Prison Wives
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
February 9, 2013 11:18am CST
What is wrong with these women? So these women are married to men who won't ever get out of prison. They will die in prison, yet these women marry them. One got married by proxy. Their whole life is 15 minutes on the phone and 3 or 4 hours on weekends. Most all I have seen, they don't do conjugal visits.
There was one where the woman changed the kids name to the husband's name just so they don't have to write 'stepfather' on relation to the visitor. All of these that I've seen are for murder. One has gone up for parole 3 times and been denied each time. These women think of their men as victims. They only know what they believe about their men. They seem to be blind to what their men are capable of.
I think part of the attraction is that their men won't ever get out. They can't run around with other women when they are locked up. It's a little different if you were married and that husband or wife killed someone and sent themselves to prison. I think it's a whole new ball game when you start writing a strange prisoner, fall in love and get married to someone you can never be with.
What do you feel the attraction might be?
9 people like this
18 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
9 Feb 13
I think if you want to know for sure you have to ask these women. Might be a part is attracted by the fact that husband will never come out of prison, might be they are also attracted by the kind of crime he committed. But it's also possible that it's love. There are plenty of married couples who only see eachother a few times a year (because of a job abroad etc). Might be to some (incl. the prisoner) it also feels good (in the end) to be able to say they are married, they knew love, there is someone who cared about them and will cry if they die. There are plenty of people who do find their life way more worth it with that knowledge, they do exist in someone's mind.
3 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
9 Feb 13
To me it's just sad for the person on the outside. They are pulling time also. Yes, it most likely does feel good to know you exist in someone's mind.
2 people like this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
9 Feb 13
I assume that if you get married to a prisoner you know (partly) the consequences. You also might know your society won't (Always) agree with it. Might be, or at least I hope, that belonging to someone is still worth it.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
10 Feb 13
there is a psychological explanation, these women have intimacy issues and marrying a man in jail means there is no intimacy in the married sense of the word. They are also free to do whatever they want to with no confines. Some of these women may have wanted a husband or boyfriend but never found one in daily life so they turn to the incarcerated.
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (86009)
• United States
9 Feb 13
Low self-esteem, the assurance they will never be cheated on (although technically he could cheat on her), desperation, and in some cases, stupidity. But I think stupidity is the least likely reason. Some of these women have really bad emotional problems.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Feb 13
I agree. I think some of them do have mental problems.
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
9 Feb 13
I think, but I'm not sure, that a lot of these women have a low self esteem. I can't even imagine any other reason, seriously. Why in the world would you want to spend your entire life married to a murderer. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Maybe some of them think it's cool too. Maybe they go around bragging about it to people to get that "shocked" look from them. Sometimes it raises their ego.
I really don't have a good answer for you.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Feb 13
I think the label of murderer has been given a bad rap here. A person might be convicted of murder but there maybe extenuating circumstances. A person who is basically good and normally would never hurt a fly could be in the wrong place at the wrong time and whammy!, the deed is done and they are convicted and sentenced.
Will you group that person with the guy who is a hit man, a sniper who has killed dozens of people for pay? or the ruthless killer who kills for fun?
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
9 Feb 13
Some women have nothing in their lives. Nothing but trying to get them released, or just to visit every weekend. I'm watching one woman who was released and he was supposed to meet her in Amarillo Texas and he wasn't on the bus.
1 person likes this
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
9 Feb 13
I think that most of these women want the feeling of being married and there is no one else that may not want them, so basically their self esteem is so low, they will take anyone that says they love them no matter if they are in jail or not. Maybe they love the fact of being connected with someone in jail. Either way, I think these women are crazy too. I would never want to be married with someone who is in prison and they will never get out. Especially if they are a murderer. What are these women thinking. But all in all I think it is mainly just low self esteem and they can't get anyone else.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
10 Feb 13
I was so shocked to see how old and decrepit some of these women are compared by their prison husbands. Some of the women are about 30 years older than their men.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Feb 13
The bad boy Attraction. There might be an element of truth to this.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
12 Feb 13
Personally my friend, this is something I have always wondered as well, and have known people who have wrote men who are in Prison, and even gone and seen them. I would wonder what the attraction is. You hear of men who have done this from time to time as well. I guess it is to say they are married, and some might do it to try and get the State or system to feel Sorry for them?
But personally, why would you want to marry someone you can never be with? Maybe I just don't get it but to me, this seems really strange.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Feb 13
You are right about that. Yes, it is strange to give your life over to someone you can't even be with. Nuts!
@GardenGerty (157915)
• United States
9 Feb 13
I think these women want to be rescuers. They believe the husbands are "victims". Some of them also probably do not want the obligation of having a spouse, just the title. Like you said, so they can run around with others but still be "married". I knew a woman who was dating a guy, who went out and committed a murder on the day he graduated from college. She married him anyway, and helped him with some appeals, and parole requests. Later she divorced him, though, because she said he became "institutionalized" and did not want to get out. I think that the guy committed the crime so he did not have to accomplish anything with his life, so he had an excuse. When she saw he was stuck she cut her losses. I understand she made a pretty good life for herself later on.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
9 Feb 13
My nephew is in prison. Any time he gets out he gets himself locked up again. He has a child who doesn't even know except in pictures. He wanted me to take him in and I told my brother (his adoptive father) that I'm not going to take him in. My brother said, "he'll rob you blind if you do."
