would you be jealous if your bf had a best friend that wasnt you?

best friends - boy and girl happy to be together
Portugal
September 20, 2012 10:12am CST
hi guys would you be jealous if your lover had a best friend that wasnt you? like he/she was too close friends with a girl/boy. would you feel comfortable with it? about me i wouldnt feel comfortable that my bf was too close with other girl. i would feel insecure that he felt for that girl and left me. we hear a lot of stories about friends that fall in love. so i would feel bad about it. sure i wouldnt forbid him to be friends with her but it would bother me what about you guys? what would you do? please share
5 people like this
24 responses
• Philippines
20 Sep 12
I'll get jealous but if they are friends years before our relationship,then it will be fine.I hate it when we already have a relationship then suddenly he'll meet a girl and they will become best friends. If that's the case, there'll be definitely arguments about that girl. I know I should trust my partner but I won't feel comfy knowing that as friends they will spend time together going somewhere, etc. I guess it's better if he'll no longer communicate with her or just minimize it. Happy mylotting. :)
• Portugal
20 Sep 12
yes karah i think you are right. if they are friends since a long time sure we couldnt forbid our bf to spend time with her. but if he become close friends with a girl after being my boyfriend i would hate it. and i would ask him why he needed her if he could count on me for everything? i would feel like he doesnt trust me completely and prefer tell his personal things to another girl than to his gf.
@ritchel (843)
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
That's fine also. But on my case, my boyfriend told me that I was his first girlfriend and he is already 32 years old. I don't know about his past and he is so close with his bestfriend. I am always jealous especially when I found out that they spent time together in the beach...etc..it's just weird.
@knicnax (2233)
• Philippines
20 Sep 12
Nah. I wouldn't. I have a lot of guy friends who I'm really close with, but we don't have "hidden romance" or anything. Actually, you should be jealous when things are getting weird between the 2. There are normal things, and there are warning flags that you have to watch out for. For example, my bf is really close with this girl at work. I won't get jealous until my boyfriend starts talking about her a lot (warning flag 1. Severity:low). If he does, I'll want to meet this girl. When my bf doesn't want me to meet her then start getting angry and be as green with envy as you want. Something's up! (Warning flag 2. severity: extremely high) So when I meet her, you can feel tension between them if they have something going on. Of course it'll be a little awkward because the girl (even if she really is just a friend) would try really hard to please you and put your mind at ease. But still, if they have something you'll feel it (like your bf is aggitated, or seems finicky - warning flag 3. Severity: medium). If they go out a lot (like they hang out often outside of work), then you should be concerned (warning flag 4. Severity: high). Especially when he doesn't want you to come along with their dates (Warning flag 5. Severity: high). When they go out and he comes home really late or rather early in the morning (warning flag 6. Severity: Extremely high). If they go out a lot
@knicnax (2233)
• Philippines
20 Sep 12
Oh! and let me add, when you ask about the friend and he immediately gets agitated, or worse, angry. (warning flag 7. Severity: High)
1 person likes this
• Portugal
21 Sep 12
yes all you said is true^^ its just sad that many guys are good liars and seem innocent. anyway i guess there is always a way to find out. im happy you have guys friends and all is ok. i meant a really close close friend like a girl that is always hanging out with your bf. even if they act as only friends if your bf spends more time with a girl than with you its a warning right? so i would be afraid if this happened. if my bf was always with a girl that wasnt me.
1 person likes this
@knicnax (2233)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
True that.. but actually, most men are sloppy about these things. You can easily catch them. What we girls have to do is to learn how to face the facts. Learn how dump his sorry as*. Not to turn a blind eye on what he's doing. Also, this also goes to say that some girls are like this too.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Sep 12
I'm one of those who fell for my best friend. Or should I say my guy became my best friend. So I can't talk about my experience but I can tell you about a friend of mine. She has a best friend who is a guy and her husband has a best friend who is a girl! They love each other and there isn't a issue. I say if you meet a guy with a female best friend , stop before you get in too deep. He may stop seeing her for you but in time he will resent you.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
22 Sep 12
ahah its strange^^ both have a best friend of the opposite s*x^^ thats cool. yes i wouldnt ask him to choose between me and her. he could always stay friends with her. i just would feel insecure that he fell for her. but if that happened i would just have to let him go i guess.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Sep 12
Unless he is in love when you meet and he doesn't know it , I think you will be ok with a guy with a female best friend. Why? He is choosing you to be with , not her!
