She tried it again....

@celticeagle (160064)
Boise, Idaho
July 29, 2012 5:48pm CST
and hurts me so much. Sorry this is going to a long one. My granddaughter called a few days ago. She had been living with a young man for awhile and I thought she was rather happy. She is an odd person and really tries to rule the roost so men don't stick long. I've tried to instill in her to let them be them and just be happy with that but she can't seem to do it.And I have tried to get her to get back on her meds since she is bi-polar like her mother. Anyway, we hadn't heard from her for awhile. I saw on Facebook where her status said she was single again and heard from her Pappa Dave that she was living with a girlfriend again. Then this call we get that she is in a mental hospital after trying to commit suicide. THis is the second time. Whats a grandma and mom to do? I feel guilty because we don't cohabitate well. We are three alpha females and get on each other's nerves after awhile. Plus housing won't let her stay here due to her past choices while she lived with us. I feel sick at heart. I speak the truth to her when she and I have our talks. I have never tried to walk around the truth with any of my kids. I have always stated the facts, what I think, what I am upset about, etc. And tact never seems to visit me either. So, I feel sick. I might feel better if I hit my head up against a wall. Feel alittle sorry for myself because I don't have the answers. I also feel angry that I didn't do a better job with her and helped her to be a happier person. I did all I could with what I had to work with. I saw counselors constantly to get some reassurance that what I was doing and how I was handling her was right. Bottom line is I can't make her happy, I know I shouldn't feel guilty, and I hate hearing that she is so sad. I am at a loss. I was feeling alittle down anyway and now this just makes things worse. Please don't 'you poor thing' me. I need some upfront realistic pearls of wisdom. Thanks ahead of time.
5 people like this
12 responses
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
29 Jul 12
Well...I don't have any "pearls of wisdom" but I can say that you know you can't blame yourself for any of this. You have tried the best you could for your daughter, your granddaughter, AND your grandson. No person should have to carry such a load, but somehow..you have managed to put your all into those that you love. I know for a fact that no matter how good you try to be that it boils down to them. My son has really put me through the wringer. No matter how hard I tried or what I did for him, he still made bad choices. I blamed myself for a long time and sometimes, I still do but I can sleep at night knowing there was not one more thing left in me that I could've done. Same with you. What else could you have done?
2 people like this
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jul 12
I guess I just feel so badly that things have come to this. I hope she will make some good choices and the major one is getting on some meds and staying on them. She had been brainwashed by others that meds didn't help and now I hope she sees that they will.
@AmbiePam (86008)
• United States
29 Jul 12
I honestly don't think she'll have a consistently good life until she's on her medication. I'm bipolar, and I remember the years before I was diagnosed. The only thing that kept me from killing myself was my faith. Once I was treated with medication everything became so much easier to deal with. It made my brain react as if I'd been born with nothing wrong. I still have bad moments, but there is no comparison to how it was before. I just cannot fathom why one would want to get off the medication. I crave normality. Nothing I say is going to make you feel better. but it is decidedly not your fault. I feel for her, and I hope she gets help. But no one is going to be able to persuade her until she decides within herself she wants to change.I'm going to pray for her.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Jul 12
I so agree. I have bad panic attacks and if I wasn't on the meds I am on I would be in poor shape. She does have to make the decision herself. So right.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
Don't feel guilty that you can't make her happy, we are responsible for our own happiness and not other people. She is so lucky to have a grandmother like you. Go visit her and just listen to what she has to say, just to let her know that you're always there for her. I pray for more strength for you and your family. Just keep your faith that everything will turn out right. :)
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jul 12
I don't know if I will go visit her or not. Can't handle it. We'll see.
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
Sorry my pc hang, didn't realize I already posted twice. lol :)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
Do't feel guilty that you can't make her happy. We are responsible for our own happiness and not other people. She is so lucky to have a grandmother like you. Go visit her and just listen to what she has to say, just to let her know that you're always there for her. I pray for more strength for you and your family. Just keep your faith that everything will turn out right.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Aug 12
I called her. She's out now. Went off her pills the first chance she had. I am not happy but nothing I can do for her. Thanks for your response.
