What would you do if you are in love with your GAY best friend?

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

I see. We girls experience liking a guy who we realize later is a gay. It happens a lot to many people I know who are rather boy crazy. Lol! So, enelym, what would you do to attract and bring out the man in this gay guy if you think he has the potential to be a guy?? @frai: That would be problematic if your gay husband cheats with another man. Aw, that doubles the pain.

@Nursefrai06 (2498)

• Penrith, Australia

2 Mar 13

If ever i fell in love with a gay guy and he was the same with me, but he technically isn't hmm., man enough even just a little. i dont think il be too happy when we get married.

1 person likes this

@Nursefrai06 (2498)

• Penrith, Australia

3 Mar 13

Its sad to think that your partner is also your competition in getting guys haha. I wonder if this setups can be okay with open relationships.

Always smiling

@allknowing (153529)

• India

2 Mar 13

Good you told us that it is hypothetical!I was having all sort of thoughts about you really!

Now on a serious note: It would be a one sided affair and would be just as any other one sided affair. You will be disturbing his apple cart and at the same time getting frustrated that you are not getting anywhere with this relationship. My advice would be that one should not push this any further but remain as friends. There has to be some reason for a friendship to turn into love which would mean that there must have been circumstances that led to this. What were the circumstances, hypothetical ofcourse

2 people like this

Always smiling

@allknowing (153529)

• India

2 Mar 13

It will not work at all. Where is the spontaneity? Working out on a relationship is not the right approach.

1 person likes this

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

Ahhh! The teasing duo!! Glad to have you both here. I know, lol, I make strange discussions. But that makes them interesting right? I am actually asking this question for the sake of curiosity and for a story I am writing, which is about a romance about a girl and a boy she thought was gay but actually isn't. I wonder how a girl would fall in love with a gay person though... I agree that this kind of love is almost hopeless and being friends may be better than forcing someone to be not gay.

@Nursefrai06 (2498)

• Penrith, Australia

3 Mar 13

But you're such a tease. :P I hope your story goes well, where do you publish? :) Hmm. Love moves in mysterious ways, when i was younger, i fell in love with a persons scent. But i am weird so. Haha. Maybe they fell in love because they were really close friends

chiyochan

@chiyosan (30186)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

I have never been in the situation and I know I will never be in this situation. I do have gay friends and since I know their preference i do keep in mind that they are off limits to me and they are only my friends. I know that most of the time if you are always with someone then you will most probably not notice but you are already falling for the person. Luckily I was not in the situation because i have always saw to it to keep distance from people. As i have said in many friends discussion, that i do not have a best friend girl or boy so i think it is not really going to be a problem. he he :D

2 people like this

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

It would be nice to have a best friend, chiyo. Maybe you will find this person in the future? It's not healthy to keep to ourselves because part of being human is to socialize. But of course, that is your decision. Thank you for responding. It's true. As a rule, gay guys are off limits to us for romantic relationships... but what if the feeling is too strong and it can't be denied anymore?

pergammano

@pergammano (7682)

• Canada

2 Mar 13

Guess I am the odd woman out here..Aja! I see this in a whole different light...as if you ARE in love with him, then you must know HIM well, and know every nuance, and character flaw (in order to be real love)therefore you KNOW you have fallen in love with a GAY, and you have to accept the consequences. We all KNOW, trying to change some-one in a relationship NEVER works. To me, the old expression applies..."you have made your bed, now sleep in it!"

1 person likes this

gay best friend

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pergammano

@pergammano (7682)

• Canada

2 Mar 13

Sorry, my friend...I guess I just did NOT let the value of your words sink into this sleep deprived mind!

Always smiling

@allknowing (153529)

• India

2 Mar 13

I have said the very same thing my style!

1 person likes this

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

You have a point. It would difficult to call it love one does not truly acknowledge the person to begin with. I have not met someone who is in love with a gay guy and still loves him even after knowing he is gay. Changing our partner into someone else in a relationship, I know how pointless and futile that can be. haha, thanks for the response perga! By the way, this is not my real experience. It is only a hypothetical question.

Jenny1015

@jenny1015 (13359)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

I'd probably do the same thing that you would. But really, I have never been attracted to any gay person I know. I just see them as a friend. But if ever, I would fall deeply in love with that person, I am sure that it would be really a tough job to do to let him forget about who he is and to just love me.

2 people like this

Jenny1015

@jenny1015 (13359)

• Philippines

3 Mar 13

I have known a few gay guys who got married to a girl and had kids. I am not sure how their relationship really is but I do know that there is love between them. Coz if not, I don't think that they would even have more than one kids. They have kept their marriage until this time.

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

4 Mar 13

I have heard about those kind of relationships too! I think the kids would be weirded out if their father was gay. I think love is definitely possible, though often times it can be platonic. I'm confused.

Jenny1015

@jenny1015 (13359)

• Philippines

4 Mar 13

I guess we can never know how they truly feel. But the important thing is that despite the oddities, they will be good parents to their children.

@Nursefrai06 (2498)

• Penrith, Australia

2 Mar 13

I've read something about a girl and a gay getting married and hey swear monogamy to each other. I have no idea how they are going to do it, but if its possible then sure why not, it could work if you get really in tune with each other. You can try making him a bit masculine but not let him find out that you're doing that and most likely it will be very difficult for you. In my experience, you can't change people and it is rude to do so. I hope i dont fall for a gay guy and i hope you don't either haha! It would be so complicated.

1 person likes this

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

Wow, that's interesting. I wonder how they are doing with their marriage. If a gay guy and girl get married, I think the relationship would be more platonic than romantic. It's kind of sweet though... a little. LOL. That's true, it is rude to try change people to be someone they are not. haha, I can imagine the frustration of the girl. What a terrible dilemma!! It makes an interesting story. Haha, I don't think we will fall in love with gays. I can tell when they are gay and I don't often fall in love with any person.

