We've Been Disowned!!
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (159451)
Boise, Idaho
January 16, 2013 9:13pm CST
Lastnight my granddaughter happened to call and I answered. She wanted to be sure that the door would be unlocked so that she and her boyfriend could come in and 'warm up'. BS they were going to spend the night. They come over and I told her no, that they needed to go that I didn't want to have to bring the police into it but I would if I had to. Case in point here is that my 21 year old granddaughter is homeless and her boyfriend actually has the nerve to come here like the two of them are going to stay here.(I am totally mortified by this. Men have such little egos or work ethics anymore.)The reason she needed to go is that my daughter and grandson and I live there and it is Section 8 housing. My granddaughter did certain things around here when she was a teenager that got her into trouble. SHe was actually going around to different apartments here asking people for food because I didn't have the type of food she wanted(vegetables and fruit). I knew nothing of this until I got a memo from housing about it and a visit from H&W to see if there was actually food in the house. Ofcourse there was, just not what she wanted to eat. And she was going around to different apartments of people who had brain injuries and had caregivers. Getting cigarettes from them and then I would hear about it by memo again. Fast forward to now. She spent the holidays with us and that was nice although I did tell her then that as of the new year she needed to go. (She is not allowed to live here because of the stuff she did here before. They won't allow her on the lease.)She said "Oh, no worries!" So new year comes and they are still here. About this time my daughter's boyfriend is over and he offers to let them stay with him. So they go over there. Two weeks later he kicks them out. Why? Because she and her boyfriend have taken over his apartment and are eating all of his food even though they have food stamps. So the next thing I know is she is calling to see if the door will be open for them. No, No, No!! So they leave and spend the night in the car which they have parked a street over. The next morning around 10a. she comes over with her boyfriend. They shower and take a three hour nap in my daughter's room. During their nap my daughter's PSR comes over and we discuss this. It is hard for my daughter to say no to her daughter.They have a history that I won't go into now but suffice it to say she wants to help her daughter where she couldn't before. So PSR explains how she is enabling her daughter and not really helping her. Her daughter should be out looking for work and not just laying around our place or where ever she can find a place. And she has an option to stay at a friend of the familie's place but he won't allow her to have her boyfriend with her and expects her to get up and be looking for work. So, heaven forbid she should go there. Her choice to live in his car in the frigidly cold weather outside(its 6 right now) when she could have a warm place to stay. SO, after the PSR left we went up and knocked on the door to my daughter's room where they were sleeping. She came and we told her they needed to be leaving, move the car and not make it look in any way like they might be living here. My granddaughter flew into a rage, flew through the house picking up pictures of herself and her son, Owen. She asked me at one point if I had any birth certificates or other paperwork on her. SHe said that as far as she was concerned we had never been her family, we were only foster care. She wanted nothing to do with us, not on Facebook or other wise. She and her boyfriend left slamming the door. So we have been disowned by this lovely child. I think she has a lot of nerve and is only thinking of herself. Not us and our situation. My priority is my grandson and helping him with his ODD. If she was helping herself and was out actively looking for work I could see trying to help her more. Not this way and not with her and her boyfriend. I can't have her here added to the stress that is already in my daughter's and I's life due to my grandson and his ODD and anger outbursts. Your thoughts please.
2 people like this
14 responses
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
17 Jan 13
Boy I feel for youbut you do have to have a place of your own to live and if getting kicked out thats not and option at all and yes they need to get jobs and fend for themselves this makes me mad thinking she can take over places as if her ownnot right at all to bad she isnt littler ya could give her a dam good whooping!
2 people like this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jan 13
Whoop her and she'd call H&W. Not good. Its scarey when you have smart kids. This makes me mad too. I am so stressed and feeling so sick I just can't stand it. He didn't catch the bus and is down there yelling at the top of his lungs. His mom is at the end of her rope. It was too cold for my ole car to drive and so we kept him home. Thank goodness she isn't here anymore. I am sort of relieved.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jan 13
We did a long time ago. They said that you can do whatever as long as you don't leave any marks.