@litvillegas (1274)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
Hello celticeagle I fell sick at heart too when I read this. Even though I don't have any pearl wisdom but at least I'll comfort you. Please don't blame yourself about it. You've been so good to your daughter and I'm sure after the medication she will appreciate your effort. Please pray also. It gives you courage to face difficult problems.. :)
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
31 Jul 12
I don't pray. Am an agnostic. Its my granddaughter that is in the hospital.
30 Jul 12
Hi! I think you don't have to blame yourself for what she had become.It is her life. She is the only one responsible for her life. She is the one making choices. She's the one who chooses her path, not you or her mother. She's the one responsible for her happiness, that's why she, herself, is the one that could make her own happiness...I think, you should talk to her just like a friend (friendly conversation tone). Ask her what she wants in life or what will make her happy...or any other things that will make her realize her responsibility to herself...
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jul 12
We have some good talks and I just tell her what I think. I don't sugar coat anything. We'll see what happens I guess.
@GardenGerty (157915)
• United States
29 Jul 12
You did the best you could with what you had. It is her legal right to refuse medication, but it messes her up. You cannot fix someone else, you can only work on yourself. I am sorry that your family has this problem, and I have been through some things that are similar with a more distant relative. I think the hospital may be the best place for her right now. I know you do not want pity, and I understand. I do not have too many pearls of wisdom, either;
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jul 12
And I don't do well at all when my loved ones are having these problems.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
1 Aug 12
okay here it is from me the counsellor. It is not your fault, yes I understand who you hurt for her. You only want the best and it hurts to see your child in pain. However, she is in her depression stage of bi-poplar disorder and this is not your fault or anyone's fault. Although losing her boyfriend can be very devastating, what is worse is that she is not taking her meds to help stablilze her moods. You cannot promise her that the she will live happily ever after, but you need to encourage her to stay on her meds.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
30 Jul 12
I'm so sorry that your grandaughter has these problems. I'm sure u have done evgerything u can to help this young lady but i think people have to help themselves first.My oldest son has alot of trouble w/depression so i know where u are coming from. U do feel helpless. Hope she gets better soon.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jul 12
Yes, she does need to help herself. Helpless very much so.
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
30 Jul 12
This is a very tough one! Maybe the best thing to do is nothing. It sounds like your grand daughter needs to relize on her own she needs help. I don't know what else to say. I know you have and want to continue to help.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jul 12
I haven't done anything. She hasn't contacted me in ages. I have been there for her and she doesn't care to hear it from me. I tell her like it is and I don't think she wants to hear it. She wants those around her than will pity her and I don't. The things she does are her choice.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
21 Aug 12
hi dear celticeagle, I dont know whether its realistic pearls of wisdom what I say now. But I try my best. Your granddaughter is an adult and she has a severe condition being bipolar. You are not responsible for her poor choices. Obviously she made such poor choices earlier in life that you cant even take her in and even if you could she would not listen to your advice. You did all you could, there was no more you could do for her. You even were brave enough to see counselors to get a second opinion on whether you cope with the situation well and do the right thing. Its not your cup of tea and your fault that she is unhappy and tried to take her life. You can only do as much for the other person as the other person lets you. First step for her to a good life would be taking her meds regularly..... and if her girl friend who lives with her just hands the pills to her and makes sure she takes them. Speaking out of experience by the way. Only here its not a grandchild but my own husband who at certain crossroads of life chose the seemingly easy way out which puts all the responsibility on my shoulders. When I tried to help him make better choices I was bad mouthed. Like I told him for almost 9 years he should please change his eating habits bit by bit and it was just brushed aside. Sooooo in 2011 he was diagnosed with a heart disease and then he started saying I should have listened to you cause you told me exactly what the doctors say to me now......... He also simply has to reap what he sows. I am not going to burn my mouth again and again when he wont listen. (he is back to old habits now thinking popping in pills will do the work).
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
30 Jul 12
I just want to tell you that you are not to blame. There is only so much a person can do to help another. It is up to each of us to want to help ourselves. Your granddaughter needs to want to take her medication and keep doing so. I would suggest to visit with her if you are allowed and see if you can convince her that the meds are good. If they have put her on them now she should hopefully feel the difference and maybe reconsider. But it's ultimately her choice. Good luck, I hope the outcome will be a good one for the both of you
@celticeagle (160064)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jul 12
Only so much a person can do is so true. She needs to take care of herself. She has been brainwashed to think that meds don't really do any good. I hope she feels differently now. Thanks.