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Sep 12
yes sarah^^ i just wish so. i wouldnt like to have a bf that found a best friend after being my bf. bcs if he met her before its ok. he already met her before me. sure he couldnt let go of his friend just like that. but if he met a girl and she started to be his best friend after he meets me i would feel bad. cause he could eventually fall for her right?
1 person likes this
@Ladybugs (404)
• Philippines
20 Sep 12
Hello there Sweetlove. In my case, I would really be jealous if my boyfriend would have a girl best friend. I think he isn't communicating anymore with his high school girl best friend when he started seeing me. I think he really needed to do that because they were really too close. When his best friend went abroad before, they didn't communicate with each other anymore. I am a bit afraid that if they would add each other in their Facebook accounts, they might be too close and sweet with each other again just like the old times. They might have constant communication again. I think I don't like that to happen. It's not that I'm too selfish but it's because I think they really liked each other before. I don't want my lover to fall for another woman because I really love him and I don't want to lose him. I couldn't imagine living my life without him as my partner. If they would talk to each other again, the old feelings might come back. I just don't want my guy to be sweet with another woman. I think his sweet and caring words belong to me. If he would utter them to another lady, my heart would really cry. I would really feel broken-hearted. That already happened many times. I really had some trouble with some of my guy's friends who are girls before. Especially those who really said "luv yah" and "I miss you more" to him. I think those sweet expressions are inappropriate to say to a guy who's already taken. Those girls should've known their limitations too. So what if they were really close to my boyfriend? So what if the other one was claiming to be my boyfriend's best friend? The big question was, how come I didn't know about them? I would only read some sweet messages from them without me having any idea that they were already so close to my boyfriend. I think from the start, they already knew about me because they could see my guy's relationship status in Facebook. That was really visible so how come they could afford to act like that. To make it shorter, I think I would be jealous if my bf would have a girl best friend that isn't me. I would really feel uncomfortable and bad about it especially when I would feel that he's becoming colder to me because of that other girl. I really wouldn't like him to have a new girl best friend. He could be friends with other girls, I'm just okay with that. Though, I don't want him to be very close with any of them anymore. I just want him to be friends with them. They should just have plain friendship. I just want them to talk casually with each other. They don't need to be so sweet each other. I won't allow anyone to make me look and feel like a fool again. Never again. Anyway, I hope you are having a good time right now. Happy myLotting to you. :)
• Portugal
21 Sep 12
thanks so much for your answer^^ and for share your story. i wish your bf doesnt become so close with his best friend. its good that they be friends but not too close. bcs its normal that we girls are afraid that our bf is so sweet with other girl. what if he falls for her? then he leaves us. so sure when i have a bf he can have friends girls but i wish he doesnt become too close to them. or that will ruin our relationship.
@Ladybugs (404)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
I agree with you there. Maybe it's okay for my bf and his best friend to remain friends but they shouldn't be too close as if they are also boyfriends and girlfriends. I hope that they would know their limitations and they shouldn't say some sweet words to each other for they might both fall in love. Yes, I think I also don't want my bf to fall in love with his best friend. I also don't want him to forget about me and leave me just because of the other girl. I don't want them to be talking behind my back. If only my bf introduced me to his best friend before then maybe the three of us would really get along with each other well. I also hope that if you have your bf, he would also introduce his girl best friend to you so you would be at ease. I hope that they wouldn't be too close too so you won't get jealous and your relationship would just run smoothly. I hope our boyfriends would really know how to take care of our hearts. :)
2 people like this
• Portugal
21 Sep 12
yes i wish we both can have good bfs in our lives^^ i wish they can see our value and show it to us everyday^^ im so sick of liking guys that dont show it often. its like they dont even care. anyway i will wish that my prince charming can appear soon^^ and yours too
1 person likes this
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
I'd honestly be jealous too.. Even if my bf reasons that that girl is just a close friend, I will ask him, "can I not be the friend you need than her"?:D Haha :D they said couples should be a package of lovers & friends..
