Treading On Eggshells
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
December 10, 2012 6:25pm CST
This is what we say when we try to avoid something that may cause upset to someone.
I've just done this with John and he's not happy (hence, the 'treading on eggshells).'
Why? Because I've told him the truth about his bad breath, that's why.
Ariens aren't the most tactful of people - especially face to face - and, instead of trying to be sensitive I've gone and told John that his breath 'is a bit wiffy.'
Oh dear.
When he was having a smoke at the back door I mentioned that I don't think he's been brushing his teeth (as he has a new, softer toothbrush) but HE maintains he has. I find this hard to believe as he always leaves the toothpaste tube on the sink afterwards but...I dunno. I don't know what I believe anymore.
I then asked him if his mouth hurts (after he told me 'there's nothing I can do about it' and he told me it does.
This suggests to me he has an abscess or a tooth is so badly decayed that it needs to come out. I told him this and he went, 'maybe.' When he visited the dentist a few weeks ago he had 4 fillings in total so if it is a tooth decaying why wasn't this one been seen to, if that's what it is?
I've also suggested he tries to get into the dentist on the day he takes me into the hospital for an appointment at 9.15 on 18th December. This would give him time to see the dentist and not waste another day off work.
I will leave him pondering on that now that he's gone to bed. His next check-up is the first week in January but if it were me, I'd try to get the problem sorted out before Christmas, as everyone 'shuts up shop' during that time and it's a nightmare trying to book an appointment.
Do you have a partner who just 'lets themselves go' and will let a small problem become a big one because of the fear of (say) a dentist..or apathy? I told John that I would put up with toothache for ONE DAY and I would HAVE to see a dentist..and mine's 100 miles away in Blackpool.
What's his excuse?
I try to help him but - obviously - he thinks I'm bullying/nagging him instead. He's not said this to my face but that's what it looks like to me.
When he was having a smoke at the back door I mentioned that I don't think he's been brushing his teeth (as he has a new, softer toothbrush) but HE maintains he has. I find this hard to believe as he always leaves the toothpaste tube on the sink afterwards but...I dunno. I don't know what I believe anymore.
I then asked him if his mouth hurts (after he told me 'there's nothing I can do about it' and he told me it does.
This suggests to me he has an abscess or a tooth is so badly decayed that it needs to come out. I told him this and he went, 'maybe.' When he visited the dentist a few weeks ago he had 4 fillings in total so if it is a tooth decaying why wasn't this one been seen to, if that's what it is?
I've also suggested he tries to get into the dentist on the day he takes me into the hospital for an appointment at 9.15 on 18th December. This would give him time to see the dentist and not waste another day off work.
I will leave him pondering on that now that he's gone to bed. His next check-up is the first week in January but if it were me, I'd try to get the problem sorted out before Christmas, as everyone 'shuts up shop' during that time and it's a nightmare trying to book an appointment.
Do you have a partner who just 'lets themselves go' and will let a small problem become a big one because of the fear of (say) a dentist..or apathy? I told John that I would put up with toothache for ONE DAY and I would HAVE to see a dentist..and mine's 100 miles away in Blackpool.
What's his excuse?
I try to help him but - obviously - he thinks I'm bullying/nagging him instead. He's not said this to my face but that's what it looks like to me.6 people like this
11 responses
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Dec 12
Hi Janey a man can be so stubborn and getting them to go to a dentist or
doc tor is so aggravating as they make excuse after excuse. I think inside
its a macho thing. He thinks its babying himself to give in to the pain
and get some help so you just have to keep gently prodding him to
go and get fixed up so you and he can enjoy the holidays without
any pain.I have been putting off some medical things but its more
because of funds than of fear of anything.Except the prep for the\colonoscopy. the procedure itself is not painful its the getting
ready for it thats the pits. lol lol
3 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (45658)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
11 Dec 12
Hey, Hatley! Where have you been all day? I was beginning to think whatever made the bus disappear affected you, too.
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Dec 12
I know it's one of the rare things we have to pay for over here (dental treatment) but for peace of mind he really should go..and not wait until his appointment in the New Year.
I'm not going to mention it to him again, Hatley as it upsets me too much. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about how stubborn he can be but HE never has problems in that area.
