family or single parent?

Netherlands
September 13, 2011 7:36am CST
Is it always better to grow up (as a child) in a family (2 parents) even if the parents are fighting or never give attention to the child(ren). Or are single parents able to do a great job alone? I frequently hear, still hear, people say all kids of a single parent are trouble makers. It's better to grow up in a family, no matter if the parents hate each other or not. I see enough single parents (men and women) who do great jobs with their kids and they are surely not drugs addicted or badly raised. How come so many people are keep on saying this?
4 people like this
21 responses
• Philippines
14 Sep 11
Well there is really a different when you have 2 parent than a single parent. Having a mother and father is more helpful coz there are 2 persons that would definitely support you and give you advise, and comfort you when you need one. but there is also disadvantages on it. Being a single parent is a tough choice actually coz you have to raise all by yourself, support your child all alone. And there are things that you can not answer either on a man side or a woman side. But not all single parent having a trouble child/ren if they are their and very supportive. I myself having this kind of situations coz im a single parent itself. So its a tough job for me to think everything all alone.
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
14 Sep 11
I would like to hear from you what kind of questions you can not answer on a man side or a woman side. I am a mother for 27 years (5 own kids and 11 foster kids) I always did the job alone next to work and there was never an answer I could not give or that was not satisfied enough for the kids I have/had. Personally I never missed the advice of a man (as I was married he never had time anyway and was far of supportive for the kids) and in many cultures raising children is the job of the woman. So even if you are married you can do it all alone.
@vikku2001 (258)
• India
13 Sep 11
Hi WakeUpKitty Your question is really has a serious matter.As a matter of better care of a child,I think it is best to live in joint family.I know, I am giving answer out of box but it is really very good to be in joint family like uncle,grandpa, grandma everyone there.There child get more love and care and along with other children their behavior to others get better. But as your question I think it is more better to be with singe parents as if the child always get the environment of fighting.They will not be happy and their nature always have some anger.Instead they can live with single parent and meet other parent at some intervals.
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
29 May 12
These kind of families we don't have over here anymore since years. It's rare if the grandparents live close by (in their own house) and even more rare if they all live in the same house. Also think most houses here are not big enough for that and frequently it's not allowed. But I do think this way also it would be good for a child to live, and to be loved. Nothing wrong with sharing the care.
@sizzle3000 (3036)
• United States
13 Sep 11
I think that it doesn't matter really if you have one parent or two. It's all in how you decide to raise them. I know some people that were raised by grandparents but ended up turning out really great and never felt like they were missing anything. The same goes for one parent. I know it's hard to be a single parent but it's possible to raise your child as if they're not really missing anything.
1 person likes this
@GemmaR (8517)
13 Sep 11
I know of children who come from both backgrounds, and each of them have their problems and their plus points in addition to that. I think that a stable family environment is the best place for any child to grow up in, however if the two parents are arguing all of the time this this obviously isn't really the best of places for the child to be. Children need routine and as long as they get this then they would be okay. This doesn't really matter if it is in a family or as a single parent as long as the child has the routine.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Sep 11
I think it depends on the persons, you see it is really best to grow up in a happy family. Conflicts between husband and wife is just normal, but should not reach a point were husband has to become violent and the wife will suffer all her life. That would be unfair to the wife and of course traumatic to the children. If this is the environment inside the home i think children will also learn violence and bad values. On the other hand, some children raised by single parents turned good person too. I think it is how this parent instill in them good values despite their situation.I am a single mother and i have a daughter who is sixteen years old and i don't have any problem with her. She is outstanding in school, sh's a sweet girl and loved by my sisters and brothers. She is God fearing and always brings honor to the family. So i think it all depends. Intact families do have problems with their children too for some reasons.
1 person likes this
@Triple0 (1904)
• Australia
14 Sep 11
A dysfunctional family with two parents would be worst than one parent doing a good job on raising the child don't you reckon? A child doesn't want to watch two of their parents fight and argue everyday right in front of their faces. This would probably distress the poor child, it's better for parents to separate and the child to visit the other parent every now and then. My aunty split from her husband and she raises two of her teenaged kids. Their family is better off without her husband as he kept gambling and arguing with her. They're doing okay.
