Has the quality of friends changed over time?

@JenInTN (27514)
United States
February 4, 2012 3:44pm CST
I was thinking about this friend that my grandmother had. As some of you know, I reunited with my grandmother after many years and the five years that I spent with her were some of the best so far in my life. I finally had someone that was connected to me that I could trust and that would always be on my side. Well...I've been thinking of her recently..alot. I have also been thinking of visiting this woman that was very important to my grandmother. She only lives about an hour away and had been friends with my grandmother since they were teens. I got to meet her and spend some time with her when my grandmother flew in to visit. They shared stories of things they had been through and things only entrusted to one another. They had secrets and adventures. I was actually amazed at the fact they had remained so close to one another even after my grandmother had moved to California. Even after their marriages. For years and years these women were friends and although I don't lack loyalty to the friends that I have made throughout the years, I have yet to find a closeness like these ladies have shared. Do you think it is the times that have caused people to not be so close anymore? Do you think it is by chance that we find friend partners that are meant to be with us throughout our lives? Do you have a friend that you have shared so many years with? If you do...what is your secret to the lasting friendship that I think we all long for a little bit?
10 people like this
32 responses
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
4 Feb 12
Well I think the main thing is we need to desire a trusted friend. Without a desire to have a bosom buddy kinda thing it will not endure as such and of course it has to be there for both parties. Sometimes I think it is point in our life where circumstances connect us with someone else. A strong bond can develop with anyone at the time appointed but they do say blood runs thicker than water. Earlier generations were different and didn’t have the push button world we have today but then again if go back far enough like during the depression/2nd war for example, it must have been very turbulent times then too, so maybe it has all to do with the heart?
4 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
4 Feb 12
Hi Bluedoll! I think your right that there has to be a mutual desire. I just wonder how you find someone that wants to be your friend as much as you want to be theirs sometimes. I haven't had the best experiences where best friends are concerned. I wonder if it was me that was at fault for that or if it was just that they didn't feel the same amount of loyalty as I did? Hmm...something to think about. I would think it would be easier with the technology today to stay in close contact than back then when it was an envelope and long distance phone bill. I think it does have something to do with the heart.
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
4 Feb 12
Never worry about things such as saying "too much" where I am concerned. I respect and appreciate the opinions and input of my friends here. Even those that I don't agree with deserve the upmost respect in my opinion. I have always been one to let people go when they needed to too. I have never wanted to feel as though I were holding them back. Being supportive is part of being a friend too I think. I have also been one to go when I felt like I needed to too. Maybe my going has had something to do with my friendships too. I was quite the traveler when I was younger. I have been settled in a certain area now for...hmm...15 years maybe. I guess I was looking for my place in the world.
3 people like this
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
4 Feb 12
I've had a few close friends in life really. You wonder what happens. I've always thought you have to let people go if they need to go but it means so much to see them once again. Some people die. You can't blame them for that. Others, well their life changes and they get busy or time goes by and things are not the same so they part. I just sort of chalk it up to life. I think maybe all we have are little moments, like you related to when you listened to them telling stories. Little moments and then we need to attend to life demands until if we are able, we can meet once again. Loyalty is something you never want to let go of for it is credit to you and if someone faults with that, it is their loss really. I said too much.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Feb 12
HI JenInTn oh I have been friends with my best friend Nelda for over twenty years. we became friends because our sons were also friends. We met in the wash room at our old aparment and discovered we had so much in commo0n. even our birthdays are both in November. Our sons and Mike David have been friends for years along with Mike David., Her son is also Michael so she calls him Michael we call them David and Rivers to tell them ap apart.We are still the best of friends. we are b oth from the midwest, she is nine years my junior and we are both type two diabetics. We just hit it off when we first met and now since I have been in this tiresome retirement center she had emailed me each work day as a sort pf lifeline to me from better days. I think its the number of things we both share and like, I am not sure but she is there for me if I am in trouble and me for her. its a deep abiding friendship. Now she is going through a rough time as her husband Bill has to have bypass surgery on his heart. they do not live together but they are not divorced and she spends most weekends up in YUcapai at his home.
4 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
4 Feb 12
That's wonderful you have someone like that. I wish I could find that friend I hit it off with and lasted forever. I respect so much people that have maintained a friendship through thick and thin. One that miles can't even stop. I have traveled a lot when I was younger and that might have a lot to do with why I haven't had one. I also haven't chosen well sometimes the people who I allowed closeness. I am so happy for you that you have her.
2 people like this
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
4 Feb 12
Occasionaly I think you will find real loyalty within friends still but I think today is a very selfish world and things are just not the same as the old days.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
4 Feb 12
Hi lilaclady! I think you are right about that. Things are nowhere near the same as they used to be. Relationships have taken a great turn. I wonder how it is with all the technology we have now that we still drift apart. They had a pen and paper and a telephone they had to consider charges when calling one another and still maintained their loyalty and trust..wow. Thanks for the response.
