What is the proper way of disciplining a child?

@cearn25 (3457)
Philippines
March 4, 2012 11:02pm CST
My mother got really angry over her nephew's wife because she beat her first child which is just 1 yr. old. My mother is very close to this child. That is why it hurts for her to see the child being beaten. The reason behind this was about a toy which was bought by her mother. The child throw it away for and it was destroyed. Her mom got mad because the toy are expensive. Ever since, the child was already used to beatings. However, my mom argues that they shouldn't discipline their child in that way. Not like that. And money is money. It can be earned again. But for child, it can't be replaced. What is your view about this mylotters?
5 people like this
24 responses
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 12
I think the biggest issue here is the childs age. The poor kid does not really know better. At a year old they are just learning. I would have told the little one no throwing, thats not nice. If they threw again I would simply take the toy away. Simple. There is no reason to beat the child over it. Did she really beat the child or spank the child? Either way, thats too young of an age even for a spanking. The mother sounds like she has no patience and you should not have kids if you do not have patience for them!
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
The mother really did beat her child very hard that the child got bruises. The child cried and cried. He doesn't want to go to her mother because he is afraid of getting beaten again. See? The mother was really a bad mother.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 12
Someone should call and have that baby taken away from her! She is a terrible mother. Poor baby. =(
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
She must realize the bad things she has done to her children. Indeed, the baby is so pity.
@safety69 (592)
• Taiwan
5 Mar 12
I think spanking is not the way to educate the child. The parents should have a talk with the child and explain why they are angry , they have to put angry face to show that they dont agree with that action. The parents should talk to the child since he is a baby this way , she is used to that discipline, if she is being spanked everytime she does something wrong, she will get used to it, and later on, it will become as a habit, she wont listen and learn that way.
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
Exactly. I heard the mother of the child said that she is already tired of talking to her child nicely. That instead of talking, why not go to the point where the child will learn a lesson. It is really becoming a habit now. It must be stopped.
1 person likes this
• China
5 Mar 12
Actually, a qualified mother must be patient and smart enough. It's impossible that children can do everything well after you've told them once or twice. Additionally, being simple and rude can stop some bad behaviours only for a while but not permanenttly.
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
To xiaoyeye, you are right. A parent need to be patient. They should stretch their patience because it will be very challenging and difficult for them in handling their children especially when their children are needed with most attention.
@zhuhuifen46 (3485)
• China
5 Mar 12
It is a challenge to bring up a child with good manners. Although I am not a specialist, from my experience, the forefront way is to tell the child what is required, of course, fit for different ages. Starting from birth, parents, or adults, must set good examples, in terms of cleaning, dining, speaking, etc. Have patience and find fun in child growing.
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
A good parent is a parent who disciplines his or her child not by beating but by giving them nice treatment. The fun thing is when they interact with their children and enjoys their company in the home. Proper care is needed. I feel sorry for my nephew. Her mother doesn't know the proper way of doing it. Hopes she realizes her mistakes.
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
A good parent is a parent who disciplines his or her child not by beating but by giving them nice treatment. The fun thing is when they interact with their children and enjoys their company in the home. Proper care is needed. I feel sorry for my nephew. Her mother doesn't know the proper way of doing it. Hopes she realizes her mistakes.
1 person likes this
@NailTech (6884)
• United States
5 Mar 12
I'm always saddened to hear of any child being beaten regardless of the age or excuse. The age here is so young and that makes it even more distressing, especially since you said he was already used to so many beatings. This child will have physchological problems later on and maybe (maybe only) even become homosexual due to the fact he might grow up hating on women. I'm not hating gays either I'm just saying if he wasn't born that way he might become that way due to the hatred he could feel later on due to the treatment by the mother, I have actually seen and heard of that happening. Now, as far as disciplining, there are many other ways, such as time outs and talking to the child. At 1 year old they cannot understand every word you say but they can interpret some of the meaning, you have to be really patient and firm and not abusive, and some might say have the patience of a saint but if you are a parent you have already chosen to have more work like this ahead of you. Not everything is going to be easy and go smoothly you have to develope skills to handle your children, and not be abusive or angry like this. It only shows what a terrible mother (or father) you are. Later on if the child ever needs you for something I wouldn't blame them for turning their back on the abusive one due to the distress and injury kind of behavior from the mother. The excuse for some people is that we treat out kids like we were treated as kids, and that is just bogus. We should know right from wrong and use that to teach out own kids. Lazy is the person who thinks just hitting will solve everything, and it usually solves nothing at all in the long run. My parents never beat me but they have not been the best parents, physcologically and for that I have several problems now still as an adult and it hurts my life and the way I live it. Please, don't abuse your children either physically or mentally or you will have just brought someone into the world with bad behaviour problems, or someone whose quality of life lacks so much like me.
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
We actually feel the same way my friend. I am also saddened when I see other people hungry and got nowhere place to shelter. Anyways, thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate it.