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

4 Mar 13

No one can blame you for liking those kind of guys, frai. I think you will be fine. Once you realize they are gay, your feelings will often fade away.

@Nursefrai06 (2498)

• Penrith, Australia

3 Mar 13

Haha! I hope so too, i am too easy when it comes to good looking and smart guys,

ElicBxn

@ElicBxn (64177)

• United States

2 Mar 13

Gay guys are super sweet and sensitive and its easy to think you are in love with them, well, not just think... However, you are never going to "get in touch with his masculinity." If a guy is gay and doesn't want to be, then only he can decide what to do about it, but it probably won't make him straight As for being jealous, well, if your old boyfriend, or even a crush you have never let on you care about goes out with another girl, are you jealous? Well, this is no different than if a gay guy has a boyfriend. You really can't control being jealous, doesn't mean its smart. Feelings are one of those things we really have trouble controlling.

1 person likes this

@cupkitties (7421)

• United States

3 Mar 13

If it was that easy, we'd all be bi because there is always that person from each side who thinks they can turn someone.

1 person likes this

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

4 Mar 13

@elic: Jealousy is hard to control. We can't always dictate our heart to stop loving someone even when it is against better judgment. @cupkitties: Well, it might be possible that this gay is actually a bi? Then he will grow to love the woman too?

1 person likes this

alottodo

@alottodo (3056)

• Australia

3 Mar 13

Why would you want to make him into a man he is already a man! but a gay one! I have several gay people as friends[male and female] and I would never dare or think to change them they are the way nature or God meant them to be I can love my gays friends but I know I can't fall in love with any of them and that is the way it is.

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

4 Mar 13

Well, suppose you are in love with one, hypothetically. Wouldn't you do something about it?

@cupkitties (7421)

• United States

2 Mar 13

Not gonna happen. Wouldn't nature prevent such a thing from happening to begin with? I read somewhere that women on their "monthly cycle of doom" are able to "sense" gay dudes.

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@cupkitties (7421)

• United States

4 Mar 13

http://healthland.time.com/2011/06/24/is-he-gay-ovulating-women-can-tell/

1 person likes this

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

8 Mar 13

Thank you kitty! This is an interesting article. I don't have a very good gaydar though..

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

4 Mar 13

monthly cycle of doom? They can sense gay dudes? Can you tell me where you have read about that? It sounds interesting. I don't know if it is impossible that the gay person will love the woman back. I think it is possible though, but he wouldn't be gay anymore, he would be a bi.

mammots

@mammots (3209)

• Philippines

3 Mar 13

hi aja...while reading your discussion i imagined my two gay best friends. they are two different categories of being gay. one is a cross dresser with very long girly hair and the other one looks very straight and very manly but is very girly when he speaks. they are like my brothers and sisters and best friends rolled into one and the thought of falling in love with either one of them never crossed my mind. but if hypothetically i would fall in love with my gay best friend i would tell him about my feelings and wait and see how he's going to deal with it

buddha3

@buddha3 (1026)

• India

3 Mar 13

hmmm interesting! You explained it well, saying they are your borther, sisters and friends rolled into one :) I knew only about one, but you have two such friends? great :)

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

4 Mar 13

@mammots: It's great that you have two gay friends. It would be interesting to see them together, how different yet similar they are. Wow, it would take courage for a person to confess her feelings to a gay friend. It is possible that this gay friend might severe their friendship because she can't accept her feelings and that would be bad, for the girl.

rebel_woman06

@SIMPLYD (90717)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

I am thankful that i haven't been in this situation. Though, i keep telling my single friends that as long as the guy acknowledges my love, meaning he cares for me , it doesn't matter if he is gay.

1 person likes this

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

2 Mar 13

I agree. If someone loves us, we should acknowledge whoever that person is. Gay or not.

asliah

@asliah (11137)

• Philippines

5 Apr 13

that would never happen to me,because i don't attract to gay,i think your gay best friend will feel awkward when he will find out that you fall in love with him,and maybe its possible to happen but very seldom only to happen this kind of situation.

love

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

6 Apr 13

I'm not in love with a gay. I was looking for information on this for a story I am writing. Thank you for responding though. This kind of love is really complicated.

kokomo

@kokomo (1866)

• Philippines

3 Mar 13

I think that is so torturous too. lol. Well, yeah, it is very hard to fell in love with a guy friend but you must admit the truth. He doesn't appreciate a lady like you but a guy like him. You deserve a man who will love you back, not a guy friend who you love. If you will find ways to make him a man, then probably you are so desperate.

desperate

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

4 Mar 13

I know, that's why I think it would make an interesting story! Even though the mind tells that woman that her love for her gay friend will lead her nowhere, her heart might still nag her into doing something so desperate.

Mavic123456

@Mavic123456 (21891)

• Thailand

3 Mar 13

. If I am a girl and I am in love with a g ay, what am I called?? A normal human person. yes, you have the right to be jealous you are a human being and you have emotions. so yes..... you are in love with the guy, even his preference is guy too. Me, I will still fall in love with him, specially if I knew from the start that he is .. and he did not hide it from me.

people

@cupkitties (7421)

• United States

3 Mar 13

Right. She'd just be your average hetero female. A man is still a man.

@Aja103654 (5644)

• Philippines

4 Mar 13

Thank you mavic and cup! So she is called a normal female who just happened to involve herself in a complicated love. I think I would have that conclusion in my story. That she is still in love with her gay friend and just accepted that he will never see her the way she wants him to.

Mavic123456

@Mavic123456 (21891)

• Thailand

4 Mar 13

yup as normal as it is.. and good thing that you have felt it meaning you are still a normal woman and able one too. Congratulations