He surprised me the other day

@dawnald (85129)
Shingle Springs, California
September 29, 2011 9:34pm CST
The realtor was over, and we were talking about putting the house up for sale. R wanted to wait 2 weeks, pack stuff up, and then have her come back. He also wanted to talk to me about it, something about signing the house over to me, and then habout 401k money, didn't quite get the gist of that. Well I right away said I couldn't afford it and it was too much work, but later, when she was gone, I did a little thinking. So OK maybe if he signed the house over and if I refinanced (rates are really low right now) and paid off the car I could manage it. With three children, I could maybe handle the work too, not sure. So, since we have a week and a half yet before the realtor comes back, might as well have a conversation about it, before we do something that we can't undo. I really would rather have a smaller place, but the kids love it here, so we shall see.
3 people like this
17 responses
@Lakota12 (42602)
• United States
30 Sep 11
I would find a cheaper place that you know you can afford. Thats what we have done houses are cheap right now but slowly going up but we found a house jut a little bigger but half the price of this one and when I pass away son in law can afford the payments by himself!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
I am leaning in that direction...
@Lakota12 (42602)
• United States
1 Oct 11
ok
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@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
Thinking long term. Even if I get child support to help with the house and all, Dearra's drops off in a little over 3 years, the twins' in 7 and 8 years (Cary won't be out of school until he's almost 19). So hanging on to the house long term might not be possible anyway.
• United States
13 Nov 11
and you are still packing up things to this day. It's been more than the two week window he's referring to and the house is still not up for sale. This refinance thing would have been a good thing before considering going through the divorce and you would have been able to see now if you would be able to keep the house on your own should he sign it over.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Nov 11
I'll be packing for months...
• United States
14 Nov 11
I wish you would just kick his a** out the door.
• United States
30 Sep 11
Do what feels right and what you can handle!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Oct 11
Who is this guy Randy F@cking Johnson?!
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
Agreed.. Right now the original plan still seems best, but we haven't really had the discussion yet. He threw me another curveball last night (next discussion lol).
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
30 Sep 11
You have gotten some good advice here Dawn, but I want to see if I got this right, R. mentioned this in front of the Realtor? Or was this something he said to just you. If he said it to just you and he is anything like my own, you better get it in writing, because I can see him saying something like, "Well, I was considering it, I wasn't making a decision, or I was just throwing out an idea, etc..." If he is serious and you think you can, I would go for it. If it doesn't work out, you can always sell later for a smaller, more affordable home..
• United States
1 Oct 11
Ah, next discussion??? I knew it, though I wish I was wrong, but I just knew it...
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
He said it in front of the realtor, but look at my next discussion and see how quickly he changed to another alternative.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (156578)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Sep 11
Best to think it through. Maybe you have some other friends with experience with such things. I rent and so I have little experience.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
yep write down all the pros and cons, figure out expenses, etc.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (156578)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Oct 11
The boring stuff begins. Ugh!
• China
30 Sep 11
I don't know your situation.I wonder how much does he provide for three children?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
Right now we're sharing expenses, but I could probably get about $1000 a month in child support...
1 person likes this
• China
2 Oct 11
However,You have to look after three children every day,You take the task on your own shoulders.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
2 Oct 11
I know what you mean. I am sure that you will make the right decision though and do what is best for everyone.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Nov 11
not so sure he will
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
30 Sep 11
Lately I have moved from one house to another and now am about to move in to a new house much much smaller than my former houses. I like my new house as it is small but with four rooms and a big kitchen it is still considered big by normal house standard. Once the kids leave the nest, you'll be left alone. So it is better to opt for a smaller house.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
I am leaning that way, still need to discuss all the options.
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
30 Sep 11
its a great idea. its so hard to find a decent house for the right money any more. i think you should go for it. take this from someone thats lost a great house and has been unhappy with any others since.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
That was my last house. :-( This house is nice in many ways, but it doesn't really feel like home, and I will not be all that unhappy with leaving it, as long as I can find another that I like.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
30 Sep 11
Unless things are unusual in your area, now is not a good time to sell real estate. I would talk to my lender to be sure I would qualify for the new loan, they are harder to get these days. Just get all your ducks in a row before you make any choices. Blessings.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
yeah, that's a consideration, and with the car paid off, I think I could qualify, but we shall see...
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
1 Oct 11
It sure sounds like it would something worth considering. Staying in the same house would be less disruptive for the kids too I guess. I suppose you have to work out your finances and consider if you would be happy not moving. It sounds like R is doing the decent thing by giving you and the children the opportunity to stay in the home. It also sounds like he has accepted the separation now...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
He switched gears again. Next discussion...
1 person likes this
@marguicha (213322)
• Chile
1 Oct 11
Weight everything, specially if you can handle it moneywise. Remember that R is going to move out and you will have to work, do all the housework AND be a full time mom. Check if you can manage that too. Besides (just my idea) if you donĀ“t move, your ex could think that the house is still part his to move around whenever he wishes. Going someplace else would put a natural boundary to that. I tell you this because I was very angry, two years after my daughter got a divorce, to see her ex opening the fridge to make himself a sandwich.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
yeah, all those things are on my mind...
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
7 Oct 11
I've been thinking of moving to bigger house for the longest time. I think the house is already too small for us. But after having it refinanced a couple of times, and having my credit rating 'massaged' a little bit, I've been postponing it for the longest time (also). I think R thought of something creative there to manage finances. I think I should do something the same. Something creative too.
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@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Nov 11
creatively delaying in any way he can
@sswallace21 (1824)
• United States
30 Sep 11
I would check and see if refinancing would be an option for you through a bank. If your children like it there, they could start helping out a little bit more around the house. This would help you, teach them more responsibility and give them a better work ethic. Tough decision you need to make. Best Wishes!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
yeah, it's a good idea to find out what I can even qualify for. And the children definitely need chores and a schedule.
• United States
30 Sep 11
Depending on how much you owe, this might be a very good solution, do talk it over and see what he is offering, and why... Visitation rights and all that stuff get thrown into the mix... But talking let's you know where he is coming from and what he is seeking. This is all normal big 'D' stuff... But by working with him, you make an ally of sorts you have fought enough battles, you are free to win/win for both of you... Think clearly on what is best for all including the children. This could make life a lot easier. You might not even need to remortgage, you might want to take advantage of lower interest rates, but look at how much principle you are paying and do the hard math, lowering the interest rate a point or two might not make up for all the interest that you pay on the front of the loan at the beginning. If you have a few years into this loan it just might be better to keep the one you already have just have him sign off so that it is all you with out him... That wouldn't require a remortgage to my knowledge. Not even a restructure. Don't give away more than you have to... That 401k money could go a lot further for you and your children if you use it wisely. Good luck, Gary
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
i worked in mortgage banking for a lot of years, so I can figure that part out. Next discussion though, he's thrown something else at me...
• United States
30 Sep 11
I think there is nothing wrong with weighing your options, if you can do it I say go for it. I agree about the kids, it certainly would make it easier for them. But remember it is you who will be doing it all later, so what is best for you and am sure you will come up with the right solution. But I am happy to hear that at least this area of discussion was brought up by R.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
yeah, but go see the next discussion. lol
@alberello (4752)
• Italy
30 Sep 11
In my opinion, if you have the ability to pay and you can afford is always a good investment to buy a house. The money they lose their value over time (especially now in times of tough economic crisis) and "brick" that always has its prestige over time. Make your choice...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Oct 11
I already have a house, but I'm considering selling it and buying a smaller one.