@GardenGerty (157661)
• United States
17 Jan 13
I was wondering where Owen is? I bet you have told us and I just forgot. I think that it is good that someone other than you is telling your daughter what she needs to hear about this situation. You cannot risk what you have for the idea of helping her, when really it does not help. I would say if you have paperwork keep it. If she needs copies, well then she can go to vital statistics and pay for them.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157661)
• United States
17 Jan 13
That has got to be emotionally and mentally draining.
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@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jan 13
I agree. She was just making a point. I have been telling her all along that she couldn't stay here. I didn't mention the police until two days ago. I would hate to go that route. I don't really know what took her over the edge and made her act that way although I did add that my daughter was stressed having her there(because we could lose our voucher) My daughter has enought to handle and worry about and stress over with her son. She wants to help her daughter but it isn't helping and I think the PSR was able to get through to her. If it isn't one it is the other acting out.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
17 Jan 13
Kids they worry you from the day they are born and never stop worrying afterwards
2 people like this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jan 13
It just took her forever to get it and when she finally did she got p*ssy about it.
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
17 Jan 13
Wow-that must have been quite an awful scene. I'm confused-is she Owen's mother or his sister?
I think at this point, unless she dumps the loser she's with, her life won't go anywhere living like that. And it appears that she is still ignorant of that fact. Just let her know that if she comes back that she's no longer welcome in the house until she can demonstrate respect for ALL members of the family.
Let her disown you-it probably won't last, especially if they are unemployed and living in a car. Eventually she'll get to a point where she realizes that she doesn't want to live like that, grow up and begin to act like an adult. Just don't enable the two of them by allowing to live with you or sleep there-you'll just be endangering your own place.
Sending you some big hugs and prayers-you shouldn't have to endure this kind of behavior from more than one member of your family-and you've got your hands full with your grandson! 
2 people like this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jan 13
Thanks for the big hugs. It's just all about her. She knows that we could get evicted yet she still wants to stay here. She just doesn't get it. Owen is her son and my great grandson. He lives with his bio dad's family. I sort of laughed when she was on her litte high horse because it just shows she is selfish.
1 person likes this
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
17 Jan 13
Not a problem-you just sounded like you needed some hugs-I know going through this has got to hurt too. Sounds like Owen's dad had it figured out sooner and kept custody of him. I wonder when she'll grow up. Is your daughter her mother then?
I hope you kept the paperwork away from her-if she's living in a car, it'll get lost or destroyed. If you keep it with you, when she's ready to grow up and be an adult, it'll be there waiting for her to use to get a job.
I hope the rest of the night goes better for you.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jan 13
No, bio dad doesn't have custody. The parents have him but no custody either. She's of age and I didn't have any of it. Her problem not mine. She is back again and left the guy and is staying with a family friend.
@UtopianIdealist (1604)
• United States
17 Jan 13
That is a very hard place to be in. You want to help her, as she is your family, but at the same time, she is risking your home by being there, and she is letting someone else lead her in her own life. There are some families who do not handle these situations as well as you have. Someday, she will come back. Possibly when she needs something, as someone else had mentioned, but also, possibly when she has pulled her life together and wants to reunite with her family. I am sorry this has happened to you, but it will get better at some point.
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jan 13
I am sure she will be back at some point. I am honestly releived she is finally gone. I kept telling her over and over and she just kept coming back.
1 person likes this
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
17 Jan 13
sorry to hear that... but might be a good thing. Have a great day there. Next time, dont let them in the house.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
27 Jan 13
Personally I think she needs to learn to grow up and be responsible for herself, and quit using you or others. She needs to get a job, and find a place to live on her own without her boyfriend, unless he can find a job and help support the two of them. Honestly I see so much of this anymore, and it makes me wonder what happened. I am sure if she would have been brought up better she would not be like this, but then again, you never know.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
29 Jan 13
Well looks like this could be a good thing, and hopefully something good will continue to come from this. All you can do now is hope she starts to enjoy her life now, and want to continue to change and help make something good out of her life.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Jan 13
I wish she would grow up. Luckily she kicked her BF to the curb and is staying with the friend of the family. She looked really good when she came over. Hope it lasts. She was stressed. Not a good reason but that was hers. I brought her up as best I could. She was a real handful after she turned 12. Until then she was a real good kid.
