How to control the anger?
By r0cker
@r0cker (300)
India
February 11, 2013 11:16pm CST
A friend of mine has some serious anger management issues. He couldn't control his anger at all . Last evening I visited his place to play basketball with him. There, his mom came & ordered him to clean his room before playing . Then suddenly he started yelling at his mom-"Don't give me orders,I'm not gonna clean the mess, I'm not a servant &...... ".
I was totally shocked on seeing his behaviour. It was not a big issue but he became hyper very quickly. Afterwards his mom talked with me & asked for help to control his anger.
So I came here. I think mylotters will give some good anger controlling tips.
3 people like this
20 responses
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
12 Feb 13
He might have a lot in his mind. At least that's how it is for me. Because I am bothered by a lot of thoughts, I easily lose my patience with people almost immediately. He needs someone who he can share his guts to without being judged. He needs a listener who won't tell others about what he just shared and that person must be someone who he can really trust. He doesn't need a talker or critic or an expert. What he needs is a friend.
And a good friend's definition is someone who listens to you all day and leave feeling like you just had the best conversation ever.
1 person likes this
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
15 Feb 13
I'm glad you're taking the role of the "good friend". I've got to warn you though that it would not be easy and results just doesn't appear immediately. It'll take time: days, months, years even. But I hope that you won't give up on your friend.
You may want to take note of this, by the way.
He may have a lot of his mind. But it doesn't mean that it's bad to add something in it. Find where his passion and interests lie. And if you can find the time with him, encourage him into it. Having a lot of things in mind makes people lose focus. Giving him his passion or hobby or interests, forces him to focus all thoughts to it. If he does focus, I can very well assure you that your friend will be very good in it. We people have incredible minds especially if can focus out attention at 100%. If he has that explosive temper, then he has the potential to become very brilliant in his field. At least that's what I found with people I associate with.
If he has his focus, he can also develop self-discipline and a rein over his temper. Do remember though, that this will take time, depending on the capacity of your friend.
I hope this helps you and your friend along.
I hope this helps you and your friend along.
@celticeagle (159574)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Feb 13
I live with a person who has ODD which is Oppositional Defiance Disorder. He is ten years old and his mind works differently than your average person. He throws fits occaionally that are horrible. Angry is a part of our lives. So he has learned what is called the Turtle. It is pretty basic. You hug yourself, breath in and out slowly and count to ten. We have learned to walk him through it. Acknowledge his feelings and talk to him about the situation. Ordering him around never does any good. Giving him options works the best. And consistant consequences. Hope some of these help.
@celticeagle (159574)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Feb 13
Any age really just take away the hug step.
1 person likes this
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
12 Feb 13
that is a good technique too for toddlers because they're used to just saying "NO" all the time, giving them choices is the best idea to prevent them from having tantrums. I thought it worked only o toddlers, didnt know you could use it for older ages. 
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
12 Feb 13
Doesn't really sound like it's your place to help your friend with his anger.. that is a private family matter. I would suggest he seek help from a counsellor.
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
12 Feb 13
That is right, his behaviour isn't normal, he needs professional help.
1 person likes this
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
12 Feb 13
Oh wow. Why is your friend such a d!ck to his mom. I hate when kids are like that. There shouldn't be any reason for anyone to be a d!ck to their parents at any circumstance. Sure they can be annoying but it still isn't right.
1 person likes this
@andrewbarclave (485)
• Ireland
12 Feb 13
Maybe someone has said this before but I'd say start doing meditation, it doesn't take long, 10 mins max although you can do it longer if you choose. It is really simple to do, just find meditation music on youtube. Then sit/lie or whatever position you find comfortable, start off totally concentrating on your breathing counting every time you breathe in and out. Do that till you get to 10 and start again at 1 after that. If you focus hard enough your mind will just drift off and you will amazed how relaxed you are. Also you can then use it whenever you feel angry in the future, meaning just taking a deep breathe and all is good.
Hope this helped.
1 person likes this
@andrewbarclave (485)
• Ireland
13 Feb 13
Your welcome, If he can stick to it i'm sure it could help.
@Moussamuhammad (8)
• Kuwait
12 Feb 13
Samehere i would like to mind ma business too since this issue seems kinda personal and wouldnt want to poke nose into some1 elses family issue...i'd advice that you talk him into shape,tell him mother are heros and if not for his mom he wouldnt be there talking none sense to the old lady,besides if he loose her today he has no other mother ,he should try to respect her and please her if he can although i know the old folks are like bugs at times but there's nothing you can do about it
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Feb 13
hi Moussamuhammad welcome to mylot.,You thought as I did he should remember she is his mom and what if something bad happened to herabnd the last thing he said to her was to bawl her out how would he feel.too his mom should have been a bit more sensitive as not to embarrass hi in front of his friend.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
12 Feb 13
I had a lot of anger issues, whereas once I used to suppress the anger which isn't at all healthy, I needed to vent it, and was finding that I was venting my anger on the ones that I loved, I actually went on an anger management course, but it actually made me worse, can you believe! The way I get rid of my anger is going to the gym, I burn it off through hard exercise, I go three times a week and work out for 90 minutes, I come away feeling so refreshed and all the anger has gone away, albeit temporarily. I know it sounds strange but I also find that being behind the wheel of my car helps my anger, it calms me whereas with others it has the opposite affect. Anger can be very damaging both to you and the people around you that have to witness it!
