Favoring One Child Over Another

Do I know someone like this? I was raised by a mother exactly like this. She favored my brother and was constantly asking me why I couldn't be more like him. She seemed to forget I was a girl. According to her "God is going to get you" was her favorite control statement and used as a weapon like I was going to be struck with lightning for anything I did that didn't agree with her viewpoint. I could go into a very long story about her and her attitudes and actions towards me, but I already did that with a psychiatrist/psychologist who assured me I wasn't the crazy one, she was. In fact, I read a book several years ago by M. Scott Peck called "People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil." It helped me more to understand exactly what she was doing and some insight into why. I pray for the average girl, because in the future, she actually may have far less problems than her sister. Over achievers have their own set of problems to overcome as they become adults because they frequently find life is not all about them as they mature and people don't always give them everything they desire. They are usually the spoiled brats. Fortunately, my brother was aware of what my mom was doing and because he is seven years my senior, he thought mom was crazy long before I did. Unfortunately, she was a smart crazy and until she went into elderly care, not many people thought she was nuts. They learned the truth when they were caring for her and listened to all her tales about her children. Fortunately, I was able to overcome her and even see to her care when she aged and required assistance. My brother couldn't handle her at all because once he got married, she tried to tear apart his family, and was jealous of anyone who took his attention away from her. When she settled for me, she tried to do the same thing to me and my family and wanted me to allow my husband to take care of my children alone. Trust me, your husband was right to speak out, the average daughter has a definite problem with mom and her favoritism. The mother has a mental problem and if it isn't dealt with the daughter will have a problem if she isn't aware of her mom's problem. My mother was very selfish and self-centered.

i know someone like that, my own dad. i could never do anything right for him. being average wasn't good enough. he would put me down in public, behind my back. yes, me his little girl. he was doing this as young as i could remember. he use to call me the thorn in his side. his other kids were stellar, so were every one else's kids compared to me and he constantly let me know it. so, yes, i know i parent like that. you know what i did? i left home at an early age. i became prettier, smarter in school. i flourished when i was out from under him. it is a shame that this parent you are talking about is acting this way with her baby. one day her baby will grow up and distance herself. she will also flourish won't have her to thank at all. she will be lucky if her daughter has anything to do with her. but, it will be her own doing if she doesn't stop now.

you don't mention how old your daughters are. but i think you need to sit down with your hubby and talk about the 'bad' daughter's self esteem. that could be a big issue later on. hubby and i have two daughters (now 18 and 15) the younger one is also sweet and is willing to help with everything while the older daughter tends to be pretty lazy and was a difficult child during her teens. she DID have self esteem issues and felt we were treating her younger sister different and ended up going to counseling and will be 19 in a few weeks and off to college in the fall. while she is still lazy somewhat, she is a better child than she used to be. it might help to read some books on the subject as well. hit your local library.

Maybe parents expectation on their children is high , got high hope, also reflects the parents failure on their own childhood and now wish their own children to excel better.IT like having the children revive their own dreams thro their own children and wish the children to fulfill their own lost dream or ambition.Sometime other parnets children rivalry.

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do about this other than try to make her feel bad about what she is doing. Maybe she will eventually understand what is being said and maybe not. I had the same problem, only it was not my parents, it was my grandmother. My grandmother had to help my parents a lot because they couldn't afford to care for us when we were little. So they resented me quite a bit when I was born, youngest of 3. My sister was an angel to her. She was her favorite, and I, I became the reason for all my sisters problems. I was the reason she got into trouble, I was the reason she didn't get her way, I was the blame for all her missed accomplishments. It got so bad to the point that my sister eventually believed this too. It was horrible being a young child and feeling unwanted. Now, that we are all adults, it seems sometimes she wants to make up for it, but I don't want her around my children. I don't ever want my children to be made to feel the way I did. I allow her to see them, when I come to my hometown to visit. But they will never be left alone at her house, and if I ever see any type of favoritism while they are there with there cousins, we will leave to never return! Hopefully, the young girl will grow up and understand that it is not her sisters fault that she is being treated this way!

I have seen this happen in families where parents favour one kind and the other is left on its own. It’s like this parents bribed God for this pretty one and the other just fell from heaven and into their house. I hate it so much. At the end, this favoured kid become spoilt and eventually lose everything in life even though bright.

The mom is nuts in my opinion. She should actually look at things this girl excels in. It sounds like she has great interpersonal skills, for one thing. Average people actually seem to achieve more in the long run than really gifted people, as they are more focused. I think your husband should be applauded as well. The quieter girl needs some friends in her court, so to speak.

their mother should be taught how to see the best on each of her daughter...its not good to say something bad about your kids.every kid has their own special skills or ability...it just so happen that the older one is better than the younger one in term of academics...but im pretty sure that the younger one has better talent than her older sister...parents should not embarrass their children instead they should be the one motivating them to achieve more...

Yes, I do know someone like this: my mother in law. It definitely seems that she has a very obvious favorite child, one who gets a lot more advantages, praise and coddling than the others. Far more than my husband gets, that is for sure. It is frustrating, it's hurtful and it is definitely offensive. I'm not a parent, so I absolutely can't speak to that, but I would like to believe that if we have more than one child we wont play favorites like that. My husband has done extremely well for himself and for us, we've made an awesome life for ourselves and we're very happy. Yet it really feels like his mom doesn't feel as proud of him as she does the favorite; and it seems like that's because he did everything on his own, without their help or input. To me that seems like something they should be extra proud of but it feels more like it offends them or something, like it bugs them that they weren't included in any of it and feel left out. It's really quite sad.

No parent should favor one child! They should be equally loved! The more avereage girl is going to grow up with,probaly,with feeling unloved and low self-esteem! I know how that goes! My younger brother was treated better then me because he was the only son my dad had! (we have an older brother from my mom's first marriage and my dad adopted him even know my mom didn't want him to but let it happen anyway!) My dad had a real son to pass on his name! I never have forgave my dad for that! I have forgave my younger brother and today we get all pretty good. I have struggled with self=confidence as long as I can remember thanks to my dad! This probaly will happen to this girl! Maybe it won't and I pray it doesn't! Verbal torture is bad a physical abuse!

I have seen many people like that and it does not depend on the child but an entirely inadecuate vision of the children. It´s a pity because it creates lots of trouble, starting among the two children involved.

sibling comparisons is never really healthy. you are just reducing the self confidence of your child when you keep on comparing her/him to her sister or brother. i know a family with 4 lovely daughters. the three oldest daughters are exceptionally good in school, while the youngest daughter is also good but not that better with her three sisters. she was our classmate in highschool. she told us during a sharing about how she feel when people are comparing her with her sister, its not her parents though. tears fell from her eyes while narrating how she's facing this self confidence issue she had. it is hard when you can't meet up your parents expectations but it much harder when they will compare you with your siblings. it will be better if you will use as a challenge but unfortunately in will always end up to hurts and hates.

What a horrible mom. I'm lucky she's not my mother. My brother once told me that parents have a choice whether to have a child or not, but children cannot choose who their parents will be. It's good that your husband stood up to her and said those things. I'm pretty sure it was a slap in the face. I just hope she would change and realize that what she's doing will only ruin her children.

Oh! I too was looked down in our family because I'm very slow if not have a poor performance in school! They really called me very dull! But know what? I really prayed a lot that in my college years I was performing good especially in mathematics. Now I'm a professor in math.