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Sep 12
ahah yes meow i would feel the same way^^ i would also feel like why isnt me your best friend if you love me? why do you need other girl besides me in your life? ahah sounds a bit childish but i guess its normal what we feel. i doubt our bfs would like that we had a guy best friend.
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
26 Sep 12
hahaha ofc dear they'd be jealous too! :))) =] they will also think there are things that only you and your friend knows.. secrets.. etc.. and endearments too :]
1 person likes this
• Portugal
16 Oct 12
its so sad that its so rare to find guys who treats us as a princess. i wanted to for a first time have a boyfriend who treated me like a baby sometimes i see girls with boyfriends so sweet and i always think why that doesnt happen to me^^ anyway im still waiting that a guy like that appears in my life
@Porcospino (30341)
• Denmark
20 Sep 12
When my ex-boyfriend and I were together I was in that situation. He had a female friend that he had known for many years and when my ex-boyfriend and I became a couple he continued to spend time with her. I was jealous when he wanted to spend the evenings with her instead of spending the time with me. I don't think that they were ever in love with eachother, that wasn't my impression, but I never got a good relationship to that girl. She didn't like me and when the 3 of us were together she didn't say one word to me. Today I am married to another man and he doesn't have any female friends.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
21 Sep 12
i guess she was jealous that you were with the guy. otherwhise why wouldnt she talk to you? thats a childish attitude anyway im glad that you are with other guy^^ cause your ex bf seemed a bit selfish. he wanted to spend the evenings with his best friend instead of with his gf? friends are important but lovers should always be first. even more that we all are busy with work and stuff so he should spend his free time more with you than with his friend.
@ritchel (843)
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
Yeah, I'm happy for you Porcospino also. And I agree with Sweetloveforeve, lovers are important than their friends. I just wish that my boyfriend realized that too. He seems to be spending more time with his bestfriend than me.
@ravisivan (14095)
• India
20 Sep 12
yes. certainly one will be jealous. You select a person as boy friend because you depend on him too much and you want him to shower affection on you only. you are right in feeling jealous when your boy friend moves very closely with another person treating him as best friend.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
20 Sep 12
yes^^ bcs we all girls want to be the only special person for our boyfriends^^ thats normal right? so sure i would be right feeling insecure and jealous. but i would have to accept it. cause i couldnt forbid him to have a friend. but i would try that he didnt get too close to her alone. he could have her as best friend but when we all were together. it would bother me that he spent a long time alone with her.
@ritchel (843)
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
I feel the same.I'm so jealous also with my boyfriend's bestfriend. :( His bestfriend is a guy but I don't know..it's just weird...:((((((
@leeandrew (1226)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
I might as well get jealous if my bf has a best friend that is not me. But I don't mind though if he has close friends some people he can trust his secrets to, yet the thought of it just not quite right with me. Well my husband has always tells me that I am his best friend that I replied with a grin or a sarcastic smile. Of course being married.. our other half should be our best friend. I actually saw this soap on television where a boy and a girl has became friends even in their toddler years and eventually became best friends when they grow up. They were okay and really close when no one was not in any relationship yet. But... problems arises when they finally find their love ones their friendship falls apart as well. :(
• Portugal
16 Oct 12
i think you are right. problems in friendships start to happen if you are best friend with a guy and then he finds a girlfriend. there will be boundaries for the friendship. and from what i saw there is always one of them that have feelings for the other. so i guess its normal we feel jealous if we have a boyfriend who has a best friend girl. because of what we already heard. and experienced in some cases.