3 people like this
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
4 Feb 12
Grandmas are the best creatures in the world. It could be because they have reached that point in their lives when there is no need anymore to struggle or work like h*ll. They are settled and can now appreciate the finer thing in life like kids, pets, books, etc. So yes, go ahead and give your grandma a big hug.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
4 Feb 12
I hugged her a ton. Most of the pictures I have with her is us embraced in hugs..LOL. I can see your point about settled and enjoying. Thanks for the response!
3 people like this
• Philippines
4 Feb 12
I found a great person and even years are passing by we are so closed enough to be together as always..it seems that years, work, family that keeps us apart will not make it for us to br separate bh heart. And no matter how circumstances tear ur we are always closed together in prayers...
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
4 Feb 12
I am so happy for you that you have a friend like that. I can't imagine ho much it must enrich ones life to have that kind of bond with someone. I hope that I one day have someone like that too. Thanks for sharing!
3 people like this
• United States
4 Feb 12
to start off with friends is what you make of them, it is not that times are diff-rant as much as the changes and values people have now adays.young people seem to say Friends are disposable like a pet you have out grown or have no longer any use for,as the older we get the higher value we place on our friends and dear pets as time comes to a close we start to see that in youth expandability and try holding on some times to hard.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
4 Feb 12
I think that values and importance is quite different now than it was. I see what you are saying about getting older and valuing things more. We see how easy it is to lose and how fast it can happen. We put importance on things other than ourselves. So do you think one has to do a bit of learning before they are able to accomplish such a friendship? They were friends from the time they were teens. Thanks for the response and welcome to MyLot!
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157016)
• United States
5 Feb 12
I have friends that I have shared stuff with for twenty or more years, but our lives are kind of separate now because of job situations and moves, etc. I do think that we used to have more time to invest in friendship. To me, that is the secret, investing time, plus paying attention to details, and sometimes just putting them first above yourself. I have had friends do that for me.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157016)
• United States
6 Feb 12
I find that I get best results e mailing.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
Hi GardenGerty! Life certainly has a way of coming between friendships. Perhaps it is much more demanding now than it was. I don't know. I have had friends I would have done anything for. I do have a couple of friends that I don't talk to everyday or see very often that I would consider real friends. I need to call her..lol. Thanks for responding!
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
5 Feb 12
Staying in touch with one anotyher helps alot. sometimes we lose sight of them and then something happens thatwe fiind one nother like a friend Ihave on face book we have known each other since the late 60s lost toucha dn she found me on FB SO great thats over 40 years of being friends Fate stepped in when me and 2nd hubby found one another and we turned in to soul mates nice to be close to some people
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
5 Feb 12
cool get with her you will have a million things to talk about . and your welcome!
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
That FB is good for one thing at least...lol.. I was actually contacted by a girl i went to elementary school with. I was so surprised that she even remembered me we were so young. Her name rang a million bells but her picture didn't look anything like that little girl I knew before. She said mine didn't either. I was thinking and thinking and then BAM...red hair popped into my mind and I remembered exactly who she was. We have chatted about having lunch together but so far neither of us have made any real effort. Maybe I will try to do that next time I am off. It is nice to have someone that you can be close to like that. Thanks for sharing
5 Feb 12
quality of friend dont change with time..............it just changes with your growing age........think about your childhood friends,teenage friends and office friends............
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
6 Feb 12
Hi yogesh. I know that as we age there are often times things in life that pull us from friends. That is why I am so amazed that my grandmother and her highschool friend maintained their relationship throughout the years. Thanks for the input.
@1hopefulman (45125)
• Canada
6 Feb 12
I've always had friends. I'm approachable, concerned, caring and make myself available. So, I will continue to try to be a better friend where I can. Do you think it is the times that have caused people to not be so close anymore? I think that some people will have few friends and others will have many. Much may depend on us. We can have the friends we want. Do you think it is by chance that we find friend partners that are meant to be with us throughout our lives? I think that very little is meant to be. We make what we want. We just need to find someone that wants the same as we do. However I think that we should learn to be happy no matter what and then no matter what happens we are still happy. Isn't that what life is all about, to be happy? Do you have a friend that you have shared so many years with? Yes, one friend I have had for about 40 years now. But I can make friends any time so it is not really important how long I have them. I like to have many friends, friends for all reasons and friends for all seasons. If you do...what is your secret to the lasting friendship that I think we all long for a little bit?
2 people like this
@1hopefulman (45125)
• Canada
6 Feb 12
How do you define a friend?