• Canada
5 Mar 12
WOW beating a child is uncalled for. If the toy was expensive and got broken why beat the child, wait to buy these expensive toys when the child understands that toys need to be cared for and not thrown around so they get broken. I would have spoken to the child at 1 year old they don't really understand too much simply telling them NO and talking to them should be all that's necessary anything more really doesn't teach the child anything but violence. At 1 they are very impressionable and they would believe that hitting and violence is the behaviour that they are expected to show. Children at that age need love and attention not harm. Have you thought about approaching this mother and talking to her about the agression she is showing the child? Maybe make an anonymous tip to your local Childrens advocates and have them come in and help her deal with the agression she's showing the child. They may put her through some anger management programs to show how to treat another human being not just children.
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
I believe I am not the right person to take to the mother of the child about how to handle her child. She herself should identify it. In another case, we have actually made an anonymous tip to local government when my cousin was balded by her parents because she committed mistakes. We believe balding the child as a punishment is not right. On the case of the mother who have badly beaten her child, we didn't. Her father-in-law works in the government. He should be the one who will make actions so we leave it to him instead us.
@syankee525 (6293)
• United States
5 Mar 12
a one year old still dont know the different between right and wrong.. and shouldnt be beaten. if it was me i would report him for child abuse.. there is a different between discipling or beating
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
You are definitely correct my friend. The child is not yet aware of the right judgment. He is still a child. Beating is very wrong and can't be done to an innocent child. Thanks for sharing you thoughts about this my friend!
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
5 Mar 12
Hi Cearn, The proper way to discipline a child is with love, patience and by setting an example yourself of how to be. Beating does nothing in the way of teaching a child anything other than to fear you. There is NEVER a good reason to beat a child. I will say that a spanking while I personally don't care for that form of discipline, is a far cry from a beating. If the woman is beating her child then she needs to be reported before the child is seriously hurt.
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
Thank you my friend. Indeed, what you have said was right. Thank you for giving me the proper way to discipline a child. I think that is the things which is lacking to the mother of the child. How I wish she will learn a lesson. She must grow up and start to take care of her children seriously with full of love and patience.
• India
5 Mar 12
childs groing period requires a lot of patience from parents. it is not evrybodies job. however, i have also come across parents who use the same traits of beating and discipline the child. i would treat child beating as a crime and irresponsibilty on part of the parents who can not maintain their temper. god bless the child and the parents. i object to this child of child develpmenet.
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
Being a parent is not an easy task. One has to have a wide patience over their children because there are a lot of things which are uncontrollable. A development of a child is being determined through the parents on how they are grown.
1 person likes this
@larish (2193)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
Toys are really meant to be played with. It is a tool for a child to learned. If he throws it & have it broken, he would realize that there is a consequence for every action. If I were the child's mom, I will manage my expectations that the toy I bought can be harmed anytime ;)
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
Yes, you are right Larish. The mother of the child should take note that a child don't know yet how to take care of things. It is only us who knows. What they only know is play.
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@chiyosan (30197)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
I would agree with your mother. A child should never be disciplined with force and beating like that, and for a toy that probably the child did not ask for. Children have no sense of value for money and to them, it is like the same, a thing they can throw around, chew on sometimes, and even not play with. disciplining a child must be from the parents who would guide them, and teach them how they should behave, and how they should act. discipline does not only come from them being bruused and beaten.
1 person likes this
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
Exactly. However the parent themselves doesn't have the value of being a good parent. What they more value was the money. Instead of trying to divert the child's attention to good things, it is being diverted the other way around. It
1 person likes this
@shylade (3135)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
i agree with your mom. no matter how silly the child is he should not beaten that hard. i am a 20-month old and i must admit that sometimes his behavior got me mad but i never beat him. i just talk to him and try to explain what he had done. if the child will get used to beating then he will not learn and will continue to do silly things because he can tolerate the pain already. i believe in time out and it is very beneficial both to parents and children. though parents have different ways to discipline their children, beating should be no no. the fragile body of a little child might be hurt and his mental and emotional developments will be affected too.
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@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
I remember the child running way to our house and he came to my room crying so badly. I felt sad about what happened to him. I wiped his tears. Though he was a stubborn child, he shouldn't be disciplined through hurting them.
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@lady1993 (21826)
• Philippines
2 May 12
Beating is not a good option- a small slap is okay..but a parent should make a child obey by words and respect. The parent should be a role model to the child so he or she would grow to be a good person.
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
15 May 12
It has never been a good option but admittedly, a lot of parents are doing this as a form of discipline to their child. I find it unfair. We shouldn't treat and end like that. Where is humanity? Where is the protection?