1 person likes this
@ladym33 (10989)
• United States
29 Sep 12
I think it is better to live in a happy household with one parent then to live in a miserable one with two. I know a lot of people that were raised or are being raised by one parent and they either turned out really well, or are really good kids now. Several of my kid's friends are being raised by single parents or divorced parents who share custody and they are perfectly good kids.
@cream97 (29122)
• United States
13 Sep 11
Hi, WakeUpKitty. Yes it is very true to grow up in a family where there are two parents that are in the home. But, if the two parents are doing nothing but fighting, then this creates a negative impact upon their child or children that is living with them. It is unhealthy and not safe to fight around a child. It does not matter how the fight takes place, it is just the anger that is behind it, that makes a huge difference. I grew up living with my grandmother when my mother passed away. My dad lived with his new lover, my stepmother. They were married. I never grew up in a home where it was my mother and father that was together. It was always just my father and his new family that lived together. It was so very hard for me to deal with this, but I eventually got through this hardship in my life. Now, my three kids and my husband all live in the same home together. I want us to stay together as a family. Single parents can do a great job just as the parents that are living together can. Not all single parents are troublemakers at all. There are some great single parents that know how to hold it down on their own. If my parents were always fighting all of the time, I would pick just living with only one parent if this may change things for our family, and for me, for the better.
• Netherlands
13 Sep 11
Hi cream97, thanks for sharing. Would you have been happier if you were allowed to live with your father and his new family while knowing you are not a part of this new family? I can understand how hard it was for you but might be your granny saved you for a lot of worries, painful moments and sadness. I had fighting parents attacking eachother with knives etc and beating up their kids not a great or save place to grow up for a kid.
@silverfox09 (4717)
• United States
25 Nov 12
I dont think ts better for anyone to be around people that are always arguing over senseless things . I would much rather be around a single parents that love me than a couple that is only playing house to people . I am a child of single parents even though both parents are fully in my life , they dont live together and thank God they don't argue but instead always giving best wishes to each other . My parents keep in touch and always call each other to tell pass information that can help the other in their career and life . Both my parents are in Good jobs and my brother and I were fully taken care of and had no trouble because both our parents love us and I understand why they cant be together .
@MandaLee (3699)
• United States
13 Sep 11
My parents marriage was awful. It was best for my parents to divorce. After my parents divorced, my Mom was a single parent. Things weren't always easy, but Mom did a great job raising us. God was faithful to us and cared for us in amazing ways. Today all four of us are happy, successful, contributing members of society.
• Netherlands
14 Sep 11
I am happy to hear you all are happy, succesful and far from what they say about children of single parents.
@sthluba (20)
• Nepal
14 Sep 11
Yes, it is always better to grow up in a family even if the parents are fighting or never give attention to their children. Only the parents can give good manners and basic education to their children, other people can't as their parents can.
• Netherlands
29 May 12
So according to you it's better to grow up in a family even if the parents are fighting and never give attention to their children? And that is what you call: give good manners and basic education to their children? How are fighting parents give a good example to their children? How can they teach their children to have respect to the other gender? How can they be a good example of how a marriage should be? If they are not able to show love to their children or attention, how can those kids grow up as stabil adults with respect and love for other people? Sorry but this doesn't make sense to me. Kids who grow up in such a family will come out broke, damaged, with a big lack of emotional and social feelings. They will not be able to have a normal/stabil relationship.
• United States
13 Sep 11
the man that i am dating has this problem if he goes back with his wife whom he has three children with they would go back to arguing and fighting in front of the kids and he would slip back into the bad habits he had when he was married to her but when he has the kids alone they are great together he is a great parent and is very protective of his children he is their friend but does not cross that line he keeps all three of them in line and does not let them get in any trouble his ex wife on the other hand lets the kids get away with murder and she gives them no consequences for their bad behavior so i think it is better for the child to be raised alone with a single parent is that i whats best if the child is raised around fighting and arguing the child will mostly likely do that with their own spouse when grown
• Netherlands
14 Sep 11
As a child you need to know what is bad or wrong. Parents fighting each other or who are not agreed about the way how to raise the children are a bad example. For children it will be easy then to get what they want, to do what they want. I also believe that just one parent will do a way better job as the two parents together. It takes courage too to leave a situation like that and to know when to stop.