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@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Jan 13
hi CelticEagle I think along the s ame l ines after reading this several times. Now if the granddaughter and her boyfriend had been out looking for work and really were trying to get out of their trouble you might have some pity but surely she knows the rules on section 8 b now.I know you already have plenty on your own plate with your daughter and grandsons problems without these two adding to io. If thjy had come offering to help out and it u to help them. b ut they are young and really if they do actively look for work they are more apt to get hired then men like my son who is 53 and has had to take a part time job just to get a job as they will hire the kids who ha ve no experience first so they can pay less. Those two do need to look for work now.My thoughts are you ha e already done all you can for everyone now they need to
buckle down and look for jobs and take them thus helping
themselves..
themselves..@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
19 Jan 13
My granddaughter doesn't seem to care about our situation here on Section 8 or the reason she isn't allowed on our lease. If she were working or looking I mind her being here during the day and maybe doing a load of wash occasionally or taking a showere but not doing either makes me crazy. And bringing her side kick with her is just apauling on her part. And she is a negative influence on my grandson with her negative jibes and bad mouthing and we certainly don't need that. And my granddaughter is trying to get on SSI and she gets on it then she still can't be just squanting here. They need to help themselves in some way. hopefully if she gets on SSI they can get them some place to live. I wonder if she will keep him on if she gets on SSI--? Let him live off her. Amazing.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
17 Jan 13
Eventually, living in a car will (hopefully) get old. She will see girls with decent boyfriends and realize what an utter loser she is with. At least, one can hope that she sees this.
The other option is that she goes sliding even farther down this path and, rather than get a legitimate job, turn to crime to support herself and her boyfriend.
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@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jan 13
She's 21 and has been dating and around others boyfriends for 6 or more years now. All the guys she gets involved with are losers. Its going to be tough for her to find a job because her job history isn't much good. She has either been let go, quit or fired. She had an opportunity afew weeks back, they did a background check and never called her back.
2 people like this
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
17 Jan 13
Your granddaughter and her boyfriend are toldly ungrateful people. They just want to be homeless and mooch off people they know,like you and your daughter. Your granddaughter needs an attitude adjustment but she needs to learn on her own. Until she drops the boyfriend and stops acting selfish she could be a nicer person. Next time she shows up tell her no and she can't come back until she has changed for the better! That is what I would do!
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jan 13
You are so right. Ungrateful moochers. Can't believe she has a thing for this guy. What a loser! I can see helping her with a shower and laundry if she is doing something but just mooching doesn't cut it.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
17 Jan 13
This girl is actually too old to be acting the way that she is right now if you want my honest opinion. I won't go so far as to say that I really was mature by the time that I was 21, but I certainly wasn't that immature.
I think that if we want to be able to live in the world today, then we need to realize that we really never have anything handed to us. We have to work for what we want to have in our lives. I do think that someone does deserve to have a hand when they are struggling, but they shouldn't refuse the help of other people just because their significant other isn't welcome.
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@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jan 13
By the time I was 21 I had a child and was working and supporting her. I had a grandmother and my mom who certainly helped me but I was a wage earner and took care of my child. She doesn't even see her son. He is being taken care of by his bio dad's parents. I am not very happy with her. I always made her work before play and she had to be good to get what she wanted. I had guardianship of her for twelve years. Her significant other should be out looking for work and then he would be more welcome. I can't believe that she sees nothing wrong with bringing boyfriends her to stay. I would just be mortified. If she is trying to find work I would be more apt to help her. She isn't doing anything and thinks she can get on SSI.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Jan 13
oh my g her get on SSI? I was a candidate for it but living with my son who then was making thirty dollars an hour I was refused and rightly so. i had b en forced to retire so was not helping much until I got my retirement pay and paying 1200 rent per month soon ate that up and i was trying to help my son. so I only got on SSI when we were evicted and made homeless when my son was laid off his job. I am partly physically handicapped and am a diabetic with one leg in a brace so I was considered eligible before and got it so I could be here at this retirement center to live.You do not get SSI unlessl you are physically unable to work and it does not sound like she is physically unable to work.YOU do not get SSI unless you really deserve and need it.I had worked all my life and only retired at 7 9
when I was forced to.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jan 13
I know that you can only get SSI if you are handicapped. But my daughter and myself are on it and she had the same as her mom does. So we'll see. I was retired and had to wait about two years until I could get medicare. Luckily there was a community program that help me out for a while. She was getting medicaid and food stamps. No more from what she says. Maybe it lasped because she didn't get back to them when she was supposed to. Who knows!
