I don’t want to go out with my family
By hotsummer
@hotsummer (13835)
Philippines
January 24, 2012 8:25pm CST
When my brother gets back from his work abroad together with my mom, they would be planning for some getaway. Actually I don’t like our family time because it does not end up well at all. My mom being so strict and being so hard to be with will just spoil the fun most of the time. And because my father can’t walk long distance and most of the time would need a wheel chair that limits us to the place we can go and enjoy our time. And because my father can’t walk or move normally and does not eat by mouth any more but is given food directly to his stomach. So things are not normal and so it is not easy to bring my father in any place for long period of time. And to make the matter worst, you can’t request for the food you want when you are elsewhere. It is like my mom decides what food to buy like when we were on beach. If you want to eat something like inside the food canteen in the beach, we were discussing what food to order she should just suddenly shout because she wants to save money and no one would buy expensive and just be contented with such and such food. Even though we have the money as my brother has his work abroad. and so it is just disappointing to have her around and make you lose face in front of people. Like most of the time I have to stay inside the hostel or small lodge on the beach to care for my father and I will ask them to buy food for me when they get back from the beach, cause I can’t get out of the room while taking care of my father, she would just buy the food that is less expensive although I requested for a more delicious or better meal which is just a bit expensive. It is just horrible to have this family time actually. It always end up in quarrelling in shouting when we go out to have fun. And I am restricted in what I can do actually. It is like I am just going out to take care of my father and nothing more . Though I can’t blame cause it is not easy to take care of my father, we all need to care for my father which I don’t mind. I just hope that they can give me some consideration to make my life a bit more easy and enjoyable . I don’t want to go out actually when they get back this February.
2 people like this
14 responses
@tatzkie23 (770)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
Bonding with family is great, but in your case, i think you're doomed. I'm sorry to hear about your father. Being his caregiver is really a hard task and you can't enjoy your vacation. As i read your story, i think that it is really worst and annoying to go out with your family. It's supposed to be a bonding time, but it turns out to be an irritating one. LOL. i know you're pissed off, but just laugh it out. Stop complaining and just try and try to enjoy yourself. I know it's hard, but i know you have other ways to enjoy it. 
@hotsummer (13835)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
indeed no choice but try my best to enjoy it if i can even enjoy it a bit.
@yanzalong (18982)
• Indonesia
25 Jan 12
You are like me. I never like going out with my family including relatives. My family only consists of me, my wife and two kids. This is no problem. But if going out will include relatives (my relatives and my wife's relatives), then going out would turn out an unhappy one to me.
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
it is your family. i know what you mean when you don't want to go out with your family, but they are still your family. going out with family is supposed to be the bonding time to get closer and together. if you have that imagination in your mind, it poisons the scenario of good possibilities with your family during outing. please be more open and accepting of your situation.
@hotsummer (13835)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
i guess you are right. no matter what they are still my family . anyway, i am stuck with them so better give them time as well.
@marguicha (215883)
• Chile
26 Jan 12
Cannot you talk to your mother when you are alone with her about these things? We all need some extras, although that does not mean buying all the time the most expensive food. And I am sure you all have to share the care for your father. It cannot be left only to you.
@kukueye (1759)
• Malaysia
25 Jan 12
Ya , sometime i am also anti social and anti relative wish not to visit or be visited sometime becauwe maybe i am low esteem and bad temper cannot stand their questions and such , or maybe i am just weak in character and too sensitive to handle their insensitive, so better not force oneself in doing things that oneself don like.
@Sum1PassingBy (419)
• Jordan
25 Jan 12
I don't go out with my family much, and when they ask me to I just lie and say I have something to do. Sometimes, though, they force me to go out with them by saying that I never go out with them. At those times I feel like I'm going over my will, but I end up having tons of fun with them.
Have a nice time myLotting!
@angelako (280)
• Italy
25 Jan 12
I understand you but whether you like it or not they are your family.And families cannot be replace with someone else,You cna even have another girl but a family is always the same.so be patient on them and have mor ebonding to them.Explain to them what you feel if its the only way to let them know.so you will understand each other.