1 person likes this
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
11 Dec 12
I think that you did nothing wrong at all, if you are really concerning about your partner's oral hygiene, and you really want him to be well, and not sorry later. You should step up a bit, and not afraid to upset his feeling. If he really has such bad breathe, and he really has this tooth problem, he should seek a dentist to solve this problem first. As a partner, I would do the same. I will support you all the way.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
11 Dec 12
Truth really does hurt, people don't want to hear the truth, but this affects YOU, and to be brutally frank he shouldn't be so selfish. If it was me and I hate dentists I would get the next available appointment, the thought of spending Christmas with a toothache would be hell on earth. Surely for your sake as well as his, because even though I am a man, we don't take pain easily, in fact some men can be babies when it comes to pain. Besides if he leaves it any longer, it will only get worse!
3 people like this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Dec 12
Hiya wolfie34. He did this a couple of years ago (and he had no dentist then..long story) but made my life a misery by pacing up and down the room holding a towel to his face going, "Arrrrgh!"
I had to put up with this for what seemed like an eternity before he suddenly decided it would be a great idea to see the 'emergency' dentist. I can't remember the outcome but I think it was a tooth extraction.
If that had happened to me I would've taken far greater care of the teeth I had left from that moment on.
He hasn't done so it's still an uphill battle to try to make him understand that it's HIM that should look after his teeth INBETWEEN dental appointments. It's not the job of the dentist to do this for him. Since the tooth extraction he's had a new dentist and 4 bloody fillings.
At this rate he won't have any teeth left and he's only 42. The whole of his side of the family are the same. Cowards when it comes to dentists and I'm sick of their cavalier attitude.
At this rate he won't have any teeth left and he's only 42. The whole of his side of the family are the same. Cowards when it comes to dentists and I'm sick of their cavalier attitude.3 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (45658)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
11 Dec 12
If he's still pouting in the morning, tell him you lied, that his breath isn't "a bit wiffy", that it's a LOT whiffy!
As for his tooth hurting, sometimes the drilling for the filling disturbs the nerve and it acts up after the fact.
I'm going tomorrow for a cleaning... all that poking and scraping! I guess I will have a sore mouth tomorrow.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157837)
• United States
11 Dec 12
When I have some unexplained dental pain I rinse with peroxide. I do this morning and evening and it usually clears up. Mine, however, sometimes is something lodged under a bridge or spacer. The rinsing gets it out and soothes irritation and stops the beginning of any infections.
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
11 Dec 12
I can't help recalling a saying about man being clueless and this is one instant. Like mine, he will simply take my care and concern to be some nagging and to a certain extent paranoia on my part.
Ah, MEN!
I am glad you brought this up and I can understand what you are going through especially when it comes to the least most cared about health area - dental. It seems to a worldwide problem where dental is concern, being that it is the most undermined concern. So, I can understand how your words have fallen on deaf ears and being taken as a paranoid.
At my end, I even had to hatch a plot with my dentist to make him understand the point about going for a check-up at least once a year. I hope he will take your word seriously because I hate to see a good Christmas holiday being spoiled by some bugs in between his teeth and undoing. Besides, I do not know about your country but I am sure it will be more expensive to fix a problem during the holidays.
I always told my hubby that if he's not going to do it for me than at least do it for the sake of his wallet because I ain't going to let him have an extra nickel for his man made emergencies.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Dec 12
Thank you for that entertaining response, I appreciate it.
During the holidays (well, the 21st until the end of December) I shall be at Mum's house so John can please himself what he does to his teeth.
In his family there is a culture of only seeing a dentist in an emergency or letting a dentist sort a problem out that's got out of hand because THEY cannot be bothered. I've said it many times; it's not the dentist's job to sort out teeth that aren't cleaned properly. It's only a temporary fix.
I'm quite sure that if I never bothered cleaning my teeth they would be full of fillings. I was mortified when I had to have one a few years ago. That wasn't the plan lol. However, John had 4 so you see his problem.
Laziness!
During the holidays (well, the 21st until the end of December) I shall be at Mum's house so John can please himself what he does to his teeth.
In his family there is a culture of only seeing a dentist in an emergency or letting a dentist sort a problem out that's got out of hand because THEY cannot be bothered. I've said it many times; it's not the dentist's job to sort out teeth that aren't cleaned properly. It's only a temporary fix.
I'm quite sure that if I never bothered cleaning my teeth they would be full of fillings. I was mortified when I had to have one a few years ago. That wasn't the plan lol. However, John had 4 so you see his problem.