@gaiza12 (4885)
• Philippines
1 Oct 12
That's gonna be a big NO no to me. I want him to consider me as his best "girl" friend. I would understand if that best friend was male, but a girl, no way. He'd better choose between me or the other girl, I'm sorry if it sounds mean, but I really agree with what you said about best friends falling in love. I have read, heard and knew some best friends who falls in love. I'm glad my bf doesn't have a best friend in his current location, he has his bike as a friend though and even though it doesn't have a life, I still get jealous..lol!
1 person likes this
• Portugal
16 Oct 12
ahah gaiza yes its best to have a bike as a best friend instead of a girl. but im happy you agree with what i said. because for some responses i read some people think its ok if your boyfriend has a best friend that isnt you. for me i would always feel insecure about his love for me. even more when we argued who would he choose to say what happened and comfort him? his best friend. and soon i could lose him. anyway your reply just reminded me of something that appeared on tv the other day. people that were in love with objects like chairs and buildings ahah maybe one loved a bike too. how is this even possible? my god! im happy your boyfriend isnt one of them
• Egypt
26 Sep 12
I think that any one will be jealous in such a thing.I saw that before and have experience about it
1 person likes this
• Portugal
16 Oct 12
you had that experience? so you mean that your boyfriend had a best friend and wasnt you? i guess you are right when you say that anyone will be jealous. because we want that guy to look just at us in a special way. and if other girl starts to be special to them we feel insecure. there are lots of stories of best friends that ended up together.
@toniganzon (59714)
• Philippines
25 Sep 12
No i wouldn't feel bad and i would respect their friendship. Most of my friends were men and i felt bad when their girlfriends were jealous of what we had. It was really selfish of the girlfriends to try and take the friendship from me. Good thing i didn't lose any of my friends because of their girlfriends. That was why they always introduced their girlfriends to me first. So, i do understand when my lover has a female best friend that isn't me. In fact my husband has lots of female friends and i'm not jealous to any one of them and nor is he jealous of my male friends.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Sep 12
i guess thats because you and him know each other's friends^^ and he knows they are just friends to you and you know they are just friends to him. but sometimes some couples struggle bcs their lover goes out with a girl that he says is his best friend alone. just the two of them. wouldnt you feel a bit insecure if your bf told you he goes out with his best friend alone? just the two of them? im happy you trust each other so much. but is normal to feel insecure sometimes.
@andy77e (5161)
• United States
24 Sep 12
Would I be Jealous if my girl friend had a best friend that wasn't me? No, I would be looking for another girl. Jealousy is the demand for something that isn't yours. My girlfriend is just a 'girl' 'friend'. She's not mine. I don't own her. Thus, if she wants someone else, that's perfectly her right. Second, I would only marry someone who is my best friend. So if that other person isn't my best friend, and I'm not her best friend, than that's a key indicator that I need to move on and find someone else. Now if I am married, then this is a very bad sign. My wife should be dedicated to me, and me to her. If she has someone else that's her primary relationship, that's a red flag. Marriage counseling is needed.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
25 Sep 12
i understand you andy. i would feel bad if my bf, if i had one, had a girl best friend. bcs if im his love why am i not his best friend? what do i dont have that his best friend girl has? i mean i would feel insecure all the time. so its like you say the best is to move on. if she was his best friend before we meet sure i would accept it and try not to be jealous. but if he met her after i be his gf i wouldnt feel ok with it.