@laniekins (4579)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
You know I can relate to you at some point, my mother was also that frugal or thrifty or whatever we call it when it comes to food. We are always limited to the food we eat and money to spend. We rarely go out as family, I remember we go out on a zoo with my mom's friend and her family, we are not complete but we had a good time.
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
I know it's really hard on your part taking care of your father. I can guess you are the one who is doing most of the caring for your father, while your brother works to earn the money for the family. And maybe your mother is somewhat stressed because of the situation of your father, but she should consider that while they were out and you were with your father all day, she should buy the meal or thing you requested to appease you.
I am guessing you're a nice, obedient, and patient person (and maybe not one to complain out loud?) but sometimes you need to voice out your sentiments. Just look on the brighter side. Family time/gathering doesn't happen always, so enjoy the time :)
Cheers!
@sjvg1976 (41131)
• Delhi, India
25 Jan 12
Hello Hotsummer,
It is sad to read that you don't enjoy family vacations unlike most of the people as i always enjoy going out with the family.
For you too i suggest that you can hire a caretaker for your father may be then you would be able to enjoy more at least on the vacations.
I think your mother likes to save money i too like it but when i go out to have fun then i give preference to fun not money may be she needs to understand it.
For you too i suggest that you can hire a caretaker for your father may be then you would be able to enjoy more at least on the vacations.
I think your mother likes to save money i too like it but when i go out to have fun then i give preference to fun not money may be she needs to understand it.
@bhonti (1246)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
You family is quite interesting, but they are still your family. Every family has its ups and down, every member has good and not so good characteristics. But they are still your family, you should be loving them, because they love you too despite your good and not so good characteristics.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
25 Jan 12
Your mother sounds like mine.. although she was mostly starting a fight before we left (or before a party/celebration) so it's hard to feel happy.
If it's possible tell them you like to stay home do some ... (whatever).
I agree with you it's less relaxing if good time is always be spoiled by someone.
BTW I don't know if this is possible in your situation but you can also wait till she starts a fight and tell her cleary/straight how you feel/think about her. Mostly those people are complaining/spoiling the fun just because they have nothing else to do. As long as nobody is responding they will continue with it.
You can also tell her that is she can't behave she better not come along.
I know this is a difficult thing to do. I myself found out years later that if I would have done things have been way different. I never thought about the fact my mother's behaviour was somehow allowed by all of us.
@gaea23 (252)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
Having a family gathering means being together, sharing and laughing but I don't think you are experiencing such things only since you don't want to go out with them. I think you really need to go and have a heart to heart talk with your family so you can bring out the issues in between and you will then find way and settle it. I'm sure you will then have a good and smooth sailing relationship with each other. I hope everything will turned out well and good.
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
25 Jan 12
hotsummer, you can truly feel the hurt and disgust in your post,
and frankly speaking my heart goes out to you...I didn't check
your profile so I don't know how old you are but how can you be
the one and only caregiver for your father...I realize that you
love him and don't mind helping him but the family should take
on this situtation as a family...
I don't want to be disrespectful of your mother but she sounds
likes a real character...I am just totally perplex at the way
she treats people especially her own family...
I can surely understand why the family vacation is not a family
vacation to you and I also understand why you don't want to
join the family..Its a terrible situtation.
Is it just you and your brother....and who takes care of your
father at home...Is there a caregiver home..like a home health
aide or sometime..
Anyway good luck on your decision...and do you have a choice to
got or not to go....
@bluerhapsody (161)
•
25 Jan 12
Family is family but there are cases when some people just aren't that close to their families or can't get along.
For me, you have these choices:
If you are really dreading this family trip so much then don't go. Is this the first time that you have refused to go out with your family?
It is better to be honest about your feelings but do it tactfully, as in private and with a clear idea of what you are going to say(you can have notes). If you still live with your parents and it does not go well... it might get awkward.
If you really can't have an excuse then be the POSITIVE one around. No matter what, be the one with the right attitude. Besides, if you are not going then, think of what will happen to your dear brother who just came back. XD
