being the one in the wrong.
Sweety, this is all about you. You are about to have some very invasive surgery and your kids should be ultra loving and caring and NOT running around having fun at your expense. They should realise and understand what you are going through. (I'm pretty angry with them myself just thinking about it so I can imagine how awful it must actually be for you).
Try and ignore them if you can and come here to myLot because your friends here love you and care about you and we will see you through this. Majorly big hugs sweety...all the best for your op.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
24 Aug 11
you are the sweetest kindest ever girl. i appreciate all my good friends here and you know i always come and vent here. BIG HUGS, back to you. 
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63252)
• United States
16 Aug 11
I read every word, tho a paragraph now and then is nice...
I think you should tell the younger daughter that you need the help and to please tell the older sister that she's there to help you, not gad off with her.
Like I know, my family was never that non-functional, only real strife is between me and my bro
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Aug 11
thank you sweetie. i finally got through to her that same night. we cried we talked, we hugged, and made up. now things will be fine if i can get through till in the morning. shes leaving. but even then, i'll be sad, cause i do love her in spite of her attitude. 
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Aug 11
Oh you're not a bad mother, you've real got worries...
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Aug 11
thanks Dawn you are a good mom yourself. some day yours will be grown and i hope they all treat you like my youngest daughter does me. shes the helpful one.
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
15 Aug 11
I understand what you feel coz i am also a mother. Your case is special coz you've sick and much needed of attention and help from your kids although they were act like busy. Anyway as i see... you are not bad mother. Whatever and whoever are still we are mothers of our children, but the sad is sometimes they didnt get what we really feels and what we need. Dont be sad anyway because it makes you more depressed and bad for your health.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Aug 11
yes. theres times when i feel like im just a big baby and things have turned around on me. like they are the care givers now and im a needy mother. but we had words and straightened it all out. a cry and hugs with each other. just hope it lasts
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
17 Aug 11
It isn't just you that sees that your parenting is adversely affected by being depressed. That is something that I've noticed since the time that Tom was diagnosed. I have to put up with the stress of having a husband that is suffering and I've got to deal with the children as well. There are times that I will get short with them and it really does make me feel bad.
With all of those people in your home at the same time, I believe I would be a little bit snippy with people as well. I hope that things get better for you soon.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
17 Aug 11
well at least we had it all out before the tough one left. she left this morning and i do love her. miss her already even though we dont get along. we hugged and made up. 
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
15 Aug 11
Oh bon I am sorry you are going through so much! Depression is such a bad feeling and it will cause you to feel really bad. I am so hoping you get some relief and good news soon so that you can resume back to some happier times. self.
Depressions causes us to think more then the norm and sadly it does take a great toll. I am sure you are exhausted sweetie as you have gone for a very long time with suspense as to when will it all be over.
I have often wished I could come by you and share some laughter and hugs with you. Know that I think of you often and praying that all gets better soon.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Aug 11
thanks so much hard working. I sure appreciate those prayers. you and a few others i so wish i could live near. just to talk to. sadly we can only be here together. but its better then nada as i always say
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
15 Aug 11
Dear try to seek helpt then. A depression of one, two weeks might be normal but when it continues it could be there is some substance in the brain that it's not being produced, or maybe you just need to really talk something that is bothering you in your subconscience.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Aug 11
yes its true katie. but the best help i can get right now is to get this over and hope not to be in pain very long. 
@kareng (55116)
• United States
15 Aug 11
I'm sorry your daughter's visit ended up like this. Maybe you should sit them all down and have a talk with them. Tell them that most of all you cherish the time with them and would appreciate if they hung around the house for the rest of the visit. Tell them you are tired and the lights need to go off at 10 pm and not come on before 8 am in the morning. Your daughter is an adult and should know that you need rest. Good luck and hugs to you.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Aug 11
i dont really go to bed that early. the problem is, i dont like to get up before 7am if im up really late. when i try to talk with my oldest daughter, some how it becomes an argument because shes very bull headed and wont let me say anything. she becomes accusing and you'd think having been through some things like that herself lately she'd understand. the rest do but right now just as it was when she was at home. she thinks things should go her way. even if its inconvienent for others.
even if its inconvienent for others.