• India
13 Sep 11
it s allways better to grow children with their parents,it is very bad if the parents fight with each other because,sometimes a child become a cruel man when he lives in that type of environment,so it is neccessary to payy attention on thier children.but when the child live with a single parent,then no body sees that children when he/she is busy , they do that things,whatever they want to do,or seen to do by their friend,whether it is bad or good,it does not matter.so this is neccessary for parents,that ther never fight with each other when they are front on their children,somethimes,it affect on childrn mind,and he is also suffered the problem of depression,but tthis job of take attention on their children is not doing by a single parent because many times we see that children are not held by a single parent,because a family advice the children to all the things that do by children that he is doing right or wrong
• Netherlands
14 Sep 11
A family is more as just mom and dad. I believe that family is those who care about you. From you I understand that it's always better to raise children with 2 parents? No matter if they fight or not? Because only parents can advice the children? Many parents work have 1 or 2 jobs so they can't give attention to their kids either. There are single parents who work and still have time for their kids to listen to them, to advice them. Don't you think it depends on the kind of parent if he/she is able to raise a child in a healthy, safe atmosphere? Personally I don't believe children of single parents are worser raised and born losers as children raised by 2 parents. A single parent has seldom a privat life, friends etc anymore is always there for the kids because he/she already knows he/she has to prove he/she can do the job.
• India
15 Sep 11
the same means created in my pahragraph,i know that appearance of both the parents are really important of a child,and if he lose it,then he understands that what he was lose,and want to get back,so parents should be carable about their children
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
The influence of a family starts when the child is still young. ofc it's nice to be grown in a decent family. But when he/she gets older- there's a lot of aspects that might influence the child. Friends,media and public..but how the child deals with these influences depends on his/her own will and personality.. I may say a person's total being is 50% of home influence and 50% his self being his total personality.. We can't deny the fact that some single parents are able to grown kids successful and we can't deny the fact that some "complete parents" wasn't lucky enough to have children who became failures too.. .
@KrauseHome (36586)
• United States
9 Jun 12
Personally I think it really depends on the person. I know people who were Single parents like my sister, who's son is really a good kid, and know others who have been able to do a wonderful job. And then I know kids who have come from both parents being there that have been in Prison, etc. so it does not make always for the Best home when having a Mom and a Dad. In reality the Best thing is having a parent who is there for the child. Willing to support them in all they do, and be there for them. If they are involved in what is going on in their child's life and no combative then many times their child will turn out for the Best.
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
Ideally it is better to grow up as a child in a family with his/her daddy and mummy. Unfortunately there are lots of couples couldn't stay in a good relationship, which they have to apart. Consequently, the children will be the victims/sufferers. As a result, single parents will try their best to raise up the children.
@sid556 (30973)
• United States
11 Dec 11
Hi Wakeup, I think the ideal way to raise kids is with 2 parents who respect and love each other and are together on how the children will be raised. I can't agree that it is good for the kids to be raised in a home with fighting and conflict. I have to believe that a peaceful single parent would be healthier for them than that. I raised my 4 girls on my own while working full time...no regrets at all and they have all turned out beautifully. I don't know why people assume that the kids raised by single parents are going to turn out bad. I'm guessing that it might be that the number of kids that get into trouble like this frin single parent homes is high. Kids in homes with both parents is small and so of course the numbers are going to be smaller from that group but kids from 2 parent homes are not excempt from having a kid that is geared toward trouble. Also we have the blended families and that can be really difficult.
@TrvlArrngr (4050)
• United States
14 Sep 11
What matters is that the child is loved and nurtured. This can happen being raised by 2 parents, by a single parent, by grandparents, or extended family. Just because you have a mom and a dad present does not mean you have the perfect and loving family.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
14 Sep 11
I think it depends on how a child is raised. Some children raised by a single parent end up to be successful because they help themselves even more in life. But there will always be a psychological effect on them. I guess it is not easy growing up with separated parents or a single parent.
@roshigo58 (4862)
• Pune, India
28 Jun 12
hi, As a child we have no choice and it is not at all in the hands of a child as to where he should get birth. If so then all will prefer a healthy and happy family to live with. The only option left is to face the consequences ahead and keep going on steadily. One day a bright sun will appear in the life. Single parents too able to do a great job. I think sometimes single parents are preferred than a family fighting.