@kun2349 (23464)
• Singapore
8 Mar 12
Beating a children is never the right way to teach them, but it does work to a certain extend. Over using the method is a form of abuse and if parents were to be used to that, then it's not discipline anymore There should always be a limit to everything and other than physical punishments, parents should talk to children, tell them why it's wrong of them to do certain things. Children needs to be taught and they have to understand. When same things happen to adult, what do we think it's easier for children, when they have no experience at all
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
8 Mar 12
I think the parent of the child was over the line that made my mom reacted so much. She didn't put any considerations about the matter. Instead, she let her anger roll over to the child. The child was so pity. Actually the child is a very intelligent child.
1 person likes this
@KOSTAS499 (1624)
• Greece
7 Mar 12
My parents used to beat me as a child, but to make me understand. Not abuse. As an adult I say that it is wrong and I will not use itn on my children. As for the woman beating a 1 year old, what can I say? I could only use very bad words. I will not as she is your relative. The child is so little, he/she doesn't understand. Even after a beating. How can she be so thoughtless? I hate it when people beat little babys. I think you should tell her not to do it. And next time buy something cheaper. YES, all children break stuff. I sure did. I sometimes think people just have children, as if they were buying something.
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
Yes you can say bad words. But not here my friend. As for the child, we must stretch our patience and love to the child because they are still very innocent. They don't know about the world yet.
@elementah (106)
• United States
7 Mar 12
Well, I remember when I was little, my parents would always spank me, lol. I turned out alright. I don't think she should spank her child if it's her first time throwing away a toy. If it's the child's second or third time, then yes, spanking would be a good way of discipline for a young child. In my opinion, spanking isn't really bad. I just think that other abusive punishments like smacking someone's head hard or slapping is a horrible way of teaching discipline. It depends on what kind of beating you mean.
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
My mother was the one who would beat me also when I was still a child. I admit I have done silly things back then but my mother didn't put me on a hard situation. I know she also understands me.
@asdomencil (4270)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
How rude the parents of the that child was? That's all I can say about it. Why does the mother bought expensive toys knowing that her child are not yet aware about the value of the toys? Before buying toys, as parents, they must think it it will be suitable for their kids age. Beating child is not a proper way to discipline a child. Talking to them in a nice manner should be done. I have a son that is almost two years old now. Whenever he made silly things like throwing or destroying his toys, we just talked to him in a nice manner and telling hm that what he did is bad. Then we will ask hm to say sorry, he will say sorry.
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
As in very rude my friend. Although the mother reasoned out that she only beat her child not hard. However it is not an excuse. The child cried and cried. He is now afraid when it comes to beating. According to the mother, the price of the toy can actually buy a food instead of a toy.
@lingli_78 (12841)
• Australia
6 Mar 12
i believe that spanking is one of the way to discipline the child if it is really necessary as long as we are not harming the child... but i will only use it as a very last resort if all the other methods fail... my first option is to always tell the child first before spanking... take care and have a nice day...
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
Spanking is okay as long as the parent knows its limitation in using this kind of discipline. Thanks my friend for sharing you own view. I appreciate it. Take care always.
• India
6 Mar 12
I think your mom is right. It is not right with the child. I was very sad for her. Money is not a big thing replace the child future.
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
Although we value so much money, let us not make it to the point that we hurt our loved ones. Money will be nothing in due time. We must realize the importance of family than money.
@Metatronik (5938)
• Pasay, Philippines
6 Mar 12
I am with your mom. I am totally agree with your Mom. In the first place why would a child must be beaten even before for a fact that he is still a baby? What do the parents think about it? Is she in the right mind for her to do that? You know what our nephew is becoming naughty as well and we never hit him. At times we are going to forgive his request and give patience to the things that he has done like breaking something. But then as an Aunt I keep on talking and talking to my nephew that he is not supposed to do that. You know what even if he is just 1 year old, he tends to listen. Even if you know for a fact that he doesn't understand accurately then you will feel that he understand what you are talking about to him. Too bad the wife is just so impatient for handling a kid. I hate parents who are like that with the kid. Parents with babies must communicate with a kid even if he doesn't understand everything. Because eventually that baby will still listen to you. Sometimes when I am explaining that my nephew should not touch and play with things that are not toys he is listening, to think that he has his tantrums.
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
Hello metatronik! Thank you for giving your own opinion about this matter. This is really crucial when we think about what happened. The child becomes stubborn if the mother continues to be very rude towards her children. They are still innocent.
@jazel_juan (15756)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
ohhhh that is not right. I mean 1 year old? the child is still innocent and doesn't know what is going on around him. Plus the mother should not be buying expensive toys if she doesn't want it thrown - she should be non expensive ones... I have limitations too and i get mad at my kids but i always try to stop when i know i am so mad i might hit them... I try to use the reward and punishment way.. they do this they get a reward and they they do bad stuff they get punishment for that..but not always beating them..whenever i really get mad at them - my mom will be the one to get mad at me. She would often tell me that children are children, sometimes you have to let them be...
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
Thanks a lot Miss Jazel! It is not really right my friend of what she have done to her child. The kid doesn't have the prior knowledge whether the toy is expensive or not. They don't know yet how to extend their understanding about things.