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
11 Feb 13
Hi PointlessQuestions, It just goes to show that some people will believe anything. You can be sure that these men have convinced themselves that they are the victims, and if you are convinced yourself, there are always those who will believe you. Then too, there is always the possibity that some of these men really are innocent. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Feb 13
Yes. Once the prisoners can hook a spouse on the outside they get others to believe in their cause.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
9 Feb 13
I'm more confused as to why anyone would bother watching such a television show. Is there such a lack of quality programming on television? I guess so... I've found that A&E--a network I used to love--no longer has anything to do with either "arts" or "entertainment." Instead, the network's schedule seems to be populated with shows about the detritus of society; I've noticed that seems to be the case with several other networks as well.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
10 Feb 13
It's on Netflix. I don't have cable in my room. It is interesting to see people so attracted to their prison spouses. There's even a man who is married (by proxy) to a woman who will never get out of prison. He's not some low life either, he is an ex fighter pilot. He believes her version of events like she was the victim. She talks about the two guys she was with cutting out the heart of this young man and forced to drink the blood from the heart. She might be telling the truth, but she may also be lying to try and keep the support from this husband.
It amazes me that women and men will get involved with people they can't have.
1 person likes this
@redredrose (1105)
• United States
9 Feb 13
I agree with what everyone has said as to why these women love and marry men in prison, but i couldn't nor wouldn't marry a man in prison. I joined a pen pal club and when i send my address to people i say no prisoners. I mean people can change for the better but if the guy has been up for parole 3 times and denied 3 times then hes being bad in prison like killing or fighting. Maybe his crime was so bad that he isn't able to get parole and who wants to be married to a guy like that. I can see them being in love and all but never being able to hug them go out to eat with them sleep with them cuddle with them have kids with them see a movie together get anything from them for birthdays or valentines day or be with them for Christmas dinner etc. What's the point then of being married. I know the women may like that the guy can't run around or cheat on them but other than that what good is it to be married to a prisoner. Or for that matter a guy to be married to a woman in prison.
@marguicha (216470)
• Chile
12 Feb 13
THere might be lots of reasons why women marry people who will not get ever out of jail. It seems that they want the status of a married woman but have fear of real men. I imagine that there are thousand other reasons and they might be valid for them. All I can say is that what I call love for a man includes being near him and building a future together.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Feb 13
So does that mean, if you and your husband are living apart (for any reason) and you are unable to build a future together because of the circumstances that you won't love him any longer?
Or even, if your hubby makes a big mistake and goes to prison, you will stop loving him? Gosh, that's harsh.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
9 Feb 13
I think it would be strange to do that or to know someone who did that. I know I could not do something like that. But to each their own I guess. Hopefully in someway they are able to be happy. Some people prefer their life to be very different.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
9 Feb 13
Maybe they can't be disappointed if he never gets out. The routine of visiting on weekends, having 15 minute collect calls might be what fills their lives.
1 person likes this
@extremefun4fun (2908)
• India
10 Feb 13
It maybe because they think their husband never be back or they do not want to be with the one who has done crime... I do not think if things are so wrong with those women. it is many humanbin nature.. If a woman does crime and go to prison what man will do? will they continue with love for criminal woman?
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Feb 13
For some reason they make a connection and then they fall in love or the friendship grows to love. There could be many different situations and whatever the case, each of the people involved is getting something they need from the other.
I could ask that question - What do you feel the attraction might be? - in a million different scenarios I reckon depending on the people involved. Who are we to judge? How can we even try to guess what motivates them when we don't know these people.
If people can accept that you can't choose who you fall in love with, how is this scenario different from any other scenario. You obviously think it's strange, or not right but others will have no problem with it.
LIVE & LET LIVE is my motto.
@maezee (41997)
• United States
5 Jul 13
I can't imagine why someone would marry someone in prison, either. Isn't a huge part of being *married* or just being with someone in general about intimacy? For me, that's a huge part. Not only that, but having the ability to travel, grow up together, whatever. I can imagine waiting for a husband to get out of prison if he is only in for a few years, but even that seems like a stretch! Agh!
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
9 Feb 13
I have wondered about this too. I think more then likely it as to do with the excitement they may feel over being in love with a person who is bad. Some girls just love bad boys. Remember how Ted Bundy the serial killer had so many girls attracted to him.Meanwhile he was killing females. Charles Manson is another case where he had such a big following of females. In fact I was just watching Dr. Phil earlier and the story was about a female in love with the guy who killed her brother. He is of course in jail but some how she has now fallen in love with him, after seeing him in jail for the past two months. That takes it to another level I will never understand. When you think you have heard it all!
1 person likes this
@vitalsigns (46)
• United States
9 Feb 13
Some women feel that a prisoner can't cheat on them and other low esteem issues.
1 person likes this