Laziness!1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
11 Dec 12
I cannot stress enough how important it is to have a good dental and oral hygiene. I really hope that your man will realize the consequences if he doesn't because they will have to go about toothless and gnaw on their steaks with dentures.
About woman power, I have to admire you on how you could put up the stench of not one but four decays. If it was my man, he will be banned from kissing and the master bedroom.
I hope that your medical checkup will be a clear bill for you and I'd like to take this opportunity to convey my wishes to your family on this Christmas.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
11 Dec 12
For the most part, my boyfriend is pretty good about keeping up with things. If there is anything that looks like it might be an issue, I will also bring it up.
I go with him to some of his doctor's appointments, and I bring him with me to mine. I think that it is good for partners to know what is going on with each others' health. We have a stake in the health of our partners. It is too bad that your guy doesn't appreciate that fact but, instead, is viewing you as nagging.
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Dec 12
He doesn't want to be reminded that he's been - shall we say - unsuccessful at looking after his teeth over the years.
I often wonder what he'd be like if he saw blood in his urine. Would he ignore that too?
@GardenGerty (157837)
• United States
11 Dec 12
It is a thing where they let it go so long they figure there is no hope of ever fixing it right. My husband did go see a dentist and get some advice but what it boils down to is thousands of dollars worth of dental work and we have no money to spend on it. His breath gets bad, and what I have told him is that I tell him about it because I love him and I do not want others judging him over it. It is important to remember that the bacteria from tooth decay can get into the blood stream and attack the heart and the arteries. Tell him you want him to live a long and healthy life.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Dec 12
Yeh, which is why I'm gonna shut up from now on as 'nagging' gets me nowhere.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Sometimes I think it isn't worth it to argue with a partner or spouse about something, even if it's important to you because it isn't to them. The reason I say that is because I would not want my spouse hounding me about going to the doctor if I had already made up my mind not to.
I do kind of agree with you in regards to breath though, in my case it's more the fact that we don't go to the doctor every year without a reason. If something HURTS or there's something not right, I weigh the options. If it's worth the cost in terms of time and financial, maybe we deal with it. If it's not (and some things just aren't), we wait for it to resolve on its own or use some sort of non prescription remedy.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Dec 12
What I cannot understand is he had to wait four years before another NHS Dentist came along as his previous one retired but it's been one problem after another since then. He seems to think that if he'd been seeing a dentist every 6 months or yearly then his mouth would be fine. My argument is; it WOULDN'T be fine as he hardly ever cleans his teeth. That's the issue at the end of the day and if he were 7 I'd be dragging him into the bathroom to bloody well clean them myself lol.
@changjiangzhibin89 (16556)
• China
11 Dec 12
Treading on eggshells is similar to one of our sayings ,namely "as if walking on thin ice".You are right,John ought to see the dentist ,the earlier ,the better."A stitch in time saves nine."
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Dec 12
Three sayings there I'm familiar with lol. You're right though. Ignoring the problem isn't going to make it go away, no matter how hard he tries.
@changjiangzhibin89 (16556)
• China
13 Dec 12
I suppose John is a workaholic and hates to ask for day off to see a dentist.You had better frequently talk him into doing that.
@renkinjutsushi (716)
• United States
11 Dec 12
You know, it's possible that he might actually be brushing his teeth like he's telling you. My brother-in-law's teeth are terrible, and the decay's so bad that he can brush his teeth and have murderous dragon breath not five minutes later.
I wonder if John's just too embarrassed by the state of his teeth to want to see the dentist. He knows how bad they are, especially when he's living with the pain every day. I guess you could always try what my mother-in-law did with the BIL... he complained of a toothache but wouldn't go see the dentist, so she came after him with a pair of vice grips and threatened to take care of it for him.
Needless to say, he went to the dentist the next day. lol
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
11 Dec 12
What a great idea!
The thing is, John's teeth don't look too bad (as I look at them) which is frustrating. It's the ones at the back and bits I can't see that are giving him problems.
He will end up like his Dad and sister..a face full of rotten teeth that will fall out one day.
The thing is, John's teeth don't look too bad (as I look at them) which is frustrating. It's the ones at the back and bits I can't see that are giving him problems.
He will end up like his Dad and sister..a face full of rotten teeth that will fall out one day.