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
7 Feb 12
Well..for me I imagine someone that I can talk about anything too and not be judged but at the same time honesty as to what they really think when I ask advice. I am that way and it is sometimes not so appreciated. Of course I am more of a listener than talker so they probably wouldn't have to worry too much about it. Not repeating personal stuff would be great or talking nasty about me behind my back would be a definitely be in the definition. I also don't want to be used because I do tend too be selfless when it comes to the people I care about.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
6 Feb 12
You must be one of those special people that attract others. My daughter is like that. She just has something about her that people like to be around. I have alot of acquaintances but I don't have many people to that I would call friends. I'll have to check out those articles from your profile and see if I can figure this secret thing out. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@shibham (16977)
• India
5 Feb 12
Hi jen... Yes, i have seen many couples of friend highly attached with each other. Its actually gifted that someone can find such a friend with whom s/he can share a lasting friendship. I am waiting for..... Have a nice time.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
Me too shibham! I am certainly thinking of it as a gift as well. Thanks for responding.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
6 Feb 12
Thanks!
@shibham (16977)
• India
5 Feb 12
Congrats for crossing 10000. Cheers jen.
@flower21 (765)
• Philippines
5 Feb 12
i believe so with their lifestyle and the kinds of friends they met over the changes of time, location and other real life issues they might encounter. i myself notice that my attitude with friends changes when they change their behavior toward me. for exammle we hardly had anymore communication so we felt aloof with each other and the time we become close also the interest changes.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
It can be hard to maintain a friendship when the time you spend together is limited. I am so impressed with some of the members here and,of course, my grandmother's experience with her friend. Thanks for responding.
@fannitia (2167)
• Bulgaria
5 Feb 12
This is a beautiful story, it sounds like a fairy tale. I don't have such friends. Many people have left the town or the country. But this is not the only reason. A good friend from my first class in school still lives in her house very close to me. But our paths went away from each other and I see her maybe once a year. Another girl from my student's class lived ten years abroad and we remained friends. She came back here but it seems that we are not so close like before. I don't know who is to blame but I'm sad because a good friendship is a treasure and we lost it forever.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
6 Feb 12
Hi fannitia! I hope that you are able to rekindle your friendship again. I also think it is "fairy tale" like to have a friend as long as my grandmother had hers. Perhaps it is even a part of life fulfillment to have someone that you can depend on like that. Thanks for responding!
• United States
5 Feb 12
I have a few friends that I keep in touch with but one that I would definitely feel very sad if we lost touch. We both grew up in the midwest. I married my high school sweetheart and still live in the midwest. She married her high school sweetheart and moved to Texas about 4 yrs after we graduated in 1978. For a long time we kept in touch by writing letters, talking on the phone, sending greeting cards, and we would spend time together when she came back 'home'. Technology evolved so we kept in touch via email, and now facebook. We've known each other since grade school. We went to the same church, church youth group and all the activities. Our parents were friends. She lived on a farm and I lived in town. I loved being on farms so I stayed at her house a lot! She was academically smart and a perfectionist. I was good in art and just goofy. Looking back, we were so different but that was a big part of our friendship. We respected each other. We respected our differences. We loved doing the same things like youth group, picking strawberries, talking about boys, hayrides, feeding her goats, talking about boys, shopping, walking up town from my house, talking about boys, swimming, listening to popular songs on the radio, and did I mention talking about boys? We dressed up as Raggedy Ann and Andy (I was Andy - someone had to do it :), Laurel and Hardy, cartoon characters, and many more for the youth group halloween parties. Technology has definitely changed the way people keep in touch. I think it's kind of weird how we can 'friend' a person on facebook without really getting to know them. This can give some people a false impression of friendship. With all the social places on the net it's easy for some people see those friendships as close/strong/trusting. I love facebook. I feel closer to high school friends and relatives that I haven't been able to actually be with. But I don't think that you can really know someone unless you've actually spent time with them. Whether it's just the two of you going to the mall, or a football game, or doing things together with a group of people. Quality time spent talking, seeing their expressions and responses to situations, sharing experiences, sharing memories of actually being together. We will always be friends and have a special bond because of the memories we created and share. Even though we have new friends we are still Bff's in our hearts!
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
6 Feb 12
Thanks!
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
Wow...I have to say I am impressed! What a wonderful friendship you have and yes....you mentioned once or twice about talking about boys I was very close to my cousin like that growing up and if I ever went back..I think it would be like I had never left..we were that close. I miss her sooooo much. She was more like a sister than a cousin...one that I didn't fight with..lol. We were allies and accomplices all at the same time. I haven't found her on facebook. I would love to though and maybe try to get back together. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with your friend. They certainly made me smile.