@ifa225 (11092)
• Indonesia
22 Sep 12
Well, told your BF that you are jealous ask him to share everything just with you so both of you can be more closer Thus she will take you as his best best friend
1 person likes this
• Portugal
22 Sep 12
if that ever happens for sure i will tell my bf^^ and sure i would have to be his best friend. i wouldnt be happy if he had someone else as best friend. thanks so much for your advises^^ honesty is the key for a relation of trust^^ have a good weekend^^
@kokomo (1867)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
No, I'm not comfortable if my boyfriend has a girl bestfriend because same with you I feel also insecure with her. Comparison also between us may exist.My boyfriend can also be my bestfriend so he doesn't need a girl bestfriend anymore.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
21 Sep 12
yes koko^^ i feel the same way. why couldnt i be his best friend? he doesnt need other girl in his life. its normal that i would feel so insecure about his feelings. if he needed a girl as best friend is bcs maybe he doesnt trust me enough to tell me everything. so i would think that maybe if he shared too much with her and helped her all the time with her problems he could end up falling for her.
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
Yes it would bother me also. I don't stop him to make friends with anyone as long as those "girl" friends knows thier limitations. Maybe some would say its ok but deep inside its hurting and crying. So ithink there must be a limitations to whaterver thier friendship is meaning for. Or else better choose as early as possible that no one hurt much.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
21 Sep 12
yes he could be friends with her but i wouldnt feel ok that he went out alone with her. i would feel insecure you know? i would think that maybe as they share things he will fall in love with her. so i would feel bad about it. i want a boyfriend that dedicates much time to me and loves me. with a best friend i would have to divide much of his time and our love would be left behind.
@leahn011 (58)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
Hi sweetlove! If I am in your situation, I would be jealous, having best friend with other girl is normal but being close to each other and he left for that girl is not normal unless he has a valid reason. Maybe you should talk to your bf what actually their relationship and speak out your thoughts to him in a nice way. You should also prepare yourself on the answer of your bf. Good Day!
1 person likes this
• Portugal
21 Sep 12
this didnt happen to me yet leah. but if i had a bf and he did that i would for sure ask him what was going on. you know i always like honesty. and if he fell for other girl i would prefer that he tells me than being so close and close to her. and then leave me. that is horrible. so i would want to know exactly what he wanted from her.
@adnileb (5066)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
I would be jealous. And if I knew it the first time before the guy becomes my bf, I will definitely not make him my boyfriend. Just imagine your bf talking to his bestfriend about the other things that he cannot say to you. That is totally sad for me.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
21 Sep 12
yes thats exactly what i feel too. its like he is sharing with her more things than with me. and i saw movies before that the guy always end up with his best friend and leaves his gf in the end. i know its a movie but movies are based in real life. so i wouldnt want a bf that has a very close friend or i would feel insecure always.
@jaiho2009 (38995)
• Philippines
20 Sep 12
I won't feel jealous if they are already friends for a long time before I meet them both. See, there are friendships that stronger than true blood (brothers/sisters) so, if my boyfriend and his bestfriends are friends for many years already- there is no reason for me to get jealous.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
21 Sep 12
yes j if they were friends like brother and sister would be ok^^ but imagine that you are with your bf and then he meets a girl that becomes his best friend. would you feel comfortable with it? i would feel a bit uncomfortable with afraid he could fall for her. wouldnt you?
• United States
20 Sep 12
I would be jealous if his best friend is a girl. The same way, perhaps the he will be jealous if my best friend is a guy. I think I will advise my boyfriend to limit their contacts and every thing with each other. X| I get jealous easily, that's what I think I will do.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
20 Sep 12
its normal that we girls feel insecure. we want to be our boyfriend's only special girl. i would be afraid that someday he woke up and realized that he was in love with his best friend. and not with me. so i would always feel insecure if he spent much time with her. but sure i would have to accept that he has a best friend.
• Philippines
20 Sep 12
hi sweet, Maybe I will be jealous but in a relationship trust is important so maybe just maybe I am just human who can feel something but if they both can prove that they are only best of friends then that will be fine with me. happy mylotting
• Portugal
20 Sep 12
yes sure trust is the most important. but i think that everyone would feel a bit insecure. its normal bcs if someone gets too close to your bf he can fall for that person. we all need care and love so. i would feel insecure but i would trust him sure.