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
12 Feb 13
This sounds serious. I mean, it's normal to not want to clean your room, but this can become a problem very quickly. If I were his mom, I would lay out the rules of the house at a time when there are no issues going on, so that later, she can refer back to them. That way, he knows what to expect.
other than that, I'm not sure. He really has to develop his own methods for controlling his anger. He has to be the one to recognize it's a problem. All his mom can do is lay out how she expects him to behave and what she expects him to do and then stand firm.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (37968)
• Philippines
12 Feb 13
That is a very broad subject to dwell on. Anger management is hard to control so I think if the mom is already complaining then she should seek professional help to solve his problems with her son.
I know you as a close friend could only do so much since you do not know how to handle this kind of situations. I would suggest let her mom look for a good counselor that could help her son on their issues.
@r0cker (300)
• India
12 Feb 13
Thanks for the advice but his mom has already tried this. She tried to take him to professional counselers but he never gets ready to go. He said "do you think I'm crazy. I dont need to go anywhere . I'm fine".
It's a truth that most of the people never confess or dont even know that they're having some serious issues.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (37968)
• Philippines
14 Feb 13
Well I guess that is where you can come in in helping her mom convince him to attend to one so he can realize that he is indeed in need of a counselor. I think you and her mom could connive together with the counselor on how to do this. But of course there are risk involving yourself in this situation since the son may also turn his anger towards you for helping his mother on this one.
@joliefille (3690)
• Philippines
12 Feb 13
I suddenly recall that movie by Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis called Looper. Bruce Willis had to stop the Rainmaker and kill him while he was still young. The Rainmaker as a kid gets too angry, too abnormally angry actually for a little kid.
In real life situations, we can't always blame the mother or the parents if the child's anger management issues is out of hand. Sometimes it can be a neurological issue and not bad parenting.
@Chico1793 (135)
• United States
12 Feb 13
Man I have been in this position and it is not a very good one judging from my experience. My friend stopped talking to me for interfering I think his parents need to handle it themselves. And my cousin is another who can't control his temper geez it is overwhelming like when he is in that mood everything goes his way regardless ugh.
@Chico1793 (135)
• United States
15 Feb 13
Yeah this is an issue the parents have to solve on their own if they can't control it I don't think they are doing good parenting
@DVthefish17 (15)
•
12 Feb 13
Sometimes, with anger issues, it is best to let the person release their anger in some way. However, it isn't necessarily an anger problem, maybe it's just that he has a 'shorter fuse' than others. We can all get angry at times and, often, the best way to control it is just to have some time to cool off. Insisting on seeing someone will only serve to upset him further as he may feel that everyone is ganaging up on him. Maybe try speaking to him directly about it, but don't be too forceful with him; he might take offense and this will make the situation worse.
1 person likes this
@extremefun4fun (2908)
• India
12 Feb 13
It is diffrent for everyone. I control my anger with drinking some water, trying to be quite that time and if it is possible to go out for a walk to get some fresh air. even sometimes I chant some part of holly book in my mind or using strong powerful words to pass that moment.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Feb 13
hi rOcker well I realized he cannot treat his mom like that but she really could have waited till after you guys played ball. But still he does need to remember he is talking to his mom. Tell him to count to ten and if necessary to 100 and then remind him we are supposed to honor our parents not yell and get angry. You see I think she
embarrassed him in front of hiss friend and that made it worse. I am not condoning what he did as its completely wrong. One thing make him stop and think that is his mom what if he had yelled at her like that and something horrid happened to her so he never got to talk to her again how would he feel?.That might really do the trick. We seldom think what if I quarreled with my parent and the next day he or she was killed by a hit and run driver. so it pays to be kind and respect our family
ays to be kind and respect our family
@vandana7 (98986)
• India
12 Feb 13
I understand this "I'm not a servant" thing...I know this emotion from my home. My parent has that kind of attitude.
There are underlying issues, which they are not discussing. And then, there can be ego problem as well. For example, I work in an office...and a personnel, who is my junior starts asking me, is it over, have you done it, ...that can be annoying. Unfortunately, we cant react then...because it can spoil the environment...but it does accumulate in mind. And something similar happening outside...can trigger those thoughts. I think it is something bottled up inside...may be you need to find out discreetly by observation or otherwise.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
12 Feb 13
I think that before anything else, one should be able to know how to respect people. Coz if you will notice, when one is angry, he loses respect on other people and does not recognize even if it was a parent or other elder.
Then, one should learn to be sensitive towards other's feelings. A person with anger management issues should also learn to know what to say and what not to say and how to say things properly.
@smiling_ja (261)
• Philippines
13 Feb 13
Your friend's case is just a matter of knowing who has the final say. Apparently your friend lacks the courtesy and respect that should be accorded to parents, he's like a brat if I may say so but it always boils down to his early upbringing. His parents should have instilled in him some manners and I guess it's too late now that is why they're at the receiving end of his temper.
@AllThingsJuliet (15)
• Philippines
12 Feb 13
It's not the anger issue but an issue about respect. No matter how angry a son/daughter may be, he/she could not talk back like that to his/her parents. Maybe you should share this to your friend.
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." (Ephesians 6:1-3)
The Bible teaches us to obey and honor our parents so that we will have a longer life.
@r0cker (300)
• India
12 Feb 13
Thanks, I would try to share this to my friend. Every religion in this world teaches us to respect our elders.
Upon anger, people lost their cool & forget who's in front of them even the elders. One shouldn't try to talk back rudely to their elders & should give respect to them in any situation.