• United States
5 Feb 12
I hope you can get in touch with your 'sister'! Here are some sites you could try: http://www.linkedin.com/ http://www.myspace.com/ These sites need the name of the person and town and/or state http://www.yellowpages.com/ http://www.anywho.com/whitepages
1 person likes this
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
5 Feb 12
My close buddies are my friends since grade school. I guess the secret of our friendship is that we know each other very well and that we know that each one is like a brother or sister already. We also make it a point to see each other every month to have dinner and chat. My mother has friends like your grandmother where she knew these friends since grade school too. They have remained friends even after each one married and had families and even moved away. I don't think that it is by chance that you meet good friends in your life. Maybe it is luck. Or maybe it was the generation that we lived in. But one thing I have seen that is common with my mother and my friends is that we all went to a Catholic school. I guess we were able to develop a bond because from grade school up to the time that we graduated from high school, we were classmates. So it is a joke amongst us that we can blackmail any classmate who claims to be beautiful or fair skinned (I am from the Philippines so it is rare for us to have those snow white complexions) by showing the old class pictures. We have one such friend that she claims that she has always had fair skin and refuses to admit that she has had any help from a dermatologist. We were all laughing so hard when we got together one time and this other friend brought our old grade school picture where it showed that she was very brown.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
That's marvelous that you have friends close enough to blackmail Everyone needs a friends they have stuff on...LOL. It sounds like you have alot of fun with your friends. It's funny because there are women here that hate their snow white complexions and are always trying to tan.
• United States
5 Feb 12
It is an interesting question. I wonder that as well. Not just about why people don't seem to forge friendships like that anymore but it seems to me that in recent years people have become very cruel to one another. Small acts of kindness that were once almost expected of people are now the things that marketing executives use in commercials to make us feel sappy. Because we don't see those things as much anymore. People seem to have gotten so much more self-absorbed. But to answer your question, in my typically verbose fashion, I have some very close, very important friendships without which I constantly wonder where my life would be. I have two surrogate families, my sorority sisters and my Kill Hannah family ("Started out as a street team, grew into an army, still feels like a family." sayeth our inspirational leader). Both groups see their members as a part of a huge, always growing family but not every one of them really is family to me. But the ones who are, the ones with whom I have created special bonds, I love them with everything I have and I like to think the feeling is mutual.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
Wow...sounds like you lucked up and found a whole little family of wonderful friends. I think it's a great thing. I think that loyalty and respect have been somewhere lost along the way. I know there are great people out there that would be wonderful friends but finding them can be hard sometimes. Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130088)
• India
5 Feb 12
I belong to the old school of thought that says that friends are for keeps. What a coincidence really Jen that just last week my friend of yesteryear's spent a week with me with her husband. I am also famous for getting together classmates and this I have been doing year in and year out the first get togetherthough was years after we had left school. We were 33 in all and all had passed. But when I organised the first meet I realised that we had already lost two of our classmates and now the number has increased to 5 Your grandmother must have been hysterical meeting her best friend and exchanging news and views although much of that could have been all wrong what with old age catching up on them that contributes to loss of memory!
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
They were actually sharing their stories for my benefit. They were quite the duo and never lost touch throughout all these years. I like the way you think. Friends should be for keeps. I also think it is another piece of life fulfillment to have a friend or friends that close. Keep that planning reunions up
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
5 Feb 12
most important to establish an eternal friend,that knows the weaknesses and strengths of our friends, and vice versa. in friendship there must be trials heavy and light, so if we know the weaknesses and strengths of a friend, then your friendship will last forever.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
Thanks for the advice. I think that it is important that we have someone that we can confide in and depend on. I'm glad my grandmother had that and I hope to one day have that too.
@sjvg1976 (41134)
• Delhi, India
5 Feb 12
Hello JenInTN, Yes its difficult to find good and loyal friends these days but its all about give and take when you are loyal to someone then its more probabilty that person will be loyal to you too.I have lot many friends who are really good ones and i always find them when i need them in difficult time and i too help them out when they need me.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
That's nice that you have found loyalty with your friends. I have found a few along the way but life's paths have led us in different directions. I have also met a few that weren't friends at all...but anyway...I am happy for you that you have them. Take care and thanks for responding.
• Philippines
5 Feb 12
I have a friend before, actually we are neighbors. We are always together and happy with each other company. But man, love/girl can really break such good friendship. I cant believe that among all man he is the only one who will not betrayed me like that. But Im happy I get rid both of them in my life(not killing them) I just moved forward and I think karma is hitting them hard right now. Friends are really the worst enemy.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
5 Feb 12
Oh pinkywinky....they certainly can be the ones that have the ability to hurt us the most. I have not had the best luck with friends either. I know what you mean about love getting in the way of friendship sometimes. People can be jealous of friends and cause a lot of trouble. I hope that you get things resolved with your friend. Thanks for responding and a warm welcome to myLot!