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
17 Jan 13
I'm sure she will be your family again once she needs sometthing from you... Sad to say but probably true. It sounds like shes more of a headache for you than anything else!
I'm sure you still love her though which makes tough love hard at times. She is very immature, once she grows up a little more she will change her ways...
It drives me crazy sometimes with some people in their early 20's, their really immature. By 21 I already had a child and was married for a year with a place of our own as well. So people acting this way at that age gets on my nerves.
Hopefully she will grow up soon!
2 people like this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Jan 13
I think she owes us both an apology. She hadn't come around for months until she wanted something. Something we couldn't give her because of choices she made when she was a teenager. I hope she does grow up and change her ways. She's just making it hard on herself. She has had plenty of chances and blown them all.
1 person likes this
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
20 Jan 13
Dear celticeagle, sorry to read this. She disowned you and got out in a rage together with her bf but I bet she will come back and act as if nothing had happened, soon when she wont have any place to set her azz in. I just cant understand people like this.
For me it was clear as daylight, when I move out I am out. I did NOT accept any help from my mother any more. I had even paid rent to her when I lived in her place from 22 to 30 years old and due to the economy I didnt have jobs that were that great or paid that super but I faithfully gave her money plus did almost all of my own grocery shopping.
But when I was out of there I didnt even accept her hemming a jeans for me, as my fine motorics are lousy, or even to come over to my place when the utility guys were overhauling the hot water boiler& heating device in the bathroom so I could have gone to work. NO No no I took the day off and coped with the utility guys plus the dirt and mess they left behind.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jan 13
Well, it sounds like you are doing pretty well for yourself now. My granddaughter has kicked the dude to the curb and is staying with a family freind who expects her to maintain herself.
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Jan 13
It sounds like you have some pride. I don't think my granddaughter does. WHat I don't get is why she got in such a huff. I had been telling her all along she couldn't stay here. I think it came when she realized she could no longer decieve her mother. She's been doing that a long time. And I told she had her mom stressed out because of it. She isn't allowed to live here! Housing not us. Yet she keeps coming around anyway as if she doesn't care whether we are evicted or not. Its all about her. Cares about no one but herself.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
21 Jan 13
dear celticeagle, thanks for your kind comment. Its not really pride but for me having lived in a disfunctional family it was the only attitude which would keep me above the waters so I wont sink. I had to swim. My mother was a perfectionist and made life with her a living hEll for me. As I said the jobs I had didnt pay that great but she never had to remind me of giving her the rent money.
see all my dreams and plans were always ridiculed and mocked in that house so when I moved out I had to sort of prove I can get along on my own. I felt better paying a few bucks to the lovely Turkish woman around the corner who did my jeans for me than handing them over to "dear mom" who then, along with her younger sister would make acid comments about me still needing her help.
It was a question of self esteem. I had none but moving out was the first thing building it up......
1 person likes this
@rizzaspeaks (391)
• Philippines
19 Jan 13
I can see an ungrateful child in your story. Some kind of a prodigal child perhaps.
However, I don't want to judge all of her 'coz there might be reasons why she ended up like that. I mean, generally, a person's character is not built by him/her alone. It is also because of other people's influence? Obviously, her boyfriend is not a good influence. The question is, are there any good influences in her life? Someone who can make her feel that she was understood? After all, if a child behaves that way, it might be because she felt being neglected or not belonged. Why would she come up with that thinking of you not being her family? Guess, she's not just referring to her being a biological child after all. Her getting of attention of other people would sometimes mean lacking attention from people closer to her.
Maybe she finds comfort with her boyfriend, that her reasons of being with him afterall is not really because she's madly in-love with him, can't it be because--she fears the idea of having no one to cling to even she chooses to leave him?
Her mom should be there for her just the way you were there for your daughter, whatever past they may have.
I hate your granddaughter's attitude, but I also pity her of losing that sense of valuing her own self.
Hope everything will turn out fine soon.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jan 13
She is staying with a friend of the family now. She kicked the dude to the curb.
